Hari woke to an interesting discovery Christmas morning. The feast the night before had been pleasant enough, with food that he could stand. At least the sweets had been edible. But this morning he found a pile of packages at the foot of his bed (which had yet to be repaired after the earlier incident). He had felt the Elves in his room. After the first week or so, one of the Elves had approached him normally—that is to say, on foot—and explained the concept of a House Elf to him. It had taken time to adjust to not attacking them, but he managed to avoid actually killing any of them and the rest insisted that it was still better than what most masters would do because they were excessively bored.
The packages near his bed did not surprise him too much. He had people who were pretty close to friends and that meant that they were probably getting him presents for Christmas. He would have to find a way to get them things. What was more surprising was the package at his feet on the ceiling. He shrugged and detached the object, dropping down to the floor and slowly opening his presents.
Mostly it was a collection of magical things from the Far East. It was nice to see that Millicent had found him a proper tea set. It went well with the green tea Pansy had gotten him. Tracy had sent something she called a "No Mask" that apparently could disguise someone's face. It looked like an ANBU mask, but without detail. She said it came from a curio shop. From Daphne came a Hand of Glory mounted in a paper lantern. Her note said that if he was going to wander around after hours, she might as well make sure he got back in one piece. Blaise's gift contained a small, porcelain figurine of a cat that gleamed with magic in Hari's sight. Supposedly, it was enchanted with mild luck magic. He was unsurprised to find that Hermione had sent him a variety of books on magic in languages he didn't know. He resolved to look into fixing that, since she did know books, even if she obsessed a bit.
There was also a small gift from Professor McGonagall containing a few pieces of chocolate and the mentioning that she was glad to see that he was following in his father's footsteps as a prodigy in transfiguration—although she wished he might not have inherited the hellraising aspect. Hari wondered how his father could do transfiguration, although he was very good at raising hell. And Professor Snape had sent him a miniature hourglass filled with green stones. The note said "please."
That left the package that said something about his father leaving it in possession or something. It was signed, "Totally Not Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore." And then, "P.S. This is definitely not an invisibility cloak." Followed by, "P.P.S. Big Wink." Hari opened the package and had the strange sensation of seeing an object that he could in no way see through and at the same time didn't see at all. Even the impenetrable parts of the castle had a vaguely see-through quality to them. This also gave off no magic at all.
Hari decided that only Professor Beard would sign something like that and put the cloak on.
Ten minutes later, he finally stopped the evil laugh he learned from Uncle Kisame. Barely.
X
X
Breakfast was different Christmas morning. The key change was that there was only one table, deference to the fact that most of the students had gone home for the holidays. As such, Hari found he was sitting at a large table, listening to the grumbling of the redheaded moron complaining about having to eat with an evil snake. Professor Snape seemed equally pleased—although he apparently enjoyed taking a steady stream of points from the boy for his comments.
Gred and Forge were playing with crackers, searching for some sort of prize. Hari was amused by them because he could see inside all of the little devices and absently selected the one that had a straight, single-edged sword. There was a look of abject terror on Snape's face when it popped out that was quickly subsumed by a look of pure resignation. Hari ripped a piece of tablecloth free (earning a cry of outrage from a hidden House Elf) and transfigured it into a sword belt. The twenty points he earned from Professor McGonagall were quickly taken by Snape for "possession of a deadly weapon in addition to your wand, Potter."
The meal came to a nominal end when Dumbledore swapped his pointed hat (purple with moving silver stars that sometimes jumped free of the cloth) for a ballcap with firewhisky slotted into holsters above each ear and a pair of tubes leading from the bottles to his mouth. Professor McGonagall threw her hands up in the air in disgust and Professor Flitwick had to excuse himself, stumbling as he laughed himself silly. It didn't help that Dumbledore conjured a giant blue hand with the index finger pointed out and put it on.
Hari rose from the table. "Professor Dumbledore," he said. "I'm going to be taking a field trip to England."
"Alright, but be back before curfew," Dumbledore replied. Then he winked hugely.
