Tsunade was surprisingly gracious in defeat, only trying to escape once during the night. Eventually though, after a great deal of childish resistance, flailing, complaining – as well as name-calling, although that was mainly Ami's input – the strange group began their trek back to Konoha.
It was a significantly more sober Tsunade who suddenly found herself on the receiving end of an inquisitive Sakura. It was quite the novel experience for the older woman, as she was used to Shizune's quiet acceptance of whatever it was she had to teach. Sakura on the other hand grew up in an environment of questioning being encouraged, both by Naruto and her superiors at the hospital. Having the world's greatest medic-nin on hand was an opportunity she was never going to pass up.
Naruto watched the exchange bemusedly towards the rear of the group, where Shizune was trailing along quietly, clutching her pig as if it were a lifeline.
"Hi, we never got to be introduced properly," he greeted suddenly, shifting his eyes from the bickering medics to the startled woman to his side. "Naruto Namikaze." He held a hand out and, after a moment, Shizune accepted it, receiving a disgruntled expression from Tonton as she was jostled during the exchange. Nobody had worked up the courage to ask about the pig yet… at least not in front of said pig.
"Oh, I know. Tsunade-sama might act distant and uncaring but even on our travels, word reached us about the new Hokage." She gave him a strange smile he couldn't quite figure out. "Shizune Kato, it's nice to meet you." She seemed about to turn her gaze forward again but thought better of it, looking down at the road. "I can't imagine that kind of responsibility for somebody so young."
The redhead grinned sheepishly, used to the platitude; if it wasn't congratulations it was usually something along those lines. "To be honest, it's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Sure there's a lot of pressure, but I have Hiruzen to ease me in, and it's mostly just making sure all the right decisions get made, or making sure that I'm the one making the wrong ones. Paperwork mostly." He glanced forward, noting Sakura and Tsunade seemed to be in some intense debate over one thing or another. "It's your responsibility I'm not envious of."
Shizune didn't even have to follow his gaze to catch his meaning. "You and Tsunade-sama got off on the wrong foot, but I'm sure with time she'll warm up. Despite appearances she's not one to hold grudges." Both instantly, and unaware that they were mirroring each other, thought of a certain snake. "Most of the time." Her smile brightened slightly. "I think this trip home will be good for her."
"And you?"
The unofficial kunoichi nearly tripped over her feet at the sudden question. "W-What do you mean?"
"Just a thought," Naruto mused. "This whole trip was about bringing Tsunade back to the village, nobody asked what you thought about all this."
Shizune seemed conflicted about that. "I go where Tsunade-sama goes, I'm her apprentice."
The redhead just hummed thoughtfully.
Squirming slightly under the sudden lull in the conversation Shizune was forced to incline her head. "I admit… I'm quite excited to finally come home, it's been so long since I've seen the village." She chuckled quietly into her sleeve. "I'm sure it's changed so much since I was a girl."
Naruto matched her smile. "One, soon to be two whole heads." He glanced up at the sky. "But you would be surprised. No matter how much it changes, or grows, or is re-built… there's always something uniquely… Konoha, about that village. I think I could be gone for a hundred years and still know it by sight."
"You have a lot of fond memories then?"
"My whole life, in one way or another."
"It must be nice, to have a place grounded in feelings like that." She nearly jumped when he patted her lightly on the shoulder.
"Well, if all goes well, and Tsunade doesn't pull a runner, you might too."
Shizune smiled at that and Naruto silently affirmed his belief that Tsunade wouldn't be the only one benefitting from a return home. This poor girl had basically dedicated her life to her master, mostly because she'd known little else. While he wouldn't denigrate their relationship – he could see it was a deep one – giving Shizune some freedom to choose for a change would do her a world of good. And if it got Tsunade to grow up and stop acting like a child, all the better. Although, glancing forward and spotting the young-looking blonde throw a stone petulantly at the back of Sasuke's head, he wasn't holding out hope on that front.
"Remind me to introduce you to Anko when we get back, I think you two might be able to get on."
"A friend of yours?"
"Fiancée actually, she's pregnant with our first child at the moment."
At that, Shizune's smile grew a lot brighter. "Oh, I love babies." And, as though some magic word had been spoken to the Gods, Sakura and Ami were suddenly in front of them, burying Shizune in baby-talk.
