There it was, her old, threadbare Buddha beads bracelet. The very one her grandma insisted obsessively that she never take off, no matter what. And apparently, it looked… unharmed? Just like how it looked yesterday, the day before yesterday, the day before that and even on many more days before all of that?
'...'
Did that mean– she didn't die?
Did it mean that she wasn't still dreaming some never-ending nightmare, but was… awake this whole time?
So, the world– it actually didn't change??
'...'
Did that- did that mean… she was actually safe after all?
*****
There were some words her grandma would repeatedly say to her when she was young. 'Don't fear many dreams at night; fear confusion when awake'.
Luo Jingya lightly patted her stomach, which now felt much more comfortable with a warm meal in it and sighed contentedly. Her previously planned meal had been ruined -momentarily decorating a random spot of the sidewalk- so she had once again gone for another meal. A slightly bigger one, in fact.
Of course, the small wonton soup bowl, the Chinese crepe and a new cup of warm soy milk cost her another 14 yuans but…
'Who cares?'
At this moment, Luo Jingya thought she had more important matters to worry about. She usually has pretty good self-awareness. And by now, it was clear as daylight that there was something wrong with her head.
The nightmare– it was nothing but just that, a nightmare. And the fact that she lost her job? Well, who wouldn't experience this type of crazy, unsettling coincidence at least once or twice in their life?
Really, when she thought about it, it wasn't that surprising to begin with. For years, she had been in a constant state of stress, first worrying about her only relative in the world. And then, the debts had come, and it had been a case where all bets were off!
'...'
It was a wonder she lasted until now, without snapping.
But, first and foremost, if she had some mental… problem, she would need to consult a doctor… a psychiatrist, before everything else, no?
And it would cost money... precious money she could have otherwise used to pay off the last remaining portion of her debt.
'...'
Luo Jingya shook her head to get rid of the depressing thoughts. It didn't matter. At most, things would stretch for a year or two at most. Plus, her illness, it might not be that severe, right?
Like- it only appeared today and very suddenly at that as well. She even managed to identify the problem so quickly ah!
It would always be the old ailments that would be difficult to cure. New illnesses usually wouldn't take long to get better.
Luo Jingya consoled herself in this manner, once again starting to feel optimistic. Moping around and worrying won't solve any problem. Directly taking action like this was the best choice to make ah!
'I have insurance. And I think I can... cover the rest?'
And now that she thought, losing her job in this way was almost like another blessing in disguise. It gave her some precious free time to rest and regroup. A luxury she hadn't been able to enjoy for years now.
"CLANG! BAM!!"
Luo Jingya slowed down as she saw she was entering the street section of the Xinshi 1st compound. The demolition has been going on for quite some time now. Two of the buildings were already down while the workers were handling heavy machinery, noisily working on the third one.
"THUD!!!"
With a heavy crash followed by a booming thud, a section of the building's 3rd floor came down. Luo Jingya covered her nose out of reflex as dust stirred up while the debris settled down, forming the irregular peak of an already existing heap of rubble.
"..."
'Wait a-' she stared unseeingly at the ruins as a distant memory accompanied by a feeling of deja vu suddenly came over her. This–
'...'
'Oh come on! Not this again!' Stop thinking about the stupid dream!!
Luo Jingya shivered a little under the harsh late morning sun before shaking off the uneasy feeling while laughing nervously. It was perfectly normal to think of absurd things that you once experienced, even after you have logically proven to yourself that it wasn't what you thought it was, but something entirely harmless and normal.
'I'll book that appointment.' As quickly as possible.
The demolition of the Xinshi 1st compound was no secret. It had been nearly two weeks since the work started and Luo Jingya had walked past this place more than just once or twice during this period. What was that saying– 'What you see by day, you dream about by night'? Or something along these lines?
'Are they also going to demolish our compound?' Luo Jingya thought that she should ask uncle Wang, their gate keeper. The old man might be a bit grumpy, but he was gossipy and knew almost everything that went around in the neighbourhood.
And if they were going to demolish the 4th compound, she would have to look for another place. Though she feared that nothing would come close to being as cheap as her current place ah~
Luo Jingya threw one more cursory glance inside the Xinshi 1st compound, already starting to lose interest. There was nothing interesting to watch any an-
'Hmmm? They are already working on the last one?'
A row of scaffoldings had already been set at the second floor level of the front face of the 4th Danwei units building. One young worker wearing black jeans and a black t-shirt had climbed onto the scaffoldings and was fiddling with some old, stained windows on that wall.
Luo Jingya absentmindedly mused whether this person wasn't feeling hot under this sun, wearing an all black get up. If it were her, she would feel suffocated! She might even end up fainting oh.
The thought was fleeting and she quickly shook it off as she turned to walk away. What she now needed was have a good, long rest. Maybe, after a na-
'Eh? What's th- a dog?'