"Headmaster!" Snape cried.
"What seems to be the problem, Severus? I told him to be back by curfew."
"But he's eleven! Besides, you made sure he saw you wink." Snape had his head in his hands.
"Nonsense, Severus."
"Professor . . ." began Fred.
"No, Messrs Weasley," replied Dumbledore mildly, "you may not take a field trip. I daresay you leave school grounds often enough . . . during Hogsmeade weekends."
"Aww."
X
X
Hari returned to the castle after dark with a satchel over one shoulder. He didn't bother sneaking and just opened the main doors and walked into the entrance hall. "Nice of you to join us, Mister Potter," hissed Snape.
"Actually, I was thinking of having an early night, Professor."
"I don't think that's possible at four in the morning, Potter."
"A late night of it, then?"
"If I asked where you have been . . ."
"I would lie, yes."
"As I thought. And if I issue a detention . . ."
"I would ignore it, again you are correct."
"I see. Alright, why not. Where were you?"
"Visiting a high-end brothel so I could work off several months of blue-balls by doing the hookers there until all of them sang my praises."
Snape pressed a hand to his forehead. "Okay. And, for the look of it, detention."
"I shall ignore it promptly, Professor."
"Yes; I thought you would. Do please keep the bloodshed to a minimum, Potter."
"Good night, Professor."
X
X
The next morning, Hari strolled into the Great Hall and sat down at the table to his morning bowl of fruit (something that the rest of his schoolmates, almost to a student, could not understand).
"Mister Potter," said Professor McGonagall. "Might I enquire why you are not wearing the school uniform?"
Hari looked up from his food and shrugged. "It's vacation, right? I think the school uniform code is suspended."
"Relaxed," she replied. She gave him a looking over. His hair, at least, was normal: long and pulled into a low tail at the base of his neck with bangs covering his eyes and, indeed, much of his upper face. It was very different from his father, but at least it was used to it by now. But he was wearing flat sandals, black pants, and a white button-down shirt. None of that on its own was remarkable, though he wasn't wearing a tie.
"I think this is relaxed," he commented. He fiddled with the gloves on his hands. Technically, they were variants of cestuses. Fingerless gloves with metal plates on the palms and backs. Although these extended halfway up his forearms as bracers on their outsides.
"You have no robe on, Mister Potter." She had decided not to comment on the short, cylinder of wood strapped to the back of his waist or the one against his right shoulderblade.
Hari went back to his food.
"Professor Snape?"
"Yes?"
"Did you already give him detention?"
"Not for tonight."
"Good. Detention, Mister Potter."
"You don't expect him to show up, right?"
"Of course not."
"Can we skip," began Gred.
"Our next detentions," continued Forge.
"Professor?" ended George.
"No, Mister Weasley, Mister Weasley, you may not." McGonagall glared at them until they shrank into their seats. "If you attempt to, I will have your hides tanned, dyed, and used for my new tartan. Then I will tell your mother."
"No, no," said Fred quickly.
"We'll be early," George promised.
The youngest Weasley began to mutter about self-entitled slimy snakes until Professor Snape decided to alleviate some aggression by giving him detention with Filch for the rest of the holidays.
"Remind me why we didn't go home?" Ron asked Percy.
"Because mum and dad would rather leave me and the twins here and visit Charlie in the middle of Romania, surrounded by Dragons, in the dead of winter, than be around you."
"It's true," added Fred.
"They left behind even perfect Percy because they don't love you," added Gred.
Ron began to sob.
X
X
Hari walked calmly up to the top of the Astronomy Tower. He had decided to skip the "normal" route and just walked up the side. It still puzzled him that Wizards thought gravity was something they had to accept. At the top, he unslung the satchel over his shoulder and stuck it to the side of the telescope that protruded. It was mainly used for NEWT studies, the rest of the students had to make due with inferior devices using purely mechanical aides.
As he balanced on the lens, he pulled a long metal pole from the bag. Then more bits and pieces were extracted and he gradually began to put them together, finally slotting the magazine into place and operating the bolt. He'd never used a rifle before, but he'd watched the soldiers at the base practice and the basic principal seemed simple enough.
