> "You either cook, or get cooked. There is no neutral in a shonen kitchen."
— The Blank One, wielding a spatula of destiny
---
[System Lounge – Emergency Food Council]
MC stood before the team, holding a fork like a scepter. His expression was one of unfiltered exhaustion.
MC:
> "This next world has… devolved.
Originally a wholesome reverse-isekai cooking sim.
Now?
The ingredients have gained sentience, attitudes, and personal grudges.
One of them—an onion—achieved God Tier tsundere status and now rules the world."
Kazuma:
> "So we're fighting… food?"
Deadpool:
> "You had me at 'onion' and sold me at 'tsundere.'"
Buggy (sobbing):
> "I am NOT getting diced by a vegetable with feelings!"
---
[Location: Planet DELISH – Kitchen Kingdom Capital]
The city was made of cheese domes and beef towers.
Food walked, talked, and occasionally screamed when touched.
And at the palace gates stood a 6-foot anime girl with onion hair, a massive cleaver, and the energy of a 2006 tsundere with abandonment issues.
Oniona (yes, that's her name):
> "B-Baka! I didn't ask you to enter my kingdom, okay?!
I-It's not like I want to annihilate you or anything!"
MC (dead inside):
> "She's the corrupted Champion. She's absorbed the Core Cookbook."
Saitama:
> "Do I punch the stew?"
MC:
> "No. Let's try cooking diplomacy first."
---
[Phase One – Iron Chef Negotiation]
Tsunade:
> "I made ramen. It heals and slaps."
Oniona:
> "Too salty. Like your attitude."
Rimuru (offering jelly):
> "Taste this—balanced, bold, digestible."
Oniona (blushing):
> "S-Stupid! You think sweet things can fix emotional trauma?!"
Artoria:
> "Yes."
---
[Phase Two – Cooking Showdown: Esdeath vs. Oniona]
Esdeath (wielding frozen knives):
> "I cooked a mammoth over glacial steel. Taste it, or I'll execute you."
Oniona (blushing harder):
> "Y-You're… bold. I-I mean, YOUR FOOD'S BOLD! I'M NOT BLUSHING!"
Deadpool (running a camera):
> "Welcome to Top Knife: War Crimes Edition!"
---
[Final Phase – Buggy's Accidental Goddish Dish]
Buggy, panicking, tossed random ingredients into a pot.
One soul pepper
Two goblin mushrooms
Half a spoonful of cowardice
A tear of regret
He accidentally created a dish that mirrored Oniona's emotional state perfectly.
She sniffed it.
Ate it.
And started crying.
> "This… this stew gets me…
I-I don't want to be alone anymore…"
She exploded into a rainbow of flavor particles, purging the corruption.
---
[Mission Complete]
> +7 Talent Points
+3800 Coins
Reward:
Skill: "Culinary Manipulation (Lv.1)" – Can mildly influence reality through food, emotions, and well-plated snacks.
---
[System Lounge – Digesting the Aftermath]
Kazuma:
> "I'm never eating onion again."
Deadpool:
> "I want a tsundere tomato next time."
Buggy:
> "I was useful. Accidentally. Again."
MC:
> "I swear if the next world has edible romance, I'm retiring."
System Notification:
> "Next World: Multiverse Idol Battle Royale – Fight with Music, Win with Ego."
Everyone:
> "NOOOOOO!!"
---