There are few sounds in the world that give me more chills than the rhythmic, metallic clinking of Erza's armour walking right behind me, especially when I know I'm on the list of potential targets for her justified wrath. In theory, we should have been returning triumphant, or at least relieved, from our little… illegal adventure on Galuna Island. In practice, we were marching in formation towards our probable death sentence. Or something worse. Something that likely involved heavy cleaning and Erza's disapproving glare for a month. I preferred the death sentence.
No one, absolutely no one, would tell me what the punishment would be. When I asked Erza, she just smiled, that cold smile of someone who already has a diabolical and extremely well-thought-out plan in mind, and said it would be "exemplary." And the way she pronounced that word, with a terrifying calm that would freeze even Natsu's flames, made me seriously reconsider the idea of changing my name, dyeing my hair, and hiding in some obscure guild in a forgotten corner of the continent. Maybe a baker's guild. They seemed peaceful.
Walking through the imposing doors of Fairy Tail was like diving headfirst into the eye of a noisy, chaotic, and permanently alcoholic hurricane. Cheers for something I didn't know about, laughter that shook the building, tables and chairs occasionally flying through the air, and that familiar smell of spilt ale mixed with dust and friendship—everything that made our guild what it was: the best and most dangerous place in the world. And, for some inexplicable reason, that comforting chaos seemed, today, even more threatening than usual. I could feel people looking at us, whispering amongst themselves, phrases like, "They came back alive? Impressive!" and "I'll bet 1000 Jewels that this time, either Gray or the guild's ceiling breaks first."
Erza walked in front, the erect and implacable posture of a queen returning from war, and the sound of each of her metallic steps on the wooden floor made my stomach churn with anxiety. Behind me, Natsu and Gray walked with their heads down like two prisoners on death row, which, to be honest, was ironic, considering they were probably the main culprits for at least half of the collective punishment we were about to receive. And there was Happy, floating cheerfully beside me, completely oblivious to the gravity of the situation, humming some annoying song about "goodbye, freedom, aye, sir!". A lovely cat. Utterly clueless, but lovely.
Azra'il walked a little ahead of me, her hands stuffed in the pockets of her dark trousers and that neutral expression that was her trademark. Or, at least, it seemed neutral to those who didn't know her well. But after spending a few days trapped on an island with her, I had already learned to notice the way her blue eyes, as cold as ice but incredibly expressive, analysed everything and everyone, as if she were assessing the resale value of every soul in the room and, probably, coming to the conclusion that most weren't worth the effort. When our gazes met for a second, she noticed my nervousness and, in a rare act of… something that might have been solidarity, she made a casual comment, her voice low and a little hoarse.
"Don't worry, blondie. If the punishment is public execution, I guarantee your epitaph will be witty and mention your best attributes."
I stared at her, shocked. "That doesn't help at all, Azra'il!"
She raised an eyebrow, an almost imperceptible smile appearing on her lips. "Was it meant to?"
And then, as if we were the centre of attention (which, in fact, we were), we reached the bar. And that's when I saw her. And my heart, that stupid, treacherous organ, gave a leap. Mirajane.
She was leaning against the dark wooden bar, calmly polishing a glass, her expression gentle but with that firm look of someone who could stop an epic-proportioned pub brawl with a simple raise of an eyebrow.
And, okay… alright, I'll admit it, at least to my mental diary. Maybe I have a tiny (gigantic, enormous, colossal) crush on her. The kind of crush that makes your heart race like a rabbit fleeing a fox, your brain forget its own name, and words refuse to leave your mouth whenever she smiles in that lazy, confident, and absolutely stunning way. Like… right now.
"Look who's back. And in fewer pieces than I expected," she said, the corner of her lips curving into an amused smile that made me forget to breathe for a moment. Her blue eyes, so different from Azra'il's, were warm and welcoming, even when she was teasing. "How was the… illegal… mission on Galuna Island?"
"We completed the mission, Mirajane," Erza replied with her usual military tone. "But there were… excesses in the process."
Mira set the glass down with a calculated calm. "Excesses, huh? Translation: Natsu set fire to something he definitely shouldn't have set fire to."
"He set fire to the MOON!" shouted Happy, proudly, as if announcing a great heroic deed.
The look Mirajane gave the cat was a work of art of the purest, deepest existential weariness. She sighed. "Of course he did. Why would I expect any less?"
"We need to speak with Master Makarov immediately about the punishment for these… four idiots," Erza said, pointing at Natsu, Gray, me, and Happy. It was then that Mira's smile faltered a little.
"Ah, about that… The Master isn't here. He was called to an emergency meeting with the other guild leaders. He asked me to take care of everything here until he gets back."
Natsu, Gray, and Happy exchanged glances of pure hope. And, for one brief, glorious, and almost sacred instant, silence reigned in the guild. And then, like a desperate, out-of-tune choir singing the hymn of freedom, the three of them shouted at the same time, with the force of a thousand lungs:
"DOES THAT MEAN THE PUNISHMENT IS CANCELLED?!"
The entire hall froze. Cana froze with a barrel on its way to her mouth. Wakaba nearly choked on the smoke from his pipe. Even the pistol Alzack was cleaning almost fell from his hand. Erza, our dear and beloved bearer of bad news, turned slowly, every movement exuding authority and a contained threat that was almost palpable.
"No. Postponed," she said, the word coming out calm, precise, and sharp as a blade. And it was the kind of calm that makes your soul want to flee your own body and hide on another continent.
"P-postponed?" Natsu repeated, his face suddenly pale, the joy evaporating. "Like… postponed forever? Temporarily?"
"Like," Erza said, a thin, un-reassuring smile on her lips, "aggravated if you do anything else stupid before the Master gets back."
The silence that followed was almost comforting. Almost. Because now, we had a postponed punishment hanging over our heads like a guillotine waiting for the right moment to fall.
I sighed, slumping exhausted into a chair near the bar. "Finally… a minute of peace. Or something close to it."
"Peace?" Azra'il raised one of her perfect white eyebrows, silently judging me over the rim of the teacup that, I swear by all the celestial spirits, she had conjured from thin air. "You speak as if you truly believe that this place, this institution of glorified chaos, is capable of producing such a concept. What touching and, I must say, utterly unfounded optimism."
I rolled my eyes at her. "Let me have my moment of illusion, please. I deserve it, after almost being eaten by a giant rat."
"Of course, of course, blondie. Delude yourself all you want," she replied, taking a sip of her tea with an air of superiority. "Just don't say I didn't warn you when reality inevitably hits you with a sledgehammer. And it always does."
It was then that he appeared, as if to prove Azra'il's point. Loke. I saw him enter from the side of the guild, as charming as ever, his immaculate reddish hair, his designer glasses, the film-star aura that always surrounded him. My heart did a little flutter.
