The Beginning at the End
It had been a long time since Subaru, waking up in the hospital bed for the seventh time, had skillfully sent Ferris and Winston out of the room.
Long enough that even the lunch trays had already been taken away by Matt and the other servants.
Now, Subaru was lying on the large bed in the guest room, staring blankly at the ceiling.
In the distance, the trash can was already overflowing with discarded paper.
The aura of decadence around him was so strong it was almost visible.
Should I give up?
Subaru suddenly recalled an experience from his student days.
A good friend had recommended a Souls-like game to him.
He had struggled and finally defeated the first boss, only to proudly boast about it to his friend—who then told him that the boss who had killed him countless times was just a regular mob.
In the end, Subaru, who always preferred text-based adventure games, naturally gave up on the Souls-like genre.
Should I give up again?
Subaru questioned himself.
Roswaal's conditions, strictly speaking, weren't bad.
He only resisted because he didn't want to leave the environment he once loved so much, and because of his own boring pride.
Though emotionally Subaru didn't want to compromise with Roswaal, after much deliberation, he came to a conclusion that starkly contradicted his feelings.
The crisis of the trial could already be solved.
In fact, thanks to the increased amount of information, Subaru was confident he could do even better than last time.
However, the rumors in the royal capital were absolutely not something a guy who had just arrived in another world for half a day could resolve—at least not the current version of himself.
A knock on the door interrupted Subaru's train of thought.
He glanced at the time and realized it was already 3 PM.
—"Ah! Time for the meeting."
Whether he gave in or decided to challenge everything again, Subaru knew the first thing he needed to do after restarting would not change.
So he moved, then lazily crawled out of bed.
He walked over to the mirror to tidy up his appearance, then put on a fake smile and left his room.
Subaru's mental state was terrible—so bad that even Reinhild expressed concern and asked about it.
But since this was already the seventh (fifth) meeting between Subaru and Reinhild, despite a brief wave of internal panic, he quickly adjusted his condition and achieved his goal.
For the fourth time, Subaru became a servant of the Astrea household—and for the second time, he had the young girl help him prepare the magic stones.
"Yo…"
On the way back to his room after work, Subaru reflexively greeted someone a little ahead of him.
But upon seeing the confused look on Ben's face, Subaru remembered—they were strangers again.
"I'm the new servant, Natsuki Subaru. You know how people have three urgent needs? I urgently need a kind person to point me toward the bathroom."
Striking an embarrassing pose and speaking in a deliberately casual tone, Subaru was eventually shown the way to the bathroom by Ben.
After a brief thank-you and confirming there was no one nearby, Subaru began vomiting into the sink.
He vomited and vomited...
Even though Subaru had stopped forming close bonds with others starting from the fifth loop, and had focused all of his attention on Reinhild since then, the memories from the earlier loops hadn't disappeared.
Every time he had to speak to people who were once friends while pretending to be a stranger—
Disgust, hypocrisy, pain, loneliness...
All sorts of negative emotions would surge up, causing him to vomit everything he had eaten.
Later, only yellow bile came up.
His insides felt as if they had been wrung dry from a heavy blow, and even the bile dried up.
Yet the feeling of nausea didn't subside.
He tried drinking tap water to fill his stomach, only to throw it up again right after.
Again and again, he thoroughly flushed his stomach.
Finally, Subaru turned off the tap.
He straightened up and tidied himself in the mirror again.
Then he once more wore his false mask.
The mansion he was once so familiar with became unfamiliar again.
The friends he had been close with became strangers again.
The words he had once learned were forgotten again...
Only by doing this could Subaru gain the strength to break through despair.
Since the second loop, when he realized he was being suspected, this was the third time Subaru had done this.
Yet it was still unbearably painful, unbearably lonely, unbearably unnatural.
Should I just give up?
That thought had crossed Subaru's mind countless times.
As the saying goes, familiarity grows with repetition.
Now that this was Subaru's seventh return, even if his body and mind were already showing signs of collapse, everything was proceeding methodically:
Reinhild's gratitude, the camaraderie with the other servants, Winston's goodwill—everything was going smoothly.
But Subaru only felt disgust—disgust for deceiving others' sincerity, disgust for taking advantage of others' kindness...
Most of all, he was disgusted at how he felt like a puppet, acting out a script he had written himself at the beginning.
"Reinhild, can I talk to Roswaal alone?"
The young girl looked at him with concern but eventually left in silence.
Roswaal seemed to understand something and sat up straight.
Yes, this was the meeting on the second day.
Subaru knew he had only three paths to choose from:
He could use the chance granted by countless deaths and returns to figure out how to "conquer" Otto.
Though he wasn't lacking the courage to die, from what he'd experienced so far, his contact with Otto had been too limited.
And Roswaal had said it himself: return by death was an outrageous ability.
Could he really expect that kind of miracle to happen countless times? Even if it could—could he endure it?
Then there was the option of directly giving up.
That thought had haunted Subaru non-stop since yesterday.
But his pride—or rather, the Subaru who had already endured so many tragedies—wouldn't allow himself to simply surrender.
Which left only one final path. Subaru silently gave himself a pep talk—and then laid out his terms.
.
.
.
"I see. So you want to make a bet with me, is that it?" Roswaal responded. "Indeed, while the records say you have a way to redo things, they never say it's infinite. No—such a fantastical thing, it makes more sense to assume it's limited. And your proposal is very interesting."
"That's right. You can see it as me giving myself an out. If you don't agree, then I'll bet everything on holding out long enough to conquer Otto."
"Even if you manage to gain Otto's support, as long as Lady Emilia and I are dead, the result won't change. You must understand—spreading rumors is always easier than dispelling them."
.
.
.
Using negotiation skills he had learned from Anastasia the merchant back in the royal capital, Subaru and Roswaal discussed for half a day.
For the first time, Roswaal showed a wavering expression.
Then he took out a black-covered book and began flipping through it.
A flood of thoughts passed through Subaru's mind, and then he realized—it was this black book that had orchestrated the trial.
This strange act filled Subaru with intense joy.
Roswaal stopped flipping through the book.
Noticing Roswaal's sudden bizarre expression, Subaru immediately tensed up.
Then Roswaal closed the book and said the words Subaru most wanted to hear:
"I accept your terms."