I've been in France for over a month now, but my heart doesn't feel any lighter. I successfully passed my exams, run ten kilometers every day, drink plenty of calming potions and dreamless sleep potions. Without them, I can't calm down during the day and can't sleep without nightmares at night. But soon I'll have to quit, so I don't develop an addiction.
I hired a shooting instructor. It seems that after a few lessons, he started thinking I have post-traumatic stress disorder and that I used to live in a country at war. And that I just made up the story about England so people wouldn't pity me. At least, he began making brief remarks about how people cope with such syndrome and move on with their lives. Obviously, my ability to keep myself together is worthless.
Before the academic year starts, I decided to take up magical homeopathy. I don't know what else to call it. I want to adapt potion recipes for Muggles and dilute them heavily, so they become less effective but can be taken by ordinary people too. For this, I need to find analogues for all magical ingredients. I entered all the compatibility tables into the computer and am now remembering numerical methods. Calculating replacements for all ingredients isn't simple, because everything affects everything and depends on everything.
But then I'll have completely transparent formulations, no inspection will find fault, and the Statute of Secrecy won't be harmed. True, a potioneer's magic greatly influences the process, and if an ordinary person prepares according to the same recipes, the result will be close to zero - that is, the potion will work no better than its ingredients would on their own. After all, valerian or mint have certain effectiveness even without any potion.
In the future, I would like to find such medicines or treatment methods that won't require a wizard's direct participation in the process. So that other people could use them too. One mage can't help everyone who wants it anyway. But these plans will have to be postponed until I finish university - I need to properly study regular medicine first. For now, I'll work on what's available to me without higher education.
I checked with a lawyer whether it's legal to sell such tinctures? Yes, in the form I'm planning, it's quite legal - some weak witches sometimes have similar businesses. But mostly, the world of ordinary people isn't very interesting to mages, so this niche is practically unoccupied.
Mom's aunt Avelin, my great-aunt, runs a small tea and tincture shop. Mostly she orders different varieties, but she makes some blends herself and is very good at it. You could call her an herbalist - our kind of person! Mom and I decided that we'll try selling our first magical tinctures at her shop. I don't want to be like the Weasley twins, so I'll pay for consultations with a potioneer from St. Nicholas Magical Hospital. Even though I have everything calculated, an extra check won't hurt.
First, we offered customers a light calming tincture and a light herbal sleeping aid. The tinctures are added two tablespoons to water, tea, or juice. But I calculated that even if a person drinks a whole bottle, there will be no harm to their health. And there's no need to fear addiction. Skele-Gro is more complicated: if you make a mouthwash with modified Skele-Gro - it excellently restores tooth enamel. But if a person suddenly decides to drink it instead of rinsing and spitting it out, they'll have problems. Some people like to break instructions, so it can't be sold in that form. Mom suggested adding Skele-Gro to toothpaste, but how do you sell toothpaste in a tea shop? In the end, we came up with a very strange workaround - it will still be a tincture for rinsing, but we added an emetic. And if there's an idiot who drinks a large dose at which Skele-Gro would harm their health, they'll just vomit. And of course, we wrote very large and bright on the bottle and in the instructions: Do not swallow! After that, I had to struggle for a long time to improve the taste. Even for rinsing, you don't want to put complete nastiness in your mouth.
In the near future, there are many other useful tinctures planned: for skin, for hair, for memory, restorative - after illnesses, physical exhaustion, living in poor conditions. But their modified recipes still need to be calculated.
It turns out that magical legislation permits attention-attraction charms, including use in the Muggle world! A kind of specialized Confundus. You cast it on your goods and attract customers. Wizards definitely don't care about free will. And why do wizards ignore the Muggle world in that case? If an adult wizard can protect themselves from this, a Muggle cannot. With such an approach, the ordinary world is a real goldmine for any wizard businessman. But I won't do that. Even though I've already used Confundus on a person, I won't permanently encroach on ordinary people's free will using magical methods.
Instead, I performed an ordinary protection ritual at our home and at aunt's shop, which I found in the Black library. It's quite simple, you don't even need a wand for it, but in England it's forbidden because you need to sacrifice a few drops of your own blood. Although, as aunt Amelia told me, absolutely all purebloods protect their properties with various blood rituals, and absolutely everyone knows about it.
But in France - it's officially allowed. Now no one who wishes us harm or brings danger can enter the house and shop. It won't save us from mages of Dumbledore and Voldemort's level, of course, but from weak mages and Muggle robbers - easily.
***
Sirius supplies me with news from England. When I arrived at my parents', they wrote to Amelia and the Blacks that I was already in France and they could stop looking for me, and Sirius sent a new paired parchment to the Grangers' address for me.
Black was aware of the version of my escape that Snape had presented. It was a very strange version. I was supposedly moved by a powerful elemental surge from the Malfoys' prison to the territory of their garden, practically under Snape's nose. He immediately cast a Disillusionment Charm on me and led me off the guarded territory with him. And then I escaped from his house on Spinner's End. Actually, a good version - I look much better in it than in reality. Alas, Dumbledore surely knows the uncensored version, which means it could surface at any moment.
