JAY-JAY'S POV
"How are you?" Dr. Claudia greeted me.
I didn't move from where I stood. I stared at Kuya like I was his opponent in a ring.
"Sit down, kid," Tiger ordered.
I turned around to go to the door, but Tiger quickly blocked my way. He forced a smile, as if apologizing because he had no choice.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. I immediately looked to see who it was, and Kuya's serious face met mine.
"Sit down, Jay," he ordered and gently pulled me.
Even though it went against my heart, I followed him. I bit my lower lip, lowered my head, and stared at the floor. I sat down in front of the doctor. Even without looking at him, I knew he felt sorry for me.
My hands rested on my thighs. They were shaking, so I clenched my fists to hide them—and to stop the tears that were threatening to fall from the weight of my emotions.
Why do I feel so betrayed?
I have no say in this. I can't do anything. There's no way out. No one will stand up to Kuya for me. I never imagined he would do this. I thought he understood how I felt—that's why he stayed away.
I'm disgusted with myself. I don't want this, but I know he'll force me, and I can't even think of an excuse. I can't even fight for what I truly want.
What should I do?
"Angelo, we really shouldn't be doing this," the doctor said to Kuya.
"She managed to remember something from her past. What if she tries again?" Kuya insisted.
"The child is afraid."
"She's always afraid. But she has to do it."
I ended up crying. I couldn't help it—I had nothing else left. I felt like a doll being controlled by someone who only plays with me. I was suffocating.
After remembering what I did to Aries, I don't want to remember anything else. What if I did something even worse than that? What if I already belong to someone? I might not be able to handle it. I might lose my mind completely.
"I-I don't want to," I whispered, barely audible.
But I knew the doctor heard me. She gently held my hand, and I looked at her for a moment. She smiled at me—as if telling me to trust her.
How? She can't go against Kuya either.
"Angelo..." She called my cousin. "It's better if you give us some space and silence."
Kuya Angelo stared at her, as if trying to read her thoughts. Luckily, the doctor knew what to do to convince him. She didn't break eye contact.
"This is part of the consultation," the doctor added.
Kuya finally looked away and pointed toward the room where I usually slept.
Holding my hand, Dr. Claudia led me into the room. I followed. As soon as we entered, I noticed Kuya hesitated, but the door was quickly shut before he could do anything.
"Sit down," the doctor gently instructed, pointing to the side of the bed.
I sat down, and he sat beside me, as if we were just two friends in a room.
"We won't do what Angelo wants. Don't worry, I won't force you to remember." She smiled at me. "Just say what you want to say."
I stared at her. I had intended to spend the time just keeping my mouth shut, but for reasons I don't understand, my tears suddenly flowed and I started crying. She immediately hugged me.
I don't like this feeling.
"It's okay to cry."
But I'm not okay. How long will I be like this? I just want a normal life, even just for now. I still want to enjoy my high school life. Even for a moment. Even just this year. I want to be free from my past—from the lies surrounding me, from being controlled.
I want to breathe without any problems. But why is that denied to me? Why?
"I'm tired."
She hugged me tighter. "I'll tell you this, not as a doctor, but as a friend—both of you are going through something." She took a deep breath. "It's normal to be tired, especially when nothing changes in what you're doing. It's normal to feel that way when it happens over and over again. That's normal. You have the right to feel that way."
I pulled away and faced her. "It's hard to move forward without knowing what I'm facing. It's exhausting. I'm okay with not remembering my past, so why do I have to go back to it?"
She wiped my tears. "It feels good not to remember the pain of the past, but how can you learn from it if you forget it?"
I don't understand.
What should I learn from what happened to me? From what I did to Aries? From that terrifying memory? I only feel guilt, and now I keep avoiding it because I don't want to hurt anyone.
How else can I not remember? What are you trying to teach me?
She seemed to sense what I was thinking. She smiled and gently brushed a few stray strands of hair from my face.
"You're too young to be experiencing these things. But life doesn't make us suffer for nothing. We're meant to be hurt—not just to feel pain, but to learn from it."
I shook my head. It felt like her words only confused me more.
"You don't understand." I replied softly.
"And you? Do you completely understand yourself?"
Her question hit me hard. I stayed silent. Do I really understand myself?
I admit I don't. All I know is that I'm struggling, and it's the memories of my past that are making me suffer. All I want is for them to disappear—to erase all the pain.
"You don't understand yourself because you admit you don't know what you're facing. That's because you try to hide your past, thinking it's better—but it's not. It's never good to run away from a problem."
I know what she's trying to do. She's convincing me to do what Kuya wants. I thought she was on my side, but it looks like she and Kuya are the same. They're both trying to break me down, little by little.
"You can move forward from your past. But you can only do that if you learn to let it go. And sometimes, to let go, you have to find the beginning of that tie—the place where it all started. That's when you'll truly know what you're facing."
Is that the only way? Is there really no other option? Do I really have to go back to everything? Do I really have to face what I'm avoiding?
"I'm scared." I almost whispered, but she still heard me.
