They say regret is the heaviest thing the soul can carry.
And they were right.
If you're reading this, i need you to understand something, i never hate my parents.
Never, i just wanted my friends to think i was....cool.
My name is Rose...or it used to be.
I was eighteen when i chose the world over my family.
I can't tell you exactly why, maybe i was tired of being the "good girl"?
Who always stayed in, who always studied hard and make them proud.
I don't know, maybe.....i just wanted to be seen- not just by my parents, but by the people who walked past me like i was a wall.
Then came Alya.
A loud, bold and reckless kind of girl whose laughter made people turn their heads.
She has this kind of feeling of making you feel important just by standing next to her, so when she invited me to sit next to her,
Something bloomed inside me.
Acceptance.
Belonging.
It tasted sweeter than anything i had known.
But it came at a cost.
Every joke at my parents expense made them laugh louder.
Every time i rolled my eyes at my mom's concern or mimicked my father's prayers, they praised me for being "free".
And i soaked in it, i started skipping dinner, ignoring texts and arguing with them just to prove i wasn't their little girl anymore.
" stop suffocating me in this house!" I screamed at my mother before slamming the door in her face.
She stood outside in silence for a moment and whispered, " one day, you will understand, and.....i just pray it won't be too late"
I didn't understand by then.
It was October, Alya dared us to visit the Black manor.
It was an abandoned house deep in the woods, wrapped in tragedy and horrifying incidents, people said it was cursed, that anyone who stepped inside never came back.
My mom begged me not to go, she clutched my wrist with trembling fingers.
" please" she said, " i had a dream, something was calling you name, please, don't go"
" Rose" my father came down the stairs with a grim look, " please, listen to your mother"
I gritted my teeth and yanked my hand away,
" God, stop! I'm not a child, just- leave me alone you two!"
I left the house, they didn't chase after me and that somehow hurt the most.
We reached the manor, the house was dark, silent, like it was watching.
We went inside, our flashlights dancing over the rotten walls and broken furnitures.
The air was thick , like breathing through a wet cloth.
I felt uncomfortable being there, i was scared, it felt like something was watching us.
By then, i should've listened to the voice in my head-the one that still sounded like my mother.
Instead, i followed Alya down a staircase that creaked beneath our feet.
" is time to prove yourself " Alya turned towards me, " go into that basement and say your full name out loud three times, legends says it shows you who you really are".
The rest of them laughed while i smiled through my fear.
"....alright ", i stepped into the pitch-black room.
"Rose Boyle. Rose Boyle. Rose Boyle "
The air suddenly dropped twenty degrees, the door slammed shut, my flashlights flickered then it died.
I was alone, or so i thought.
Then came the voice, very ancient.
" thank you"
I spun around, my heart pounding,
" who- who's there?"
"You called.....you gave me your name"
" Alya! , you guys this isn't funny, open the door?" I shouted
" hehehe, this is not a joke" it replied, " it is a trade"
The room was dark, but i felt something move.
I couldn't breathe.
" you wanted to be like them, you wanted them to like you, you wanted to be loved by those who see only what they can use"
" and so...you traded the ones who truly did love you"
" No! I didn't"
" why yes you did, you gave me your name, and now, you have none, hehe"
I ran, i called out my friends names, i screamed, but the stairs never ended.
I climbed like forever, only to end up right back in the same dark room.
And then, everything went black.
*********
I woke up in my bed, but my room was different.
It felt lifeless, empty.
I ran to the kitchen, there was no smell of my mother's baked cookies, no sound of my father's quiet humming as he read the morning newspaper.
The house felt.....hollow.
I went to their bedroom, the bed was made, but there closet was empty.
Our family pictures were gone, all of them like they never existed.
I went to school, no one remembered me.
When i spoke, no one heard me, Alya brushed past me in the hallway like i was air.
"....."
I wasn't alive. I wasn't dead either.
I....i was forgotten.
I was like a shadow, trapped between life and dead.
And worst of all?
I saw my parents once.
Old and worn, they were walking past the Black manor with bouquets of flowers.
They paused at the gate, i heard them whispered my name with their cracked lips.
I wanted to run to them, i wanted to tell them am here, i wanted to scream that i was sorry.
But the world had moved on, i was a ghost in the corner of time.
And then i saw her.
A new girl, sixteen maybe, curly black hair and kind eyes, her friends pushing her to explore the manor.
I watched her hesitate, i watched as she looks back with worry.
And i heard it again.
" thank you....."
It wasn't over and it never will.
The house is still waiting, that thing is still hungry.
And i am still here, powerless to stop the cycle.
All i can do is watch as more enter.
If your reading this, if somehow my words have reached you.
Please, listen.
Your parents may be annoy to you, they may embarrass you, they could be overprotective and sometimes they may shout at you.
But they love you with a kind of love that even applauses isn't enough.
They see you, not for who you pretend to be, but for who you are.
And that's something your friends can't always do.
I traded that love for the laughter that died the moment i left the room.
And now, all i have is silence.
Please, don't make the same mistake.
Don't wait to say " am sorry "
And if you are a son or a daughter reading this, do me one thing before going to bed.
Say thank you.
Even if you think you didn't mean it .
Even if you think they are weird.
Because there's something worse than being annoyed by them.
Is missing them after they are gone.
[Kai returns]
*sighs *
Its funny, isn't it?
To laugh at those who raised you.
She thought her friends would praise her boldness.
Turns out, they barely remembered her.
But her parents? They remembered everything.
I know the story stings a little because it sounded familiar.
Let me tell you, friends come and go.
But parents stay, even if you don't want them to.
Look at her now, heh, she walks through a house that doesn't answer.
But this isn't really about her, is it?
Be honest with me
You've done it too.
Said things you didn't mean but never apologise.
You measured your worth based on the approval of people who will never starve for you.
Maybe you didn't slam the door like she did, but you let it close with something boiling in your chest?
Thought so.
So go ahead.
Keep pretending that this story isn't about you.
Just...don't be suprise if one day, when you reach for the doorknob, it turns into dust.
There are some love when thrown away..... they will never come back.
So be careful of what you say and do, chat.