Naruto had to smile at the sight, his mind drifting to what his lover was doing at the moment.
"So," Anko began, absently tossing a kunai up and down as she leaned back in her chair. Some would have said that was a dangerous combination for a pregnant woman; they'd never met Anko holding a kunai. "We didn't exactly have a stellar first meeting, granted."
Fuu simply glared at her from across the table.
"Look, no need to give me that look, this is supposed to be a friendly chat." The purple-haired woman finally seemed to realise what she was doing and deftly returned the kunai to an undefined location on her person. "See, friendly?"
"…"
"Okay, I get it, you're a prisoner… sort of, in an enemy village, so you're doing the whole 'stubborn silence' bit. I understand. But really there's no need, the war's over." She extended a hand over the table. "How about we start over?"
Fuu simply switched her glare to the hand. "I don't give a crap about all of that; Taki can go and suck one. They abandoned me here when they got spanked during this whole ill-advised war, then ran off with their tails between their legs. Have they even asked for me back?" Before Anko could answer she continued anyway. "Me, not their Jinchuuriki."
Anko's mouth closed with a snap.
"Thought so. No, I couldn't give two shits about my village, cowards the lot of them, no, what I'm trying to figure out is how the hell Naruto settled for you."
You could have dropped a coin in the room and it still would have been smothered by the oppressive silence that suddenly seemed to radiate out of Anko. Her hand hung there for a moment, still extended for a shake, only to close slowly into a fist and draw back with painstaking precision. When Anko was finished counting to ten in her head, an exercise Sakura had recommended to her if she ever felt unduly stressed, she let out a long breath.
"You… are very lucky that I'm pregnant, or you'd be learning if your hair tastes as minty as it looks."
Fuu just rolled her eyes. "Can we get through with this already? I was told I'd have some jounin chaperone for a month or two to settle me into the village. Wasn't that how this whole exchange is supposed to go?" She acted nonchalant, but the sickly-sweet smile Anko was giving her was beginning to creep her out.
"Sure, why not?" She made vague gesture and a nearby section of wall opened up to reveal a tall blond-haired man with an easy smile. "This is Inoichi Yamanaka, his family has agreed to… sponsor you, for your probation tenure."
"My daughter's actually quite excited to meet you, apparently something to brag about to a friend of hers."
"Oh great," Fuu drawled. "I've been turned into a life-sized accessory."
"She's also very interested in studying the psychological impact of long term attention depravation and the effects it has on a Jinchuuriki's psyche, with hopes for treatments through graduated acceptance therapy." Both women blinked nearly simultaneously while Inoichi smiled. "Normal teenage girl stuff."
Fuu shook her head to clear out the potentially disturbing imagery there and turned back to Anko. "You know, I half expected Naruto to be here."
Anko's eye twitched slightly at that, reminded that if her fiancée – and boy didn't it just make her giddy thinking that – wasn't out looking for the Slug Sannin, he probably would be here.
"Yes, well, luckily… I mean, currently the village has laws that prohibit the Hokage from getting personally involved with any shinobi transfers."
Fuu leaned back in her chair at that, sighing with an expression caught between bemused and disbelieving. "So he actually did it, huh?" She looked back down, a slightly more genuine smile on her face once she understood that even if she riled these people up they weren't going to snap at her. It felt comfortable knowing that a fellow Jinchuuriki was running the show; it at least offered a glimmer of hope that she wouldn't just be used up and tossed away like a sharper-than-normal kunai.
"So, when's the wedding?"
Her only answer was Anko slamming the door shut behind her, leaving the verdette alone with Inoichi. He was still wearing that carefully measured smile that somehow put Fuu both at ease, and on edge.
"If my daughter asks to look in your mind, no matter how insistently, please refuse."
Fuu blinked. "Um, sure… I think I would have anyway."
Inoichi's smile simply shifted, suggesting he knew one of those terribly amusing things that shouldn't be shared in polite company. "You say that, but she has… a way, with people. But she's still not ready for a Jinchuuriki's mind."
"Riiight…" Fuu said slowly, already wishing Anko would come back. She would rather have simmering anger than… whatever this was.