"Fear will continue to torment you." She held both of my hands. "If you really can't do it, that's okay. But believe me, it will be harder, especially as your memories slowly return. It's better if you're prepared."
I bit my lower lip but couldn't stop crying. She hugged me again, and this time, I hugged her back. There was something different in the way she comforted me. I felt like we understood each other. Psychiatrists must be like this—making their patients feel like they're not alone.
But her actions go deeper than just being a doctor and a patient. She's like a friend I can always lean on, even though we just had a serious conversation today. She didn't let go of me until she made sure I was okay.
She helped me get organized. She even combed my hair. For a moment, it felt like I had an older sister.
So this is what it feels like to have a sister.
"Can I ask you something?"
"What is it?"
"What are you and Ci-N Peralta like?" I asked, and she let out a soft laugh.
"He's your classmate, right?" I nodded weakly in response. "We're cousins."
"I knew it. Are all the Peraltas related to each other?"
"I don't think so, but it's easy to tell if a Peralta is part of the family. If they're in the medical field, they're usually related to us. It's also in our bloodline," she said, and I couldn't help but be amazed.
Their entire Ci-N family is actually in the same field. I suddenly remembered that he once said he wanted to be a pilot. How could he do that if everyone in his family expects him to follow in their footsteps?
"Doesn't your profession differ?" I asked, taking a risk.
Ci-N isn't alone in his family.
Didn't we know?
"There's my dad. He became a businessman, but the outcome wasn't good," he answered, and I could hear the sadness in her voice.
It felt wrong to bring up something so sensitive about their family.
"Are you and Ci-N close?" I changed the subject.
She chuckled a little. "Not that much, but I'm happy for him. He deserves his childhood."
I smiled too. I kept asking her questions about Ci-N, and she answered them kindly. She once mentioned the Batang Kumag siblings, but quickly backtracked. She didn't seem happy about them.
We talked for a few hours. She also shared how she met Kuya Angelo. They were batchmates. Ma'am Cindy was her classmate. Sge didn't give many details though—it felt like she was avoiding something.
Our conversation ended when Kuya Angelo knocked on the door. She had to leave and let me rest. I took the opportunity to change into comfortable clothes.
When I stepped out of the room, Dr. Claudia and Tiger were saying goodbye. They said they had to leave. I walked them to the door, but since I was upset with Kuya, I decided to go out too. My cousin just watched, thinking I'd be right back after escorting the guests to the elevator.
Good luck with that.
I waved to Dr. Claudia and Tiger before the elevator doors closed. I was a bit surprised to see PPAP with them. He had a serious look on his face, far from the goofy smile he wore at the Kingsground. I guess he still hasn't changed his mind. I might need to play the "I have a pen... I have an apple" song again.
I walked away as soon as they disappeared from sight, but I wasn't heading back to Kuya's unit. I was going to the King of Serpents' unit. I hoped they had food.
I rang the doorbell a few times. I didn't know the password for the keypad, so I had to wait for someone to open the door. Luckily, I didn't wait long—Keigan opened it, his glasses slightly broken.
"What's up?"
He looked at me like he was waiting for me to say something.
"H-Hi, is Keifer here?" I asked, and he looked me up and down.
I felt a bit self-conscious—I was just wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Very homey.
"He went out to buy food," he replied. "You can wait for him inside, if you want."
I quickly nodded. That was exactly what I planned. I wasn't going back to Kuya Angelo's unit. Let him wait or look for me in vain.
Good luck with that. You thought…
He let me in and pointed to the expensive sofa for me to sit on. Their unit is very different from Kuya's. I don't know if it's the design or the placement of the appliances. The colors are dark. Unlike Kuya's, even though the color scheme is purely masculine, there's still a sense of life.
I sat down while looking around. I noticed some glasses and clutter on the dining table. It looked like someone had eaten there while reading or tearing up paper.
"Do you want anything to drink?" he asked.
I hadn't even answered yet, but he was already walking to the kitchen. I didn't complain—maybe he just really wanted to offer something while I waited for his brother.
To be honest, I couldn't help but admire his behavior. It was so different from what I expected of him this morning. I remembered the words he said, and I suddenly became conscious of myself because of it.
I watched him from where I was sitting. I could really relate to his condition. Keifer said our situations were similar. Is it possible that we're the same? That he also experienced something in his past and can't remember? Does he also change when he sees blood?
What exactly is this condition that we both have?
I immediately looked away when he suddenly turned to me. I didn't want him to think I was watching him. My ex used to call that creepy. A few moments later, he was done. He walked over and placed a glass of juice in front of me before sitting on the sofa opposite me.
"Kuya might be on his way home. Drink first."
I nodded and thanked him. I looked at the juice for a moment because I thought I noticed something, but I quickly dismissed it since he was watching me. I didn't want him to think I was being picky.
Whatever it is, it is what it is.
I drank it and didn't notice anything except the strange taste. I knew it was grape juice, but there was something in it I couldn't quite explain. I only drank a little because of that.
"You don't like it?" he asked, his voice tinged with sadness.
I felt guilty, so I quickly brought the glass back to my lips and drank more. Even though I wasn't sure about the taste, I finished it just so his effort wouldn't go to waste.