He was a bit puzzled why this was supposed to be difficult. He could see the whole area that was the effective range of his new toy, so aiming wasn't hard. No matter where he pointed the barrel, he could see the trajectory, just like a kunai. Well, sort of. Without having seen it fire enough, he could only make guesses. Hence his presence up here.
Hari pointed the rifle at the Acromatnula colony he'd been using to dispose of unwanted persons and pulled the trigger. If he hadn't fought Uncle Kakuzu in a melee, the kick of the gun would have knocked him over. He was trying to understand raising it to his shoulder when he could aim from his hip just as easily. Instead, the kick didn't even move the weapon. A tree next to the spider exploded as the .50 caliber round turned a cubic foot of wood into splinters.
It took several more shots before he was able to properly aim the gun. His Byakugan had to learn the flight patterns of the small projectiles—small compared to kunai and senbon, of course. He had to swap out for a new magazine before he was reliably hitting his targets. A few dead Acromantula weren't going to make a dent in the forest population.
He was planning to go down and explore the castle a bit before ceiling, but before he could leave for sleep, he spotted a cloaked figure come out of a hole in the ground at the edge of his Byakugan's perception, deep in the forest.
Five minutes of watching later was enough to confirm that this person was not a good one. There was something sinister about his chakra and there was a naggingly familiar deformation of the network. He knew he should be able to place it, but it wasn't coming to mind. More importantly and definitively, the person had just gutted a unicorn and begun to drink from the wound.
Yeah. That wasn't working for him. The barrel swung around and then a bullet flew into the forest, slamming the cloaked figure to the ground, spraying the dead magical horse with gore and shredded organs. Then the figure scuttled for the hole it had emerged from. Missing most of its chest cavity. Another round destroyed its left leg at the hip before it was gone into the tunnel.
Hari disassembled the weapon and tucked it away before jumping to the ground.
X
X
Two days later, Hari had expended all his stolen ammunition and decided that he would most definitely not be introducing these to ninja. It took all the skill out of it and the range it was capable of was just disgusting. If ninja could strike from those distances, no one would be able to do anything but hide in bunkers.
That didn't mean he wasn't going to make use of it for himself. When needed. If he found something too dangerous to hurt properly. Besides, the gun wasn't as much fun.
Once again, he had informed the Headmaster that he would be taking a field trip for the day and been given only a cursory punishment by Professor Snape. It had been a profitable adventure, too. Well, he'd found lots of fun toys, anyway.
While he was out he went "shopping". Of course, ninja only paid money for things while under cover or in allied villages. So he mostly just took things that he thought would make good gifts for his friends and Professors.
X
X
"Hari Potter Sir!" chorused the House Elves when Hari slipped into the kitchens. "We's be making sure yous gets fluffy rices!" The spokeself broke out of the horde busy cleaning, cooking, and so on. "Does you have complaintses?"
"Nah, Wilbury, you've been doing fine with things. Fish and vegetables are fine. I could go for some beef tonight, though." Hari had enquired about the House Elf names. The answer had been totally incomprehensible—and that wasn't taking their . . . unique speech patterns into account. Wilbury served as the elf who spoke to someone when people came to the kitchen. He had volunteered to sacrifice himself, giving up working during times that humans were present so that someone could actually have a vaguely normal conversation, instead of talking to a dozen squeaky voices at once, all of them offering food. The spokeself was also responsible for managing the kitchens and generally having to do less fun work and more boring and unpleasant master-y tasks. It was a very important and respected title.
"Okays," Wilbury waved to an elf, who came scuttling over with a tiny ball of mochi. Hari had brought samples of things he liked back from his last expedition and had given them to the House Elves so they could figure out how to make them. "So what can wes do for yous?"
"I have some gifts to give out, Wilbury." Hari took out a small trunk from his pocket and emptied it onto the floor. "Can you get these to the right people?" He ate the mochi.
