Maybe I shouldn't go home. Gosh, I feel dizzy. Everyone is walking so slowly, and I'm not even sure where I am.
I feel like I'm about to pass out right here… would it be better if I closed my eyes?-
Wait. They're normal again. And I'm at the park.
"Are you Max from Genesis7? I'm a big fan!"
"Oh, thank you…"
Did she just take a selfie with me? Somehow I'm smiling. I should be, actually. A fan just recognized me and it'd be rude to look so indifferent.
Weird things are happening. I'm weird. I guess it's just me. Dang it, Jeremiah still hasn't responded to my texts. I feel like crap,
If only my head would stop aching, ugh-
My eyes open once more, yet my vision is blurry at first. Am I even sober?
Where am I now? I look around, until my gaze drifts downwards… flowers? Is someone proposing here?
Yet, the trail starts right in front of me. Am I still dreaming? I keep walking, following in search of an answer.
… A cat café?
I stare through the glass, only to see Clarissa now looking at me, with a cat on her lap. It's awkward. I look somewhere else and begin walking away.
A notification pops up on my phone,
"Are you not allowed to interact with the previous CEO? I don't bite, haha."
"Sorry, I was just walking around."
She texts some words that reassure me, and I finally stop to breathe.
"You can always text me or whatever. Like an occasional mentor perhaps?"
"Thanks… I think I ate something weird last night, and it's been making me feel different."
I almost collapse onto a bench, grabbing my head until I see a message from Dylan.
"Did dinner make you sick? Come home, I'm at work now, but I prepared soup for you."
Home? Where is that again…? I should just take a nap here.
The smell of something savory hits my nose, and I lift my head up. When did I get home?
"Dylan?-"
What time is it? Oh. He's still at work.
A bowl of soup is somehow in front of me. Wouldn't it be cold if he prepared it hours ago? It's steaming.
I don't know if I'm going insane, but at least I have something easy to eat. I should really thank Dylan when he comes back.
Another nap takes over, and I wake up on the sofa with a cool towel on my forehead.
"You're burning up… I saw you had the soup. Are you alright?"
… Huh. Things have been so confusing I'm not sure if I'm fine.
"I don't know."
"You should take some medicine, then-"
"It's not that."
The blanket on top of me bunches as I sit up. I stare at Dylan, before murmuring in a soft voice.
"I think Jeremiah hates me, and I'm not sure why."
"Oh- has he messaged you?"
"No, he's been ignoring me since I left his house. I must've really screwed up."
"Well, what happened?="
"I don't know! If I knew, things would've been fine and I- I would at least have some idea of what's going on!"
I yell before realizing where I am, in the present. Dylan's trying to take care of me, and I've just snapped at him.
"Dylan, I…"
He pulls me into a much needed hug, and I close my eyes, trying to take a deep breath.
"It'll be alright, Max."
"I'm sorry…"
"I know you are, it's okay."
"You're not mad at me?"
"Why would I be?"
I feel as if I've been a bad child, who should stand in the corner and think about my actions. A deep sigh escapes me.
"Thanks for the soup, and the blanket, and the towel…"
"You're welcome- here's the remote if you wanna watch TV."
My hand goes to my pocket, but it's empty. I call out.
"Do you know where my phone is?"
Dylan's smile falters for a moment, but he turns around and murmurs.
"It's charging in the kitchen, I can get it for you later."
Binging my favorite shows always boosts my mood, and I don't even realize how much time has passed.
Dylan's gone to bed, so I decide to get up to make a snack for myself.
I hear an awful lot of buzzing coming from my phone, though I drown it out. I don't care if Jeremiah wants to apologize now, he should've done it hours ago.
My head feels much better, and it seems my sickness has gone away easily. So I spend the night watching internet videos, eating whatever's in the pantry, and playing videogames on my laptop.
After watching some videos, I continue scrolling through my recommended feed… until my hand freezes.
A video. Two hours ago. With Jeremiah and I kissing on the thumbnail?!
Well, it's obviously photoshopped, so I scoff at that. But that's not the part that irks me.
The comments are either people fangirling about the ship, homophobic haters that don't even know our group's name, or fans that would seem to throw a temper tantrum if one of us were dating anyone but them.
Clearly, people can tell the video is just going off baseless rumors and literal fanfiction, and that we don't actually have a relationship like that.
But what if we did? Would it hurt our reputation that badly? Maybe Jeremiah was aware of that. Did he end things for my sake?
Some contemplation occurs and I decide to open my phone. Of course, it's him.
"Max, I'm sorry for leaving you on delivered."
"I was feeling a little sick earlier."
Him too, huh? Maybe something was a little off with the food.
"I'm better now- and I don't regret what happened either."
Does he remember? Because I still don't.
"If the contract wasn't in place…"
I raise an eyebrow. What contract is he talking about? I finally decide to respond.
"What do you mean?"
Not even a minute later, I get a text back.
"Our band contract? Public relationships are discouraged for our image."
"I didn't really read much of that, if I'm being honest. I just skimmed."
"I should've known, haha."
A smile forms on my own face, and we're talking once again. I can understand what he means.
"Can we try and start something… way later?"
Suddenly, it sounds silly to wait that long. It could be years. Would Jeremiah even care when we're not in constant proximity anymore?
"There's no harm in trying."
"Thanks."
Not all of my questions have been answered, but that's okay. I'm not going to ask. I can accept where we are now. It'll be fine.
We've come to a compromise given our situation, keeping this whole thing between us lowkey.
The next week, we're all trying to read our lines for a single we're planning to release. Something feels different, though.
"I miss Clarissa, she was pretty chill."
Elias says it, and it registers in all of our minds. She never said anything at the dinner on Saturday, but when she texted me she referred to herself as the "previous CEO".
So that's what she meant. Won't the rumors dissolve, though?
"Is she really not coming back?"
"It's not like she has a choice, dude. She was fired."
Gabriel's right, but I feel bad. We all do, actually. Maybe I feel even more guilty because the rumors involved me.
"Are you alright, big bro? After that thing with Jeremiah-"
What.
"Huh? What thing? We didn't- I never-"
"He means the video, genius."
Jeremiah pulls up the same internet video I saw days ago. Oh. That one.
"Right…"
"What did you think I was talking about?"
Damn, Asher is really making me improvise today. I stare directly at him, and slightly smirk.
"I thought you were talking about our win in laser tag, obviously."
I awkwardly raise my hand, and luckily Jeremiah gives me a high five.
"It's only because you guys are taller than us…"
"By a couple centimeters, Zach. You're being overdramatic, plus we had the little kid on our team."
It's easy to laugh when it's just us. I get nervous around our dance instructors, the vocal coach, photographers… it feels like we're a bunch of friends fated together by chance.
I'm doing homework in my dorm again, when Jeremiah knocks on the door.
"Come in."
"Hey… do you know about-"
"Yeah, I know."
People have parasocial relationships with us. It's weird. But is it really bothering him that much?
"Oh. So you…"
"I'm fine with it."
"Same, I guess. It's just hard hiding the truth from my parents, when they, uh, wouldn't expect it."
"It's not like we're totally official or anything, you don't have to say anything."
"Don't you care about your duty, though?"
"I do… where are you going with this?"
"Knowing all of this, you don't want to do anything with it?"
"Not at the moment, no."
"I see."
He leaves, and I raise an eyebrow. Didn't we agree to keep this lowkey? We can still do things together… maybe I should tell it to him straight.