Naruto let out a long, relieved exhale as he sank back into his chair. He had thought it impossible, but he had actually missed the wood-panelled office with its comfy, plush chair and desk polished by the wrists of four different Hokage. He hadn't missed the stack of paperwork innocently sitting off to the side, but that was what shadow clones were for.
That, and messing with people… and exploding; because that trick never got old.
"So, I've haven't missed anything catastrophic then?"
"No," Hiruzen smiled amusedly, "nothing so awful as that. Although if you could officiate your sojourns out of the village to be a bit more… occupationally appropriate next time."
"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure that now I'm back something will pop out of the woodwork that requires my attention, it always seems to work like that."
Hiruzen's eyebrow simply quirked. "I'm not quite sure I know what you mean."
"Really? I've just gotten back from a mission bringing Tsunade back-"
"A story I very much look forward to hearing by the way"
"-and nothing went wrong in my absence, something is going to happen soon. At least, if being the Hokage is anything like being an ANBU captain in that regard."
"I think you're being a bit pessimistic my boy. I'm afraid as Hokage you might have to get used to long stretches of relative peace and quiet."
"Yeah, but that's the stickler isn't it," Naruto argued, waggling a finger knowingly. "Relative peace just isn't the same for me, everyone knows it. I'm a trouble magnet."
"If you say so my boy," Hiruzen said, clearly looking as though he simply thought Naruto was a bit tired after his trip. Although, as if just to prove him wrong, an ANBU faded into the room and quickly handed over a thicker-than-average report that had all the trappings of being a skip-the-stack kind of document.
Naruto took a moment to waggle it at the former Hokage for emphasis.
"I'm sure it's just a field report, a coincidence at best." Although his conviction wavered as Naruto thumbed through the report, expression growing more troubled as he read.
"The Sanbi has destroyed a fishing village on the east coast." He slapped the sheaf of papers down, sucking his teeth. "Well, now I don't feel like saying I told you so."
Hiruzen quickly shared his expression. "Bijuu are always political nightmares. Technically the Sanbi belongs to Kirigakure, and this could be anything from an attack…" he glanced at the map table, specifically the tiny village south of the land of Waves that was now a lot smaller "…although unusually placed, to an accident. I'm more inclined to think that, given the result of their civil war, we're not dealing with a Jinchuuriki."
"A wild Bijuu then, even more problematic."
"Quite." This was actually something that fell outside of Hiruzen's extensive experience. Uncontained Bijuu were rarely Konoha's problem, save for the one very obvious exception.
Even now, Naruto was fighting back flashes of slitted red eyes surrounded by fire and unbearable screams. Suffice it to say, he remembered that particular night all too vividly, and the thought of similar destruction forced his fingers to tap restlessly against the desk.
Hiruzen must have gleaned something from the look in his eye as he immediately sighed. "I would advise extreme caution in the matter, we're dealing with exceedingly delicate international matters here."
Naruto nodded in an absent manner that didn't exactly fill the former Hokage with confidence. "How long would it take to organise a political envoy to Kirigakure?"
It was to his credit that Hiruzen was barely phased by the seemingly random turn in the conversation. "A few days at most, given the current climate in Mizu no Kuni." He had already figured some of what was running through the younger redhead's mind and, for once, was glad he was acting with a bit more forethought than simply rushing into the problem headfirst.
Wagers didn't tend to work on Bijuu.
"I think Kiri has had long enough to recover, and we're in the rather unique situation of being rather lax on allies currently." With Kiri shoring up their coastline, it would certainly discourage Kumo from any more ill-advised action; or at least give the Raikage pause. Likewise, since the shaky situation with Sunagakure's invasion, their trade in more exotic goods had run a bit dry. Having access to Kiri's recovering sea-trade would be a boon.
Getting a toe in the door for Konoha's spy network wouldn't hurt either, the island nation had been a black spot on their radar for decades and in the lull of their internal victory they might not notice a few extra faces in the crowd. Naruto was magnanimous most of the time, but he could still think like the leader of a shinobi village.
The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea, and with a final nod he stood and made for the door. "I'll let my team know, it'll be good for them to get a crash course on politics."