"Sure, sure." Wilbury waited a moment. "Is it good, Hari Potter Sir?"
"Oh yes. You continue to outdo yourselves down here." Hari gave the elves a wave and strolled up the wall and into one of the secret passages in the ceiling. This one went to a corridor on the second floor, on the other side of the castle. In theory, it passed through the Great Hall. It didn't.
X
X
Professor Snape woke up and looked at the small package on the blankets over his feet. He didn't often get many presents for Christmas; most of the people he'd been close to were either dead (Lily) or not people he really wished to remain friends with (everyone else). He usually got a small something from Dumbledore, and Minerva could be relied on to provide him with a bottle of something strong enough to ease the pain of working with children after the break. That was about it, really. It was sad that his Christmas gifts were from a mentor and a co-worker, but of all the sad things in his life, it was one he'd rather earned. So what was this?
It was barely the size of his fist, wrapped in the generic paper that the House Elves used when someone just left gifts out. It was addressed in House Elf handwriting as well. It was one of those silly, giant tags on a piece of string hanging from the bow.
He undid the bow and opened the box. Inside was a small note.
Professor Snape, he knew that handwriting. It was Potter's.
I realized that you got me something for this "Christmas" thing and I didn't do the same. I felt bad about it, so I thought while I was out of the castle, doing whatever it was I wanted to, that I could at least stop off and get you a little something.
Under the note was a bezoar. Under that was a receipt from an apothecary in Diagon Alley, with the name of the store circled in green ink.
"Well played, Potter."
X
X
Professor McGonagall woke up to find a small box on her nightstand, wrapped in House Elf wrapping. She'd gotten gifts from everyone she'd been expecting to get something from already, so who was this?
Inside the box was a note.
Professor McGonagall, I realize I have been making life rather hard for you recently. Since I was out of the castle anyways, I thought I could get you a little something to make up for it. I hope this helps you relax a bit.
Under the note was a small, toy mouse that smelled of catnip. Her eye twitched. She also noticed her right hand had batted at the thing without permission.
X
X
Professor Dumbledore accepted the box from the House Elf. He wondered what Hari had gotten him. Inside the box was a note.
Dear Professor Headmaster, I was out and about and thought of you, so I thought I'd get you a little something.
Under the note was a small bag of lemon drops. When Dumbledore upended it into his candy dish, his desk was lost in a sea of muggle candies of various types. The elderly wizard blinked back tears. It was the sweetest gift anyone had ever gotten for him.
X
X
Professor Sutterfaces opened one bleary eye. He was still missing most of his chest cavity after something had happened to him while out in the woods. His Master was thankfully as stumped as him about what had done this, or he would be in even more pain than this.
He had been too injured to go to Madame Pomfrey. She would have asked questions that he couldn't answer. Especially when she found unicorn blood in his system. He'd had to buy potions by owl from sellers in Leeth Alley, a place known for its pharmicon specialists.
Healing was slow going. He had no idea what had done the damage to him, but it had managed to leave behind no trace of its magic, so he'd had to go with generic healing options instead of specialized, targeted treatments. Regrowing a limb was notturning out to be any more pleasant than he'd expected.
At the foot of his bed was a flatish package, wrapped in House Elf wrapping. Who would send him a gift with the name . . . "Professor Stutterfaces" . . . well. That answered that.
He hit the thing with a battery of detection spells and found only a mild enchantment for levitation. Shrugging, he undid the wrapping and found a note.
Professor Stutterfaces, I thought you might like a little something this holiday season. I got the nicest one I could find because you're always so nervous. I hope the decorations will help you calm.
Under the note were a pair of hand mirrors. When he lifted one, the other flew around to the back of his head and floated there as the image in the mirror in his hand shifted to show the rear of his turban. There was a second note under the mirrors.
I thought you might like to be able to look yourself in your other face as well. The mirror is enchanted for people who do their own hair, so it will show the back of your head where your second face is.
Professor Stutterfaces looked at the mirror again in horror. It had unicorns around the outside.