But it appeared my words didn't get through to him.
The man smirked, twirling his blade with casual menace. "A virgin, huh? Makes no difference to me. All you lizard-monsters look the same when you're dead."
'I'm human, you dumbass,' I wanted to say, but given the situation—my hands feeling the soil beneath me, rough and dry as I unconsciously searched for a way to escape—my eyes darted around.
Only an endless battlefield stretched before me, with a cliff yawning open at the edge.
"Man, how about I tell you life's biggest lesson?" I said, slowly standing up, with my hands clearly forward as I tried the most important tactics to survive an enemy.
"What?"
"Ahem, so, life is like a door; never trust a cow because the sun can't swim. Death is like a hallway; always breakdance on the ceiling because lemons can't become gods."
"What are you blabbering about?"
Seeing his raised eyebrow, I knew my tactic of 'to confuse your enemy, confuse yourself' had failed here.
"Look," another try but no bullshit this time, slowly raising my hands while trying not to hyperventilate, "I just hatched. I literally just got here. I haven't even seen my mommy. Killing me would be like... stomping on a newborn. Bad karma, you know?"
I specifically used the term "karma"—hoping it would work, given how even cultivators fear it in Xianxia novels.
My bad.
He lunged forward with unexpected speed, the blade whistling through the air where my head had been a split second before.
Thank whatever gods were watching that my body moved on its own, twisting away with a strength I definitely hadn't possessed in my previous life.
Sure, I had an athletic body back then, flexible and precise, but there were limits to human capability— no human could backflip two meters into the air.
But I just did.
"Stay still, you slippery little shit!" he growled, slashing wildly.
I kept backflipping, my heart racing. I needed to keep distance between my body and that man's sword.
So, like some Olympic gymnast on steroids, I kept leaping away—each jump absurdly powerful.
Even I was surprised by my agility.
Only someone who'd lived with the restrictions of a normal human body would understand—the way force scatters, the limits of stamina and endurance.
And here I was, backflipping two meters at a time, sailing over other humans.
Their eyes widened in shock.
It was like they all fell in love at first sight with my naked, flying dic—
Best. Experience. Ever.
Simply because I could hear their jealousy.
"Catch him now! That monkey just came out of that egg!"
"Just die already, monkey!"
'Jealous fellows.' Their voices faded as I neared the cliff, gathering every ounce of strength for a final leap.
For a moment, under the silver glow of the moon, I felt majestic.
Naked, moonlight painting my abs, my tail whipping behind me like some dragon-blooded superhero.
And my dragon, above the battleground, flaring like a cape, limp but making it hover like a hero's cape, casting a huge shadow on the men below—making me flinch the moment I catch that sight.
Too much gay-ish.
But the cold night on hot shaft, was nearly arousing.
This freedom and sense of calm throbbing through my body told me that even though I was newly hatched, I wasn't a child—I was muscular, an adult, and very much alive.
With a final strain, like a swimmer diving into the deep, I threw myself into the depth.
Maybe it was because I'd already accepted death that fear never touched me.
If death had to come, better to smash into rocks below than die by their hands.
Smirking in mid-air, I glanced one last time at the four individuals chasing me.
Leading them was an old man—the exact cliché of a Xianxia sect elder: white beard, narrowed eyes, hands folded behind his back, wearing a god complex like scratching an itch on his wrinkled butt that he couldn't reach.
"You know," I inhaled the fresh air, grinning at them, "most people introduce themselves before trying to commit murder. It's just common courtesy."
'Tch, whatever,' I thought, focusing on my descent instead of having some good conversation with these people.
Swish
Just before I vanished from their sight, a sudden sharp pain lanced through me.
"Urgh! My tail!?" I shouted, eyes wide.
I saw it—the thick, one-meter-long white-scaled tail spinning through the air, severed cleanly.
Unlike what I expected, it wasn't some small lizard tail—it was big and hefty.
Not thicker than the tail above my balls, though—I repeat, thickness, not length.
The thing above my ball was big—really big—for me to ignore it, as I felt it hitting my thighs like flesh slapping. It had the limp size I had erected in my past life—5 inches.
But for now, falling toward what should have been certain death, I stretched out and snatched the tail midair.
Taking life lightly, as always.
Maybe that's why life treated me like a joke.
'....I think this story ends here,' I thought, a defeated smile curling on my lips as the fog below rose to meet me.
Ding!
[ New Item added to Mirror Shop ]
'!'
'Huh, wait—no, is this what I think it is?'
A mechanical voice, a shimmering golden screen appeared right before my eyes as I was still free-falling.
Instantly, my brain screamed: This is it! This is my cheat!
Though… was this a transmigration or reincarnation? I hatched out of an egg, but my body was still that of an adult man...
Whatever.
Knowing death wouldn't claim me now that something had awakened, I grinned at the idiots above one last time.
And, without hesitation, I pointed my middle finger at the old man as the fog swallowed me whole.
"Fuck you—nah, sounds kinda gay..."
*****
Elder Moya stood at the edge of the jagged cliff, hands folded behind his back, robes thrashing in the storm's fury.
Below, the newborn man — something unnatural — plunged into the dark depths, naked and insolent, while Elder just looked down uncaring.
"This world..." Moya murmured, voice low, rough, "is nothing like ours."
Three cultivators stood beside him, tense as drawn bows. One, marked by a silver glyph between his brows, leaned in against the wind.
"Humans... born from eggs?" he breathed.
Another gripped his sword, stepping forward. "Elder, should we pursue?"
Moya turned. His eyes locking on the distant sky, where steel beasts rained fire and earth split like paper.
"Leave him," he said, voice cutting through the storm. His gaze narrowed, watching a jet-black machine gouge into the ground. "For today, this is enough."
He took a breath; the air was thin and sickly. "Return. This world has resources, but it still lacks Qi."
Without waiting for their answer, Moya turned, his figure vanishing into the mist, leaving only the shriek of the broken sky behind.