Raizen didn't pay attention to Tsunade's reaction, and with a head full of self-mockery lowered, he continued speaking, "It's just that I'm staying in the Konoha Hospital, and the Anbu ninjas are, after all, Konoha's ninjas. Considering the impact, Hiruzen is unlikely to let them make a move on me in broad daylight."
"So they're waiting for me to leave the hospital, on the way home, to then fabricate some accident or whatever."
"And I immediately figured out why Hiruzen suddenly decided to make a move on me without any prior warning."
"Because me dying aligns better with the village's interests."
"Every Anbu ninja is an elite of the village. Having four elite Anbu monitor a civilian is a huge waste, it's not worth it at all."
"Anyway, it's been over two years since I was expelled from the Uchiha clan. If I suddenly died in an accident now, no one would care, no one would mind."
"Restless, I did something."
"I took out a poison that was once used by Sunagakure, spent four hours racing against time to make an antidote, and happily shared it with everyone around me."
"I knew the people monitoring me would report the news, but at that moment I was more desperate than ever for this news to reach the higher-ups faster, even faster."
"Because I had no idea when the Anbu's blade would be swung down at me."
"That day after work, I didn't go home. Instead, I chose to work overtime all night."
"I was waiting, for a turning point."
"And praying that Konoha's higher-ups would see my value through this and pause their plans to eliminate me."
"Early the next morning, someone suddenly notified me to go to the Pharmaceutical Department. Koharu Utatane summoned me and handed me a poison."
"The first thing she said was, 'Evil little Uchiha brat, you must formulate the latest antidote within four hours, or you'll surely die.'"
"I did it, so as you see, I temporarily escaped danger."
"I naively thought that as long as I kept demonstrating my value, I could keep living."
"Then you appeared, suddenly wanting to challenge me."
"The moment I saw your astonishing talent, I panicked."
"Because it was as if I saw my own future, that if one day you beat me, it would mean I'm no longer irreplaceable."
"That group already wanted to get rid of me, what chances would I have to live then?"
"So, night after night, I stayed up researching medicine, researching medical ninjutsu, racking my brain for everything, just so you wouldn't catch up to me. That way, I could continue to live."
"At that time, I was also extremely puzzled. Why did you have to cling to me? I don't think I ever offended you, right? Why suddenly push me to death?"
Raizen's emotions grew more and more intense, to the point of being uncontrollable, glaring at Tsunade.
"I…", Tsunade was already flustered by this point, and had understood everything clearly.
But Raizen kept going, "After the first competition, I kept defeating you again and again."
"But it seemed like you weren't planning to let me go, you were determined to keep challenging me."
"So I changed strategies."
"I thought, if I become more and more rude to you, if I start insulting you, squeezing you out, belittling you, deliberately angering you, deliberately hurting you…"
"Would you maybe stop coming to find me then?"
"At the same time, I worked desperately to treat patients to boost my reputation, hoping to add another layer of protection for myself."
"But you still came back again and again to challenge me, vowing to defeat me."
"I'm truly confused, Tsunade, where did I offend you? Why do you insist on driving me to death, giving me no way out?"
"I beat you just to survive, what's wrong with that?"
"For so many years, I've poured my life into researching medical ninjutsu, doing everything not to let you surpass me, do you really think I'm competing with you for glory or power?"
"I don't have that kind of leisurely interest."
"This competition between the two of us, for you, Tsunade, is nothing more than a boring little game."
"But for me, Raizen, each time has been a life-or-death battle."
"If I lose, I die, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
The final few words, Raizen practically shouted.
And Tsunade couldn't say a word anymore. The cruel declarations she had sworn in her heart before had already completely vanished.
She truly hadn't thought it would be like this. She really just simply wanted to compete with Raizen and beat him.
If she had known earlier that Raizen would die if he lost, how could she have persistently, relentlessly forced him to fight all these years?
Actually, starting three years ago, Raizen had been trying to avoid the matches, using many methods.
He even attempted to admit defeat before matches, and his tone sometimes carried a trace of loneliness and helplessness.
It was her, Tsunade, who forced Raizen to make a move every time, using all kinds of means.
The worst time, Raizen hid at home sleeping just to avoid her.
In the end, she, Tsunade, stormed into his home, dragged him out of bed, and hauled him to the hospital for a match.
"Tsunade, oh Tsunade, you're the noble princess of Konoha, how could you possibly understand my suffering?", Noticing the change in Tsunade's expression, Raizen continued bitterly.
"Your status has destined you to be high above in the village."
"Unlike me, the only reason the village let me live was because of my value."
"As you gradually revealed your talent, and as I couldn't train chakra, the gap between us in medical ninjutsu became smaller and smaller."
"The 48th match, you beat me, proving for the first time that I wasn't irreplaceable."
"Then you insisted on working at the hospital, becoming a famed doctor alongside me, that was the second time you proved I wasn't irreplaceable."
"Now, without even consulting me, you joined the Pharmaceutical Department and developed new medicine, that was the third time you proved I wasn't irreplaceable."
"Koharu Utatane had already turned against me long ago, how many times has she tried to kill me?"
"If she could, she wouldn't even let me live one more day."
"And now, you, Tsunade, suddenly declared to everyone that I, Raizen, am worthless, that even keeping me alive is a waste."
"So, Tsunade, tell me, do I still have any hope of living?", Raizen, emotionally overwhelmed, laughed in despair and said with tears in his eyes, "The funniest thing is, it was actually you, Tsunade, who went to find Koharu Utatane."
"In other words, it was you, Tsunade, who handed the knife into her hands and begged her to kill me."
"These past four months, I truly thought we had become friends."
"Every time we studied medical ninjutsu together, I felt a happiness I had never felt before."
"I slowly accepted you, recognized you."
"But you, why did you harm me? Why did you harm me like this?"
"Anyone could harm me. Why, of all people, did it have to be you, Tsunade?"
"Do you hate me that much, Tsunade? Will you really not stop until you've completely destroyed me?"
"SAY SOMETHING! WHY WON'T YOU SPEAK?", Raizen shouted like a madman, accusing, "I'm asking you a question, WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER?"
"Is it that hard to answer? Speak!"
"I'm not a ninja. I'm just an ordinary civilian. I want time to honor my adoptive parents. I still have to take care of my younger brother."
"I just want to live, is that not allowed?"
At this moment, Tsunade couldn't utter a single word. Her tears had long since burst uncontrollably.
And her body was completely frozen, her heart felt like it was blocked by countless boulders, all her emotions trapped inside with nowhere to go.
She had originally thought it was Raizen who had gone mad.
But in truth, Raizen wasn't mad.
The mad one was her, it was her constant pressure that single-handedly created Raizen's current desperate situation.
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