"Loke!" I waved, genuinely happy to see a friendly and, well, very handsome face. "You won't believe what happened on the Galuna Island mission, it was crazy—"
He looked at me. Froze mid-stride. Turned pale, which was impressive for someone with his already fair skin. And… ran. Literally. He turned on his heel and bolted out of the guild as if he were being chased by a demon with a chainsaw.
I stood there, mouth agape, blinking like an idiot, my hand still in the air. "…What… what was that?"
Azra'il took another sip of her tea, completely unfazed. "Ah, spontaneous rejection. A common condition. Happens to the best of us."
"But he ran from me! He ran as if I were a demon!"
She looked at me over her cup, her blue eyes glinting with malicious amusement. "Or perhaps he just has an excellent self-preservation instinct and decided to avoid getting involved in your problems. A wise decision, in my opinion."
"AZRA'IL!" I protested, feeling my face heat up with pure indignation.
Erza, who had been watching the scene with a frown, sighed, a long, tired sound from someone who has seen it all. "Please, girls, behave. The guild has enough problems for one day."
And I swear… if I had known what was coming in the next few minutes, if I had known that the day was still far from over, I would have run right along with Loke at that exact moment, without a backward glance. And maybe never come back.
I really wanted to believe that would have been the end of the drama for the day. But, of course, that would be asking too much, especially in a place like Fairy Tail. Peace here never lasts more than thirty seconds, a broken beer mug, or a stupid fight challenge, whichever comes first. And usually, they all came together.
I was still there, at the bar, trying to relax while watching Mirajane move through the guild, with that gentle yet silently authoritative way of hers, of someone who discreetly runs the whole show without needing to raise her voice. It was fascinating. She'd say, "Boys, no fighting indoors," to Natsu and Gray, and they'd stop instantly. A "Leave that glass on the bar before you break it, Macao!" to one of the veterans, and he'd obey like a child caught misbehaving. I could swear by my celestial spirits that even the guild's ceiling became quieter and less prone to collapsing when she spoke.
And, well… maybe, just maybe, I was watching a little too closely. But it was hard not to look. It's just that when she leans over to reach the bottles on the top shelf, her long white hair swings slowly over her shoulders, and her smile… ah, that smile.
"Lucy." Azra'il's voice, low and sharp as a whisper of ice, jolted me out of my private trance, making me jump in my seat.
"H-hmm?" I stammered, feeling my face heat up instantly.
"You have been staring at Mirajane for exactly five minutes and thirty-seven seconds. Your vital signs are slightly altered." Her blue eyes, analytical and without a shred of emotion, were watching me over the rim of her teacup. "If you continue to stare with that expression of bovine admiration, you'll have to buy her dinner as compensation or, worse, face a harassment suit. And, knowing her, she'd probably make you cook for the entire guild as punishment."
"I WASN'T—! IT WASN'T THAT! I WAS JUST… ADMIRING HER TECHNIQUE!" I choked on my own air, trying to find an excuse that didn't sound as pathetic as it really was.
Azra'il arched an eyebrow with an air of pure disbelief and took a slow sip of her tea. "Of course not, blondie. I understand. Just… 'studying' the molecular composition of her apron, I imagine. Very important fieldwork."
"AZRA'IL, STOP IT!" I hissed, wishing a hole would open in the floor and swallow me whole. Mira, without even turning around, just smirked, clearly amused by the conversation, which only made me want to evaporate even faster.
But before I could, in fact, die of pure and utter second-hand embarrassment, the unmistakable sound of a great and monumental act of stupidity about to happen echoed through the guild, saving me (or just throwing me into another kind of trouble).
"GRAY, CHECK THIS OUT!" The idiotic tone of excitement was 100% Natsu Dragneel, the signature voice of imminent chaos.
The two of them were near the large mission board, apparently arguing again, which, in practice, was just the preliminary phase of an inevitable and destructive physical brawl. Gray looked at what Natsu was holding in his hands with the enthusiasm of a child who's found a new and dangerous toy: an old, time-yellowed mission request, with strange runes drawn on its borders.
"What the devil is that, flame-brain? It looks older than the Master," Gray grumbled.
"I don't know! It was pinned right here on the board, behind the other requests!" Natsu exclaimed, excited.
"Then put it back, you idiot. It's probably some dangerous relic someone forgot to put away," Gray said, with a rare flash of common sense.
"But look at the reward! This 'mission' pays 500,000 Jewels just to… decipher something! We could buy a giant feast and a huge supply of food!" Natsu was practically drooling.
Azra'il, who until then had seemed engrossed in her tea, slowly looked up and sighed, a sound of pure weariness and resignation. "Oh, wonderful. An ancient scroll, unknown runes, and Natsu's mental processing capacity. I don't know why, but I have a feeling that anything involving those three ingredients always, inevitably, ends very, very badly."
I, with a bad feeling settling in my stomach, slowly stood up, already preparing for the worst. Mirajane also looked up from the bar, her amused expression giving way to an arched eyebrow of cautious curiosity.
"What's that, Natsu?" I asked, approaching.
Gray shrugged. "This idiot thought it was a secret mission or something. It's probably just an old announcement."
"It could be treasure!" Natsu defended, excited. "It's got all these cool symbols! It must be something super epic, Lucy! Just imagine!"
At that moment, Erza's voice, laden with an authority that would freeze hell over, sounded from across the room. She stood up, her steps echoing heavily on the wooden floor. "Natsu. Drop it. Now."
"But what if it's an ancient treasure no one's ever found?" Natsu insisted, stubborn as ever.
"Or a curse that could turn us all into singing slugs," murmured Azra'il, without even looking, just stirring her teaspoon with an irritating calm. "Or a seal of global destruction that will wipe this continent off the map. Or, if we're lucky, it might just be a very old mortgage contract with absurd interest rates."
I was close enough now to see the symbols on the scroll. And, to be honest, it looked very, very dangerous. The runes glowed faintly with their own pale, golden light, with sinuous lines that I remembered seeing in books of ancient and extremely advanced magic. And nothing good, ever, ever, came from something that glowed on its own and didn't come with an instruction manual and a big safety warning in bold letters.
"Er… Natsu," I began, trying to sound as calm and rational as possible, like the voice of reason I was so often forced to be in this place. "Maybe we should wait for the Master to get back and—"
But, of course, it was Natsu. And the word "wait" did not exist in his limited vocabulary. He ignored me completely.
"Ah, relax, guys! It's probably just some super rare ancient language! Look, there's something written here, like… 'Ryth os amara—'"
"DON'T FINISH THAT SENTENCE, YOU IDIOT!!" Erza shouted, already running towards us.
But it was too late. The damage, as always, was already done.
The scroll glowed. Not "glowed" like a little birthday candle, it glowed like a miniature solar flare, a pocket-sized supernova that exploded in the middle of our guild.
"AAAAAH!" I screamed, instinctively covering my eyes.
