Selene~
It was dark, with dim colored bulbs as the only source of light in the room. I recognized this room, I wanted out of this room. This room ruined my life.
But the person in the room had played a major role in my downfall. Luca, tall, green eyes, a devilish smile, drop dead gorgeous, and my first crush. It was with him, if it was him, then it was worth it.
That was what I thought at the time.
The way he touched me, the warmth I felt against my skin, his lips. It was heavenly.
"You're sure?" He whispered, the way he talked, like I was the most delicate person ever.
I nodded.
I was young, and stupid, and full of love. I wanted to be rebellious, I wanted to feel this, I wanted to belong. I remembered the song that played in the background. He kissed me like we were in an indie romance film and in that moment, we were real. He cared and I was safe.
Until I was not.
Just then, my body jerked upright and I was drenched in sweat. For a second, I could not tell where I was but then the flickering lights gave it away. I was home. Or rather, what passed for it since that night.
It had been three years but it still felt so recent.
A knock on the door. I did not want to answer, I had an inkling as to who it would be. Another knock. I groaned and got out of bed.
"Coming." I said in a singy voice before I went to open the door. Not surprisingly, it was who I had imagined it was.
"You're due on rent." He said, his face was boned, like a statue's. The same look of disgust was on his face, that same look he always gave me whenever he saw me. But then again, the man hated everyone so it was probably not just me.
I forced a smile, the kind you give when it's too early to start an unnecessary fight. "Good morning to you too, Mr Langley."
He didn't blink. "It's afternoon."
Of course it was.
He held out a piece of paper. "Three days, or I start the process."
"I'll get it to you before then," I muttered to him, still keeping the smile on my face, as painful as it was.
He lingered on for a while, staring at me with those cold and calculating eyes. It was as if he wanted to swallow me whole.
"Okay, bye." I said awkwardly and slowly closed the door with him still standing there.
He always looked at me like that, in that pattern, first, it would be disgust, then it would be calculating, then it would turn to pity. I was just glad that we didn't get to the pity part.
I leaned my forehead against the door and let out an exhale. I looked around the small, tiny and shabby apartment which was now my reality, had been my reality for three years. I was eighteen when it happened and now, I was twenty one. There was no point standing here in shame, I had lost all sense of self respect. I had lost everything, one night of indulging myself had ruined me, forever.
I dragged myself into the bathroom, tiny and shabby, like my apartment, like my life. I turned on the shower, while fully expecting warm water to flow but the cold hit me like a brick. I shuddered and got out of the shower, of course, he cut off the warm water. I ignored the cold, or rather, I tried to ignore the cold as I washed myself down, everyday, I had done this, hoping that it would clean off the past three years and every time , I had been disappointed.
After getting out of the shower, I put on my Thursday best, black work jeans and a hoodie that had managed to survive more than one breakdown. With my hair up and my face bare, I stepped out with my apartment keys and made my way to work.
The coffee shop was just three blocks away, which was why I had the luxury to wake up late. This particular neighborhood was not the safest but it was quiet, and that was what I wanted, it was what I needed. Space, away from the bubbling society and the cameras and social media. I have had enough of cameras for a lifetime, that was not me anymore.
As I walked, I passed the usual, a couple arguing on their front porch, an old man feeding the birds, the corner store with flickering lights that never got fixed, all the familiar chaos that had been normal to me for the past three years.
I kept my head down, even now, there was always that unshakable feeling that someone would recognize me, even though I lived in a neighborhood overrun with old people, and old fashioned people.
By the time I reached Moonbeam coffee, it was already a few minutes past two.
"Selene," Cassidy called out from behind the counter without looking up. "You're late."
"I know. It won't happen again." I muttered as I went to the back room to grab an apron.
I lied, I was late almost every day, it was a sort of strange habit that I could not shake off, no matter how much I tried.
Cassidy was tired of me, I knew it, but she also pitied me. I hated the pity but I liked as she felt that way, it gave me a free pass for a bunch of things that she would have never allowed otherwise.
The shop smelled like cinnamon, it was comforting as long as you didn't have to breathe it in everyday, and I did, so like, I hated cinnamon now. I slid behind the counter and Cassidy moved away to do manager stuff, whatever that was.
All I had to do was take orders, make a few drinks, pretend smile and make sure that the customers could see my smile from behind my face mask. There was no such thing as being too careful.
Anyone that walked into this place could recognize me and then it would be a repeat of everything all over again. I didn't want the harassment and I sure as hell didn't deserve it.
I was grown when it happened, I just got backlash for it because of who I was. Millions of people did it everyday and they never got backlash for it. So why me?
There was no point thinking useless thoughts now. My only job right now was to pretend. Pretend like I loved my job, it did keep me afloat, it fed me, it was enough to pay my bills, my rent. It kept me alive. And honestly, Cassidy was paying a lot more than I deserved so it was all good.