He was forced to stop when Hiruzen stepped in his path, an expression on his face that Naruto recognised when the man was offering advice he thought non-optional. "If I might recommend a softer touch." He placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder when he caught the Hokage's narrowed eyes. "I'm not suggesting that spending so much time with your team is a bad thing Naruto, or even that they might be unsuited for the task."
He inclined his head. "They need to find their own paths Naruto, as a teacher you need to understand this. I know you care for them, and I admit you have done a wonderful job with their training. But you also need to step back every now and then and let them expand on their own. Let them take a few missions with their peers, relax in their roles. Oversight is a handy tool, but in excess it can be smothering."
"No offense, but I've seen the effects of hands-off teaching first hand, not a fan."
Hiruzen's eyes became flat at that. "None taken, Orochimaru will continue to be a stain on my tenure as Hokage for as long as that monument stands. But my point stands, you cannot be there for your students all of the time, sometimes the best way we can protect the people we care about is to make sure they can protect themselves."
Naruto clicked his tongue, mulling it over for a moment. "I can see your point, and Sasuke would probably complain about the mist anyway. Ami has been looking for an excuse to hang out with her sister more and nobody knows better than me how much Sakura is needed in the hospital. I'm sure I can hang back a bit more."
Hiruzen smiled at that; glad at least Naruto wasn't simply capitulating and was at least examining the merits of the idea. "That's for the best as…" He spared another glance at the Sanbi report "… aside from the occasional unique case, you will be spending a lot of time in the village. Your team will still need to go on missions, often without you."
"Fine, fine," Naruto drawled, waving his hand as he walked back to the desk. "I understand. But that just means I have to train them twice as hard when I do have them around." The point was punctuated by a particularly vicious smile ripped right out of Anko's book as he sank back into his chair.
Hiruzen recognised the look all teachers wore at some point or another. "I certainly wouldn't deny you that."
Elsewhere three chuunin suddenly felt a chill pass down their spine.
"I'll make sure the diplomatic envoy is ready to head out at soon as possible, now if you'll excuse me I have my own student to catch up with."
Naruto nodded, already tuning the rest of the world out as he returned to the backed-up paperwork he'd be wrestling with for the next for hours. "She's at the hospital I believe, said something about getting her new domain straightened out."
Hiruzen could only smile fondly. "I'm sure she is."
"Who the hell filed these patient forms? It's like searching through shit in a pig pen for all the good it does." She slammed the cabinet shut with a clang that pierced through even the general din of the hospital. "I thought you lot would be a little competent from the look of the pinkette back there, but it's clear I'm working with amateurs!" She stuck an arm out and grabbed a fistful of the nearest scrambling orderly. "Where's Yakushi-sensei?"
"I-I… I don't know Lady Ts-Tsunade!"
"Do you always stutter like this?" She asked, loudly, her face about an inch from his.
"N-No?"
"Are you asking me or telling me?"
"Telling?"
The de-aged Sannin let go of his scrubs forcefully, corner of her mouth curled up into a sneer. He just seemed to hover there before Tsunade rounded on him again. "Well? Go find Yakushi-Sensei already!"
The orderly was like a rabbit that had been thrown in the middle of a busy road, suddenly darting off into the madness that had been the hospital since Tsunade's unannounced return. The blonde watched him go for a bit before turning back to the general maelstrom of the ICU. Gradually her grimace slipped into the smallest smirk.
"I can work with this."
Her musing was quickly interrupted by a rather unwanted sensation. She looked down to see a young woman with her purple hair pulled up into a pony tail that fanned out behind her head. That wouldn't have been so unusual if the woman wasn't also gently poking one of her breasts with an awed expression.
"Holy crap, if anything the stories were under-exaggerating these bad boys." She seemed blissfully unaware of the vein slowly throbbing on Tsunade's forehead, even as she met the woman's eye without a shred of shame. "What the heck do you eat?" Behind her a different woman wearing a thorn-patterned dress was staring at her friend with disbelieving eyes.
Tsunade was about to knock the obnoxious woman through a wall, only to glance down and notice the tell-tale beginnings of a bump. She was rather glad to have noticed before she hurt a pregnant woman. It was at that point that she noticed the woman hadn't actually stopped prodding her, and they were beginning to draw a crowd… mostly men.
