Sweat ran down Paulo's forehead as he packed his things once and for all. He had already quit his job, where he had spent the last ten years. He really liked the company he worked for and the people around him, but at that moment, he needed a change. And a big one.
He had been putting it off for months, but the sign he had been waiting for finally arrived in his LinkedIn inbox—a remote job offer. He could work from anywhere in Brazil if he wanted to, and the salary was a bit higher than his previous one. He didn't have to think twice before accepting and giving that crazy idea of his a shot.
Soon, he would be moving to Chasses, where he would live in a wooden house in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a large forest, animals, and a beautiful garden where he could sit for hours reading his favorite horror books, without caring about anything else. Not that he had any experience with gardens or plants, but he was willing to learn. And of course, he would have plenty of time for that, considering the town didn't have much to do.
For some time now, his love for the big city and the crowd of people had been fading. The idea of living in a small and isolated town, where he could have animals, plants, a nice yard, and no noise pollution like in the big city, had been growing stronger inside him. He didn't know where that desire came from, but he had a hunch it had always been there, hidden away or pushed aside until it became so small he forgot it even existed.
How long had it been since he first thought about that? Five years? Back then, he was still married to his ex-husband. Ten years together. Ten years full of good memories and lessons. But life happens, people change, and the two of them, unfortunately, developed tastes that went in opposite directions. So they ended things about six months ago. On top of that, another important factor came into Paulo's life, which made him question everything about who he really was. Something he didn't like to talk about with anyone, and still felt ashamed of when he thought about it.
He would be leaving a few close friends behind, but in today's world, that's not such a big deal. They could still talk every day over the phone, and driving to Blumenau wouldn't take that long. He just needed a new experience—living in an isolated place. He had always lived in a big city, where everything was easily accessible, and where people were always around. He never took time to reflect on what really made him who he was.
He had been thinking a lot about that in recent days. People often talked about personality, and he never really understood or knew what his was.
He liked books and horror stories. He sometimes liked writing. He sometimes liked gaming too. Over the years, he liked going to clubs and bars less and less. Once a week was enough to make him want to spend the rest of the days at home, enjoying a good movie, book, or game. But was that his personality? Was being shy a personality trait? Was it like reading a personality? Was being creative a personality trait? He didn't know the answer, and deep down, he thought maybe it didn't matter. People should live more and do what they enjoy instead of trying to describe or define themselves.
All you need is to find people with similar interests and spend hours talking about what you like, or find others with different tastes, and also spend hours talking, learning about new things you might end up liking.
Looking around the room now, almost completely empty, tears streamed down his face. So many memories of the ten years of marriage ran through his mind. The day they moved into that apartment to start their lives together. They made plans for the future, travel plans, plans to grow old together and only die when they were ninety years old, senile and toothless, but happy for having shared an entire life. Most were good memories, but he remembered the bad times too. The silly fights were about how one spoke to the other when irritated. The first serious argument was because Paulo stayed out late drinking with work friends and didn't even text his husband. And the most recent and most painful of all, the one that made Paulo finally ask to end the marriage.
Paulo shook his head to shake off the memories. There was no point in dwelling on the past and crying over it. He had to focus on the life ahead and the new experiences to come.
When he finished packing his bags, he walked toward the door to set them down. He took one last look around the apartment, now completely empty, and then headed to the car to finally drive to his new home.
It would be a six-hour drive. And his heart was pounding with joy, sadness, and excitement about what lay ahead. If he didn't like living a quieter, slower-paced life, that was okay. He could always come back to the city and start over. But he needed to experience it to be sure it wasn't just a fantasy in his head.
He turned the key in the ignition and started the engine. Closed his eyes and whispered:
— Chasses, may you bring me back the will to live that I left behind some time ago.
As if blessing the future of his ex-husband and friend, a message from Carlos appeared on his phone screen:
"Good luck with your new life, my love! If you need anything, I'll always be here."
Paulo smiled and felt a peaceful calm wash over him.
The universe was already moving. And it seemed promising.