I go into the principal's office, where another kid is already sitting. Logan. I'd recognize those distinct blue eyes and blond hair anywhere. His reputation as the school's party guy is widely known. If there's a party, you're sure to spot him swaying wildly with his unkempt blond hair flying around.
He's also a known troublemaker, so I'm not surprised about him being here. Logan likely spends more time here than in his own home, which isn't saying much since he's always sneaking out of his house to go to parties anyways.
The principal arrives before we get a chance to talk. Fifteen minutes of silence, the principal tip-tapping on his computer, Logan seeming bored but for some reason very relaxed, and me running a million thoughts of Maya in my head. Then the principal stands up and walks outside. I notice Logan smiling then grabbing something from his pocket.
"This exact minute every single day, he leaves for five minutes to check on something with the librarian," Logan tells me. I look at him even closer, taking in the extremely relaxed state he's in right now. I'd never seen anyone so... carefree. It wasn't even human.
Then I see what he pulled out. It's a small, box shaped item. Blue. Electronic. Illegal for minors to use. He'd pulled out a vape. He gives me a look, smiling.
"This is our little secret, right?" He asks. I don't really know what to say, but I knew I wouldn't snitch on him. So I just nod. He hits the vape, blowing scented smoke out. "Good. You're Adam, right?"
I nod, wondering how he knew my name then realizing it was likely because Elijah and Carla told everyone about Maya leaving me. Not because I was anyone important to know. I was more insignificant as a grain of sand. I'd been invisible to everyone until Maya saved me.
"I think you need a hit of something after what happened," he says, extending the hand with the vape towards me. I'd never smoked. I wasn't planning on it either. I didn't need nicotine addiction added to my long list of flaws. He clearly saw this on my face. "Don't believe the dumb shit people be saying. One hit won't suddenly make you an addict. It'll just be a quick rush to your head, something to take your mind off things. Let loose man."
Each word sinks into me as if my brain is quicksand. I'd been told that what starts as one hit will never only be one hit. I'd believed it, but maybe it wasn't true. What's wrong with smoking a puff just to relax a bit and maybe become friends with one of the cool kids?
The vape looks like the key to forgetting, but also something dangerous that could take over my life. But Logan did say that one hit doesn't make you an addict. I should believe him, someone who's clearly experienced with this, over some teachers who probably haven't even seen a vape before.
I hesitantly grab the vape from his hand. I look at it. Just one hit. A quick escape from my problems. That's it. Nothing serious. Nothing that'll cause any real problems. Nobody's gotten lung cancer from one puff. Then I lift it to my mouth and breathe it in.
I'm thrown into a fit of coughs as smoke rushes into my throat, scalding hot. Logan chuckles, like he's seen this a million times.
"First hit can hurt. But it gets better," he says, smiling. A genuine smile. The type I never saw from anyone but Maya. I lower the vape as I feel a rush to my head. I melt into the chair, stealing a moment of bliss as I forget everything and focus on the nicotine. It's a perfect moment of euphoria.
Tomorrow I'll regret this. Regret taking my first hit. Regret starting the downward spiral. Regret finding an escape from my problems. Tomorrow I'll regret it. But right now, this moment, this second, I'm numb.
"Cool rush, right? You going to Louis' party this weekend?" I shake my head. I was never invited to parties. Me and Maya would skip them and go out instead. Neither of us drank or smoked or did any drugs. Until now I guess.
"You should go. Give me your digits. I'll send you the address." I hesitate. On one hand I could do what I've been doing since the breakup, stay home and pathetically cry about Maya. On the other, I could let loose and do something that'll both take my mind off of how shitty my life is and make me friends with Logan and the other party kids.
He sees my hesitation and just laughs. "I've seen a million of you good boys. You can't be like that man. Let. Loose. I can even bring a few special treats that could make you forget all about being a good kid and learn what it's like to live the good life. I'll give you my number. Text me if you want to come."
He grabs a pen from the principle's desk and rips off the corner of a random paper talking about school budget or something, writing his phone number on it and sliding it over. I know it's a bad idea, but I still take it and put it in my pocket.
Logan hits the vape a few more times than puts it away right before the principal gets back. We exchange a look, knowing I now harbour his little secret. But I don't tell the principal anything. Forty minutes of silence, then we're released.
Father is pissed about the detention, as expected. A long lecture follows about responsibility and staying out of trouble and all the other stuff parents talk about. Doesn't help when the history teacher sends him an email halfway through him yelling at me telling him to meet with her because I failed the test.
I thought you studied, he'd said. No, he'd yelled. I thought you actually cared about your future, he'd screamed. I thought you wanted to go to college and not be homeless on the street, he'd shouted. And yet I was numb to his yelling, so used to it I didn't care.
He then got a call from his work, which is obviously more important than his son, and tells me I can't leave the house for a month before leaving.
That's when I decide on something. I guess I'm just feeling rebellious. Feeling angry and sad and scared. Feeling like I have no control of my own life so wanting to do something to take it into my own hands. To rebel against the ones who controlled me.
I'm going to the party.