I'm gliding down the street on my skateboard when the unmistakable sound of a G-wagon echoes behind me. It's a sound that I know all too well—one that both haunts me and sends a flurry of butterflies swarming in my stomach. Butterflies when Briar pulls into her driveway, ultimately letting me know that she's home safe, then haunting me when she arrives with yet another loser guy who would never deserve her time of day.
That's the not-so-perks of being neighbours with the girl who'd give everyone in the world a chance but you.
Briar inherited the jeep from her brother Will after he died and, apart from going to and from school, I don't think she's used it for anything good. When Will was here, he never let her drive it. He loved that thing. Sunday mornings he'd pull into my driveway, surfboard roped over the roof, honking three times for me to come down for us to go hit the waves together. Mom always pleaded with him not to honk and wake the entire street up at 6 a.m. but Will insisted that it was good for her and everyone else to start their days early to reach max productivity. Mom threatened to call the cops.
It's not like he was some kind of control freak or super strict guy in terms of athleticism. He was the kind of guy that if he found something, any one thing that made his life even slightly better, he'd share it with everyone he cared about so that their lives would be made better too. It's how I began swimming. It's how I began sailing. It's how I fell in love with the ocean. It's hard to find anything about me that hasn't been inspired by Will.
The jeep slows as it reaches me, and I'm regrettably greeted with my sister's dumb face in the passenger seat. "Get in, geek," she says.
I hop off my board and flip her off before getting in the back next to Aki.
"I'm so happy to see you, O'Brian," Briar says and my heart does a summersault. She's glad to see me?
"Really?" I ask.
She laughs. "Tell these idiots that sharks are our friends, and they don't just attack humans. Tell them. Tell them what you told me."
Oh.
"Bullshit!" Aki argues. "You can't tell me that if I got caught out in the sea on my board and a shark shows up to the party that I'm not automatically shark kibble."
"That's so stereotypical!" Says Briar. Everyone in the car gasps as she makes a sharp gesture with her hands, taking both off the wheel, to emphasize her frustration.
"Hands on the wheel!" Ira shouts. Briar just chuckles before grabbing a hold of the wheel again and focusing her attention back on Aki. I watch in silent amusement for a moment as they argue back and forth, not taking my eyes off Bry's flawless side profile for a second.
"You're both sort of right," I interject. "Sharks are definitely misunderstood. They don't like the taste of humans; they would much rather feed on all the other thousands of marine mammals and fish. Only about a dozen of the more than 500 hundred species of sharks have been involved in attacks on humans." I pause, smiling as I meet Briar's eyes through the rereview mirror. I add, "But that doesn't mean they won't take a sample bite out of you, just to try it out. So rather than dangerous, I'd say they're curious."
I finished just as we pulled into Briar's driveway. She put the car in park and looks over in the back, "See, Aki? Sharks are cool." She beams as her gaze falls on me, "I adore your brain."
"Thanks," I mumble, dropping my head to hide my smile.
"Nerd," Ira says, and I yank her hair in retaliation.
"Whatever," Aki mutters. "I'll still stick to the shallow end."
With that, we all pile out of the car. I grab my board and book heavy backpack from the jeep before closing the door behind me.
"Okay, no time to waste," Briar says. "Go bring your bags down. I'll go get my mom."
"Do you need help bringing your bags down?" I ask, already moving towards her.
"Nah, I got it."
My sister follows her, grabbing her by the hand and spinning her around. Briar laughs at something Ira says right before Ira tucks a loose curl behind her ear. I watch longingly, silently wishing that I could do that, wishing it was me instead. I would never admit it to anyone, but I had always been jealous of the fact that Briar was at most herself when she was with my sister.
I watch her walk away. Every time I see Briar, it feels like she takes a piece of my heart with her. And somehow, there's always more to give.
I'm done holding it in. This summer, I'm telling her everything. I don't care if she doesn't take me seriously, don't care if she rips my heart out and drop it on the pavement. I don't care if she rips my heart straight out of my chest--I'd still hand it to her without thinking.
As long as she knows. As long as, for one second, she holds it in those soft hands of hers. At least then I'll die feeling something real. Not fear. Not regret. Just her.
A hand smacked me behind my head causing me to drop my board on my toe.
"Ow!" I spin around, rubbing my head, and come face to face with Aki. "What the hell?"
"Don't go there, man." His face tells a story of both amusement and seriousness. His pink hair not doing much for the stern look he's trying to go for. The guy looks like a teddy bear. A freakishly tall and handsome teddy bear.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I flip my board up and catch it, securing it in my hold.
