The morning passed by quietly in the manor. Papers rustling, the occasional murmur of staff beyond the corridor made it seem like there was actual peace in the world for once. Rafael had retreated to the study, reviewing attendance from the families who had attended the gathering. Lilith remained in the library, curled into the velvet chaise, a book open but unread in her lap.
She could still feel the warmth of his hand from the night before. The way he'd reached for her without hesitation, and the way she allowed it.
And now, she hated herself for missing that feeling.
She closed the book and stood, pacing slowly between the shelves. The quiet was too loud that her thoughts ran wild. Rafael was offering something tempting. But, Lilith had lived too long in the shadows of promises that turned to ash.
She didn't know how to trust softness. Not when it came from someone who had once been a weapon.
Not when she herself had been one.
The door creaked open behind her. Rafael stepped in, holding a folded letter. His expression was calm, but his eyes examined her face caringly.
"They've confirmed," he said. "The Vilufs are sending a delegate to negotiate terms. They want to formalize the alliance."
Lilith nodded, her voice soft. "That's good."
Rafael smiled, and he stepped closer. "It's because of you."
"It's because they think I represent the Marchesi." She turned away, pretending to study the spines of a shelf. She wanted to ignore that loving tone.
Rafael's voice softened. "You represent more than a name, Lilith. You always have."
Her heart raced at his words. She didn't answer. Her fingers brushed the edge of a worn leather binding, tracing the faded gold lettering.
"I know you still want to leave," he said quietly.
She froze.
"You're like that," he continued. "Every time I get close, you take a step back."
Lilith turned slowly, her expression unreadable. "I'm not trying to hurt you."
"I know," he said. "And I know you're trying not to get hurt."
She swallowed hard. "I don't know how to be close to someone without fearing the cost...you should already know this, right?"
Rafael stepped forward, not touching her, but close enough that she could feel his firmness "I may not know what grievances you're carrying, but why don't I carry some of it?"
Lilith was stunned upon hearing these words leave his mouth. In an instant, she remembered what the young Rafael was like. Inevitably, she shook her head. "You don't know what that means."
"I do," he said. "It means I'll be here even when you can't sleep. Even when you doubt. Even when you push me away."
Her voice cracked. "Why?"
"Because I love you," he said simply.
The words echoed in the air. It was three simple words that made her thoughts go blank.
Lilith looked at him, her heart thudding in her chest. She wanted to believe him—wanted to step into the warmth he offered…but something in her still clung to the cold, rugged past.
"I don't know if I can give you what you need," she whispered.
Rafael's gaze didn't waver. "Then give me what you can."
She stood there, deliberating her next words.
And slowly, she nodded. For her, this wasn't making a promise—she had already made it clear.
A few days went by after that fleeting moment of their heartfelt conversation. Then weeks—now almost a month. There was barely anything that came true of what they shared on that day.
The afternoon sun filtered through the high windows of the estate, casting long shadows across the polished floors. Lilith stood in the training hall, her hands wrapped in linen, breath steady as she moved through the motions—strike, pivot, block. The rhythm grounded her, gave shape to the unease that had begun to creep back in.
Rafael watched from the doorway, arms crossed, his expression unreadable. He hadn't interrupted her in days, respecting the space she carved out for herself. But today, something simmered beneath his silence.
"You're pushing harder than usual," he said finally.
Lilith didn't stop. "I need the clarity."
He stepped inside, his boots echoing softly. "Or you're avoiding something."
She paused mid-motion, turning to face him. "You think I'm hiding?"
"You have to prove yourself trying too," he said. "Again."
Lilith unwrapped her hands slowly, the linen falling loose. "I told you I'm not ready."
"I'm not asking for your everything," Rafael said.
She looked at him, eyes sharp. "I'm not avoiding you."
Rafael's jaw tightened. "Then tell me. Don't pretend you're building something with me if you're already halfway out the door."
The words stung more than she expected. Not because they were cruel—they were true.
"I'm not pretending," she said quietly. "I'm trying."
He stepped closer, his tone persuasive. "Then let me in."
Lilith turned away, walking to the far wall where the old weapons were displayed. Her fingers brushed the hilt of a blade she hadn't used in years—she loved using blades, she always felt free as she wielded and swung it.
However, guns were more practical in her field. She hated the sound of gunshots, as there would always be a thud whence she pulled the trigger. She wasn't cut out for killing.
"You want honesty?" she asked. "Here it is—I don't know how to let you love me without wondering when it will turn." Rafael was quiet, letting her speak her mind like this was the only moment she would allow.
"My mind, body, and heart are telling me different things," she said with teary eyes.
He closed the distance between them, gently taking her hand. She looked down at their joined hands, the warmth of him steady and unyielding. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You already do," he said, not unkindly. "But I'd rather be hurt by truth than comforted by distance. I still hope for us, Lilith."
Lilith's breath trembled. She wanted to pull away. Wanted to retreat into the safety of solitude, even if she knew it was impossible. At the very least, she wanted to get the conflict done—leave romance behind.
"You take responsibility for yourself," she said.
He let out a small chuckle. "Sure," Rafael replied. "Just don't think about running away from me."
They stood in silence; the tension between them was somewhat better..
Lilith nodded slowly. "Ok."
"You're not going anywhere," he said. "Even if you were to successfully run, I will find you, even if it means turning the world upside down." He jokingly said.
"Then what if I get caught in the crossfire? You can't do that." Lilith bantered in return.
They both laughed, the atmosphere quickly warming up.