As we pressed on, the burden of our journey grew heavier. The farther we strayed from the city, the more colossal the creatures whose souls we encountered became, on average. Evading the territories of these behemoths grew increasingly arduous. I remained perched on Nora's back, using her helmet as a makeshift workbench to mend my spear en route. With the patience of a goddess, she tolerated my unorthodox actions.
Moreover, an ever - growing number of monsters developed resistance to Penelope's attacks, plunging her deeper into despondency. Nevertheless, our 小队 managed to carve out a circuitous path through the myriad obstacles, making commendable progress before nightfall. I stole another brief nap before dusk, assuring the others that I was comfortably rested on Nora's back and fully capable of standing guard throughout the night. Thankfully, the night was not overly long, and I almost convinced myself of my own words—of course, only by periodically absorbing a few souls to keep myself alert.
Unfortunately, to my chagrin, it seemed that some struggled to fall asleep. This was precisely the concern I had harbored. I suspected that Remus sensed something amiss. Would he confront me about it? Would he uncover the truth? Would I meet my demise as a result? However, while the others rested, Penelope rose and seated herself beside me.
"If you're hiding any other abilities," she hissed menacingly, "it would be extremely helpful if the rest of the team knew about them."
My eyes narrowed. What had she detected? I needed to tread carefully. Appealing to her ego might be the way to go; she would likely respond favorably.
"Since when is stabbing considered a special ability?" I asked flatly. "I've told you, it's your spells that have made me quicker in both movement and thought."
"Vita," she retorted, narrowing her eyes in turn, "when you were unconscious, Remus had us dissect the bodies of those monsters. The last five you killed didn't die from blade wounds."
I swallowed hard.
"Then how did they die?"
"I don't know," she replied icily. "I was hoping you could tell me."
I frowned and slumped. What could I say? Admit, "Oh, you're right. The church and the government both ban the existence of people like me"? Perhaps I could pass off my death touch as an ability unrelated to spirit manipulation, but it was extremely rare for someone to possess multiple abilities. People would surely be curious about the connection between my scouting perception and this ability that clearly deviated from conventional means of dispatching creatures. And I had no doubt that one or two among them would eventually draw a connection to "soul magic." Even if only one or two people knew, that was far too many. I didn't want this to get out.
"All right, all right. You caught me, Pen," I said dramatically. "The truth is, I'm so stunningly beautiful that those lowly creatures faint at the mere sight of me."
"...What?"
"It's true," I drawled. "The gods themselves have praised my unparalleled beauty! Even the Mist Wardens can't resist embracing me tenderly—"
She slapped me hard across the face. The resounding crack of the slap shattered the stillness of the night, and a welt immediately formed on my cheek. Great. Remus was surely awake now.
"Do you think you're funny?" she gritted through her teeth. "We almost died. You almost died, and you're still cracking jokes?"
"...I think I'll have to add you to the list of people who hit me when they don't like what I have to say," I said expressionlessly.
Would she continue to harp on this? Damn it, the timing couldn't be worse. If Remus had been asleep, I might have been able to kill her and turn her into an undead. Then, at least, she wouldn't be so spiteful towards me all the time. A skilled biomancer should be able to prevent their body from decaying, right? That would make for an interesting and convenient way to utilize her abilities.
"Stop looking at me like that," Penelope said, leaning back slightly. "Don't... don't stare at me as if I'm beneath you, you little runt!"
I blinked in surprise, struggling to maintain my composure. Right. I needed to calm down. My cheek stung, but that was no reason to contemplate murder! What was wrong with me? She didn't know anything. I was fine. I took a deep breath.
"Sorry for those jokes, Penelope. I just really don't want to talk about this, okay?"
I tried to stand up and move to another spot, but she grabbed my wrist and refused to let go.
"Why?" she whispered.
I glared at her.
"Why what? Why did you suddenly show up, accuse me out of nowhere, and slap me? I have no idea, Penelope. Leave me alone now! The others are still sleeping."
Her face contorted with anger, but she released my hand and returned to her sleeping bag. Damn it. Damn it all! I had just started to get along with her a little better! It was all that damned undead magic's fault! It wasn't that I wanted to hide it deliberately! I just didn't want to die!
Consumed by anger towards myself, Penelope, and this entire wretched world, I braced myself for the long night ahead. Remus didn't even go back to sleep, so I couldn't even take a soul to keep myself awake. To make matters worse, an hour after Penelope fell asleep again, he got up and sat beside me.
However, he remained silent, simply gazing up at the island above. But I was in no mood for company. My thoughts were in turmoil: Why was he sitting there? Why wasn't he saying anything? Was this some form of intimidation? If so, it was working.
"What are you doing sitting here?" I finally broke the silence.
