So, I failed my 11th once. Yeah, I dissapointed everyone by doing so my family, friends, relatives everyone. I was in dumps. Since this day I have never told anyone that I was about to commit suicide at the end of my second attempt of my 11th dosen't matter I passed or failed.
It was the time of July. The new semester started and I who is a fucking idiot didn't go on the first two days of school cause my family dragged me to a trip I didn't want to go to. Wow, failed 11th once and started the semester late. What a image I would have I thought. As i pushed myself through the silent corridors of the building trying to find my new classroom. It was my first day at school after my previous 11th session. I was scared, embarrassed and many other emotions were jingling inside my stomach. I wanted to run away. I wished the sky or the land will swallow me. Bravo, I found my classroom. It was at the end of the seemingly never ending corridor which seemed dark to me.
I could hear the students inside talking,laughing and having a lively atmosphere. I was just about 2 inches away from the opening the door. But my body froze, it wont go forward. The fear was getting to me. But I opened the door. All eyes stuck to me, everyone seeing a new face in the classroom.
I said in a loud voice " May I come in ma'am".
The home room teacher was a woman in probably in her late 30's and wore traditional Indian suit. She had a receding jawline but her composure and atmosphere somehow shouted experience to me. Her name was Ritu.
She allowed me to enter the classroom. Evryone were still staring at me and i could also hear some of them whispering. I found the second desk in the second row empty. There were more desks to sit on but i didn't have enough confidence to walk past all those eyes looking at me. So i sat there. There was a familiar face in the classroom, Gitarth. That guy and I had seen each other a couple of times during our football practice but never spoke too much. He wss just someone I knew. But it was a relief to me that I knew someone in that strange abyss.
To me that place was not less than a abyss.
He saw me and widened his eyes and gave me looks, as if he wanted to say what was I doing there. Well, it was expected as I was supposed to be a 12th grader this year. But somehow my eyes told him everything and he didn't ask anything else. He was sitting in the the first row's third desk along with someone i didn't knew.
Everyone got busy in there own stuff and that was a relief to me as i could escape from those eyes which were suffocating me. I opened my bag and took out the book. Then suddenly, Ritu ma'am called me outside the classroom for a talk.
Fuck, why now? Why did she had to divert all the attention to me again. I got up the from my desk and followed her outside the classroom while she closed the door behind me so no one could hear to our talk.
I felt my body shaking because it was sure she knew that I was repeating a year. Ahhh, someone dig a pit for me where i can hide. She started talking.
So, Shlok we both know this is your second year here.
Obviously she knows.
She looked at me and immediately realized I was getting uncomfortable. She smiled and gave me a reassuring look.
Don't need to be shy beta. We all make mistakes sometimes. But I am so proud of you to get up again and have the strength to come up again to complete what you left out. And by the way why didn't you attend the classes for the first two days.
Shit, I knew it.
Maam.. I was out of town.
Ohh ok, but don't take leaves from now on, Ok?
It will affect your attendance.
Ok ma'am.
We talked for like 2 to 3 minutes then as we were heading inside the classroom she said ,"By the way, my name is Ritu".
Yes ma'am, I know you.
Obviously I would know her. She is one of the senior English teachers of our school. She taught my friends last year, so i naturally I got to know about her. But she never taught me.
I took my desk again and started reading the manga I was carrying with me. I could hear everyone talking about fun stuff like anime, memes. I felt alone and alienated. I didn't have anyone to talk to. I missed my friends.
Well whose fault is it ,huh? You bastard, why did you had to fail. Now you are always going to be a downcast. Maybe I was about to be bullied this whole year. Better get ready for the ragging by my so called juniours. Well they aren't my juniors now. Shit Shlok shit.
The teacher started taking the attendance. She called out names I had never heard before.
Aysha
Present ma'am
Angat
Present ma'am
....
...
Gitarth
Present ma'am
Ohh, so He is Roll number 15.
Kavi
Present ma'am
...
...
Shivika
Present ma'am
Shivika was a girl of 5'5" , a little shorter than me. But she was tallest girl in our class. She had quite a bold personality. She was person you would hear in room full of noises and chit chat. She wore round frame glasses and had a long ponytail. She had quite a nice jawline and her acne was like a cherry on the cake which made her cheeks look blushing red. She was cute and bold. She was a top tier elite. And I was a nobody. Shutup idiot, you have got Ashika.
She looked at me.Fuck, our eyes met. So embarrassing. I quickly turned away my eyes from her and dug them into my book.
"Shlok" The teacher called.
Why, just why? You know i am right here. You even talked to me. Can't you mark it yourself. Why do you have to listen to me shout.
In a faint voice I said," Present ma'am".
My Roll number was 29.
Finally the attendance ended.
The homeroom teacher left the classroom for her lecture.
Our first lecture was Chemistry.
Ahh shit, old nightmares hit harder, don't they?