We were turning in for the night. The room was dark and still, the only sound was his steady breathing beside me. My eyes were closed, but I wasn't anywhere near sleep. My mind was wide awake, restless and full.
And, like always lately, it wandered... to them.
I sighed quietly, frustrated with myself. No matter how hard I tried to push the thoughts away, they kept slipping back in. Creeping through the cracks, whispering temptations I didn't ask for.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
Frustrated, I pulled over the blanket covering me entirely. I wanted to hide myself away from these thoughts, from all the filth hat was breaking me down, brick by brick.
What if... the words hit me sharp and clear in my head.
What if I wasn't married?
The question slipped in like a knife. I sucked my lower lip, feeling the ache between my legs pulse. My hand slid lower, almost instinctively, pressing between my thighs. My cunt throbbed under the thin fabric of my panties. I wasn't even trying to pleasure myself. I just needed to calm it down, to stop it from burning.
If I wasn't married, I wouldn't have to go through all this mental tug-of-war. No guilt, no second thoughts, no pretending like I didn't want it. There would be nothing stopping me. No morality, integrity, vows, loyalty. Nothing.
And it's not like I'm unhappy. I love him. I really do. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to ruin what we have.
But I also can't keep pretending that I don't feel this. That I don't want to know what it would be like. I can't lie to myself forever.
It's just sex, anyway.
I swallowed hard, fingers lightly rubbing over the panty. Why does it have to be such a big deal? Why does everyone act like it's this sacred thing once you're married? Shouldn't we be allowed to enjoy ourselves? Even if we're taken? I'm still human. I still have... desires. Yes, the desires are wrong. But I never asked for this. So why am I the one being punished? Why make me feel things I never wanted to feel?
I love my husband. That doesn't change. But the thoughts... they don't stop.
That married woman I saw leaving his house. The way he had his hands all over her, only to see her a few hours later walking hand-in-hand with her husband, smiling like she hadn't just been bent over and fucked. She looked happy and normal.
Maybe it really is that simple.
Maybe it's not as complicated as I'm making it out to be. Maybe love and lust don't have to sit in the same place. Maybe It can be separated.
My fingers kept rubbing, slow, small circles. I gasped quietly and closed my eyes.
We're allowed to have thoughts. We're allowed to want things. We're human. And humans... make mistakes.
My other hand slid under my shirt and fondled my breast, squeezing gently. My nipple tightened against my palm. My body was burning, trembling.
It's not like I'm saying I want to cheat. Ofcourse, I will never. But if it ever happened... if I slipped... it would just be sex. Just my body taking what it needs.
I would still love him. I would still come home. I would still lie beside him just like this, heart full. It wouldn't change how I feel. It would just be me using someone else's cock to satisfy this unbearable ache. That's all.
Just a body. Just release. Nothing more.
My heart still belongs to him.
So if I fuck someone else... that shouldn't matter, right?
I kept whispering it to myself. It's just sex. It doesn't mean I love my husband any less. It wouldn't change how I feel about him. It wouldn't erase our memories.
It would just be... my body. Giving in. Once. Maybe twice. Just to see. Just to silence this insane heat that's been building inside me.
It doesn't mean anything if it's only physical. It's not like I'd fall in love with someone else.
Maybe it's not so wrong if it's just for my own release.
Maybe I'm not a bad wife for thinking these things... as long as I still choose him in the end.
I pressed my lips together and turned toward him under the blanket, breathing softly into the dark.
"I love you," I whispered.
And I meant it. Even as my wet panties stuck to my cunt and my fingers refused to stop.
The next morning felt clearer than the last. As if I had finally managed to put a restless thought to sleep. I went about the usual chores, keeping my mind distracted, until I heard a knock at the door. I wiped my hands and walked over to check.
It was Lina.
I blinked, confused. There was still some time left before the cooking lesson. What was she doing here this early?
She greeted me with her usual bright smile. "Good morning! Are you busy?"
I tilted my head, puzzled. "Not really? Why, what happened? I think we still have, what… half an hour before the lesson?"
"You're right," she said, still grinning. "I'm not here to take you to the lesson. I need you to come with me somewhere else."
"Hmm? Where?" I asked, raising a brow.
She pointed toward the old man's house next door. "Just there. It'll take only a few minutes, I promise. Last time I went to introduce myself, no one answered the door. But that house... I don't know. It gives me weird, creepy vibes. I don't want to go alone. So, mind tagging along?"
My heart thumped hard. Heat crept up my neck. I went dead silent the moment she mentioned that house. My heart pounded so loud it felt like it might burst out of my chest.
She snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Hey. You okay? Did I say something I shouldn't have?"
There was concern in her voice, but also that usual curiosity she never tried to hide.
I gave a hesitant smile, trying to think fast. "Hmm… how about your husband? I just remembered I might have a few chores left. Some laundry maybe… I think I need to check." I reached for the door. "Alright then, see you at the cooking lesson."
I started to close it slowly, hoping she wouldn't press.
But her hand shot out, stopping the door before it could shut. "Come on," she whined playfully, her voice dragging with that overly sweet tone. "Pleassseee?"
I blinked at her, heart pounding, fingers tightening around the doorknob.
"I would've taken my husband, but he's busy working today." She leaned in with a grin. "I promise. It'll take just a few minutes, tops. Then we're back."
I stayed frozen, still trying to find a way out. My brain was blank, racing too fast to form words. Then suddenly—she grabbed my arm.
"Honestly," she teased, pulling gently, "we could've come and gone already if only you just said yes. You just wasted quite a bit of time, bestie."