"I'm talking about your heart eyes for Briar." He whispers, careful not to let Ira hear.
"Wha—"
"Briar would eat a guy like you alive. And then you'd put Ira in the middle. When those two fight, it's not good for any of us. It's not worth some childish crush you have on your sister's best friend."
"It's not a crush. And with all due respect, it's none of your business big guy," I say, slapping his arm twice in dismissal before leaving Briar's driveway and skating down the curb towards my house.
He jogs to catch up with me, and I groan loudly. I'm not going to let anything, or anyone change my mind from telling Briar how I feel. Not this time.
"Look. Besides Ira, you probably know Briar better than anyone," he says, and I confidently nod. "So, you know her track record with guys. Her very long and fleeting track record. I'm just saying, it's pretty obvious she doesn't want anything serious."
"What makes you think that I don't want the same thing she wants?"
"Really? You expect me to believe that you, of all people, can do a casual, no-strings relationship? Sit back as she does whatever she wants... whoever she wants. Do you know how many guys went mad thinking that maybe someday they'll be enough for her?"
Back on my feet, I say, "Someone with a heart as big and wild as hers, don't you think that I know that I could never be enough for her? I don't need to be because I don't want her to change for me, idiot. I know better than that. So, I'll change for her. Whatever she wants, I'll be. Simple."
He laughs, walking backwards to my front door, holding his hands up in surrender. "Alright, don't shoot."
I pass him and push open the doors to my house. Aki asks, "So what's the big plan?"
Before I can speak, Ira asks, "What plan?"
"Erm... nothing. Shut up," I say before running up the stairs.
I hear laughter behind as I reach the top hallway and slip into my room. It's time to tackle the task that I abandoned this morning—deciding which books to take with me to the beach house.
Surveying my collection, there's so many to choose from but I decide on romance novels since this is the summer I'm going to confess my love to Briar. After raiding almost my entire stack of romance novels, I gather the books into a suitcase.
Now I need to figure out what to wear. If I'm going to show Briar that I'm cool enough to be with her, I need to show her I can be fun. My wardrobe, while fashionably sophisticated, is the opposite of fun.
After what feels like hours of rifling through clothes, I throw in the towel, deciding I need an expert's touch. "Mom!" I open my door and call out.
No response.
Two more calls earn me an irritated shout from Ira, "She's not here!" Her muffled words travel up the stairs and through the halls.
Sighing, I'm about to close my door when a brilliant idea hits me. "Aki, come here one sec!"
Seconds later I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. An annoying face appears at my door, teasing as ever, followed by an even more annoying voice. "Dude, get your own boyfriend," Ira says, earning a glare from me.
"Wassup?" Aki asks from beside her.
I pull him into my room, shutting the door in Ira's face.
"You wanna know the plan?" I ask him.
It takes a second for realization to settle in. He nods.
"You're gonna teach me how to be fun and cool," I declare. "Starting with helping me pick out outfits for the summer."
He laughs. And then laughs some more.
"Are you done?" I ask him.
"Wait, you're serious."
"Yes. If I can show Briar that I can be fun, she'll see me as less of just her best friend's little brother and more like... a guy she'd want to hang out with. So, you in?"
Aki surveys my room, his eyes landing on my spider-man bed sheets for a few beats. He shakes his head in disbelief. "This won't be easy," He muses. "What's in it for me?"
I rack my brain for something he'd want. "Okay. You get to call in any favor you want from me this entire summer. Anything you need, I'm your guy."
Aki wears a thoughtful expression. "Hmm, why not? You're off sailing soon anyway, so if this all blows up in your face, at least you won't have to face the fallout. Though, you'll have to carry the embarrassment with you across the world, alone in your sailboat with no one to comfort you but your shark friends."
A year riding the currents.
I love every bit of the ocean, but sailing across the world alone is terrifying. All I've ever wanted was to be brave like the girl who jumped off the rocks at the beach all those years ago. If I can't confess my feelings to the girl of my dreams, how am I going to last a day out there in the vast ocean? My traitorous mind reminds me that there are tools to measure and deal with the unpredictability of the currents, but there is no tool designed to comprehend the global phenomenon that is the complex mind of a woman.
I say, "Even if it all goes south, I won't regret a thing because I'll know it wasn't because I was a coward."
I'll do anything.
Without her entourage around at the beach house, and with Aki there to distract Ira, I'll have Briar all to myself. It's the perfect time to win her over.
"Okay," Aki claps his hands. "Let's find you an outfit."