After our femboy god settled the accounts with the internet and cable service company 'Deities INC.', the service was successfully restored.
And Akira's SPN returned to normal.
SPN: We apologize for Uzaki's lack of management. We still don't know how someone so unprofessional can be a deity.
Anyway… let's return to our not-so-blessed protagonist.
*******
On the second floor of the abandoned building, after solving some pretty easy puzzles…
flashback
Akira found a small safe with a poorly stuck sticker that read:
'Safe combination'.
"Could this be a clue…?" he murmured hopefully.
SPN: My God…
The screen flickered.
SPN: Error 404 – System down.
"This just can't get any better…"
The box was open.
Inside was a note that read:
"The combination was 0000. Congratulations."
Akira stared into nothingness.
end of the flashback budget
Akira was sitting in a chair inside the S.T.A.T.S. office.
It looked like a special unit of dwarves who solved crimes… although, judging by the total absence of reports, they had probably been out of work for months.
"I loved her a lot, you know?… but I decided not to see her anymore…" said Akira, hugging a translucent ghost.
"I get you, friend…" the specter replied in a solemn tone. "Once I wanted to buy myself shoes and my wife said, 'What do you want them for if you don't have feet?'
"That hurts… even in the ethereal realm" the ghost nodded. "It wasn't about the shoes…"
Akira was on the verge of breaking into tears.
"Shizuki was already exhausted…" he murmured dramatically. "After that, I never saw that figure of hers again… it fills my soul with sadness, you know?"
"All because I didn't bring my wallet that day…"
He suddenly stood up.
"IT WAS A LIMITED EDITION!"
At that moment, the SPN flickered back to normal.
SPN: Restoring system…
"Look who finally decided to go back to work" Akira said indignantly.
The panel seemed to… sweat.
SPN: Sorry, Master. It was a connection error.
"Don't worry" Akira replied, pointing at the ghost. "Let me introduce you to Leonardo. My new friend."
SPN: Oh. Good morning, Mr. Leonardo.
The ghost tipped his hat to greet the floating panel.
SPN: Have you contacted your assistant or your wife?
Akira smiled broadly.
"I found a phone. Pretty curious for this world… but you know what's even more curious, panel?"
The SPN floated in silence.
Akira lifted the receiver violently.
"NO ONE HAS A PHONE!" he shouted, slamming it against the desk. "AND EVEN IF THEY DID, I DON'T HAVE THEIR NUMBERS!"
He grabbed the panel with both hands, sweating nervously.
"You knew, SPN… didn't you? Don't lie to me. You knew…"
SPN: …
"I'm going to install the penguin operating system on you!"
The panel vibrated violently.
SPN: Alert! Imminent danger! The metal armor is approaching!
Akira frowned.
"Don't change the subject…"
At that instant…
CLANG.
A heavy step echoed down the hallway.
CLANG.
Closer.
The ghost Leonardo looked toward the door.
"I think your problem stopped being technological…"
Akira handed Leonardo a card.
"If you ever look for work, you can find me in Faraluz" he said before running off.
"See you around, friend" the ghost replied, staring at the business card handwritten in smudged ink.
Already in the hallway, Akira used the secret Usagi technique:
Run like a scared rabbit.
He went down the stairs clumsily and with very little elegance.
The SPN reappeared floating in front of him.
SPN: Your party is nearby!
A detailed map appeared on the screen with the exact location and name of each of his companions.
"You had GPS and you never use it?"
SPN: I forgot… tehe~!
Akira looked at it with restrained hatred.
"I'm going to…"
He didn't finish the sentence.
At that instant, as he placed his foot on the last step…
CRASH!!!
The building's enormous window exploded into a thousand pieces.
Glass flew through the air.
A heavy red suit of armor smashed through the frame with brutal force, landing inside the hallway with a metallic roar that made the walls tremble.
The dust scattered.
The echo thundered throughout the entire room.
And there it was.
Silent.
Immense.
Implacable.
"What the hell…!?"
Akira's heart began to pound uncontrollably.
Fear invaded him completely.
That kind of irrational and absolute fear…
Like when your mom is about to scold you and says, "Don't worry."
And you know you should worry.
The armor took a step.
CLANG.
Hhhssss…
"I-I'm sorry… kshhh…"
The incredible survival instinct of our manly protagonist activated almost immediately and, just like a scared rabbit, he bolted out of the place at full speed.
The armor stretched out its hand as if it wanted to stop him.
Unfortunately, 'speed' and 'coordination' were two words that clashed with our protagonist.
Literally.
Because Akira slammed into a pole while trying to turn a corner and fell to the ground.
Dazed.
Unconscious.
And without social security.
The last thing he heard were the metallic footsteps approaching slowly and heavily.
CLANG.
CLANG.
CLANG.
The SPN appeared above his fallen body.
SPN: IS THIS THE END OF OUR GENERIC PROTAGONIST?
SPN: WE'LL NEVER KNOW. WE'VE BEEN CANCELED BY MONTHLY SHONEN DEITY MAGAZINE!
*************
In another dimension, the goddess Uzaki watched the broadcast attentively on her magical television.
"What do you mean canceled? This world is mine! I created it!"
"Marcus!" she called in a restrained tone.
Her butler appeared instantly.
"Yes, Your Ladyship?"
Uzaki pointed at the screen indignantly.
"What is that notification?"
Marcus adjusted his glasses.
"It appears to be an editorial cancellation."
"No kidding, Sherlock. How did you figure that out?"
"The large red sign that says Canceled."
Uzaki clenched her teeth.
"What incompetent created this system?"
Marcus looked at her in silence.
"You created this system, my lady."
Uzaki dropped heavily onto the sofa.
"Marcus… fire someone."
"Whom, Your Ladyship?"
Uzaki looked around.
"Someone. That always helps."
"Yes, Your Ladyship."
Marcus bowed and disappeared with professional efficiency.
Uzaki turned her gaze back to the screen where Akira lay unconscious.
"We'll see who's really in charge, Shonen Deity…"
She stood up dramatically and pointed toward the absolute nothing.