I belched a little after finishing the glass. He smiled sweetly at me before standing up and saying he was going to set the dining table. I nodded in response.
A few minutes passed, and I started to feel something strange in my stomach. It burned from the inside. It didn't feel right. I knew I wasn't hungry, and I hadn't eaten anything dirty.
Is it bad to drink juice without eating anything?
A few more minutes passed, and the pain worsened. I gently rubbed my stomach, hoping it would ease, but the pain kept increasing. I started to sweat.
I glanced at Keigan, but he had his back to me and seemed to be writing something.
I lay down on the sofa because of the pain. My body felt weak, and my breathing grew heavier. I also felt nauseous. Something was definitely wrong. This wasn't an ordinary stomachache.
I need to go back to Kuya's unit. I can't let something bad happen here. I need to recover. Next time, I'll stay with Kuya Angelo.
I tried to stand up but immediately sank back down because the pain intensified. I was so weak I couldn't even sit properly. It was embarrassing, but I had to ask for help.
"K-Keigan," I called Keifer's brother. "Can you help me?"
He didn't answer, but I saw him walking toward me, holding a notebook with several pieces of paper.
"Could you please call my cousin? He's in the other unit."
He picked up the notebook and wrote: "The effect is faster when more is applied."
Applied where?
I instinctively looked at the glass I had been drinking from. Oh no. I knew it! That's why it tasted different.
"What… did you put in it?" I groaned, clutching my stomach.
"Glue," he replied casually.
"What? Do I look like paper that needs to be glued?"
I used both hands and arms to try to ease the pain in my stomach. The low grunt gradually turned into a low cry. The pain was getting worse, and I couldn't stop squirming.
I wanted to be angry at him, but I couldn't even speak—the pain overwhelmed everything. I felt like throwing up, but nothing came out.
I didn't know who to ask for help. What if something happens to me while I just wait for this pain to go away? I had to help myself. I fell off the sofa. I couldn't stand, so I had to crawl.
Before I could move forward, I heard a door open. I turned and saw Keiren crying. He was holding his stomach, and after just three steps, he collapsed.
"Brother… my stomach hurts!" he cried.
I looked at Keigan, who was still writing on a piece of paper, ignoring him.
"Just act now," he continued writing.
His brother too?
My eyes widened. What is his problem? Did he really make his own brother drink glue too? Does he have a plan for me?
Keiren's cries grew louder, and worry consumed me. Maybe his young body couldn't handle the pain. If I, being older, felt so weak, how could he bear it?
"Brother!" he pleaded.
Even though I was weak, I forced myself to crawl toward him. I began to cry because every movement worsened the pain. I started screaming too, but I needed to make sure Keiren was okay.
But even before I could reach his fingertips, his breathing grew fainter. I couldn't help but cry with him. I silently prayed someone would come see our condition.
Keifer, please come!
I literally couldn't move. Even breathing made my stomach hurt. I could barely hear Keiren anymore, and that scared me. If help didn't arrive soon, something terrible might happen to him.
My fear finally eased when I heard the door open and Keifer's voice.
"What happened?" he asked, confused.
I saw the worry on his face as he struggled to decide who to help first. I quickly guided him toward his brother.
"Keiren… look at him," I cried.
He rushed to his brother's side and called his name. Like me, he got no response. Don't let him lose consciousness.
Keifer picked Keiren up and came to me.
"Hold on to me, Jay. I'll take you to the hospital," he said, fear and concern clear in his voice.
I couldn't move anymore, but I didn't want to burden him. Even though I wanted to leave on my own, I knew he wouldn't allow it. I gathered the last of my strength and clung to him, forcing myself to stand. I screamed and cried from the pain.
I followed him toward the door. He let go of me briefly to open it. I clung tightly to him, holding on tighter with every step. I didn't want to slow him down, but eventually, I had to let go. I had no strength left.
Keifer fell after me, still holding his brother. I saw his hesitation—who should he help first?
I cried, not from the pain, but out of anger. I hated being useless. I didn't want to be a burden. I didn't want to make things harder for him. He needed to carry Keiren, but I couldn't keep up.
"S-sorry," I sobbed.
"No. No. Don't apologize," he said, then stepped closer. "I'll carry you."
He took my hand and tried to lift me onto his back. I did my best to climb up. Then he picked up his brother again. I held on, even though I felt like I would collapse.
He managed to carry both of us into the elevator. He set us down briefly to rest and pulled out his phone. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but it sounded like he was calling an ambulance.
"It's taking too long!" he shouted.
I looked at him, concerned.
"P-put Keiren first," I whispered.
But he heard me.
"No. I won't choose who to help first. I'll take you both to the hospital."
His strength…
I was jealous of him. His strength and determination were admirable. He would do anything for us. He refused to prioritize one over the other.
I wished I were strong enough to help him. I wished I could ease his burden. I wanted to help.
The elevator bell rang. Keifer was about to carry me again when the doors opened and Kuya Angelo appeared, his crispy skin catching my attention. He picked me up and carried me out of the elevator.
It seems like my prayer has been answered.