"H-hey, wait—" I protested lightly.
"Please, it's literally next door."
I sighed, pulse fluttering. "Alright, alright. I'm coming… just let me close the door."
Her face lit up immediately. She pulled me into a hug. "That's my bestie!"
My hands trembled slightly behind her back as I returned the hug, weakly. I tried to swallow the lump rising in my throat.
I was walking right back into the fire.
I hesitated at the doorway, fingers lingering on the knob, trying to stall just a bit longer. Maybe I could still come up with something—anything—that would get me out of this. But Lina, cheerful and determined, reached past me and pushed the door shut with a light click.
"Come on, let's hurry," she said, grabbing my hand and tugging me forward.
We started walking, and with every step, my chest grew tighter. My mind wouldn't stop racing. How am I going to face him after everything we did together? My throat felt dry. Will he smirk when he sees me? Say something?
I could already picture that look—those eyes, gleaming with something filthy, shameless. He wouldn't need to say much. Just one glance and he'd be reminding me of the way I acted around him.
My foot stopped dead just as we reached the edge of his gate. A terrifying thought slipped in. What if he says something in front of Lina? Something suggestive. Something I couldn't explain away.
No. I can't let that happen. She's already too quick to tease. I don't want to give her another reason to get suspicious.
Lina reached for the gate and almost opened it when she paused. She looked at me, noticing I wasn't beside her anymore.
She sighed, clearly sensing my hesitation. "Alright, you can wait here if you want. I'll just—"
Then it happened.
A voice growled from behind the gate, casual and thick with amusement. "Oh? What's this? So many beautiful ladies standing outside my house this morning?"
My heart jumped violently. I froze.
It was him.
Lina stepped forward quickly, giving a polite little bow and smile. "Hello, sir. I'm your neighbor—just moved in a few days ago. I thought I'd introduce myself today."
He sounded surprised, but too welcoming. "Oohhh, I see. Well then, please come in, come in. No need to stand out here."
I kept my eyes low, staring at the ground, my fingers twisting nervously at the hem of my top. I didn't dare look at him.
I could feel his eyes on me.
And I lov-... hated how it made me feel.
He walked past me, not saying a word. Just the scent of him was enough to make my stomach knot.
Lina pulled my hand, dragging me with her as we followed behind. Her voice lowered as she leaned close to my ear, trying to whisper without being rude.
"Ugh… it smells awful. Doesn't he clean? The air feels thick, like something rotting," she muttered, her nose scrunched.
I know, Lina. I know it a lot better than you ever will, I thought bitterly. That smell—sweat, dampness, old wood and something else entirely. I had breathed it with his breath hot against my neck.
He stood in front of the old door, fumbling with the handle before finally pushing it open.
"Come in," he said casually.
Lina entered first, stepping inside with that polite curiosity of a new neighbor, glancing around with thinly disguised disgust. She made a face but said nothing aloud.
I hesitated at the entrance. I looked down, unable to bring myself to meet his eyes. But I could feel it—the weight of his stare.
When I finally lifted my head slightly, just a peek, I saw it.
That disgusting, wrinkled face… smiling with filth all over his face.
Not at Lina.
His eyes were on me.
And that made my stomach fluttered.
I lov-hated it.
Was it because of his stare? Or… was it because he was still staring at me, even with a woman like Lina beside me?
I didn't know. I didn't want to know.
He didn't even glance at her.
And something about that made me hap-
No. I felt disgusted.
As I moved to cross past him into the house, that's when it happened.
H-Hiek.
My whole body shuddered violently. A sharp electric jolt ran up my body.
His hand—his filthy, veined, possessive hand—was on my ass. Gripping. Squeezing. Like it was his right.
I almost gasped aloud, but clamped my mouth shut. I looked at Lina quickly.
She was still looking around the room, nose wrinkling at the dusty curtains, unaware of what was happening.
I looked back at him with wide, pleading eyes, my hand reaching behind to press against his, to stop him. To make him let go. A desperate, silent plea.
Please, not now. Not in front of her.
But he didn't budge.
His hand stayed there, groping my ass, fingers digging into my flesh like he was claiming it all over again. His grip was firm, strong, like a hook sunk deep into my ass.
He started walking beside me like nothing was happening, his hand still on my ass, groping me. Like I was nothing but a thing to touch when he pleased. My body trembled with every step, and yet I kept moving forward, dragging my shame with me.
I couldn't shake his hand off. I couldn't remove his touch. My fingers pressed uselessly over his, but his grip was too strong. I wasn't even sure I really tried. As if this was normal. As if my ass belonged to him.
Each step forward meant rubbing my ass against his palm. His hand stayed glued to me, fingers pressing in mercilessly, claiming me all over again with each silent step. I felt like I was parading my shame, ass pushed into his grip, unable to do anything but keep my head down.
I didn't even dare look at him.
Please don't let her turn around. Please don't let her see.
Just as we neared where Lina had stopped by the couch, his hand finally let go. But, not without a quick light casual slap.
It wasn't loud but loud enough to make me wet.
I flinched at the smack. My face burned.
He sat down like nothing happened.
I was breathing heavily, barely holding it together, trying to will my heart to slow down. My legs felt weak.
Lina looked at me and frowned, concerned. "Are you okay? You don't seem alright… I guess I shouldn't have dragged you here."
"N-No… I'm fine," I said, too quickly, voice tight.
We all sat.
But I couldn't relax.
Even after his hand was gone. My ass still felt him.