He glanced at me.
"From my experience," he said, "most people join the Hunter's Guild to escape something."
I frowned and looked back at him. What was he getting at?
"Yeah, well, I can relate. I probably wouldn't be here if I wasn't facing starvation," I told him.
He smiled knowingly. But what he knew, or thought he knew... I had no clue.
"I'm not so sure you wouldn't have come," he said simply. "Most people join the Hunter's Guild to escape, but some come in search of something. Adventure, glory, passion, death—for themselves or for others. Those are the ones who truly excel in this line of work. Penelope is one of them, and so are you."
I frowned, displeased.
"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, I guess."
He turned his attention back to the sky.
"I once knew someone whose ability was to make living things explode."
"...What?" I asked, blinking in astonishment.
"Yeah," he nodded. "They sent him to a research lab to reverse - engineer his ability. Now it's an illegal spell, something to do with gas generation. Apparently, even the most learned mages can't use it against the weakest magical resistance, but he could use it on anyone at will."
His gaze returned to me, his eyes shining.
"I remember his parents were carpenters. He learned the trade from a young age and was quite good at it. So, of course, everyone told him, 'Just be a carpenter and don't make things explode!' But he didn't listen. Instead, he joined the Hunter's Guild."
My frown deepened.
"What happened to him?" I asked.
Remus shook his head.
"He served the guild for ten years, did great work. Then one day, his team went on a mission and never came back. Such is life. But my point is... why? He wasn't driven by hunger or a cruel existence. And clearly, neither is Penelope. So, why did they join us?"
"Because this is the only place where they can use their abilities," I replied.
"This is a part of you," Lynn had once said. Remus nodded.
"Deep down, in his soul, at the core of his being... that man was a killer because he was born with a deadly ability. Abilities yearn to be unleashed, and people yearn to grow. That's part of human nature. People like him, like us... we hunt monsters so that we don't become monsters ourselves. For some, the Hunter's Guild is a place to do something meaningful before they die. For others, it's the only place where they can be themselves and feel valued."
I stared at him. At least he didn't seem hostile. But with hundreds of abilities out there, he could be referring to any one of them. Would his attitude remain the same if I told him what my ability was?
"You think I'm one of those people," I said. "You think I have a deadly ability."
He shrugged.
"I suspected you were more than meets the eye from the moment you signed up for the guild. And after these two days of life - and - death battles, you've learned more than in all the training courses we've ever taken together. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone when it comes to facing death. The Mist Wardens made some of us healers and some of us warriors. It's all part of Their will."
Damn it. "Their will." But that was a pretty confident statement, wasn't it? Turns out Remus is a devotee of the Mist Wardens. I'd bet his flowery words apply to everyone except me.
"I appreciate you saying that," I replied stiffly, "but I still don't feel like talking about it."
He gave that knowing smile again, which irritated me a bit. He probably thought he had guessed right because he likely hadn't even considered the possibility of natural undead magic. If the followers of the Mist Wardens knew about my situation, they might want to kill me, but at least they also believed people like me didn't exist.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it now. Just remember, one day, when you're out on a mission, something will come after your team and push you to your limits. If you hold back then, you're dead. In my opinion, it's better to go all out from the start than to save your trump card for the end. Seize the initiative and maintain the momentum. That's a lot more reliable than praying for a last - minute turnaround."
With that, he got up and returned to his bed, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Yeah, right. If I could command hordes of undead, I might become an incredibly powerful hunter. How convenient! Honestly, I'd love that! It would be great to have an ability that didn't make people want to kill me! Thanks for the great advice, Remus!
I needed to calm down. I was probably just tired, which was why I was so irritable. While waiting for everyone to fall asleep, I decided to examine my soul. I didn't usually pay much attention to it, but after absorbing so many other souls, I probably should start keeping a closer eye on it. Once, it was dim, with occasional flashes of light like lightning from within. Since then, it had grown significantly. Now, those flashes had transformed into a steady glow, rising and falling rhythmically like a breath. It was as if the darkness was a shell that, despite some small cracks, still encased the light within. It felt like... an egg.
What on earth was I? Was I still human? My soul looked and felt completely different from others'. It was like some alien creature hidden within the guise of a human soul, and I was like a monster lurking inside a girl's body. Had I always been this way, and I just didn't know it? Or had absorbing other souls altered the way my soul developed? But I supposed it didn't matter. I already knew I was a monster.
Finally, Remus fell asleep again. Thank goodness. Regardless of my inner turmoil, I happily took out a spare "snack" and consumed it, letting the stress dissipate along with the soul in my stomach. Ah, that felt good. I couldn't stop now, but at least it was an interesting way to end the day.
I couldn't believe we were barely halfway through this mission.