…If you're reading this it`s too late
My name is Meredith, and I'm about to make the worst mistake of my life.
Now, where do I start? Okay, at the reader's discretion, this is not your regular love story. You know, girl meets boy, falls in love, and happily ever after, blah, blah, blah…
My story is different because I fell in love with the wrong guy and did everything possible to keep him. What can I say? I'm just a girl who needs love.
I'm a 25-year-old staying in Boston with my boyfriend, Gabe. Yes, he's the love of my life, or so I wish. I've known Gabe since college. I met him at a friend's party five years ago, and we talked, vibed, and kept in touch; The rest was history. I'm not sure if he officially asked me to be his girlfriend then—all I know is I fell for him. Deeply. I felt seen and wanted around him, like finally, someone right. Or so I thought.
Let me tell you a little about Gabe: he's caring, smart, and handsome. He has a beautiful set of brown eyes, a warm smile, an average height, and an amazing physique. What's not to love about Gabe?
He made me happy for a while before he turned me into an unrecognizable version of myself. I look in the mirror and see a shadow staring back at me.
"Mere," he called from the kitchen. Distracted by my thoughts, I reluctantly answered, "Yes, babe," snapping back into reality, walking over to the kitchen and smiling weakly.
He looked up at me from his phone and coffee mug. "Mere, are you okay? I've told you to stop overthinking. You woke up looking stressed."
Slowly pressing my hands against my puffy eyes, feeling the eye bags build. I smiled at him weakly, as if he hadn't stabbed me straight in the chest with his betrayal. I still smiled.
Two nights ago, I realized that the love of my life might just be my worst mistake. How could this be? This is not how the story is supposed to go. I should have my happy ending with him, right?
I stared blankly, thinking about every reason this shouldn't be my reality. The laughter we shared, the songs we loved, the stories we told together, our favorite meals, the dreams we shared, and the future I longed for. Was any of it real?
"Mere, I'm going to get some groceries. Wanna come?" he said casually. I told him I needed to complete a work task, and he said okay, leaving me with my thoughts and the deafening silence.
Let's go back to two nights ago, what I now call the worst moment of my life.
…The beginning of the end
It was a beautiful evening—my favorite Billie Eilish song playing in the background as I got dressed in my lovely green satin dress and black heels, with my signature hair bun and pearl necklace.
"Mere," I heard Gabe say from the sitting room. "Are you ready yet?"
I smiled, walking out of the scattered room toward Gabe in the sitting room. "Hey babe, how do I look?"
He turned to me and said, "You look stunning, Mere."
We were sitting at a nice table in the popular La Belle Époque restaurant, having the time of our lives—or should I say "my life"—when Gabe said he had to use the restroom, leaving his phone on the table.
A few seconds later, his phone lit up. "Aww, how cute," I said, picking up the phone and seeing a picture of us from two years back as his wallpaper. The sound of a notification caught my attention from an unknown app. It read, Jimmy: I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
My heart sank, forgetting how to breathe for a moment. I swiped it open quickly and saw a series of pictures and texts from Jimmy. I knew I couldn't read all of it in that short time, so I left with his phone.
The cab ride around the city was gut-wrenching. Gabe? Seeing a different person? And a guy? To say I was shocked would be an understatement.
He's cheating with a guy? He tells him how much he loves him and wants to spend forever with him. That's supposed to be my forever. He and I. My happy ending.
I got down from the cab, my world spinning, tears streaming down my face, and a throbbing head. I sat in silence for hours, and then I went home. Back to him. The love of my life.
The warmth of the Boston sunlight seeped through my skin, quiet and steady, as I stood in front of Hearthvale Publishing Co., where I've worked as the Head of Research and Acquisition for two years now. I love my job, and—
"Hey, beautiful lady," my closest friend, Peach, said from behind me, disrupting my train of thought.
"Hey, gorgeous," I replied, smiling brightly at her, masking everything that had happened over the weekend.
Peach is intelligent and unapologetically outspoken, in her late twenties. She has a quirky sense of humor. She's optimistic and bright, with a bubbly personality. Peach has been my favorite person at the office since I started working here four years ago.
"How's the love of your life doingggg?" She said in her usual chirpy voice. But this time, it didn't feel usual. It didn't give me butterflies or a hot red blush on my cheeks.
