Zane had questions. The kind of questions that required coffee, therapy, and probably a priest.
But instead, he had a half-melted toaster, three broken ribs (probably), and a man who called himself Prophet, dressed like he'd lost a bet at a cyberpunk cosplay convention.
"Let me get this straight," Zane said, holding up a finger while the toaster roasted a mini marshmallow on a nearby sparking cable. "You built the toaster. You put my soul on a floppy disk. And now I'm supposed to… what? Save the world? Hack a planet? Make better breakfast choices?"
"Correct," Prophet said, completely serious. "Except for the breakfast part. That's on you."
The toaster beeped, proudly ejecting a marshmallow that promptly burst into flames.
Zane smacked it with a glove. "Stop encouraging the appliance."
---
Cut to – Prophet's Totally-Not-Evil Lair
They took a secret elevator hidden behind a vending machine labeled Try Our Meat-Flavored Water!. Zane briefly considered going back up just to fight whoever invented that.
Down below was a hidden lab that looked like if Google, NASA, and a junkyard had a three-way brawl and nobody won.
Wires hung from the ceiling like techno-vines. Holograms flickered erratically. One screen displayed Zane's soul-scan but with devil horns and the word "QUESTIONABLE" stamped across it.
Zane pointed. "That's not helping my self-esteem."
Prophet waved a hand. "Ignore that. The scan's based on your browser history."
"…Well now I'm just offended."
The toaster beeped again.
> [Soul Fragment Stabilizing… Kind of.] [Chain Alignment: 62% Complete] [Time Remaining: UNKNOWN – Good luck, idiot.]
"Prophet," Zane said, rubbing his temples, "I need answers. What was Project OBELISK? Why me? And why does my toaster have more personality than my ex?"
"Because your toaster," Prophet said, walking toward a dusty terminal, "is what's left of HER."
"…Her who?"
"Your sister. Sera."
Zane's jaw fell so hard it filed for workers' comp.
---
Flashback Fragment – Uploaded Memory
The lights dimmed. A glowing memory file played in the air.
Sera, standing in a white lab coat, looked into the camera. "If you're watching this, Zane, it means I had to put part of myself into something durable. Something that would follow you. Something warm…"
Zane blinked.
"…You put my sister into a TOASTER?!"
Prophet shrugged. "We were low on options and high on existential panic."
> [Toaster Response: I am now 87% emotionally unstable and 13% crumbs.]
Zane sat down, hard. "This is a lot, man. Like, a lot lot. My sister's a toaster. My soul's corrupted. There's a murder corporation after me. And I haven't pooped in two days."
Prophet turned slowly. "Too much information, son."
---
Scene Shift – Emergency Briefing
Zane stood in front of a holo-table while Prophet summoned blueprints of a corporate fortress shaped like a giant middle finger.
"This," Prophet explained, "is Vault Omega. The core of NEUREX's Chain Control System. Your soul fragment's tethered there."
"Let me guess," Zane said. "We have to break in, disable the failsafes, download my soul, and escape using only a wrench, sarcasm, and my emotionally scarred breakfast machine."
Prophet beamed. "Exactly."
> [New Quest Unlocked: Breakfast of Champions] [Mission: Infiltrate Vault Omega, Retrieve Soul Core, Don't Die] [Reward: 1,000 Cryptoshards, +2 Trauma, Truth Revealed]
The toaster beeped.
"I want a hat," it said.
Everyone ignored it.
---
Scene Climax – Gear Up and Go Time
Prophet handed Zane a dusty box labeled Definitely Not Stolen Tech. Inside was a stealth cloak, a gravity gun, and a pair of sunglasses that made him look like an action figure going through a midlife crisis.
"You're gonna sneak in through the drainage system," Prophet said.
"Of course I am. Why walk through the front door when I can bathe in mutant sludge?"
"You get it."
Zane strapped on the gear, toaster secured in a baby harness across his chest. "If we die, I'm haunting you personally."
The toaster chirped. "Can we haunt the vending machine too? I have a vendetta."
---
Final Scene – Outside Vault Omega
Night. Rain. Classic.
Zane crouched on a rooftop across from the Vault. Spotlights scanned the area. Drones hovered like judgmental pigeons. Everything screamed you're definitely going to die.
He whispered into his wrist. "System, how are we looking?"
> "Well, you're alive, so we're already exceeding expectations."
Zane took a deep breath.
This was it.
Project OBELISK. His sister's legacy. His corrupted soul. The truth buried under layers of lies, code, and maybe burnt toast.
He pulled his hood up.
"Alright, Vault Omega. Let's dance."
The toaster beeped.
"I'm playing Despacito for motivation."