'Shit... I think I'm dying...'
Lukas placed his hand on his belly just to make sure.
Squelch.
Yep. Blood.
His shirt was soaked with blood.
'Well, I suppose that's what happens when you get shot.'
Plunk.
Lukas winced as the grocery bag he was holding fell to the ground, knowing that probably wasn't a good thing. His brother really didn't like dirty potatoes.
'I- I could just clean them...'
Lies. The world around him was becoming darker every second. It was a strange feeling, but he could literally feel his life leaving his body.
Knowing he was actually about to die, Lukas sighed before flipping off the man who shot him. Of course, the fucking coward had run away long ago, so he was just flipping off air.
'Eh. It... can't be helped.'
As he fell to the ground, Lukas wished he had lived his life differently.
Instead of gambling and getting caught up with gangs, he wished he had been a good older brother.
He should've taken his little bro to a baseball game or played a video game with him. You know, the stuff a brother who wasn't a complete asshole would do.
'Yeah, there's quite a bit I could've done better.' Lukas concluded to himself.
He knew nobody was listening and that nobody gave a shit.
Life didn't care about whether you were happy or sad. It just spent its entire time kicking you in the balls.
...
'I don't think this is how the afterlife is supposed to look,' Lukas thought as he got a face full of balloons—the woman kind. The kind that filled your face with divine, squishy goodness...
Closing his eyes, he savored the moment for another second before pushing the girl off him. He wasn't exactly the kind to deny a generous girl's offer, but there were slightly more important questions right now.
Like, why wasn't he dead?
'Not that I want to be!'
It's just... well, he never heard of the afterlife being some fancy golden room with a heavenly, busty milf riding all up in his grill. Usually, it was some horny dude poking you with his stick.
Uh, trident, pitchfork... something like that. Not the other kind of stick...
'Focus.' Lukas thought as he smacked his face 1 time, his secret trick.
Looking around the room, he wondered if its owner knew about anything besides gold. Like, seriously! Even the fucking food was golden!
Honestly, it seemed like if you were in this room and you weren't a hot chick or dead man, boom! You're a piece of gold!
Like, really. What was this guy's deal? Gold chandelier, gold floor, gold walls... these were all things he understood.
But a golden couch? What, does he want his ass to break?
Shaking his head, Lukas wondered what kind of person you'd have to be to live in a place like this. Probably a god or something.
"Hello, mortal! I know you may be wondering why you are here and not the hellish pits of... hell, but worry not! I, the mighty sword god Physsus, am the one who saved you!" A loud voice boomed through the air, reverberating off the abundant gold as it coalesced into a single boom.
Lukas gazed the room, wondering who could wield such a mighty voice. After a few seconds, he was sure the sword god had some kind of invisibility skill.
Because there was no way he was a small as fuck pudgy dwarf.
Yet, when that voice came into existence again, it was the dwarf who was speaking.
"Yes, I know it might be shocking, but I have found use for your pitiful existence! You see, there is a task I need done, and I have selected you to do it!"
'Task? Like a shitty quest some protagonist takes?'
Lukas looked at the supposed sword god, completely unimpressed. What kind of god needed a dead person's help?
Somehow missing Lukas's compete disinterest despite his stature as a god, Physsus gleefully skipped his way over to him. Then, he summoned a regular old iron sword in the air and said, "Here, hero! Take this as an esteemed gift of yours truly!"
"A shitty iron blade? Didn't you say there was a special task I needed to do?" Lukas asked, unwilling to play along with the idea of accepting this gift for even a second.
This man in front of him was a god, no? Which meant he had access to legendary weapons! Why the fuck would he take some stupid regular sword instead of an overpowered legendary sword?
Physsus took a confused look at the sword and then back to Lukas, muttering, "uh... well... this has never happened before. You're... you're supposed to just accept the sword and then complete the quest for miniscule rewards. Rinse and repeat until you've suffered for a few thousand chapters, beat the final boss, and settle down with a hot harem."
Shaking his head, Lukas patted the god's shoulder as if he was comforting him. Then, Lukas said, "Well, why don't we just skip all of that, eh? You said there's a task for me to complete? If you give me a legendary sword, I'll be able to do that no problem! If not..."
Lukas shrugged before continuing.
"Well, I'm probably going to die, just like I was going to anyway. And, you'll be shit out of luck!"
A dark shadow crossed the god's face for just a second before he forced it away. However, Lukas had already noticed it by then.
'So, this task is very important, huh?' He thought as he watched the god even closer.
After a few seconds, Physsus finally whispered, "Th-that makes sense. It'll take a lot of work on my end, but I can get you a strong weapon. So- well, you promise to complete my task?"
'This easy? It's almost not any fun!' Lukas thought, wondering how a god could fall apart so easily. There had to be stronger gods, ones who wouldn't be extorted so easily.
Though, Lukas found he couldn't complain too much. If he was going to live a new life in a world with gods, if was almost certain that there would be unimaginable dangers. Therefore, he knew it was imperative that he scammed gods for every reward they had.
Also, it was just fun.
Smiling at the god, Lukas said, "Not just yet! A sword isn't enough for me to complete this quest. At minimum, I'll have to be rich as well. Also, it wouldn't hurt to start with a few cool abilities."
With every word, the god's face grew more and more red. He had already offered a legendary sword, but that wasn't enough? This bastard finally grew a pair of balls, but against him of all god's?
Bullshit!!!
As Physsus stared at this stupid mortal, he knew he couldn't be too rash. If he were to smite him here and now, that would only end badly for him. If this task wasn't completed... well, to say he was screwed would be an understatement. However, that didn't mean he couldn't just do that after the mortal finished the task.
Therefore, he didn't see too many problems arising by giving him some abilities.
"Fine." Physsus said as he raised his arm and a green light flowed from it.
The light formed into a system window, followed closely by feeling a sudden surge of strength.
[Ding!]
[Welcome, host: Lukas!]
[The sword god Physsus has granted you the special version of the system he dubbed: Gods' Bitch]
"Now, shoo." Physsus said as he waved his hand.
However, Lukas didn't leave as expected. This was because he had one more request.
"Are you fucki— ok, what is it?!" Physsus shouted, far beyond annoyed.
Lukas blinked once before saying, "Oh. My apologies. Uh, because I'm doing you a huge solid, I just wondered if you could, uh, use your really cool god powers to keep my brother safe?"
The god rolled his eyes but nodded. "Yea yea. Now, shoo!!!"
Lukas smiled as he entered his new life, knowing the imbecile god would keep his word.