"Fine. Doing great," I said calmly, trying hard to sound normal, a grin plastered on my face.
Of course, I can't tell her what happened with Gabe. That would only make it my reality. And I'm not ready to lose everything. I'm not willing to let go. Not yet.
"Meredith!" My boss, Cecelia, called from the lobby to her office to talk about the new project for my team. I felt relieved to leave the conversation about Gabe behind. I said a quick goodbye to Peach and headed up to meet Cecelia.
She went on about the new project and my team coordination as I drifted into thoughts about who Jimmy could be and my eagerness to search everywhere online for him. I want to know everything about him, and I'll find out everything I need to know when I get to my office.
"Meredith!? Are you listening to me?" Cecelia said with a scowl on her face.
"Yes, Cecelia," I answered reluctantly. "I'll get it done as soon as possible and send you some samples," I said with a calm voice.
"Okay, that will be all, Meredith. Make me proud," she said with a smile.
"Thank you, Cecelia. I'll be in my office if you need me."
Jimmy in Boston... I could feel my heart beating and my palms getting sweaty as I typed those words on my computer.
As a researcher, finding people online isn't difficult—from their socials to their friends and relatives, and possible love interests. I couldn't find Jimmy I was looking for, so I did the next best thing: I signed up on LinkMee.com, a gay dating app, the same app he used to message Gabe.
After creating a fake profile, I searched for him, and—Voila! It worked. I stared at his profile for a second — the profile picture, age, height, hobbies, and relationship status, which read "dating." There, I saw photos of him with Gabe and a cute dog. Hmm. They looked happy. Happy without me. It should be me.
Hello Jimmy, I saw myself typing into Jimmy's inbox.
…Please stay with me
Just about a month after sending Jimmy a message that day, I realized he was a bartender at a gay club somewhere downtown I've never heard of. I went to the club one Friday night, when Gabe went on a business trip to New York, and I met Jimmy.
He didn't know who I was, but I knew almost everything about him.
Hi there, what can I get you to drink? Jimmy said.
I turned to him, Oh, a glass of whiskey, strong please.
He handed it over to me. I smiled briefly and took a sip of my drink.
Hey! When do you get off work?!
What?? Jimmy replied, struggling to hear me with the loud music playing in the background.
I said when do you get off work?!
Uhmm.. Around 2AM I guess. Why? Jimmy asked with furrowed brows
I don't know why I asked that
I just want the drinks to keep coming, I said with a nervous chuckle, gulping my drink immediately
Click-clack, click-clack- I heard my heels on the pavement as I followed Jimmy down the street on his way back home, trying to go unnoticed.
He texted on his phone as he walked several blocks down the poorly lit street in a quiet neighborhood. It's past 2AM in the morning, and these heels aren't helping.
He paused, and I froze in my tracks behind him. He smiled down at his phone, texting aggressively, and continued trailing down the same street.
About seven minutes later, he stopped in front of an apartment complex where he opened the door using a passcode, and I just stared at him from the corner of the building across from his, thinking of what to do next or why I was there to begin with.
My eyes darting from one place to another, still wondering and lost in thought, I saw him.
Gabe, standing on the balcony of an apartment in the complex, is scrolling through his phone with his arms around Jimmy, who is now wearing red pajamas.
I pulled out my phone from my purse and texted: You up?
He looked at his phone with a scowl and turned it off.
Lol, I could feel the pain through my chest, and in that moment, I knew I wasn't the one he had chosen. He chose Jimmy.
Please stay with me, I sat with teary eyes and a trembling voice as I looked at the message I sent to Gabe.
A few months after Gabe lied about going to New York on a business trip, I couldn't pretend to be okay for much longer. Everything felt different and cold.
Mere, we need to talk. I heard Gabe say from the bathroom while I was brushing my teeth. I had a feeling I already knew what the talk was about.
Okay, I'm coming, babe; I replied quietly.
I walked into the bedroom, and he was pacing anxiously
Hey, what's up? Looking straight at him,
I can't do this anymore, Meredith
Hmm Meredith? What happened to Mere? I wanted to say, but the words weren't forming.
I gave a confused look, pretending not to understand where this was going.
