[Time until First Encounter deadline: 22 hours, 14 minutes.]
[Host is advised to begin social engagement. Stiffness level: 87%.]
I groaned into my hoodie sleeve, dragging myself down the street like a condemned man. I hadn't made it more than two blocks and already felt like I was walking with a time bomb between my legs.
"Why are you still talking?" I hissed under my breath.
[Because Host continues to ignore the objectives.]
"Because the objectives are insane," I snapped. "You seriously expect me to just run around charming women like some budget anime protagonist? Do I look like I'm built for a harem?"
[No. But monetary compensation may change that.]
I stopped walking.
"…What?"
[The Harem System offers progressive financial rewards for successful bonding milestones.]
[Examples:
— First kiss: $10,000
— First time: $50,000
— Second partner: Additional $30,000
— Maintaining multiple relationships: Monthly stipend begins at $20,000.]
I stood in stunned silence, on the sidewalk, as the figures hung in my brain like shiny dollar-shaped bait.
"Wait. You're saying I get paid… cash… for getting laid?"
[Provided emotional connection is genuine. Physical acts without bond yield no reward.]
"And if I manage to date more than one girl… monthly income?"
[Affirmative. Bonuses increase with relationship depth, balance, and satisfaction metrics.]
I stared ahead blankly as a kid on a scooter zoomed past, blissfully unaware that I was having the most depraved moral crisis of my life.
"Hold on," I said slowly, "how does the system even have money?"
[System has access to global financial loopholes, high-frequency trading algorithms, and one moderately illegal crypto farm in international waters.]
"…I'm sorry—what?"
[You want the money or not, Host?]
"…Yes."
It came out of my mouth faster than I meant it to. But how could I not say yes?
I was broke. I'd eaten cup noodles for the past four days. I lived in a studio apartment with a bathroom door that wouldn't close all the way. My bank account sighed every time I opened the app.
And now this freaky sex-AI was dangling life-changing money in front of my face—all in exchange for doing what my lower half already wanted to do every time a soft breeze hit my jeans?
"…Okay. Hypothetically, if I were to entertain this, where the hell am I supposed to meet someone?"
[Target #1 is nearby.]
"Oh god, you already picked someone?"
[System matchmaking algorithms have determined a viable candidate within your vicinity.]
[Name: Mia Caldwell. Age: 22. Occupation: Barista. Compatibility: 84%.]
"Mia… wait, that Mia?"
I turned my head instinctively across the street. There, through the coffee shop window, stood a girl I vaguely recognized—a slim brunette with short hair, smooth tan skin, and a sharp, confident vibe that screamed out of your league.
She was wiping down a counter, looking bored. Her sleeves were rolled up, apron snug around her waist, and she was tapping one finger to the rhythm of the indie music playing inside.
I'd ordered coffee from her maybe three times.
We'd made eye contact once.
She hadn't smiled.
"Okay, see, this is the part where your plan falls apart," I muttered. "She doesn't even know I exist."
[Which is why you must introduce yourself. Flirt. Compliment. Offer a tip. Begin engagement sequence.]
"You want me to go in there and flirt with her while I'm dealing with this—this cursed dick situation?"
[Stiffness level: 91%. Suppression advised.]
"This is sexual sabotage."
[This is opportunity.]
I groaned and looked down at myself. I'd worn the loosest pants I could find, but I still looked like I was shoplifting a baguette in my crotch.
"Fine," I hissed. "But if I get arrested, I'm dragging you down with me."
[System has diplomatic immunity.]
"…You're the worst."
I crossed the street.
Every step was a gamble. One wrong movement and I was convinced I'd brush against something the wrong way and just collapse from sheer pressure. The bell chimed as I entered the café.
Mia glanced up.
"Hey, welcome. Be with you in a sec."
Her voice was even better than I remembered. Husky, a little rough around the edges. She didn't smile, but she didn't look annoyed either.
Progress.
I took a deep breath. Then another.
My erection pulsed like it was excited to be part of the team.
"Hi," I said, walking up to the counter.
She glanced at me. "Hey. Usual?"
"Uh. I don't actually remember what I ordered last time."
She raised an eyebrow. "Then how would it be your usual?"
Crap. Abort. Abort.
"I meant… surprise me."
She gave me a skeptical look but started making something anyway. Her movements were sharp and efficient. I tried very hard not to think about her hands.
[Compliment her, Host.]
"She's literally holding a steaming wand near her chest—this feels like a trap."
[Engage.]
I cleared my throat. "You, uh… you move really fast. It's kinda impressive."
She glanced at me. "That a pick-up line?"
"What? No—unless it's working. Is it working?"
She snorted under her breath. A small smile. Tiny. Barely there.
But there.
"Five bucks," she said, handing me the drink.
I slid a twenty onto the counter. "Keep the change."
Her eyes flicked down. "That's a big tip."
"So's my… heart."
She blinked.
I wanted to die.
But then—miracle of miracles—she laughed.
It was short, sharp, and unguarded. "You're either the worst flirt I've ever met or the ballsiest."
"Why not both?"
She tilted her head, and for a moment, her gaze lingered just a little too long. There was something curious in it. Amused. Intrigued, even.
[Target receptivity increased. Affection +3.]
"Come back when you're this funny without the caffeine," she said, and turned to the next customer.
I walked out of the café with a hard-on, a latte, and a system voice practically buzzing in my skull.
[Congratulations. First Encounter achieved. Punishment Protocol lifted.]
"Oh thank god," I sighed as the pressure between my legs finally, finally eased. Like someone had turned off a hose.
[New Objective: Increase bond with Mia Caldwell. Reward for successful kiss: $10,000.]
I stopped walking.
"…You really weren't kidding."
[System never jokes. Except when mocking you.]
"You know what?" I muttered, sipping my drink. "Fine. You win. Let's play the game."
[Affirmative. Let the harem building begin.]