Ray's POV
—
"I'm fine," I whispered dramatically, face down on the floor. "Totally, completely fine. This is just how I breathe now. Carpet in my lungs. Betrayal in my bloodstream."
Ava didn't even flinch. She was already used to this. "What happened this time?"
"I saw him." My voice cracked like a cheap phone screen. "With her."
Ava blinked.
"She was tall. She was… symmetrical. She wore boring jeans like she invented the color beige. And he smiled at her, Ava."
"…Sebastian?"
"YES. And not just a tiny maybe-it-was-gas smile. No. A full smile. Like teeth. Like he was amused. Like his whole face rearranged into something warm and bright and— for her. Not me. HER."
Ava sighed. "Did you actually hear what they were talking about—?"
"I didn't need to! The betrayal was radiating. I saw the twitch in his cheek. I know that twitch. That's the 'I'm enjoying this conversation' twitch. I watch his face for a living. That smile? That smile wasn't just polite. That was a 'you're not annoying' smile."
I flipped onto my back, starfish style. "He's never smiled at me like that."
Ava climbed onto the bed, holding a tissue box like she was preparing for war. "Ray. He lets you ride him like a koala across the quad."
"Exactly!" I sobbed. "He carries me. He drinks the coffee I give him that tastes like a unicorn exploded in a blender. He lets me call him Seb. But he's never smiled at me like that."
I sat up, sniffling.
"Do you think she's his type? Is that his type? Tall, quiet, pastel demon of my destruction? Maybe he likes… less sparkle. Maybe I'm too loud. Maybe I'm just annoying and clingy and—" I hiccuped, "—what if he wants someone normal? Someone who doesn't name their future children after Greek gods?"
Ava handed me another tissue. "You named your fake baby Apollo."
"HE BITES PEOPLE BUT HE'S SMART."
"Ray."
"What if I'm just the weird glittery girl who talks to janitors and makes everyone uncomfortable? What if I'm just a joke to him? Like 'haha look at the loud one who trips on air and clings to me like a designer backpack'?"
"You are a designer backpack."
"I'm the limited edition one that no one knows how to carry."
Ava reached for my hand.
"I love him, Ava. I love him. And it hurts. And he doesn't even smile at me."
She was quiet for a second.
Then: "Maybe he smiles on the inside."
"I CAN'T SEE THE INSIDE."
More sobbing.
Ava: "Want to key her car?"
Me: "Ava. That's illegal."
A pause.
"…Yes."