I'm so sorry, I'm in love with someone, Mere. I... I didn't want it to end this way. I was confused, and now.. now I don't think I am anymore.
Confused?
Yes, Mere, I'm gay. I met someone a few years back, and I fell in love with him.
I couldn't admit it at first, but times have changed, Mere. People can be open about these things.
Please say something, anything.
There was a loud silence, and then I heard the door closing behind me.
He left.
I couldn't move, tears blurred my eyes, and I just froze, hoping it wasn't real. I thought I was prepared for this, but hearing it from him felt different; It broke me into pieces, and I fell apart.
It's been three months since we broke up, and each day I send him a bunch of messages asking him to come back and how much I've missed him.
Please stay with me- Was the last message I sent to him, with no response.
I'm losing myself, and I can't seem to get over everything.
Peach has tried reaching out several times with my boss, Cecelia. but I just can't deal with any of that right now. I just want my life back.
I can't take it anymore, I really have to see Gabe and talk to him.
I'm losing my mind.
…The End
On my way to Jimmy's apartment, a wave of anger washed over me. Gabe had left me—for someone else—after years of making me feel safe and happy, after I'd built my life around him, around the love I had for him.
Then it hit me. Had it always been me? — the date nights, the songs, the stories about our future, the love I poured into him. I can't believe it was never really about us. It was always about him.
My blinding trust. My belief in the story I thought we were writing together.
I'm so angry. The signs were always there. I never met his friends, colleagues, or even his family. Our conversations were vague, and his eyes lingered on other guys in public. The social media page he kept me off of—intentionally!?. God, I'm such a fool. I've been a fool for years.
The cab pulled up in front of the familiar apartment complex, and as I stepped out, I noticed a young woman exiting the building.
"Hello," I greeted her casually, strolling past as if I belonged there.
"Hi," she replied, her tone friendly and unbothered.
I made my way up the stairs. If I remember correctly, Jimmy's apartment was the fourth or fifth door on the left wing.
I stopped in front of the fourth door, hoping not to make a scene, because all I wanted to do was talk. My heart pounding, and I could barely knock, feeling slightly nervous. How do I face Gabe?
Silence.
I waited a few moments, then turned to the next door. This time, before I could second-guess myself, I knocked again.
Seconds later, the door swung open.
And there he was—Gabe. Standing there, frozen. Shock flickered across his face, followed by a glimmer of sadness in his eyes.
"I just want to talk. Please," I said, my voice softer than I intended.
I could see the hesitation on his face, the internal tug-of-war behind his eyes. I didn't blame him.
"Okay, Mere... but not for long."
"Okay," I whispered, the word catching in my throat, weighted with sadness.
He stepped aside and let me in. As I crossed the threshold, a sick feeling twisted in my stomach. Photos lined the shelves—pictures of him with someone else. Smiling. Happy. Like I'd never existed.
I stood there, numb.
"I can't believe this is happening," I said, my voice shaky. "What happened to us? Everything we shared... I thought you loved me." The words came out in a rush, in one breath, no filter.
"Slow down, Mere," he exhaled, looking away. "It was always just you. The plans, the dates, the love... it was all you."
He couldn't meet my eyes. Guilt flickered across his face.
"Just me?" I repeated, my voice rising. The anger had been simmering, but now it boiled over. "But you were there, Gabe! We were together for five freaking years!"
I took a step forward.
"What the hell do you mean by 'always just me'?"
"You lied to me for years," I said, my voice trembling, tears spilling down my cheeks. "You made me believe you were the perfect man, Gabe, like we were meant to be."
His eyes dropped to the floor. "You made yourself believe that, Mere," he hissed. "I didn't know how to stop it without breaking you."
I felt the anger surge before I could stop it. My hands clenched, and without thinking, I shoved him—hard.
"Fuck you!" I yelled.
He stumbled backward.
Time seemed to stutter.
Then he slipped.
His head struck the sharp edge of the floor near the balcony with a sickening crack. The sound echoed, too loud, too final.
Gabe collapsed. His body twitched once, then went still. A pool of blood began to spread beneath his head, dark and fast.
I froze.
What had I just done?
"Gabe!" I screamed, my voice ripping through the air.
The sound echoed, hollow and helpless.
And in that instant, as I stared at his motionless body, I knew—I had just made the worst mistake of my life.