Current EP: 3,360 / 10,000
You'd think almost getting eaten would teach me something.
You'd be wrong.
In fact, as soon as I crawled out of my bone log and wiped sand off my mask, I had a brand new, absolutely brilliant, life-threatening idea:
Sandboarding.
You know, like snowboarding, but with sand.
And no board.
And no idea how gravity works here.
I scouted the tallest dune I could find — it was massive, easily 30 feet high. Probably a bad idea, so obviously, I had to do it.
I grabbed a big, flat Hollow bone I found nearby (who did it belong to? Don't care), placed it at the top of the dune, stood on it, and shouted to no one in particular:
"GRUOOOOH!"
(Witness me, peasants!)
[SYSTEM NOTICE: Declared yourself king of sandboarding — +150 EP]
Current EP: 3,510 / 10,000
I took a deep breath and pushed off.
For a moment — I was a legend.
Sliding down the dune at top speed, sand spraying behind me, mask in the wind.
I might've even cried a little, if I had tear ducts.
Then came the problem.
See, in Hueco Mundo, the sand hides things.
Like pits.
And worms.
Big ones.
Halfway down the dune, the board hit something.
The ground collapsed, and I plummeted straight into a nest of giant, blind, bone-white worms with too many teeth and not enough personal space.
I screamed.
They screamed.
Or hissed. Whatever.
[SYSTEM NOTICE: Discovered hidden pit of carnivorous sand worms — +200 EP]
Current EP: 3,710 / 10,000
One of them latched onto my leg. I flailed. Another grabbed my arm.
I did the only thing I could think of.
I bit it.
Right on its gross, squishy head.
[SYSTEM NOTICE: Bit a sand worm in blind panic — +300 EP]
Current EP: 4,010 / 10,000
It shrieked and let go. The others hesitated.
I took the chance and started spinning in place like a maniac, kicking sand, swinging my bone-board like a club, and yelling nonsense.
"GRUOOOOOOH!"
(GET WRECKED, WORMS!)
The chaos worked.
The worms slithered back into the pit.
I stumbled out, covered in grime and sand, victorious once again through sheer dumb luck.
[SYSTEM NOTICE: Survived sand worm ambush via stupidity — +500 EP]
Current EP: 4,510 / 10,000
I sat down, panting.
A couple nearby Hollows had gathered to watch the show. One slow-clapped.
Or maybe it was eating its own hand.
Hard to tell with these guys.
I raised my arms in triumph.
"GRUOHOHOH!"
(I live, idiots!)
[SYSTEM NOTICE: Taunted surviving witnesses — +150 EP]
Current EP: 4,660 / 10,000
The sunless sky above Hueco Mundo remained the same pale gray, but I felt like a star.
Sure, this place was a deathtrap filled with murder-beasts, but with my Bonus EP for Stupidity System and my talent for doing exactly the wrong thing, I was still alive.
And one step closer to evolving.
[EP: 4,660 / 10,000]