There was quite a bit of news over the summer:
> Rita returned from New Zealand pregnant. Doctors diagnosed twins. A huge rarity for wizards. Now Rita needs to be treated with kid gloves, and this infuriates Rita.
> Rufus Scrimgeour replaced Cornelius Fudge, becoming the thirty-third Minister of Magic.
> Nymphadora woke up after a week in a magical coma. She's still in the Malfoys' dungeons, but Snape says they'll treat her more carefully now. A living hostage is more valuable than a corpse.
> Voldemort was furious - he entrusted Bella with some valuable artifact, and she didn't keep it intact.
It seems our labors with Sirius weren't in vain! I hope we're talking about the cup. Riddle doesn't share details with subordinates, so Snape can't spoil the Order of the Phoenix with complete information either.
> Florean Fortescue disappeared, probably kidnapped.
But Garrick Ollivander is fine. Potter fled from the cemetery early, after all, so You-Know-Who's and the Boy-Who-Lived's wands didn't have time to react strangely to each other, so no one is bothering Ollivander.
> An attempt was made to exchange Lucius Malfoy for Nymphadora Tonks, but during the prisoner's transportation from Azkaban, a Dementor kissed him. It was claimed to be an accident, but Sirius has serious doubts.
I even feel sorry for Lucius. Of course, he was a Death Eater and all that. But he was far from the worst of them. And he wasn't happy about Voldemort's resurrection. It would have been better if they'd kissed someone else.
> Bellatrix in response wanted to send the Order of the Phoenix her niece Nymphadora's head, though she didn't particularly like Lucius. But Voldemort forbade it - he had a new idea, now he needs Nymph as a potential mother of future metamorphs, and the Dark Lord is now considering whom to marry her off to.
The thought of Tonks makes me sick every time. She won't marry a Death Eater just like that - most likely, Voldemort will turn her brain inside out. I couldn't help her. The only thing I could do was stay there with her, but I feel like I treacherously abandoned a friend on the battlefield.
> Instead of Tonks' head, they sent Dumbledore Shacklebolt's head.
> Ginny and Neville were discharged from St. Mungo's completely healthy.
> After what happened to Lucius, Narcissa grabbed Draco and threw herself at Sirius's feet, begging for refuge in the house at Grimmauld. Voldemort was planning to give Draco the Mark in the near future, and the woman didn't want her son to repeat her husband's fate. Sirius might not have agreed, but Rita convinced him. The Order of the Phoenix wanted to demand help organizing Tonks' escape in return, but Narcissa swore that access to the dungeons was now closed to her and Draco. After both Malfoys made Unbreakable Vows not to harm the hosts and guests, Black gave his word that Narcissa and Draco could live at Grimmauld as long as needed. Mother and son fled from Malfoy Manor, taking with them the house-elves, the most valuable artifacts and books, and magically sealing the ritual chamber. Voldemort was furious - the manor survived only for one reason: he still needs somewhere to live.
> Harry, according to Sirius, is also furious - living in the same house as Malfoy!
> The Dementors refused to obey the Ministry and left Azkaban.
Hmm... maybe the Dementors stopped obeying the Ministry a bit earlier than they showed openly, and kissed Lucius on orders from the other side? Though this doesn't seem like Voldemort - if he wanted to kill a subordinate for a mistake, he would have done it himself, publicly, for intimidation. Although, what do I know about the new Voldemort?
> "Slughorn" was invited to Gringotts to be presented with a large piece of basilisk skin. He returned so disgustingly pleased that I wanted to curse him properly, and he won't admit who such a valuable gift is from.
Well, I'm glad the professor liked it. After all, he saved my life, killing two people for me and greatly risking his spy career. And maybe his life too. I have a strong suspicion that Dumbledore would have preferred to sacrifice me in that situation. For the greater good, so his spy wouldn't be suspected of anything.
And Sirius, if he's not lying, witnessed a unique phenomenon - a satisfied Snape. Such a thing happens once in a hundred years, no more often.
Now there was no point in hiding from friends, so I sent letters with enclosed paired parchments to Susan, Neville, Hannah, and Luna. International magical mail takes three days, not too long, and costs five Knuts per package. If I need to send something, there won't be any problems. It turned out that Professor Sprout gave my things to Suze. Well, let them stay with her for now - I've already made new documents anyway, and everything else can wait.
Potter is also trying to write to me, but I don't answer him. I'll probably forgive him someday, intellectually. Stupid, impulsive, frightened teenager. But I don't want to communicate with him at all. After all, all this happened because of him. Because of his stubbornness and the fact that he didn't listen to anyone. I was still lucky, but Nymphadora is in such a position precisely because of him. And Ginny and Neville suffered. And though I don't care about Moody, and I didn't know Shacklebolt, they also died because of him. And if Kingsley was screaming in the Malfoys' dungeons, then he died horribly - I'll never forget his screams for the rest of my life. And I killed three people and now can't sleep without potions. Though no, that's because of Dumbledore.
