Akira opened his eyes with difficulty.
The first thing he felt was dampness.
The second—dust.
And the third… indignation.
"Is this… the floor?"
His feet were in a puddle of stagnant water, and a dry flower petal was stuck to his forehead. He looked around the place—cracked walls, creaking columns, a royal carpet buried in dust, and worst of all…
"Am I… on a throne?"
He was sitting.
On a throne that looked like it had been stolen from a haunted house attraction.
A spiderweb dangled above his head, as if trying to crown him in some symbolically depressing way.
"So this is the kingdom I'm supposed to save? Looks more like a budget haunted mansion from a carnival."
He stood up, brushing himself off with resignation. His clothes were still damp, and his phone buzzed nonstop in his pocket.
SPN – Story Parody Narrative System: Update complete.
Tutorial mode: Active.
Welcome to Faraluz.
Current kingdom status: ruins.
User mental status: mild confusion with risk of denial.
Akira sighed and slipped the phone back into his pocket.
"I knew that so-called god was scamming me…"
At that moment, a tiny pink figure zipped into view, floating right in front of his face.
"Congratulations! You've been summoned as the new king of Faraluz!"
Akira took a step back.
"What? Who are you?"
The creature hovered with exaggerated confidence. She had sparkling wings, an absurdly oversized bow, and a voice full of enthusiasm… though it sounded just a bit forced.
"I'm Minu, your unreliable guide."
"I think you meant reliable guide."
"I said what I meant," she replied, handing him a crumpled sheet of paper. "Here's my résumé."
Akira carefully unfolded it.
"It says you have no work experience… and your special skill is 'sleeping eight hours straight.'"
"That's right. Impressive, isn't it?"
"…Well, yeah. I don't know anyone who can actually do that."
"See? I told you I was special! But don't worry—just like you'll grow into your role as king, I'll grow too. And who knows, maybe one day I'll be able to write something else on that paper," she added with a pose of fake confidence.
"And this whole 'king' thing? This place looks like an abandoned theater. Is this some ghost kingdom? Zombies?"
"Close. According to my records, this used to be the shining Kingdom of Faraluz. But it's been years without a monarch."
"The last king moved to another kingdom, took all the gold, and left the castle empty…"
"Little by little, the place went dark. The people left, and with them, the magic faded too."
"Of course… politicians taking the gold and abandoning their people…"
"Bet he said something like 'I'll be back with investments.'"
"Just another normal day in Latin America."
"Yep. Anyway, I was assigned as your fairy guide because no one else wanted the job."
"But when I saw your hero profile, I thought: 'this guy… might actually make a great king'," Minu said with clearly fake emotion.
"…Thanks. No one's ever believed in me that much before," Akira replied, genuinely touched.
The two shared a heartfelt hug, like the protagonists of a sentimental slice-of-life anime.
"…Also, jobs are scarce, and I've been fired from three previous ones," she added, ruining the moment completely.
"…You really didn't have to say that," Akira muttered as the emotional magic of the moment crumbled.
"Eh. It is what it is," Minu said with a shrug.
Right after, Minu zipped over to a corner and flicked on an old stage spotlight.
It flickered twice—like it was deciding whether to explode or just give up.
The beam of light lit up a forgotten corner of the hall.
"Behold! The first—and possibly only—maid in all of Faraluz…!"
"The incomparable, unmatched, and totally useful… Cecilia! A vampire of… eighteen years, I think!"
Akira squinted, temporarily blinded by the flash.
The light revealed a girl standing next to a column, like she had always been there.
Long white hair, pale skin, clear eyes, and a pristine maid uniform. She didn't move an inch.
"…How long has she been there?"
"Since you arrived. She's just… very quiet."
"And what was that about 'eighteen years'? Aren't vampires usually, like, centuries old?"
"She's a newbie vampire—you know what I mean," Minu replied, nudging him with a wink.
"No. I honestly don't."
"Just go with it! It's part of the charm. Look at her—she's like a collector's doll."
Cecilia said nothing. She merely tilted her head, exuding an unsettling elegance.
Her gaze was so intense, Akira felt a chill run down his spine.
"…Well, yeah. She's beautiful. No denying that."
