Noah stared at the black liquid in his favourite cup. The heat turned it from white to a picture of Lexi's hand giving the finger. The cup was full of promises to bring energy and warmth, but he felt cold, empty and tired.
He had always preferred living alone, but it had never been this quiet before. Never this empty, and right now… never this messy. It had been two days since the party and oh God he hated himself; hated himself for taking Molly's side right away and leaving his wife without giving her a chance to explain herself. It sounded implausible that Molly would have hit herself in the head with a glass bottle, but the more he thought about it, the more implausible it felt that Lexi would hurt someone else like that. Molly wasn't above manipulation and drama. Lexi was. She was kind and honest. She didn't tell him about his dad, but how would it even change anything? It wouldn't bring his father back and Lexi sure as hell didn't have anything to do with his death. "You're such a fucking fuck up, Noah! Dad would be disappointed…"
With a deep sigh he picked up his phone and googled the number for the party venue.
"Do you have security cameras near the bathrooms? No, not in them. Outside. There's been an incident that needs to be cleared up.
Great. Can you mail the security footage from the party two nights ago? Thanks, man. I owe you one!"
—---
Lexi was doing her daily run on the treadmill while hard raindrops drummed against the window. She didn't hear it, she was lost in her own thoughts. She kept replaying the situation at the party and felt the betrayal every time her mind echoed Noah's words. How could he take Molly's side over hers? How could everything have gone so wrong the second they had finally realised their feelings for each other? And what about their baby?
Lexi turned off the treadmill and carefully stepped off before grabbing her water bottle. This should be a happy time where they talk about names, nursery colour palette and a time where Noah kisses her belly and promises to love every stretch mark. Lexi would have denied that she'd ever get stretch marks, of course. But they would laugh and feel happy about the new chapter in their life.
Lexi slumps down in the sofa. Gia is at work, but half her collection of her knitted thrift shop cardigans were creating an insanely colourful mountain in the armchair. Lexi made a mental note of cleaning up before she picked up her phone to check her social media.
It didn't take long for her heart to freeze to ice. "Molly Carlton has been seen wearing her engagement ring again. Rumour has it that it belonged to Noah Blackwood's grandmother."
Lexi looked at the ring hanging from a thin gold chain around her neck. Her fingers were too swollen to wear it right now. She opened the picture of Molly's ring. They were identical. "Did Noah give me a replica of his family ring? Then maybe Molly was right. He accepted the challenge to make her jealous…"
Lexi threw the phone down on the sofa, but a bit too hard. It ricocheted and flew into the wall before gravity made it crash on the floor. "Nooo!" Lexi panicked slightly and went to check the device. A broken screen and it wouldn't start. She had to buy a new one. She slid down onto the floor and suddenly felt like the world was out to get her. Was this karma? Was she an evil dictator in her past life and this was her punishment?
"Lexi… stop feeling sorry for yourself! It's just a phone and it's just a boy. …A boy who's also the father of my child.
She put her hand on her belly. In a few weeks she might be able to see a bump; evidence that a life is growing inside of her. In a few months she wouldn't be able to hide it and Noah would find out. Lexi wiped a tear she hadn't even noticed had escaped from her eye. "We'll get through this. Whatever happens, I will make you feel loved and wanted every day for the rest of your life."
—---
Noah was fast forwarding the footage from the nightclub until he saw Lexi and Molly outside the bathroom. Molly was lingering outside, as if she was waiting for someone or something. He couldn't hear what they were saying when Lexi came out and was confronted by Molly, but he recognised the less than charming attitude from his ex and the discomfort on Lexi's face. And then… his heart drops. Lexi was telling the truth. Molly suddenly picked up the bottle and smacked it in her own head. But the worst thing of all wasn't that. It was after he had left with Molly. Lexi standing there, watching him walk away from her and the obvious feeling of betrayal etched on her face. The video suddenly cut off. He never saw her hand go to her belly. The screen was black and the deep regret was eating him up from the inside.
He quickly dialed Lexi's number.
"Hi! This is Lexi! Leave a message after the beep. Bye!"
Beep
Noah usually knew what to say. He'd made it a tradition to leave a bad joke as his only message. He knew it made Lexi roll her eyes, but also secretly laugh. He'd seen it and he'd give everything to see it again. To hear her laugh. He'd give everything to be teleported back to that time they were tangled up together for three days straight, just enjoying each other's warmth, scents and sweet nothings.
But he couldn't come up with a joke. He hadn't prepared what to say. So he hung up and frustratedly ran his fingers through his hair. "Hey Lex, What's the difference between…" he practiced, but stopped himself when he heard how ridiculous and inappropriate it was. "That's a no on the joke. Be serious Noah!" He takes a deep breath. "Hey Lexi. I'm so sorry I fucked up. Can we talk?" he said out loud. Satisfied with the script he called her number again.
"Hi! This is Lexi! Leave a message after the beep. Bye!"
Beep.
What had he practiced? It was suddenly blank.