"Stop that." She growled irritably, slapping the violette's hand away.
"Sorry," the woman replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head and not looking all that apologetic. "It's just…" She motioned to the Tsunade's chest with a flourish, finishing with an eyebrow waggle that suggested all that needed to be said. For a second Tsunade feared she was looking at a female Jiraiya. A Jiraiya she couldn't hit, the thought was genuinely chilling.
"Yes, I have big breasts, you have eyes. Was that the diagnosis you were in here for?" Without violence Tsunade defaulted to sarcasm, it managed to be nearly as biting.
"Big? Lady, you graduated from sweater puppies to full on sweater wolves. They're not just bongos, you've got the full percussion section in there. I'd motorboat them, but I don't have the money for a yacht. You can't even call them knockers anymore, they're more like gongs. If they were ski slopes they'd be double black diamonds, parachute required. I mean jeez, when you cross your arms does the ground get pulled up by their gravity?"
Far from the previous bustle of the waiting room, a dead silence had managed to creep in sometime during her rant. Tsunade did in fact cross her arms and, to her credit, the woman appeared somewhat disappointed.
"I guess not."
"Are you done?"
The violette simply shrugged. "I was trying to think of a fruit bigger than melons but… yeah, no… yeah I'm done."
"Lovely." The Sannin drawled. Outwardly she was disgruntled by the whole exchange; inwardly she was somewhat impressed. Most people wouldn't have the spine or balls to say all of that to her face.
Well, they certainly wouldn't after they'd said it.
"Oh, sorry. That was rude of me." She suddenly stuck out her hand. "I'm Anko."
Tsunade just sucked it up, reminding herself over and over this woman was pregnant. "I had thought you might be." She vaguely remembered Naruto describing his fiancée on the trip back to Konoha; it certainly explained a lot. "You in for the baby?" She motioned to Anko's stomach only for the woman to wave her off with a laugh.
"What? Nah, that's all sorted for now, I'm here to see somebody. Feisty redhead with an attitude problem, I don't know what room they're in."
Tsunade just snorted. "It's called the Hokage's office, you're in the wrong building for that."
Anko shared her grin for a moment. "Funny, but no. She's called Tayuya Uzumaki, Naruto asked me to check in on her. Being treated for… nerve damage and some kind of withdrawal I think?"
Tsunade had stopped listening at Uzumaki, suddenly grabbing the nearest nurse with all the subtlety of an elephant learning to dance. "Where are the patient files for long-term care?"
It took the poor woman a few moments to gather her bearings before shakily pointing into a room behind the main desk. Tsunade released her and immediately vaulted the counter, quickly rifling through the admittance records before grabbing a particular sheet of paper and rushing off into the hospital corridors, only pausing to glance back at Anko. "Well, are you coming?"
Anko glanced back at Kurenai with a grin, the woman having been speechless throughout the entire debacle. "Wow, Naruto was on to something bringing her back, the service here's gotten way better." She quickly followed the older woman, navigating by the tide of shocked hospital staff the blonde had left in her wake.
Kurenai just gave a suffering sigh, pinched the bridge of her nose, and quietly followed on.
"Well how was I supposed to know she would be asleep?"
"You would have if you had followed normal hospital protocol."
"I would have, if you hadn't suddenly gone all gung-ho, charging through the damn hallways."
"I got distracted by the sudden knowledge I still have some distant relatives; sue me. Besides, it's my damn hospital."
"Distracted? You want to talk about distracted with those chesticles bouncing all over the shop?"
"Anko, is this really-"
The shadow waited until a solid five minutes had passed from the door quietly snapping shut, before letting out the breath he had been holding. The conversation between the three women had been amusing enough, but with every second they stayed he risked exposure. The Hokage was distracted with his preparations to leave the village again and hadn't got around to assigning a new guard to the recovering Uzumaki's room. This was his best shot; if he waited much longer the girl would be alert enough to at least draw attention if he tried anything.
He had worked in this hospital for so long now that opening the windows from the outside was child's play, despite being reinforced against intrusion. It had been a sabotage long in the works, but the building was practically his now, even with the recent shift in management. The return of the slug sannin had been a bit of a surprise, something that was becoming an irritated norm since Naruto had taken up the big red hat, but the chaos from her arrival he could certainly work with.