A blinding white energy spread through the hall like a shockwave, but it wasn't a wave of heat, or of force. It was a wave of… something else. I felt my whole body tingle, as if every molecule were being rearranged. The air vibrated with a strange frequency. The tables and chairs began to creak and shake. Glasses and bottles fell from the bar, shattering on the floor.
And then came the sensation. The worst sensation I've ever had.
It wasn't pain, not exactly. It was more like someone, or something, had reached inside my chest, grabbed my soul by the ankle, spun it around their head three times, and thrown it into an ethereal blender on high speed. I tried to hold onto something, a table, a chair, but my hands passed through the air as if I were a ghost, as if my body no longer belonged to me, as if I were floating outside of myself. It was like falling upwards and sinking sideways at the same time, an astral vertigo.
"Oh no… oh no, no, no, this is not good, not good at all—"
The voices around me began to distort, to stretch, like in a bad dream. And the last sound I heard before everything went dark and consciousness left me was Azra'il's, not in panic, not in shock, but with the purest and deepest resignation, muttering, "I knew the day was too quiet to be true."
And then, everything went white, and I felt as if I were coming apart.
For an instant, for one single, glorious instant of peace, I thought I was dead. That it had finally happened. But then I heard the unmistakable sound of wood breaking with a loud crack, followed by a confused roar from Natsu (or maybe it was Gray?), and someone, probably Macao, shouting "MY FAVOURITE CHAIR, AGAIN!". And the realisation hit me with the weight of an anvil falling from a cliff: Fairy Tail, somehow, was still standing. And I, unfortunately, was still in it. Hell, apparently, had refused me once again. Maybe they had a strict policy against members of noisy guilds.
The first thing I noticed after the white light receded was the silence. Not the comforting silence of an empty library, but that heavy, strange silence, full of an invisible static, the kind that usually comes right before a deafening thunderclap or a shocking revelation in a soap opera. I was lying face down, my face pressed against the cold and somewhat sticky guild floor, and everything around me—every sound, every smell, every particle of dust floating in the air—felt… different. Sharper. More intense. More… too much. I opened my eyes and almost fell backwards, even though I was already on the floor.
The colours were wrong. Not "wrong" in the way a colour-blind person would see, wrong in the way that they seemed too alive, too vibrant, almost aggressive. The air, I could 'see' the air. It had texture. I saw tiny particles of magic floating in the environment like golden dust in the sunlight, each one pulsing with its own tiny life. The sound of the hall, which before was just familiar background noise, hit me like an auditory hurricane: every footstep, every voice murmured from the other side of the room, every breath, every heartbeat, the sound of Cana discreetly opening a new barrel of ale in the back, the rumble of a confused Natsu's stomach… And I could hear everything. Absolutely everything, with a clarity that was both fascinating and maddening.
"…What… what the devil is this?"
My own voice sounded… different. Completely wrong. Deeper. Calmer. Almost… lazy, with a touch of authority that I definitely did not possess. And, to my horror, that wasn't my voice. It was hers.
I tried to push myself up with my hands, a simple movement I've done thousands of times. But something, immediately, felt… very, very wrong.
As soon as I pushed against the floor to lift my body, the wooden floorboards under my palm gave way with a loud, sickening crack. CRACK! An entire piece of wood splintered and broke under my palm.
"…Huh?" I looked at the hole my hand had made in the floor. "No, no, no, no, this isn't normal! I just… I just rested my hand on it! What…?"
I tried to get up again, this time as gently as I could, as if I were dealing with a time bomb. But when I finally managed to stand, something moved behind my back. Something long, furry, almost like a whip. Something that moved on its own, with a will of its own, in response to my anxiety.
"Why… why is there something… moving behind me…?" With my heart in my mouth, I turned my head, my eyes wide with dread. And there it was. Undeniable. Real. A tail. A long, snow-white tail with a dark tip, which swayed gently in the air.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I HAVE A TAIL?!"
The scream that came out of me echoed through the entire guild with a force that made the windows tremble. And, from a distance, I heard Cana's voice, full of genuine amusement.
"Oh? Is Azra'il… screaming? In a panic? That's a new one I didn't expect to see in this lifetime."
"Or the next," Wakaba added.
The tail reacted to my scream, to my panic, as if it had a mind of its own, lashing through the air with the force of a whip and hitting a pile of wooden crates stacked in a corner. The crates flew through the air, breaking apart, spreading panic and probably some very frightened rats.
"WHAT THE DEVIL IS HAPPENING TO ME?!"
I looked at my hands again, and only then did I notice the clothes. The sleeves were wide, of a heavy, dark blue fabric, a hanfu in an Eastern style I would probably never wear. They weren't my clothes. The sensation in my body wasn't mine. The weight in the muscles, the constant, powerful pulse of a magical energy that coursed through every cell of my body, humming under my skin… nothing, absolutely nothing was familiar. And then I noticed something even stranger: the whole body felt alive in a different, pulsating way, as if an invisible current of power was constantly running through and stimulating every muscle fibre. I could feel it. The muscles vibrated under the skin, in a constant rhythm, like little electric impulses. It was like being inside a living machine, always on, always ready.
"This… this is torture!" I groaned, trying uselessly to control the trembling in my hands, which now felt like they had the power to crush stone. "How does she live like this, with this feeling all the time?!" It was exhausting!
Every movement I made felt like an explosion of uncontrolled force. When I tried to lean on the guild bar to keep from falling, to try and find some balance, the solid wooden countertop under my hand exploded into a thousand pieces, splinters of wood flying everywhere as if they'd been hit by a sledgehammer.
"OH MY GOD! SORRY! I BROKE MIRA'S BAR! SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME!"
"Azra'il?!" I heard Mirajane's voice, now beside me, her tone confused, frightened, and perhaps a little annoyed. "What the devil are you doing?! Are you alright? Are you—"
"I'M NOT AZRA'IL!" I bellowed in pure panic, turning to her. She froze. I froze. The entire guild froze in a shocked silence. And, in turning so quickly, my hip lightly bumped a nearby table. The table flew. It simply flew, as if it had been hit by a cannon, and smashed against the wall on the other side of the hall.
And it was at that exact instant, amidst the panic, the accidental destruction, and the horror of being trapped in someone else's body, that I noticed something even more… fundamentally… wrong. Something between my legs. Something that I, as Lucy Heartfilia, definitely should not have.
I looked down, hesitantly… my heart stopped… and then… "…No. No, it can't be." I looked again, just to be sure. It was true. "THIS SHOULDN'T BE HERE! NOR THAT! AND WHY… WHY, IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, ARE THERE BOTH?!"