By mid shift, I was already aching all over, not a lot of people frequented the coffee shop but the people that did frequent it were enough to keep me busy for my entire shift. And thankfully, no one recognized me. It was either because of my mask or because they were all so self absorbed in their phones.
I hadn't seen him yet, our regular. He always showed up during my shift, and only my shift, always ordered his coffee black, only allowed me to take his order. It was strange but I did not think anything of it.
It was probably just a simple crush, was what I thought but it had been three years and he did not make a move on me. So it was probably something else. Coincidence, maybe?
I gave up on thinking about it after a while, it was not necessarily important.
It was around five in the evening when my coworker came in, Chad.
"Hey, sunshine." He said with his usual grin plastered across his face.
I rolled my eyes but a corner of my lips twitched. "You're not supposed to clock in till seven."
"Sue me." He said and went to the back room to drop his bag. He did not put on an apron as he came out. "Cass around?"
I knew where this was going, the shop was empty so I played along and removed my face mask, setting it on the counter.
"She left to run some errands." I said, not turning to him.
He smirked, I knew that he did. He had that tousled blond hair that girls liked and the kind of jawline that could make you swoon and also make you forget a bunch of ridiculous things he does. That was including being a self absorbed idiot half the time.
Chad wasn't complicated, he didn't ask questions, didn't pry, didn't look at me with pity or disdain, he didn't want anything other than a warm body when the shift ends. That worked for me.
He stood behind me as I wiped the counter for the fifth time, I could feel his eyes on me. Then his hands were at my waist, his fingers were firm and he exuded that confidence that always swept me off my feet.
He leaned in as he breathed against my neck before his lips brushed gently against my ear.
"You're tense," he murmured, repeatedly brushing his lips against my ear and my neck.
I didn't answer, I knew I didn't have to because my body answered for me. It tensed slightly under his touch but then it melted almost instantly.
He kissed the back of my neck slowly, with precision, then again but lower this time. My hand gripped the counter and his hands left my waist to explore under my hoodie. I wasn't wearing anything underneath.
"You're bare," he said, still raining kisses on my neck. "And you want me to notice."
He grabbed my breasts softly, gently. He knew how far to push, he knew what was enough to rile me up. My head tilted as I let out a shaky breath.
I turned around to face him, trying to keep a straight face despite the arousal I was feeling.
"Don't start unless we're finishing." I said quietly.
He chuckled and without saying anything, he took my hands and guided me to the back room, shutting the door behind him. The moment the door closed, his hands were were on me again, only this time, with much less patience.
He gripped my thigh and lifted me, pushing me against the shelves. He pulled himself closer against me and his hands explored into my hoodie once again. He leaned back enough to look at me before he buried himself inside my hoodie, missing my bare body as he made his way up.
Despite the cool air that was surrounding us, I felt hot, the heat his body exuded contributed greatly to the heat I was feeling. A soft moan escaped my lips as his mouth enveloped my breasts. His tongue moved in circles, leaving wet saliva around my areola. He sucked gently at first in a teasing manner until my back arched and I tangled my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer to me.
He groaned then moved to the other one, giving it the same tender attention. My thighs squeezed around his hips, I wanted more.
"You like that?" He murmured.
I couldn't speak, I didn't want to. I just wanted to be in this moment, with him.
He removed his head from inside my hoodie and my breasts instantly started to miss the feel of his tongue. He kissed my mouth, deeper, needy, desperately.
I gasped softly when his lips touched mine. I enjoyed moments like this with Chad, and I knew he enjoyed it too. He was kissing my neck when we heard a voice coming from outside.
We froze.
It was still working hours. We hadn't heard the bell ring, for obvious reasons.
"Shit." I whispered as I pushed Chad away, adjusting my hoodie and my hair and ran out to the counter.
"Hi," I was out of breath, also due to obvious reasons. "What can I get for you?"
The man standing in front of our counter was not a stranger, not to me at least. Tall, dark hair, dark eyes, the same face mask that he never seemed to do without. Our regular.
He did not say a word and I proceeded to make his usual black iced coffee. When I was done, I set it on the counter and smile at him. His gaze was still on me, he looked towards the back room where I emerged from then his eyes landed on me again.
"Rough shift?" he asked.
Shit. I forced a small laugh and then noticed that I was not wearing my mask. I quickly grabbed it from the counter and wore it. I desperately hoped the man would not recognize me or even if he did, I hoped that he would not say anything.
"Here you go." I pushed the coffee closer towards him. He did not say another word, he simply grabbed the coffee, paid for it and left.
Just like that.
Chad emerged from the back room when the sound of the bell jiggled, signifying his exit.
Coward.
"Think he recognized you?" Chad asked and I turned back to look at him. He was calm, composed and did not look like he almost had sex with someone, unlike me.
"I don't know." I answered.
"So, never again?" He asked with a playful smile tugging on his lips.
I rolled my eyes and smiled.
"Never again."