Fucking hell, comms are shot to shit in this goddamn forest. I fucking knew there was something off about this job. Fourteen bucks an hour, my ass. That guy who gave me the gig was weird as fuck. Twelve on the parking lot, fourteen out here? What the hell's that about? If I'd known I'd end up stuck in some rickety-ass wooden shack on one fucking leg, I'd have told them to fuck right off.
Fucking opossums, goddamn it. Yo, look! Two of 'em are fucking by the hedge! Over there, seriously! Look at those fuckers go, spinning like they're on coke. We gotta disengage this shit, fast. HEY! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, PSS PSS! This job's a fucking joke. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? COME OUT HERE SO I CAN SMASH YOUR FUCKING TEETH IN! I'm knee-deep in fucking loans, doing forest yoga like a dumbass. Shut the fuck up down there, I swear I'll climb down this blind and beat your ass. Still got seven hours left...
3:30 AM. A goddamn deer is taking a dump by the hedge, and those fucking opossums are back again! I told you, deal with them, you twat! Why the hell did you give them aphrodisiacs?! Wait—is that martens screaming their heads off now?
Mark, check 12 o'clock for me, what's going on there? Something's rolling around on a blanket or some shit. No clue. Wait, dude—they're screwing! Teens, maybe? Zoom in with the GPS. Yup, they're at it. If you chopped down that spruce, I'd have a perfect view. Right now I can only see the guy's ass going back and forth—I want to see the chick too! That spruce, yeah. Tie it off and pull it out. I'll handle the rest. Bit to the right... bit more... hold it. These teens really know what they're doing. Honestly, I'd take this gig even for nine bucks an hour.
Holy shit, he's going at her hard, haha. Brings back memories. PFT—wait... those are two dudes. Well, shit.
MARK, are those two dudes? MARK? Oh fuck, that is MARK with the guy! I'll blink at him in Morse code—HEY MARK, STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH DUDES IN THE WOODS! He's replying. He's fucking replying.
Fuck... me... sideways.
Alright, let's see what the boss says about this.