The scream of pure anatomical confusion and existential horror that came out of me made the guild's ceiling vibrate and a few tiles fall. And, with the scream, I felt the energy leak from me uncontrollably. A pulse of pure, chaotic bluish magic exploded from my body, and all the guild's windows blew outwards in a shower of glass.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
Cana, on what was left of the bar, now with her feet up, raised her glass with the expression of someone watching the best and most revealing show of her life. "Wow. Well, that explains a lot, a whole lot, about our enigmatic Azra'il, doesn't it?"
"CANA!" I screamed, turning to her with my eyes wide with fury and shame, and the sudden movement made the damned tail whip out again, this time hitting a barrel full of ale, which exploded in a foamy fountain. More ale. More chaos. More humiliation.
I was trembling from head to toe, completely and utterly out of control. Every muscle seemed to react to my every emotion, amplifying it into pure destructive force. It was like being inside a body forged to fight gods, and I, an ordinary human who could barely lift a sack of potatoes, was trying to pilot a battle tank with wobbly legs, an overheated engine, and a control panel in a language I didn't understand. It was insane.
"Okay… okay, Lucy… think, Lucy. Deep breaths. Calm… you can do this, calm…" But this body didn't know what "calm" was. Every breath seemed to make the air around me tremble, every involuntary movement created waves of pressure that made the floor creak. It was impossible.
And then… I heard my own voice. Or, at least, the voice that should have been mine, coming from behind me. "Well," said my voice, with a tone of calm, coldness, and a slight, irritating amusement that I knew all too well, "from the looks of it, it seems the Changeling spell worked perfectly. And in a rather… spectacular fashion."
I turned slowly, my heart nearly leaping out of my mouth (Azra'il's heart, actually). And there she was. Standing in the guild doorway, unscathed, her arms crossed over her chest. In my body. Wearing my face. With my clothes. My keys on my belt. "Azra'il…?"
She, in my body, raised one of my eyebrows with a perfection I could never achieve. "Soul exchange. An ancient spell. Known as Changeling in some cultures," she explained, with the tranquillity of someone reading a cake recipe.
"YOU TALK AS IF IT'S A SIMPLE WALK IN THE PARK!" I screamed, on the verge of a total panic attack, gesturing wildly with her arms, which felt like they weighed a ton. "I'M TRAPPED IN YOUR BODY, WHICH, BY THE WAY… ISN'T QUITE WHAT I EXPECTED! IT'S CONFUSING! I BROKE THE FLOOR! THE TABLE! I— I'M LITERALLY GLOWING! AND THERE ARE THINGS DOWN HERE THAT WEREN'T IN THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL!"
"Yes, I noticed. Oh, and the physical reinforcement seals I keep active in my body are working as they should. They constantly stimulate the muscle fibres to keep the body in a permanent state of combat readiness. It's quite efficient," she said, with the air of someone who had just paid herself a compliment.
"YOU… YOU MUSCULARLY STIMULATE YOURSELF ALL THE TIME?! THAT'S MADNESS!"
She looked at me, with my own eyes, and an ironic smile appeared on my own face. "Don't be vulgar, blondie, not in that sense. For heaven's sake, you're in my body, have a little more class."
I wanted to die. Right there. Again. And this time, for good.
Mirajane looked from one body to the other, from one version of me to the other, with the expression of someone who didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or simply start summoning an exorcist to purify the whole place. "Lucy…? Azra'il…? So… this is… is this really happening?"
"YES! OF COURSE IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!" I screamed, desperate. "I'M HERE! I'M TRAPPED INSIDE YOUR FRIEND'S BODY! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
Cana, who by this point was on her second or third bottle, took a generous swig and commented, laughing. "Well, at least someone finally managed to get into Azra'il's body, eh?"
"CANA!!!" Mirajane and I screamed in chorus.
The entire guild erupted in a mixture of laughter, shouts of confusion, and bets on who would break what next. And I sank into an ever-deepening hole of shame, uncontrolled power, and pure, absolute anatomical catastrophe. And, in the midst of it all, I could only think of one thing: (How on earth am I going to have a wee now?)
"…Azra'il?" I asked, my voice trembling, still trying to process the fact that I had a tail, wolf ears, and a "premium package" that was definitely not part of my original design.
She tilted my head, as if appraising a dusty museum piece. "By the way, your body is… surprisingly limited, I must admit, but reasonably functional. Albeit a little… fragile."
"LIMITED?! FRAGILE?!" I protested, my voice coming out louder and deeper than I intended. "AT LEAST I DON'T BREAK THE FLOOR JUST BY WALKING!"
"Your reflexes are slow," she continued, ignoring my tantrum, "your magical balance is almost non-existent, and your physical stamina is comparable to that of a particularly wobbly blancmange. Frankly, it's a biological miracle you can walk around without tripping over your own feet every five minutes."
"I ONLY TRIP BECAUSE OF NATSU AND HIS EXPLOSIONS!" I shouted, feeling my new wolf ears flatten with anger.
While she, with my body, coldly criticised my physical constitution, I stood there, desperately trying not to break the guild floor with the sheer force of my breathing. Azra'il's body felt too alive, too dense, every muscle pulsing under the skin as if it had a will of its own, a contained energy that threatened to explode at any moment. And the damned tail twitched nervously behind me, betraying all my panic for anyone to see.
And it was at that exact moment, while I was on the verge of an epic-proportioned nervous breakdown, that I realised our bizarre swap was not an isolated event. The chaos, it seemed, was contagious.
"Please tell me that isn't what I think it is…" I muttered, turning slowly and as carefully as possible so as not to knock down any more walls.
And there it was. A scene that looked like it had been lifted from a comedic nightmare, a play of the absurd written by a god with a particularly sick sense of humour.
Gray, or rather, Gray's body, was trembling from head to toe, hugging himself desperately, his teeth chattering like castanets in a hurricane. "WHY… WHY IS IT SO COLD IN HERE?! IT'S LIKE HAVING A FREEZER IN MY SOUL! AND I CAN'T BREATHE FIRE TO WARM UP! ONLY ICE!"
And beside him, Natsu, or, more accurately, Natsu's body, was panting, red, sweat pouring down in streams. "AND I'M MELTING! NATSU, YOU IDIOT, HOW DO YOU STAND LIVING INSIDE A VOLCANO?! IT'S TOO HOT! I'M GOING TO CATCH FIRE FROM THE INSIDE!"
"BUT THIS IS COLD, YOU IGNORAMUS!" shouted Gray (Natsu).
"THEN WHAT THE DEVIL IS HOT TO YOU, THE SUN?!" retorted Natsu (Gray).
And the two of them, like the idiots they were, regardless of which body they inhabited, started shoving each other, stumbling over one another, and alternating bursts of their swapped powers that were both hilarious and dangerous. Gray (Natsu) let out little puffs of frozen air from his mouth, while Natsu (Gray) snorted hot smoke from his nostrils, his eyes wide with confusion. It was like watching a living, faulty boiler about to explode in a shower of ice and fire.