He spared a glance down at Tayuya's sleeping form, red hair splayed out over her pillow. He had to confess this felt like a tremendous loss; he had always argued for Orochimaru to use the girl for more than just guarding a gate. Certainly, they had the other girl, and Karin showed far more of the traits that made the Uzumaki feared and respected. Still, he would have killed for a chance to get this one on the operating table and have a poke around inside.
He'd certainly done more for less.
"It's nothing personal, you understand," Kabuto muttered absently as his hands lit up with the pallid green glow of his Chakra scalpels. In a few minutes the nurses would come in only to find the girl had suffered a rather unfortunate brain haemorrhage, a terrible after-effect of the enzyme they didn't catch in time. Even the famed Tsunade wouldn't be able to do anything before the girl died. He felt Orochimaru would appreciate the reminder to his old teammate just what Konoha tore away from people.
And there was him taking vindictive pleasure in the act.
"Oh, I suppose it is after all."
His glasses glinted slightly in the light streaming through the window as he leaned forward and turned her head, narrowing his eyes to locate just where he would have to make the incision. However, when he brought his hand down to finish the job he found it stuck, as though the air around him had hardened into concrete. He struggled harder but found his body moving in the opposite direction, slowly settling into a slumped posture that had cold sweat percolating on the back of his neck.
"Mhhm, troublesome. When Ibiki informed me that you were the likeliest suspect I knew the facts lined up, but I must be getting sentimental. A perfect record, invaluable asset to the hospital, to the point where even your many attempts at the chuunin exams could be overlooked. It'll be irritating to lose such a useful piece." Shikaku hummed thoughtfully, barely having to concentrate to maintain his technique. "But then, capturing a silver general always carries risks when playing against a good enough opponent."
Kabuto didn't panic; Shikaku Nara was a powerful shinobi, but the shadow techniques of his clan were far from infallible. If he considered him just a well-placed spy he may be underestimating him. But then, if Shikaku was here, the rest of the Ino-Shika-Cho wouldn't be far off. That was fine too, Kabuto hadn't spent years as Konoha's deepest mole without learning all he could for this very eventuality. He'd studied the various formations of the legendary team by rote.
Shikaku was keeping him facing the wall, likely to hide the positions of his teammates. But Kabuto knew Chouza would be at the door, covering the main avenue of escape. In a moment Shikaku would modulate his technique, pretending to lose control of it to lull his captive into a false sense of security. Naturally he would expect Kabuto to make for the window, where Inoichi would be waiting to take-over his mind.
The Yamanaka weren't perfect either, their technique took time to travel and if he could just duck quick enough it would only be a mindless body he'd have to avoid.
Sure enough, he felt the technique weaken for a split second and pulsed his Chakra at the perfect moment to destroy it, hopefully throwing Shikaku off-guard with the precision of the cut. He turned immediately, already hunkering to duck under the expected mind-body switch technique.
He was somewhat caught off-guard then, by the clawed hand that caught him right in the face.
Tsume easily slung the unconscious spy over her shoulder with a grunt. "Well, that was easier than expected. Thought this one was supposed to be something special to go undetected for so long."
Shikaku simply shrugged, already skulking off now that his part in this was done. "He was, but it doesn't matter how far you can see ahead, when you're already standing on the wrong path."
Tsume blinked before glancing over at Chouza. "Translation?"
The large man grinned. "He let his expectations get the better of him."
Tsume didn't exactly looked pleased at the explanation; it didn't really answer anything. "So, where's Inoichi anyway? Thought this was more his thing."
Chouza waved to the window. "Busy with his house-guest, I've heard his daughter's giving her quite the experience."
Tsume let out a bark of a laugh. "I bet. From what my Kiba tells me she's quite the talker." She shifted the weight on her shoulder absently, wondering if she could get away with handing him off to Kuromaru. "Still, happy to fill in."
Chouza just smiled in that congenial way of his; she had yet to see anything that riled the jolly man up.
"Maybe would could make this semi-permanent, always nice to run with a new pack every so often."
"Maybe?" Chouza offered, with a glance forward to his friend.
"We could call it the Tsu-Shika-Cho."
Shikaku coughed into his hand. "Don't push it."