I decided that by the start of the school year I'll write a letter to Pomona saying I'm delayed due to family circumstances. And after my birthday, I'll write that I won't be returning to Hogwarts. Maybe not the most sensible plan, but forcing myself to return to school even for a few days is beyond my strength. I have no idea what the headmaster has planned for me, and the uncertainty is killing me. But there's no way to find out before September. I mean relatively safe possibilities - voluntarily climbing into a tiger's mouth to check if it's hungry isn't the best idea.
***
I was surprised when I received a letter from Draco near the end of August. Not international, by local owl. It turns out he's enrolling in Beauxbatons. His mother is now afraid to send him to Hogwarts, and in the last week of August he has to go through a commission at the new school to determine his knowledge level. The French Department of Education doesn't trust Hogwarts OWLs. We even met once in a café on Fontaine Alley - this is the Parisian equivalent of Diagon Alley. A very beautiful place, so French-romantic, especially in the evening when all the fountains are lit with multicolored lights. Some shops even have entrances through fountains - you approach closer, and the water forms an arch in front of you. Interactive fountains have long existed in the ordinary world too, though water can't hold its shape without magic. There's also the Bon Voyage bus - the French equivalent of the Knight Bus, with soft armchairs, and you don't get thrown around the cabin, but I'm getting distracted.
Draco looked bad, gaunt, hunched over. I offered him condolences about Lucius. It turned out they weren't even given the body. Why would the Ministry need a body without a soul? Question of questions.
Life at Grimmauld Place is hard for the Malfoys. The living conditions are good, but the attitude of those around them is frankly terrible. Only Mrs. Black communicates with them kindly, but she's home least of all. And besides her - only grandmother's portrait and Kreacher. Thanks to Mrs. Black, the Order of the Fried Chicken still holds meetings at Hogwarts, but Dumbledore sometimes drops by for five minutes, and in those five minutes tries to get into Draco's or Narcissa's soul without soap - depending on who he encounters. And they're having a hard time even without the headmaster. Andromeda comes by, blaming Narcissa for not being able to save her daughter in her own manor. Narcissa reminded her several times that she had no opportunity, but this made no impression on Andromeda. Malfoy said his mother constantly cries now when she thinks no one is watching. And doesn't even try to blame the Order of the Phoenix in return for what happened to his father. When Andromeda once again started reproaching Narcissa for not helping and not saving, Draco himself decided to say that his father wasn't helped or saved either, but his mother stopped him. She said: "don't, nothing can be changed now."
Yes, you wouldn't wish such refuge on an enemy. Though, you would wish it on an enemy. Draco is still lucky - he'll be at Beauxbatons most of the year. I asked if his mother would move to France? Draco answered that she decided to stay at Grimmauld. Probably there are some reasons. Also, Malfoy's cohabitation with Potter in one house didn't work out - I can imagine. They even fought several times - the real Muggle way, with fists. Malfoy also blames Potter specifically for the Dementor's kiss. He seems to understand intellectually that his father was among those who organized the trap, but if Potter hadn't fallen for it, Lucius's soul would be intact now.
The only pleasant guest at Grimmauld is Snape. He calms Narcissa and brews her a calming potion of his own invention - it doesn't keep long, but doesn't cause addiction, unlike the standard one. I want that recipe too! Draco gloats that Snape doesn't forget to remind Potter each time that it's only his fault. That Moody died - his fault, that Shacklebolt's head was cut off - his fault, that Tonks is in captivity - his fault, that Granger doesn't want to talk after escaping with Potter - also only Potter's fault. Yes, the professor is in his element. Because of this, Black periodically attacks the beside-himself Snape, and these two destroy the entire living room with their duels, which the elves then spend half a day restoring.
I carefully touched on the topic of my escape and went cold hearing Draco's story. That very feeling when something dangerous miraculously missed you and passed within a millimeter. Not only my disappearance, but also the three corpses in the dungeons were blamed on my magical surge. I didn't understand how at first, but then Draco explained that the Lord assigned Snape to examine the scene - she was his student, after all, and he should know better what fifth-year Granger could or couldn't do. I'm sure Snape recognized his own curse, but for some reason lied to the Lord. Voldemort said something like: "she was lucky it was the guards, I can find plenty more of such scum." It's unclear how Tom believed such a dubious explanation. Or maybe he didn't believe it but pretended to? However, after such a powerful "elemental surge," the Dark Lord decided to find me and sent Death Eaters to my address, which was preserved in the Ministry. What luck that my parents had long been in France!
Draco was tortured with Cruciatus for several seconds for visiting me. Voldemort got into his head and saw that Malfoy had been passing me potions and chocolate. His actions were considered insignificant, but he was still punished so he'd remember for the future.
Poor guy. I've long noticed that helping in this world always brings trouble to the helper themselves.
Draco was surprised when he learned I wasn't planning to go to Beauxbatons - he didn't approve of my desire to stay in the Muggle world, but we agreed to keep in touch.