"Stop it, you idiots! You're both going to get hurt and probably take the building with you—" But before I could finish my futile attempt to impose some order, a metallic and somewhat pathetic sound echoed behind me.
"Someone… please… help me…" The voice was small. Desperate. Frightened. And… unmistakably feline.
I looked in the direction of the sound and nearly collapsed on the floor (which, to be fair to myself, I had probably already broken a bit more just by turning around). It was Happy. Or, to be more precise, Erza's body, with a suit of armour equipped, trying, with the coordination of a kitten learning to walk, to take off the helmet she had accidentally equipped. Her movements were clumsy, her arms clanging against the metal plates. "It's… very… heavy… and tight… in here… Aye…!"
"GIVE ME BACK MY BODY IMMEDIATELY, YOU USELESS FELINE!" roared a furious voice from above.
I raised my head, and my jaw, if it wasn't already on the floor, would have gone there. Flying desperately from side to side, like a drunken bat, with its little wings flapping in a completely uncoordinated fashion, was a small ball of blue fur. Happy's body. And the authoritarian voice coming from it was, very reminiscent of our Erza Scarlet. And she was panicking. "SOMEONE GET THESE THINGS OFF MY BACK! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CONTROL THEM! AND WHY DO I HAVE A SUDDEN AND UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO EAT FISH?! IT'S TORTURE!"
The entire guild looked up, completely in shock. Macao had even given up drinking. Wakaba dropped his pipe again.
Mirajane, still behind what was left of the bar, had an expression on her face that was a work of art: a mixture of pure horror, uncontrollable amusement, and the resignation of someone who has given up trying to understand the logic of the place. "…Okay. Right. So we have a fire dragon who's turned to ice, an ice mage who's freezing, an Azra'il inside Lucy who seems mortally offended by human fragility, Lucy inside Azra'il who's having a breakdown because of… 'extra parts', and a Titania inside a cat with a craving for fish. Right… okay… it's… within expectations for a Tuesday at Fairy Tail, I suppose."
Cana, from the back, who had recovered from the initial shock and found another bottle, let out a loud, genuine, and unapologetic laugh, clapping her hands as if she were at the best comedy show of her life. "I TOLD YOU! I SAID SO! One more minute and someone here would end up swapping species! This guild never disappoints!"
"CANA, PLEASE, DON'T ENCOURAGE IT! THIS IS SERIOUS!" I screamed, desperate and a little hysterical.
She just raised her glass in a mocking toast. "Oh, but it's so, so amusing, Lucy-Azra'il! Enjoy the experience!"
"THIS ISN'T AMUSING AT ALL! AND STOP CALLING ME THAT!"
On the other side, the real Azra'il, still comfortably using my body, which was an affront, remained unperturbed, looking at the whole mess with the same detached air of someone watching a documentary about the mating behaviour of exotic insects. "I must admit," she murmured, with my voice, which was bizarre, "the chaos generated by this simple spell has… a certain poetry to its stupidity."
"POETRY?! Azra'il, Erza, OUR Erza, is trapped in a cat's body and is probably about to have an aerial panic attack!"
"And she's handling it admirably, I must say, considering the circumstances and her complete lack of experience with winged appendages," she retorted, with a calm that made me want to cry with rage.
"I'M NOT HANDLING IT AT ALL!" Erza's voice shrieked from above, followed by the sound of something small and furry hitting a wooden beam.
"Azra'il, do something, please!" I begged, gesturing at the general chaos.
She, in my body, sighed, the long, tired sound of someone being forced to solve other people's problems. "I am… thinking. Assessing the variables."
"THINK FASTER, BEFORE NATSU FREEZES TO DEATH AND GRAY MELTS!"
The damned white tail, which seemed to have a mind of its own and a passion for destruction, moved behind me again, lightly tapping the nearest table. Or, at least, what I thought was a "light tap." The table exploded in a shower of wooden splinters.
"AAH! SORRY! SORRY, I SWEAR I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE!" I screamed, covering my face with my hands.
"You're learning," Azra'il commented, serenely.
"LEARNING WHAT?! HOW TO BE A WALKING DISASTER?! HOW TO DESTROY FURNITURE JUST BY EXISTING?!"
"Control. It requires time. Millennia, in some cases," she said, with a tranquillity that drove me mad.
"AZRA'IL!!! THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR ARCANE PHILOSOPHY LESSONS!"
She just adjusted my blonde hair and sighed again. "Frankly, your body is so… fragile. It feels everything so intensely. The pain, the heat, the cold… even the simple, irritating beating of its own heart. It's… exhausting. How do you manage to live with such vulnerability?"
"IT'S WHAT WE CALL 'BEING NORMAL', YOU INSENSITIVE SUPER-POWERED BEING! WELCOME TO THE REALITY OF NOT BEING INDESTRUCTIBLE!"
Mirajane, who seemed to have finally decided to intervene before I accidentally demolished the rest of the guild, clapped her hands sharply. "Okay, children, that's enough! Nobody move, nobody touch anyone, and for the love of all that is holy, nobody—" She was interrupted by a violent CRASH! from the back, where Natsu (Gray) had just tripped and fallen into a barrel of water which, to make matters worse, was on fire from some previous explosion.
"…—and, apparently, nobody breathe either," Mira finished, massaging her temple with an expression of a pure and profound headache.
"I… I think I'm going to faint," I murmured, feeling my new body pulse with an energy I couldn't control. "My body, which is now yours, is staring at me, Natsu is on fire and freezing at the same time, Gray is sweating and turning into an ice-lolly, and Erza… Erza is meowing death threats from the ceiling. It's the end of the world."
Azra'il smirked, with my face. a smile I had never managed, one that was at once enigmatic, amused, and a little sad. "No, Lucy. It's not the first time I've seen souls trapped in the wrong bodies, believe me. But, I must admit," – her eyes, my eyes, met mine, now blue like hers – "this particular version has a… tragicomic charm that I haven't seen in a very, very long time."
She looked at me, the girl trapped in her powerful and anatomically confusing body, and completed, with her usual calm and professorial tone: "Well, Lucy Heartfilia… it seems that, finally, for one brief and chaotic moment, you understand the weight of being me."
I took a deep breath, feeling the tail whip the air behind me in a gesture of pure nervousness and panic. "If 'being you' means breaking the guild floor just by existing and having a… a premium package I don't know how to handle, then congratulations. You can have your body back. I quit!"
The chaos was already in full swing. A cacophony of swapped voices and uncontrolled powers. Natsu and Gray were continuing their eternal brawl, but now with the added difficulty of their switched powers, resulting in a pathetic spectacle of a fire mage letting out puffs of ice and an ice mage melting the very floor with a body heat he couldn't control. From the ceiling, Erza, in Happy's small and adorable body, was meowing threats of death and excommunication from the guild with a fury that was frankly terrifying coming from something so small and furry. And I… well, I was still trying to get used to the idea that my every step had the potential to cause a small earthquake. I just wanted a minute of peace, a small dark corner to process the existential crisis.