"Perfect! Moving on!" Minu chirped, swinging the shaky spotlight toward another dark corner of the hall.
The light now illuminated a ghostly figure suspended mid-air with a dignified posture.
He wore a tailored suit, a floating monocle, and clutched a ledger with spectral hands.
"Here we have Don Eustacio, the first and only accountant in the ten-thousand-year history of Faraluz."
"I knew this kingdom would have ghosts…"
"Look on the bright side," Minu added. "He's never had a negative balance! Eh? Eh?"
She raised an eyebrow, fishing for a reaction.
Akira stared blankly.
"…I'm beginning to see why you've lost three jobs."
"Excuse me, Mr. Comedian, for not going to stand-up class."
"Well said!" Don Eustacio declared, clapping while holding floating balance sheets. "Accountant humor has always been underappreciated!"
Minu swung the spotlight one more time.
"And finally, your general. A knight with dragon blood: Sir Rigoberto!"
"A Paladragon?"
"Or Dragopaladin."
"Or… whatever," Minu said, putting on glasses and skimming through a crumpled sheet.
The light revealed a knight in shining armor… that was noticeably dented. His helmet sat crookedly, covering half his face, and his ceremonial spear trembled ever so slightly in his grip.
"M-My king," Sir Rigoberto said with a voice that was firm… but also kind of shaky."
"The honor of Faraluz lives on… as long as I still breathe. And… well, as long as I don't throw my back out again."
Akira dragged a hand down his face.
"…This is serious?"
Minu landed beside him, arms crossed proudly.
"Welcome, Your Majesty. This is your kingdom. Your glorious beginning."
Just then, a burst of confetti exploded from some corner, followed by faded scraps of paper fluttering down as if someone had tossed them into a broken fan.
"That'll cost us at least two months' salary," said Don Eustacio, jotting something down in his floating ledger.
SPN Notification:Non-refundable confetti. Cost deducted from royal budget.
Current Faraluz balance: –1,000 Flux
Akira frowned.
"…Please tell me this is a joke."
Cecilia stepped forward, maintaining her composure, and bowed gracefully before him.
"Please, Akira-sama. Don't abandon us like the previous heroes…"
"We shall remain loyal," added Sir Rigoberto, mirroring the bow with a tremble that echoed through his rusted armor. "Even if our joints are no longer quite so... loyal."
"Please, help us rebuild our kingdom," said Don Eustacio solemnly.
"If I could kneel, I would. But…" he glanced down at his ghostly outline, "I no longer have knees."
Akira stood in silence.
The only reply was the echo of the empty hall.
A ruined castle.
A vampire maid.
A ghost accountant.
An outdated knight.
A fairy with no real job history.
And him.
With a broken phone and a glowing catalyst he didn't even know how to use.
"…I'm so screwed."
But then, he stood tall.
Took a deep breath.
Looked around the hall as if finally embracing his role.
"Worry not, people of Faraluz! I, Akira Usagi, swear—on the honor of my family… and the children I'll never have… that we will restore this kingdom's former glory!"
He grabbed his katana—and to his surprise, found it whole and gleaming, as if it had never been used.
He raised it with determination.
"With this sword… and maximum effort!"
His loyal subjects cheered inside the abandoned hall.
Even the spider above the throne seemed to applaud.
At that moment, his phone played a triumphant jingle.
SPN: Quest Complete
Reward: Crown + 10,000 Flux
Out of nowhere, a golden crown materialized on his head.
It wasn't particularly fancy, but it sparkled just enough to make his new status clear.
SPN: Activated
New Quest: Restoration of Faraluz
Kingdom Balance: –100,000,000 Flux
Financial Status: Bankrupt
Akira stared at the screen.
The enthusiasm froze on his face.
"…This kingdom is so screwed we might as well be in Latin America."
"But at least you're royally screwed now!" Minu chimed in, floating with fake solemnity.
"I'm not firing you only because I need a guide…" Akira muttered.
"Then—let's go! Show me the kingdom!"
"Yes, sir!" they replied in unison.
Maybe this wasn't what he expected when he left the manga store that afternoon.
But curiosity was stirring in his chest.
And for the first time since he arrived… he actually wanted to see where this story would take him.