"Hey Lexi…" he started. "It's Noah. Obviously. I know you probably don't want to hear from me right now and I get that. I'd totally hate me too. I know you didn't hit Molly. She lied. Well, I don't have to tell you that. You were there. And I should have trusted you! I'm your husband, I should have taken your side. Sorry doesn't feel enough. I've been so fucking stupid Lex. I totally exaggerated my reaction about everything. Men are so fucking sensitive, right? I hate my apartment when I don't see your shoes in the hallway. I miss your unicorn towel in the bathroom. I even -" beep
The message cut off. He called up again.
"I even miss that disgusting smoothie you made every morning."
Pause.
"Sorry. It wasn't disgusting. It was just extremely healthy. Maybe you'll never forgive me… but can we please talk? I just think we should get everything out of our system. And if you don't want me…" his voice begins to crack. "If you don't want me, maybe we can at least part without bad blood between us. I'm so sorry Lexi. Please call me. It's Noah."
He clicks the call away and stares at the black screen, as if he was willing it to light up with Lexi's name on the display. It remained black.
—----
"Lex?"
Lexi's eyes opened at the sound of Gia's voice. She had fallen asleep again. This pregnancy was taking all her energy. Not to mention the restless nights and intrusive thoughts.
"I'm here!" she shouted from the bedroom.
Gia appeared in the doorway. "I tried calling. Is everything ok?"
Lexi held up her crashed phone. "It's dead. I need to buy a new one."
Gia raised her eyebrows. "What the hell happened?"
"Would you believe me if I told you it flew into the wall without my involvement?"
Gia gave Lexi a lopsided grin. "I've never heard of a Kamikaze phone…"
"I think Noah and Molly are engaged," Lexi blurted out and pulled her legs up to hug them.
Gia Sat down on the bed. "Engaged? Why do you think they're engaged?"
Lexi showed Gia the wedding ring she'd seen a hundred times already.
"Molly has the same one. This is probably just a fake and the real one is on that psycho bitch's finger right now!" She explained, voice gradually growing louder as sadness turns into anger. It switches between those two a lot. And fast.
"Lex… maybe you should talk to him? It could be a rum-"
"No! I'm not ready to talk to him. And he should be the one taking the initiative anyway," Lexi defends herself. Her voice softens. "And he won't. He hated me and thinks I'm the devil who tried to kill his fiancé…"
Gia put her hand on Lexi's arm. "He doesn't think that and he doesn't hate you. Something feels off about this. I don't think Noah would get engaged to Molly again just like that. I think this is Molly's bullshit delulies.'
Lexi was quiet for a moment before suddenly cracking a smile. "Delulies?"
"Delusions."
They both began laughing. Only Gia knew how to make Lexi laugh when she felt like shit. Well, her and Noah.
"Have you eaten anything?"
Lexi shook her head. "Only some toast for breakfast."
"Come on. Let's go grab some Thai food from your favourite place!"
Gia stood up and held out her hand.
Lexi pouted. "Can't we order in?"
"You need to get out of the apartment, Lex! Come on!"
Lexi knew Gia was right. She'd been isolating herself in here ever since the party. It wasn't good for her. She accepted Gia's hand and got out of bed.
—---
Hours had passed. Lexi hadn't called and Noah was biting his nails; a bad habit he'd managed to quit several years ago.
Should he leave it and keep waiting for a call? Should he give up? No, that was not an option. He was not throwing in the towel yet. He wasn't the type to give up and he wasn't about to start now, now that it really mattered and he had more to lose than ever before.
Without further hesitation, he got off the sofa and grabbed the car keys. He had to give it a chance. He needed to see her, even if she was angry.
Moments later Noah was standing outside the apartment complex's door, pressing the call button with Gia's name on it. The rain was making him instantly soaked. Was it intentionally matching his mood? He regretted not putting on a long sleeved shirt at least. There was no answer. He pressed it again and again. Nothing.
He backed away from the door and looked up at the window to Gia's apartment. There was a light turned on. "I guess she doesn't want to see me," he muttered sadly and walked back to the car.
He was in a daze. Couldn't even remember starting the car. But it rolled off and Gia's apartment complex disappeared in the rearview mirror.
Noah's thoughts began to wander. To the short time him and Lexi went to the same school and he never mustered up the courage to ask her to prom. He was forced to transfer before he even got that far, and Lexi didn't remember the cocky hockey captain who tried to get an article about extra large jock straps published in the school paper.
He thought about Lexi in that market yellow wedding dress and shower curtain veil. That was unexpectedly unhinged even for her. But in a good way. He wasn't sure she had any humour until then.
The street lights were swishing past outside the car window, but Noah didn't see.
He thought about their first kiss, how a storm of butterflies had taken over his body, and the hungry passion…
A desperate car horn made Noah return to reality. The headlights in front of him were rapidly getting closer. They were blinding him. Three two one…. The impact with the meeting vehicle made his car swerve around on the road and flip over twice. Every regret and every missed opportunity passed through his mind before he lost consciousness and it went dark.