But in Fairy Tail, peace is a myth, and dignity is often the first casualty in any crisis situation.
It was then that Cana, with that mischievous smile that always seemed to herald the beginning of a verbal catastrophe, raised the glass she was, miraculously, still holding and, ignoring all the pandemonium around, called to me in a voice that cut through the noise: "Hey, Lucy!"
"NOT NOW, CANA! I'M TRYING NOT TO DEMOLISH THE REST OF THE BUILDING JUST BY EXISTING!" I shouted, my voice (Azra'il's voice) sounding exasperated.
She solemnly ignored my plea for mercy (because, of course, ignoring pleas for mercy and adding more fuel to the fire was practically her speciality). "Just a quick question, since the opportunity is, let's say, unique," she said, leaning her elbow on what was left of the destroyed bar, her eyes glinting with the purest, unadulterated malice.
"…Huh?"
"Like… what's it like… down there?"
The silence that fell upon the guild was immediate. Instantaneous. Absolute. Denser than the darkness at the bottom of the ocean. Even the fight between Natsu (Gray) and Gray (Natsu) stopped. As if time itself had screeched to a halt to watch this disaster unfold in slow motion.
"CANA!!!" The scream that came from me (from Azra'il) made the lights that were still working tremble. I felt my new wolf ears heat up and the tail bristle with pure horror.
Cana took a long, carefree swig of her drink and raised her eyebrows, with the most innocent and false expression I've ever seen. "Oh, what's the matter? It's pure scientific curiosity! And I bet I'm not the only one! It's for a good cause! The guild wants to know!"
"CANA, YOU SHAMELESS DRUNKARD!" I repeated, my voice now a shriek of pure hysteria. "I— I DON'T KNOW! I-I TRIED NOT TO LOOK! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I NEVER WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT AGAIN!" The damned tail behind me whipped the air in panic.
And then came the final blow, the stab in the back I wasn't expecting. It came in the form of Mirajane's laughter.
Not that shy, restrained little laugh. No. It was a sincere, full, almost musical laugh, but laden with such genuine amusement at my misfortune that it echoed through the silent hall, breaking the spell.
"Cana, you're truly wicked," she said between giggles, having to lean on the broken bar to keep from falling. "But… okay, I confess, with all due respect to personal privacy," she looked at me, her blue eyes shining with pure malice, "I've always been a little curious about that too."
"YOU TOO?! MIRA, EVEN YOU?!" I screamed, feeling betrayed by my own love interest. The universe truly hated me.
Mira raised her hands in a gesture of surrender, still laughing. "Oh, don't act so surprised, Lucy. Azra'il never hid anything; it's not like she wears particularly… restrictive clothing. The question has always been a mystery to the guild. She just… never bothered to explain. We just assume things."
"Hide what?!" my own voice, coming from Azra'il's body, sounded, with that blasé tone of someone being bothered by trivial matters. She, in my body, arched one of my eyebrows. "I simply always found the subject of my anatomy to be entirely irrelevant to combat performance or the appreciation of a good tea. If the biology of others causes such fascination and fetishism in you all, the fault lies with your excessive curiosity and polluted minds, not mine."
"YOU'RE SAYING THAT AS IF IT'S THE MOST NORMAL THING IN THE WORLD TO HAVE… TO HAVE BOTH!"
And before I could continue my forced gender identity crisis, a small, furious voice came from the ceiling, hissing like a demonic kitten. "THIS IS NOT, IN ANY WAY, AN APPROPRIATE SUBJECT FOR A PUBLIC DISCUSSION IN THE GUILD!"
I looked up, and there she was. Erza in Happy's body, so red with fury and shame that her blue fur seemed to have taken on a purplish hue. She was literally a little blue ball in a mode of absolute moral fury.
"CANAAA!!!" she roared, opening her tiny paws and showing claws that were, frankly, pathetic. "COME HERE IMMEDIATELY, YOU INSOLENT DEGENERATE!!!"
Cana guffawed, completely and utterly fearless, raising her glass in a toast to the furious little figure in the air. "What's the problem, Erza? Don't tell me you weren't curious too? Or do you want to monopolise all of Azra'il's… arsenal for yourself?"
"I WILL TEACH YOU THE TRUE MEANING OF THE WORD RESPECT!!! AND THEN I WILL USE YOU AS A SCRATCHING POST!"
And that's when the climax of our tragicomedy occurred. Erza-cat, with the fury of a thousand Titanias concentrated in a five-kilo body, flew in a straight line, a furious ball of blue fur, her little wings trembling with rage, aiming directly for Cana. She closed her tiny fist, one that could barely hurt a fly, and threw a punch that, in her mind, was probably worthy of a war hero.
The result? Poof!
It was, literally, the sound of a feather pillow gently hitting a wall. Erza bounced back in the air like a rubber ball, floating a few inches, Happy's body's fist not even tickling Cana, who barely moved.
The entire guild, which had been in a shocked silence, erupted. Not in screams. But in laughter. Loud, hysterical laughter that made the floor tremble. Cana was doubled over, laughing so hard she nearly knocked over the barrel of drink beside her. "Erza… ahahaha… you… you made a teddy bear sound, I swear on all that is holy! The cutest punch I've ever taken in my life!"
"THIS ISN'T FUNNY AT ALL!!! STOP LAUGHING!!! I WILL PUNISH YOU ALL!!!" shrieked little Erza, flying in uncoordinated and furious circles while Cana laughed so hard she cried.
Mirajane was laughing so hard she had to lean on what was left of the bar to keep from falling. Natsu and Gray, who had stopped their own fight, were on the floor, rolling with laughter. Even the real Azra'il, in my body, of course, let out a discreet but genuine chuckle, which, in her body language, was equivalent to laughing hysterically for half an hour.
And I… I just wanted the universe to erase me from existence. I covered my face with my hands, or rather, with Azra'il's large, powerful hands, which felt strange and wrong, and murmured to the empty air, "Please, someone wake me up when this nightmare is over. Or when the universe finally decides to forgive me for some sin I committed in a past life that I don't even remember."
Then the guild door burst open with a BAM! that made everyone turn, and a breathless, familiar voice shouted, "Guys, what happened here?! It looks like an earthquake with anger management issues and terrible taste in décor has been through this place!"
It was Levy, with Jet and Droy right behind her, the three of them stopping at the entrance with wide eyes, trying to process the surreal scene before them: the hall that looked like a post-battle warzone, destroyed tables and chairs, broken barrels, Gray (Natsu) frozen to the knee, Natsu (Gray) dripping with sweat as if he'd run a marathon, and a small blue cat (or rather, Erza) gliding in uncoordinated circles near the ceiling with an expression of pure trauma and contained fury.
