"No, not anymore. You know how to handle yourselves now. Staying with you as I am now won't help anyone. And-", I make sure to have my face cast in shadows as I continue, "There is someone I need to find in Ba Sing Se."
"Then we'll go with you", Aang says determinedly.
...
I shake my head no. "Ba Sing Se is full of Dai Li agents, The city isn't the place for you three yet. Not without learning to earthbend before you get there. I, on my own can make myself invisible. But as a group we'd be watched closely enough to significantly raise the risks", it's all true, but saying it still feels somehow painful.
"Dai Li agents? Just who do you need to find that you need to watch out for them?", Sokka questions, equally suspicious and upset.
"I intend to make contact with former General Iroh of the Fire Nation. He knows his little brother best, and he might give me access to his knowledge."
"But… why do you need to know more about the Firelord?", Katara questions.
Aang's eyes flicker from my face to the ground. "For me, isn't it? It's for me."
There is a look of sudden comprehension on Katara's face, after hearing that. "You said that Aang might not have to be the one to deal with the Firelord, yesterday. You meant… what, how would you stop him?"
"That's something I'd like to hear myself", O-Ting suddenly says from beside me, where he is scrunching up his cloak as a makeshift pillow to sit on.
I take a deep breath as I consider my answer. All of them are sensitive to the topic, and I could lose any of the trust I gained with Katara, Aang and Sokka, while O-Ting could very well decide he didn't like my methods. "There are… ways of dealing with even Firelords", and I am quick enough to continue before the implications of that sink in properly, "But those are…"
"Abhorrent? Disgusting? Corrupted? Evil?", Katara suggests.
"Unlikely to be successful in the fist place. There must have been attempts before. No, what I want to know about Firelord Ozai in order to end the war, is where his worst enemies are hiding. I'll go from there to forging a plan", I explain, pointedly ignoring her struggle to find words for how horrible a person I am.
"It's not bad, as far as plans go", O-Ting offers quietly, giving me perhaps another minute of respite before Sokka begins to argue.
"The reason you are going to go on without me for a while is that this city can be taken back without the exhausted Avatar and company. You all need rest and time to recover."
"But you're injured worse than any of us."
"True, but already I'm fine again."
"We are, too! And you can't just decide for us what we need or what we do!"
"Come on, Katara! Don't pretend like this doesn't feel like a nightmare to you!", I whisper-yell, "Look at you! Drawn, pale, exhausted. You're almost ready to go home, if you weren't so stubborn!", it's more forceful than I intended to be.
But the others are looking at her now, how withdrawn she looks, even with fire in her eyes. I take another deep breath, "As for why I can't wait for much longer to find Iroh, the Comet is approaching come the end of summer. That's only so many months for us to do anything at all."
Sharp looks from O-Ting, Katara and Sokka prompt me to explain almost as much as Aang's confused noise. "Sozin's Comet marked the beginning of the war. That was almost exactly one hundred years ago. It returns every hundred years. The comet gives firebenders tremendous power and the Firelord intends to make use of it. How do you all not know this?"
"How do you?"
"I learned about that comet, and the beginning of the war from my parents, and Arnook would talk about it sometimes when he was smashed. This is unbelievable. No one told you about this?", it actually is. I did learn about comets and their travels through space when I was young from my mother, and this particular comet allowed for the annihilation of the airbenders, so when there was an inkling in the back of my mind that it would return, I read up on it, asked the right people questions. Although I don't understand why no one ever told Aang about that Comet before. Has he even gotten a history-crash-course for the time he was asleep?
"No. Why didn't you tell us earlier?"
"I thought you knew. I thought that was why you left the North Pole before your training was complete. Another year under Pakku and training alongside Katara, and you would be one of the most formidable waterbenders around. Now you're barely fit to be called passable. And you're well on your way to getting that fixed, but Spirits, weren't you worried about how everyone is rushing this along? General Fong was getting nervous because it's only a few months more until we can be sure only every single bender against the Fire Nation could have a fighting chance. I need us all to have more than just a fighting chance. Your part is mastering the elements and communicating with the Spiritworld for guidance. Mine is finding out who can stop the Firelord, so it doesn't have to be you. You're a child, Aang. Anyone who can't grow a beard yet shouldn't be expected to save the world."
And in answer to that, I hear the person I least expected to say anything speak from behind me: "Interesting. Just who are you, waterbender Kaito?"
"A friend to the Avatar, a friend to the people and a man with bloodied hands."
Okay, so that was a bit dramatic.
Well, at least, Sokka's laughing, and Aang is trying to hide a smile.
...
Saying good-bye is hard. Harder than I thought it would be.
As are the hugs Aang gives me. He's surprisingly strong for a young grasshopper. Sokka and I embrace in a very manly way that has him hiding a stray tear in my collar. It will never be mentioned, that I am forced to will my own away. Katara… I give her a genuine smile, raise my brows and open my arms in invitation. She rolls her eyes forcefully, but does give me a hug. A very short one, but it is a hug.
I don't think she would give me one if she knew what I'll be spending my time with for the next few weeks. She doesn't though, and she never will, if I have anything to say about it.
I am hovering between the greyscales of a morally grey area. It is nothing she can understand. Nothing she ever will understand, I should hope. There is precious little about my life that I would wish on her and all that I would, she already has in some form or another.
They are gone just in time for me to finish listening in on strategy discussions between Bumi, the Commander and his Lieutenants. The baby has nodded off in my arms.
Mostly, the plan is to spread out all over the city, lure the Fire Nation into the tunnels, defeat them when possible, collapse the tunnels where it isn't. While that's taking place, fifty or so men will take the palace, give the non-military Fire Nation citizens opportunity to escape and re-seat Bumi on his throne.
Easy-peasy.
I just wonder… how far are all of us here willing to go? These men and women are fighting for their homes. I'm hoping to lend a hand in defeating a totalitarian monarchy with reprobate leaders. And… what else?
To think it comes down to purpose.
I'm disgusted by myself, to have subjected myself to this. To have decided that being governed by the desires of whatever put me here is preferable to allowing plots to play out. Because even that is better than thinking of myself, my existence here, as a mistake. A glitch.
Funny how I understand the need people have to believe in Gods or some such concept that allows for, approves of, our values and ways of thinking better now than I did when I grew up in a semi-Christian household.
Just who are you? Me, who else? But. Who else?
Clearly, I am not restricted by my physical manifestation. My memories have travelled with me. I can recall the time I almost hit a deer perfectly. The day I went hiking in the highlands, ever worried it was going to piss down cats and dogs, finally reaching the peak and standing above the clouds is still a measuring pole for any experience that comes after. Equally, I can remember the day I found out I am a bender in vivid detail.
So, in a sense, my self is separate from my body, a way of interacting with the world around me. It is something that gives me access to experience.
But how much of this world, and how much of my old one overlap? How was I, as an entity with a free will, no clue of my purpose if I have been assigned one, able to travel to another body? Do all of us? If not, what was the criteria?
Purpose.
Well, rather that than an accident. But then, how much of my death was premeditated? Car accidents happen, of course, but it isn't hard to cause one, I imagine, for a being that can pluck a soul, or whatever else I want to call it, spirit, perhaps, from one world and into the next.
That is, if it takes any effort at all. Which it might not. Only because I find it something that shouldn't be too easy, doesn't mean it has to be. Fire in the basement and all that.
The thing is, if it is a Spirit as they are understood here, I might be able to communicate with them, and just ask.
As one does.
Because, convenience.
And, why not?
...
Don't forget to throw some power stones :)
...
If you want to read ahead of the public release, or just want to support me.
you can join my p atreon :
p@treon.com/Numera