Sigh… I didn't expect to fall unconscious this quickly, but it was probably going to happen regardless. As always, everything ties back to that damn Cuswoth… just what kind of being is that man? My father seems to show apprehension towards him, but not outright rage. It's more like a calm anger.
Setting that aside, there are two more words to add to the list.
"Maelirith", and "Heir". It's becoming too much to hold in my mind alone, but there is a certain feeling… the feeling that I'll understand everything if I just look behind that door.
The door in my vision through the eyes of the monster.
The monster that was sent to kill Sara.
What connection did it have to that door? Assuming Cuswoth has some relation to this beast, their goals are probably similar. So then, he wants to kill Sara and then obtain information from behind the door? Or does he want to gain something else from this? Sara was a royal, but it looks like she abandoned the royal family— although that isn't grounds for execution, she probably has something else in her past to influence this.
And why… Why now?
Remi was getting along with her fine.
That meant Cuswoth, even though he was allied with the royal family on the surface, didn't actually have any sense of kinship with them. And that meant… the most plausible thing is that Cuswoth was a plant! He doesn't look like someone who would act alone, meaning he was most likely sent here.
Sent to the Sherwood, to kill Sara…
And his plans also have something to do with father.
Plus, the events of the Dowsing ritual.
Because I don't know much about this world, I can't really speak about its important people or civilizations. But once or twice, I've heard my mother and father throwing around some names— especially "Imperium", "Raikai", and "Order of the Lost", verbatim. Meaning that he was probably connected to one of those organizations. Ordinarily that would have been a far stretch…
But Cuswoth has used one of these words before.
"Raikai". That was the word he used.
Did I still remember his words? Of course I did!
Something like The dowsing fountain mimics the Heartwell Spring, which was created by the Raikai— although I couldn't exactly be sure of this, the only lead I had right now was that Cuswoth was related to the Raikai.
Fuck… what happened to my dreams of a normal life in this world?
Child, are you watching me?
Is this story worth it for you yet?
Probably… of course it isn't. I've barely done anything!
I have to do more.
In any way I can.
The only problem was, even if I'd deduced this, there were many other mysteries to be solved— for example, what were the "Parables", and what relation did they have to the "Mark"? And where did my father, my mother, Cidris, and Millie all tie into this equation?
"How, indeed?" A fragmented, eerie voice whispered into my ears as my head jerked back— wait, I had a head? Snapping out of my lull, spit flew from my mouth. I looked around, seeing only a vast realm of smoke.
Wiping my face, I looked at my body, which had been draped completely in frothy, brisk pink fog. Like during all my trips to my dreams, I had reverted back to my "old" form— actually, I didn't feel comfortable in this body, but it was at least functional. My skin had become slightly more tanned than last time.
"Yes, how?" I asked back, surprised to hear that my voice was filled with tiredness and a hint of melancholy, not surprise. Turning to my left, I saw a humanoid figure wreathed in changing shadows, staring at me.
He was about a head taller than me, looking down.
For some reason, I didn't feel scared or unsettled by "His" presence… Am I really calling this thing "Him"? I don't feel that same presence that I felt from Him on that day a year and a half ago…
Wait.
Just wait a second! Maybe… I'd try asking.
"Could you be… Him?" I asked carefully, staying confident and tall with my posture. Although my wrapped naked body didn't seem all that endearing, I felt a low ring of laughter escape from His mouth as He placed His fist on His cheek, tilting His head just as He did during the Dowsing.
So He is, I thought.
I wonder why… I didn't feel so strongly?
Looking down at my body, I saw that the 'Mark' had been transferred over to my dream self as well. It covered almost my entire chest now, a black, terrible scar oozing ink and wisps of poisonous fog. The fog was going in the direction of… Him. Slowly, I watched Him raise His hand slightly.
"It looks like you've finally learned to ask the right questions… Amir D'jan Lahan. No, that isn't your real name. Is it, Amirphos Kristhanam?" As I was left dumbfounded, stepping backwards in awe, He widened his arms as if gesturing to me to fall into His embrace.
No… I didn't resonate with Him that way.
Amirphos… Kristhanam?
I tried rolling the words on my tongue— was this perhaps the name of my past life? Hell, couldn't it be that? He knew much more than He let on, and I had no reason not to trust Him. In fact, maybe I could only trust Him. Could I be… No.
"My name is Amir D'jan Lahan." I was teetering on the edge… but no.
Regardless of who I was before, I am now Amir D'jan Lahan.
Suddenly, the scent of lilac and silver hit my brain, like a certain nostalgia…
No! I was Amir D'jan Lahan!