Levy blinked a few times, her reader's quick eyes trying to process the chaotic visual information. "Okay… let me see if I've got this right. That scroll… it was the Changeling spell, wasn't it? It was activated. You… you've all swapped bodies. And no one's blown up the guild— yet?"
"Yet," replied Azra'il, with my voice, crossing her arms and looking at the cursed scroll that was still floating serenely on the floor. "But if Natsu keeps trying to breathe fire in the body of an ice mage who has a natural aversion to heat, we might have to scrape the ceiling and start over."
"OI!" Natsu and Gray, somehow, protested in an out-of-tune chorus, though no one, not even them, knew who was protesting against whom.
Levy, ignoring the confusion, crouched beside the scroll, carefully brushing away the table fragments around it, her intelligent eyes frowning at the golden runes that still glowed with a soft, pulsating light. Jet and Droy approached cautiously, looking over her shoulder as if the scroll might bite.
"Careful, Levy," said Droy, nervously. "What if that thing swaps you with one of the beer barrels."
"Relax, Droy," she replied, arching her eyebrows with a confidence I envied at that moment. "This kind of ancient spell is delicate, and it usually has a reversal clause. It's not exactly malicious. Just… very, very stupid. Created by a mage with too much free time and a questionable sense of humour."
"'Stupid' defines the current situation well," I commented, still trying to stand still without accidentally creating a few more craters in the floor with my borrowed power.
Levy gently ran her finger over the glowing runes and murmured something in an ancient language I didn't even know existed, one that seemed to flow from her lips with impressive naturalness. The inscriptions reacted to her magic, shimmering with a soft, silvery hue.
"Ah, bingo! I've got it!" she exclaimed, with the glow of someone who has just solved a particularly difficult puzzle. "It is, in fact, a spirit-swapping spell called Changeling. And, apparently, according to the caster's footnotes, it was created by an ancient mage who wanted to… 'test the empathy and capacity for mutual understanding between individuals of conflicting natures'. How sweet. And what a terrible idea."
"Empathy?" Cana repeated from across the room, raising her glass in an ironic toast. "If he tried to test empathy here in Fairy Tail with a spell like that, he would have died of magical exhaustion on the first day. Or from a flying chair."
Levy laughed lightly. "Well… at least he was kind enough to leave very clear instructions on how to reverse the mess."
"INSTRUCTIONS?!" I screamed, grabbing what was left of the bar, which creaked dangerously under the grip of my (or rather, her) fingers. "IT WAS WRITTEN ON THAT THING THE WHOLE TIME HOW TO FIX THIS AND YOU'VE ONLY JUST SEEN IT?!"
"Calm down, Lucy-Azra'il! Or Azra'il-Lucy! Oh, whatever! The runes are ancient and the spell is in terrible handwriting! I had to decipher it!" she defended herself, looking a little intimidated by my… intensity.
She cleared her throat and, adjusting her glasses, read aloud: "When the stars are misaligned and the souls comprehend the confusion their temporary vessels have caused, in an act of collective unity and desperation, simply repeat these sacred words in unison to restore the natural order of the universe (and, hopefully, avoid further property damage)."
"What are the words?! Just say it!" bellowed Gray (Natsu), who seemed to be suffering from hypothermia and sunstroke at the same time.
Levy smiled, relieved, and pointed to the final section of the scroll. "It's right here! It's a phrase in an ancient and forgotten language. The literal translation would be something like…: 'Let each soul return to its original abode and stop complaining!'"
"So we just have to say that? All of us?" I asked, a spark of hope finally rising in my chest.
"Yes! But there's a catch," she said, her expression serious. "Everyone who's had their body swapped has to say it together, in perfect sync. If anyone gets it wrong, or speaks out of turn, the spell could become unstable."
"Unstable… unstable like what? A little explosion of confetti?" I asked, with a bad feeling.
"Unstable like… you swap again. But completely at random this time."
A heavy silence fell over the guild.
"…Oh, brilliant," I muttered, cold terror running through my veins. The image of me, Lucy, waking up in Natsu's body, with his chronic motion sickness and destructive appetite, flashed in my mind. A true nightmare.
"Oi! What's the problem?! It would be an honour for you to be in my body!" Natsu, in Gray's body, protested, offended.
"It would be a personal and non-transferable hell, Natsu, believe me," I retorted, with all the sincerity in my heart.
"I completely agree," Azra'il's voice, coming from my mouth, added with an icy calm. "I, personally, would rather die. Again. It's less complicated."
Mirajane, who had taken on the role of leader amidst the chaos, clapped her hands sharply. "Okay, children, enough drama! Focus! We'll all repeat the phrase together, calmly and in sync, before someone faints from stress, breaks something else, or, worse, Erza finally manages to get down here and starts punishing us for this whole mess!"
The entire guild fell instantly silent. The threat of an angry Erza was a very effective motivator.
Levy, now in the centre of our little circle of body-swapped misfits, took a deep breath and began the countdown, as if she were disarming a bomb (which, in a way, was exactly what we were doing).
"In three… two… one…"
And all the swapped bodies and, to be sure, a few curious members who had nothing to do with it but joined in, shouted in a surprisingly and miraculously unison chorus:
"Let each soul return to its original abode and stop complaining!!!"
The scroll on the floor glowed brightly, a warm, golden light that spread through the hall like a wave of heat, engulfing everything in its path—the broken tables, the screams, the smell of smoke, ice, and second-hand shame, and even the desperate "AYE!" that Erza-cat let out at the last second. I felt an irresistible force pulling at my chest, a feeling of vertigo, as if my body, my real body, had finally found me amidst the confusion and was pulling me back home with a firm tug.
For an instant, everything spun in a kaleidoscope of light and sound. There was no floor, no ceiling. Just the sensation of coming apart and being put back together at the same time. And, amidst it all, I heard the distant voice of Azra'il, not mine, but the real one, with that irritatingly serene calm of someone watching the end of the universe for the hundredth time and being a little bored with the spectacle. "Finally. I couldn't stand feeling so many… emotions anymore."
And then – POOF!
A final flash, a subtle pop that seemed to come from within my own soul, and… silence.
When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the familiar and slightly cracked ceiling of the guild. And the first, most urgent, most desperate thought I had was:
(Please, please, by all the celestial spirits, let these be my legs.)
I looked down with my heart in my mouth. Legs. Normal. Slender, as much as possible. Smooth, familiar skin. No tail wagging impatiently behind me. I touched my face—no pointed wolf ears. I took a deep breath, feeling my own lungs fill. And, with a discretion I didn't think I possessed, I took a quick peek "down there." Nothing. No surprises. No "extra arsenal" or "premium package," as Cana had so delicately put it. Everything back in its proper place. I let out a sigh of relief so deep and genuine it seemed to come from the bottom of my soul, a sound that was a mixture of crying and laughter.
