Evening wind rustling, orange street lamp reflecting my lonely figure, behind a small couple walked by, they are discussing what to eat.
The girl intimately holding her boyfriend's hand, he doted on the girl's nose, tenderly said: "eat your favorite hot pot how?"
They were shoulder to shoulder, even their shadows were sweet.
My husband, however, didn't even know I had gone to the hospital.
Holding in my hand the late stage stomach cancer confirmation slip was pinched and crumpled by me with force, slight acidity and pain surged up to my heart, as if there was a big snake around my heart, constantly tightening and pressing on my heart.
It was hard for me.
But I can't do anything about it.
Because his "white moonlight" is back.
I am Shen Yan.
I was born quite rich, but my family did not treat me well, even if I was first in the exam every time, they would only nod perfunctorily, and turn to praise my twin sister, Shen Yu.
"Our little baby is awesome, got another ninety points! What do you want to eat tonight? Tell mom, mom will go make it!"
"Mom, what about me?"I asked in a timid voice, holding the perfect score paper in my hand.
"Your sister only just passed last time, what's the prize for you getting full marks every time."Mom said with a face of entitlement, even looking at her the entire time, refusing to give me a single glance.
Every time I saw my sister's smug expression, my mom's deliberate indulgence, and my dad's willful ignorance, my heart felt as if it had been cut open by a knife, stinging and numb.
That's why my childhood wish was to escape from this family.
Until I went to college, I met him.
Chuan Dang, he is one year older than me, is this university's veritable high-flying handsome school bully.
At that time I thought he was an unassailable existence, he was as bright as the sun, unattainable.
I wrote my love for him in my diary, but it was accidentally seen by Shen Yu.
She began to approach Chuan Fan, and I had thought that he wouldn't be able to develop love for any female.
But when I saw him sitting disheveled in an empty classroom, entangled with my sister, the image was like a meteorite falling, smashing a huge dent in my heart.
I covered my mouth to prevent myself from making a sound, turned my back and stopped looking at the image of this intercourse, I couldn't accept that the male god who I thought was high and mighty and unassailable was now actually with my own sister ...
But I have no qualification to stop them, either as a sister or a fan girl.
Later, the news that the two of them were in love spread throughout the campus, and everyone said that they were a perfect couple.
And I was still a passerby.
Even if I won all the awards, my name would still be misremembered.
It seems that I was not born to be the main character, but just the supporting role that the main character needs.
After they got together, I started to focus on my academics.
During my sophomore year, I was invited to speak at other universities as an academic representative.
Every speech went very well and my name was finally remembered.
After graduation, my parents decided to send my sister to a foreign country while I stayed in China.
Two years ago, after I had stabilized in my job, my parents contacted me out of the blue, asking me to fulfill the marriage that my two families had set when I was a child.
The marriage partner was none other than Chuan Dang.
He was the youth of my love affair, and also the shackles that I closed in my heart, long without a key.
As long as I recall the scene of that day, I can not help but nausea.
I asked them why they didn't let my sister come back.
They said because they didn't want to disturb her life.
It's funny, isn't it, that a biological child born from the same fetus has two very different attitudes.
I refused at first, but I did not expect Chuanyuan actually came to me personally, told me that this marriage is just for show, do not need to take it seriously, he will not interfere with anything I do after marriage.
Under the pressure of both sides, I still compromised.
We were inexplicably together like this.
At the beginning with Chuan said the same, after the wedding just live in a different place, the rest are the same as the old days, each live their own.
But day by day, he treated me from a stranger to become friendly, not and I sleep in separate rooms, buy anything remember me a share, call also become close, as if we are a couple of love.
I began to have an illusion, he liked me?
Until today, I received a call from him, saying that he could not have dinner with me.
I answered in a low voice and looked at the table full of dishes that had been prepared long ago, so I could only eat alone.
It wasn't long before my stomach suddenly began to cramp, followed by discomfort welling up in my throat, and I quickly ran to the restroom and kept vomiting, but lost consciousness in a matter of moments.
When I woke up, I was already in a hospital bed.
The person who found me fainted was my neighbor's aunt. She saw that I didn't come out to take out the garbage today, and felt bad, so she came to my door, and when she found that no one answered, she called the emergency number.
After the doctor's examination, it was found that I already had advanced stomach cancer.
Because of my work, I order takeout almost every day, either barbecue or fried food, and when I felt sick a while ago I thought it was because of the high intensity of my work, but I didn't realize that it was already advanced cancer.
I called him, and when he got through he just said, "Smoke, something is wrong when I come back."And hung up.
I called my parents, they didn't answer.
My heart instantly dimmed and I remembered that today was the day my sister was coming back.
They were all busy going to greet her, I guess.
After a brief moment of disorientation, the expected aggravation and heartache was not overpowering, like a small stone being thrown into a vast lake, causing only a small ripple.
The doctor asked me to be hospitalized, I waved my hand and refused.
After learning that I have a disease, I actually do not even have a person to talk to, and it is already advanced, it is difficult to heal, right?