A strange sigh escaped His mouth, like wind blowing through a flute made of bone. My throat tingled as His lips curled up slightly, though it returned to normal just as quickly.
"Maybe it is. You know, you don't have a real name. The point of your existence is for you to find that name. To find that identity. Make your story worth it, right? That's what the Child said?" Again, I was speechless. No… this was just impossible. There was nobody there back then!
Nobody but me, the Child, and the world…
Could it be?
No, that's too fucking absurd…
Yes, that's not plausible.
"Who are you to tell me what I am? To tell me what my life's purpose is?" The scent of cherry blossoms wafted into my nose as thousands of brilliant particles of light swept through the dreamspace, brightening the sky up into the color of rose.
The air seemed to still for a heartbeat.
TH-THUMP!
"I wonder… would it help you if I said I knew who you once were?"
"Prove it." I responded simply. Usually, I would have been too terrified to even speak in the presence of a God, but I felt no such presence from Him. Only a slight reverence and respect carved deep into me, etched into my soul.
"You know… even if you don't remember it, you are the one who made me like this. In the process of chasing godhood, you forsook even your own patron. Don't you understand how I feel?" It felt like honey was dripping from his mouth at His manipulative words. His face made the exact expression that would bring pangs of regret into my heart.
For something I didn't even do!
"... Is that so? How unfortunate." I laughed breezily.
"Do you not fear death?" He responded quickly, slowing down his speech deliberately to try and force the words into my head.
"I've been reincarnated once— why not again?" I said, even though I had absolutely no idea where such confidence came from! I had no desire to be reincarnated again! Of course I feared death!
Only a fool doesn't fear death!
Narrowing his gaze, He placed His hands in His "pockets".
"I suppose there isn't any point in pushing you further. You'll come to understand through your Mark soon enough." He smiled, waving his hand. Instantly, I felt all control of my body leave me as I fell limp against a sofa. He sat next to me, looking in my direction curiously.
"I guess there isn't," I replied dully, not wanting to continue the conversation.
Maybe a day ago, I would have been beaming at this occurrence.
But that powerful being that captured my gaze during the Dowsing rituals didn't seem like all that much anymore, so there was no point. Not unless He showed me something.
Or tell me something… take the bait, damnit! I know you can read my mind!
"Let me offer you some advice… as your old friend. Don't worry, you can trust me. I'm not a god. I'm not simply an existence made to fulfill the natural order. It's why I still retain a bit of personality." He chuckled slightly— good, he'd responded.
Sighing, he lowered his arms and placed them on his legs, resuming speech.
Except it was now in a much sterner voice.
"Amir, you're framing this puzzle wrong. You look at each event, each name, each place like they are things. But no. That isn't what they are. They aren't things. They are wounds. Echoes. Compromises. Instead of looking at the concept, look at the world of stories behind them."
Looking at Him rant strangely, I felt a sense of longing.
He felt somewhat like an old-time friend, just as He had said.
But what did what He was saying really mean?
Maybe it was just some random gibberish.
"The story, Amir. Uncover the story. The Raikai have existed since time immemorial, and they were the first. The first to uncover the story of God's fall. The first to uncover the meaning of this life."
"The Parables were never meant to be held. That is the greatest of blasphemy— they were only meant to be heard."
"And lastly, your Mark, which has now become a part of 'you'. It is through that Mark that I can show up to you in this form and speak to you right now. But that Mark is no longer mine alone."
He exhaled slowly.
As he walked around me, I felt my chest pulse while matching in tandem with his steps— but just a few steps later, it began to beat out of tune. Feeling my breath and heartbeat quicken, I smiled.
It was the only expression I could think of.
"The story, Amir. The story! Meri Cuswoth is a slave to an order built on recursion. He seeks to kill, to murder, to slaughter just to preserve something that has already crumbled. Instead of being with the Raikai, he is against it."
There was a pause.
"Your father stood behind that door with a key once— that door Sara told him never to look through. Don't try to unearth my past, she said. It isn't something you would want to see. So he wept behind that door, turning away for good."
My chest began to tighten as sweat dripped from my temples.
Cuswoth began to speak faster— this… this didn't make any sense!
"He sealed himself for the safety of your mother— but they are both cowards. If not for their pathetic nature, you would not have to go through this."
"The fuck?" I roared, beginning to feel anger rile me up.
"Hmm… did I say too much?" He asked, lips curled into a frown.
"Don't think too much. Your birth has already changed everything."
"Don't worry too much– you shouldn't be here. All you are is a stain."
"An anomaly. A disgrace. Hopeless. Useless. A slave to the gods."
"Nothing. You are nothing."
"You, Amir, are the One Without a Name."
"The only one there ever was."