"Thank you, stars. Thank you, spirits. Thank you to all existing deities and, just in case, the non-existent ones too."
"Lucy?"
I looked up and saw the real Erza, back in her own imposing body, watching me with her hands on her hips, her face still a little pale and with the expression of someone who had just got off a particularly traumatic roller coaster. She still looked a little dizzy. "Are you alright?"
"Physically? I think so," I replied, my voice finally my own again, though a little hoarse. "Psychologically…? Well, let's just say I'll never be able to look at Azra'il the same way again. Or myself in the mirror, probably."
On the other side of the hall, Natsu and Gray were also back to normal and, as proof that the universe really loved a good old routine, the first thing they did was…
"I'M IN MY FIRE BODY AGAIN!" shouted Natsu, letting out a puff of smoke from his mouth, radiant.
"ME TOO! GOODBYE, INFERNAL FURNACE!" Gray replied, already starting to take off his shirt out of pure, relieved reflex.
"LET'S CELEBRATE THIS RETURN TO NORMALITY!" Natsu bellowed.
And, to no one's surprise, they started fighting again, trading punches and insults about who had suffered more in the other's body.
"Perfect," I murmured, with a sense of comfort that only the chaotic normality of Fairy Tail could provide. "Everything back in its proper, dysfunctional place."
Happy, who had landed softly on the floor and returned to his normal size, flew to Erza, who now seemed to have completely regained her composure, and hugged her with the force of a small, desperate blue missile. "Erzaaa! I had muscular arms, wings that didn't work properly, and I couldn't eat fish with my own hands because I had a helmet stuck on my head! It was horrible!"
Erza took a deep breath, clearly trying to maintain her Titania-like dignity, but a small smile escaped. "…I'm glad you're back, Happy. Now, please, get off my head."
Cana, of course, wasted no time and raised her glass in a mocking toast. "Now if she decides to punch me, the blow will actually hurt."
And, speaking of the cause of all my recent trauma… There she was. Azra'il.
Standing in the middle of the mess, with a calm that was almost an insult to all of us who had just been through a collective breakdown, adjusting the sleeves of her dark blue hanfu as if she had just woken up from a nap. Her silver hair was a little messy, which gave her a surprisingly human look, and there was a faint, almost imperceptible twitch at the corner of one of her blue eyes, the only clue that the event might have minimally affected her.
She took a deep breath, adjusted the collar of her outfit, and said drily, to no one in particular: "There. Every soul in its proper and, in some cases, questionable, vessel. And, apparently, the world survived the experience without many additional catastrophes. What a shame. It would have been more interesting if it hadn't."
Mirajane, who had finished sweeping the broken glass into a corner, finally allowed herself to laugh, a soft, restrained laugh. "You have to admit, Lucy, it was a… memorable day."
"It was a traumatic day that will earn me weeks of therapy and possibly a new phobia," I corrected, massaging my temple.
"Traumatic and memorable," Mira replied, with a smile that said she had thoroughly enjoyed our misfortune.
Azra'il sighed deeply, a sound of pure and profound exhaustion with our species. "If anyone, any one of you, mentions what happened today again, especially the… anatomical part, I will personally erase your recent memories with a spell that has side effects of nausea and an uncontrollable urge to speak in rhymes for a week. Consider this a divine and final warning."
No one, not even Cana, doubted her for a second. The silence that followed was absolute.
She then turned her icy gaze to me, that cutting look that gave me shivers, but which, beneath the coldness, had a spark of almost… human exasperation. And, who knows, maybe even a little affection. "Lucy Heartfilia."
"Y-yes?" I stammered.
"We will… never, ever… speak of this again. Understood?"
I nodded so fast I nearly dislocated my neck. "Understood. Comprehended. Buried forever. Like the body of whoever dares to mention the subject again. Locked. Sealed."
"Good girl."
Erza, who by this point had recovered her dignity and, most importantly, her authoritarian pose, crossed her arms and declared, trying to resume normality. "Right. Now that all this nonsense is over and everything is back to normal… perhaps it's time to remember a small detail that is still pending."
The silence, which before was of fear of Azra'il's threat, now became a silence of dread. We all knew what she was talking about.
The punishment.
Natsu, who was in the middle of punching Gray, froze. He swallowed hard. "…You… you hadn't forgotten about that, had you, Erza?"
Erza smiled. A dangerous smile. Very dangerous. "Of course not. But," she looked around, at the deplorable state of the guild, at our tired and traumatised faces, and her smile lost a little of its malice, becoming something more… understanding, "we can discuss that tomorrow, when the Master returns. Today, I think we have all, in one way or another, been punished enough."
Mira laughed and started pouring a round of drinks for everyone, including me and Azra'il. "A toast to chaos, to confusion, and to the return of the correct bodies! And to the fact that, for today at least, there will be no punishment!"
"AYE!" everyone in the guild shouted, raising their glasses in a chorus of relief and celebration.
I took a deep breath, looking around at this mess that was my home, Azra'il with her arms crossed, refusing the drink with a nod but with a small, almost imperceptible smile on her face, Cana winking mischievously at me from across the room, Mirajane laughing at some joke from Wakaba… and the guild's ceiling, which now had a new and interesting table-shaped hole in it. I sighed. And, for the first time that day, I truly smiled.
It was official: another perfectly and insanely normal day at Fairy Tail. And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Not even for a body that didn't break the floor.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
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So… yeah, I know. This chapter got HUGE.
Explanations? I have them. Justifications? Not so much.
I basically sat down to write "just a little body-swap scene" while watching the anime episode and… that's it. I got carried away. When I looked up, I already had Lucy piloting a battle tank, Erza trapped in a cat's body, Natsu and Gray nearly turning into a climate experiment, and half of Fairy Tail's furniture claiming disability retirement.
Yes, I am incapable of having the word "moderation" in my vocabulary when it comes to chaos + comedy.
The idea for this body-swap spell was always:
To screw with Lucy's dignity.
To traumatise the entire guild.
To give you all eternal material for theories and jokes in the comments.
Now, talking about serious things (or almost):
⚠️ Important notice: I will probably go a week without posting a new chapter.
My dear and beloved (that's a lie) exam week starts on Monday, so I'll need to focus on studying so I don't become an academic beggar. If I disappear for a few days, it's not abandonment, it's just university holding me by the collar.
But you can go ahead and comment on this chapter in the meantime, because I'll read everything as soon as I can:
Who suffered the most from the swap? Lucy, Azra'il, Natsu, Gray, or poor Erza-cat with a craving for fish?
And most importantly: do you think Cana will respect Azra'il's "we will never speak of this again"… or has this just become eternal ammunition for moral blackmail? 👀
Thanks for reading to the end of this monster of a chapter (you are warriors).
Send me your freak-outs, theories, chaos emojis, and please, also send me positive energy for exam week. I'm going to need it. 💜📚🔥