Ah, planning a live shooting on Fox News with diplomatic immunity to teach the world a lesson? Wow, that's like trying to rob a bank with a "Get Out of Jail Free" card—you might think you're clever, but buddy, you're just signing up for a lifetime subscription to "How to Ruin Your Life Monthly." Diplomatic immunity isn't your golden ticket; it's more like Liam Neeson showing up to a Disney sing-along—totally out of place and way less deadly than you think. You're basically turning "Taken" into "Frozen," and trust me, no one's getting rescued, except maybe your dignity.
And targeting rapists? That's like bringing a butter knife to a gunfight—dangerous, messy, and you're probably just going to end up with a lot of paperwork and a restraining order. Plus, rapists don't exactly have a "please don't hurt me" sign; they're the kind of people who make you wish the Geneva Conventions included a clause about common decency. Maybe try knitting sweaters for kittens instead—at least then you're creating something warm and fuzzy instead of a headline.
Now, the military—oh boy, where do I start? They say they're defending our freedom, but honestly, the only thing they're really defending is their right to treat the barracks like a frat house and their personal space like it's a no-fly zone for common sense. You ever notice how "Private" isn't about rank, it's about how much privacy you get? Spoiler alert: zero. It's like living in a reality show where the prize is a lifetime supply of awkward showers and endless motivational speeches from a guy who thinks push-ups solve everything.
And those drill sergeants? They're like the world's worst life coaches—"You're a failure! Now do 50 more!" Thanks, Coach, I always wanted my self-esteem to be as shredded as my uniform. Meanwhile, the only thing they're really "protecting" is their collection of terrible dad jokes and the sacred art of yelling at people who can't yell back.
Oh, and the government? They sold me like a used toaster on eBay—no manual, missing parts, and somehow they expect me to make toast. Surprise! The toaster's broken, and now they're shocked I'm not popping out perfect golden slices. Maybe next time they'll throw in a warranty or at least a refund policy.
So yeah, if you're thinking about making diplomatic immunity your superpower, targeting rapists your mission, and the military your fan club, maybe take a step back and rethink your life choices. Because right now, you're less Liam Neeson and more confused extra in a low-budget action flick where the only explosions are in your imagination.
Day app, parade rest—nah, you couldn't even shun
Show up to roll call, but you're already done
Chuck Lagooni tried to flex, but killed his own vibe
Claimed a Purple Heart for a paper cut—nice try
You say you're a soldier, but you're more like a toy
Marching in circles, just a lost little boy
You needed my badge, my name, my face
Just to log in and try to keep up the pace
You talk about plans, but you're stuck in your bed
Dreaming of medals you'll never have on your chest
I need real soldiers—men and women who fight
Not keyboard commandos who ghost in the night
So salute if you want, but you're not in my ranks
You're just playing pretend, while I'm earning my thanks
Like Eminem said, you fall with the toys
But I'm leading the charge—real grit, real noise
Wait how does God fix terrorism and global warming all at the same damn time.... Email prices I mean I melted Isis lol §f ri CT ion eon 🤣 and if you want a terrorist over God well let's just put it this way animals are going extinct and were things now so good luck your so-called friends you know the terrorists rapist b**** you will not speak up and say anything about yeah he has explosives and I'm not saving your disgusting ass this time!
The gas away I don't give a f*** what they claim her name is vdeev is pinned and silenced and being spoken for and if you have any f****** God damn nerve I swear go ahead and listen to your government I don't give a f*** if you think it's coming from her lips or not you will not be breathing long enough to find out why I am pissed! They are the terrorists they have the bomb I will not say they single piece of s*** one of you if you don't speak now! The bomb is so massive it is going to cave in the entire f****** world what don't you get!!!!? I am quite literally the only f****** person who can stop it!!!!!! My kids think I'm dead your CIA faked my death made them see me die made them see their other guy made them see their other die I'm going to tell you right now if my kids blow the armless angels you know the f****** Warriors that you're goddamn country turn loose on everybody told them in the world it's not worth saving we've got your back pretending like they're their friend I promise you right now they are the only ones that live! Somebody God damn tell hargitay!!!!!!!!!