Like a cracked seed growing rotten shoots, my thoughts grew more and more pessimistic, and the doctor just sighed helplessly after hearing my refusal of treatment.
"Little girl, there's still a long way to go."The doctor carried his hands behind his back, his tired figure fading away.
It's already 9:30 ah.
I picked up the confirmation slip and left.
Today, it's my birthday, and it's also her birthday.
I was diagnosed with terminal cancer on my birthday, and she was being congratulated by the crowd.
Born on the same day, how could their fates be so different.
When I got home, I just lay on my bed in silence, staring at the ceiling.
In a daze, I saw Chuan Fan carrying the drunken Shen Yu home, and they were again like that day, their bodies close together.
And I just stood quietly, watching them without any emotion in my eyes.
When I opened my eyes, it was already morning.
It was a dream.
I habitually reached out and touched my side, and sure enough, it was empty.
Chuan Dang should be with Shen Yu.
I pushed open the door to my room, only to see a surprising scene.
Shen Yu and Chuan Yang were snuggling up to each other, falling asleep on the sofa.
I couldn't help but furrow my brows, Chuan Fan had actually brought her back to our home.
"Uhm ... sister?"Shen Yu was the first to wake up, her delicate fingers had shiny manicures on them, she rubbed her eyes and shook Chuan Tan awake.
"Smoke ...," his reserved and indifferent face actually surfaced a trace of panic, is it because it was seen by me?
"Well, I'm going to wash up."My reaction was unusually flat, so flat that even Chuan Dang started to panic.
He quickly got up and pulled my hand, explaining to me, "Smoke, it's not what you think, Little Elm she's just ..."
"Chuan Fan, I have to work later."I interrupted him, I don't want to listen to his explanation.
"Sister, don't be angry, Ah Fan he just saw me drunk and brought me here."Shen Yu lowered his head in aggravation, his tone pitiful.
Listening to the intimate way they addressed each other, I only felt the irony.
I ignored it and turned my head into the restroom.
When I finished organizing my things and was about to go out, I heard Chuan Fan and Shen Yu's conversation coming from the kitchen.
"Little Elm you're still the same as before, let me do it if you can't cook."
"Hehehe, I knew you were the best for me!"
I was expressionless, but inside I was already turning over layers of waves.
My breathing became rapid, my hands silently clenched into fists, my nails sunk deep into my palms, seemingly pinching blood.
I took a deep breath, put on my shoes and left the house.
An unexceptional day.
When I got home in the evening, I realized there wasn't a single light in the house.
Turned on my cell phone, oh, they were out.
It was like that for the next month.
On this night, I was getting ready to go home after working late when I heard someone arguing downstairs at the office.
"Can't I just take a break? I've been doing this for most of my life! Do you know what? I was diagnosed with acute liver failure the other day! I don't have long to live! I just want to go home at the end of my life! Can't I do that?"
So it was that security uncle, he also got sick and couldn't live long ...
On the way home, I kept thinking about his words.
Since I don't have long to live, why don't I just let myself go?
The moment this thought came to me, the fog in front of my eyes seemed to be blown away, and what awaited me was a long road.
In that case, let's go to a place I've never been before.
Dazzling neon lights were waving around, and the people inside were dancing happily, the music high and vibrant.
"Alone?"A mature and calm looking man suddenly appeared beside me, which I ignored and just looked around.
"First time here? It's still a bit dangerous for a girl to come here alone, my name is Qin Fei."Instead of feeling angry at my ignorance, he smiled gently.
"I'm Shen Yan."My gaze returned to him, Qin Fei was dressed in a suit, dressed in a manly manner, and was actually a regular customer here.
"It's really you."Receiving my response, an expression of "I really wasn't mistaken" appeared on his face.
"Do we know each other?"I looked at him with slight confusion, in my memory, there was no such character as Qin Fei.
"It's enough that I know you, schoolmate Shen Yan."With these words, the dusty memories deep in my mind were rekindled.
Qin Fei, Chuan Yan's arch rival.
Whether it was academically or in business, their two families were in competition.
But what does that have to do with me? It's not like Qin Fei would pay attention to someone who has no relationship with him.
Could it be because I'm married to Chuan Tan?
"I heard that you're married to Chuan Dang?"He asked tentatively, "But I remember that he clearly likes your sister."
"Those are none of your business."I rolled my head and found a bar and sat down.
"Irrelevant how? When Shen Yu came back, Chuan Duan glommed back onto her, and you're crowned a wife but you're as out of place as a third party."
"Just say what's on your mind and don't beat around the bush."I started to get impatient and prodded him.
"Get a divorce and stay with me."
The atmosphere fell into silence and I looked at him in shock.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, how's that? Instead of watching them get tired of each other every day, why don't you divorce and stay with me, I'll be good to you."Qin Fei said with a serious face.
"Divorce ... is a good choice, but I will not be with you."His words have woken me up.
Indeed, now that Shen Yu is back, and they are in love, I really should quit and let them be together openly and honestly.
"Well, at least you took the first step."At some point, there were a few more cups of wine in front of me, and when I turned my head to look at him, I only received a "taste it" expression from him.