On Thursday morning, I found myself in the common room, the air still carrying the familiar scent of school routine, but for me, tinged with a silent expectation. I sat beside Brianna, our biology textbooks open on the table, but my attention drifted, oscillating between the vivid images of the Japanese garden and the weight of the phone conversation with Louie. Kenji's promise, *I promise that we will meet again,* resonated like a soft echo within me, offering a sliver of peace amidst the uncertainty.
Almost two weeks had passed since my return, a week marked by caution and distance. Classes had blurred by like out-of-focus frames, my smiles felt measured, and Louie's gazes, filled with a silent plea, were intentionally avoided. Anna, always by his side, projected a false aura of triumph, oblivious to the silent storm brewing.
Each day was an exercise in containment. My private lessons, my parents' distant formality, the constant presence of Anna and Louie... all contributed to an underlying tension that threatened to shatter my newfound serenity. But I clung to the calm the dream had gifted me, trying to apply the patience and observation that Kenji had hinted at.
Suddenly, the usual murmur of the common room rose to a palpable tone of excitement. My classmates, those familiar faces with whom I had shared years of laughter and confidences, gathered in a corner, forming a lively circle around someone. Curiosity, a fleeting pang, tried to ensnare me, but I resisted the urge to join the crowd. I didn't want distractions, I didn't want anything to disturb the expectant quiet I was trying to cultivate.
"What's going on?" Brianna asked, her hazel eyes shining with curiosity.
"I don't know," I replied, shrugging with forced indifference. "And I really don't care."
"Come on, Josephine," Brianna insisted, gently tugging on my sleeve. "Don't be so distant. Maybe it's something interesting."
"Go if you want," I murmured, lowering my gaze to the diagram of the plant cell in my book. It was then that I heard Brianna whisper my name with genuine surprise. I didn't look up immediately, but the light touch of her hand on my arm and the unmistakable resonance of a voice I believed relegated to the past forced me to slowly raise my head.
It was Josep.
His presence filled the common room with an unexpected intensity, momentarily eclipsing the teenage bustle. His eyes, once vibrant and full of fraternal warmth, now reflected a complex mixture of confusion, a shadow of regret, and a silent plea. His smile, the one that used to evoke in me a sense of familiarity and unconditional affection, was faint, almost hesitant, as if he doubted his own right to approach.
"Josephine," he said, his voice a deep whisper that resonated in the sudden silence that had fallen over the room, each syllable charged with an emotion I felt vibrate in my own chest. "We need to talk."
My heart lurched, beating with a force that surprised me. A wave of contradictory emotions washed over me: surprise at his unexpected appearance, disbelief at his tangible presence, a sharp pain remembering his absence, and a cautious pang of hope, tinged by the recent memory of betrayal. I didn't know what to say, what to do. I stood still, observing him as if he were a blurry figure emerging from a distant memory.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice barely a thread of sound, trying to maintain the composure that the dream had helped me find.
"I came to see you," Josep replied, taking a tentative step towards me, shortening the physical distance, but the emotional one seemed insurmountable. "I need to explain what happened."
"There's nothing to explain," I said, my voice acquiring a cold and distant tone, an instinctive reaction to protect myself from further potential pain. "You left."
"It wasn't my intention," Josep said, his dark eyes desperately searching mine, imploring understanding.
Silence fell upon us again, a heavy and dense silence, laden with the curious gazes of our classmates. But in that instant, only Josep and I existed, trapped in a small universe of turbulent emotions, with the echo of the conversation with Louie and the serenity of the Japanese dream as a silent backdrop.
I looked him directly in the eyes, trying to discern the truth behind his regret, searching for any sign that aligned with the need to observe actions, not just words. "You left, Josep?" I repeated, my voice now charged with a pain I could no longer hide. "You left and you didn't care about leaving me behind. Do you understand that?"
A painful lump formed in my throat, constricting it, and the tears, which I had fought to contain for days, threatened to overflow, stinging behind my eyelids like fine sand. "I missed you, do you understand?" the accusation came out in a whisper laden with the disbelief of loss. "I cared about you... you were my friend, one of the few who truly knew me. We grew up together, our childhoods intertwined in this world of superficial appearances. You were my only safe haven, a beacon of authenticity amidst the falsehood... and suddenly you disappeared, swallowed by silence for two long years, without an explanation, without a goodbye. And now... now you simply appear out of nowhere, as if nothing has changed."
I paused, my breath catching in the effort to control the trembling of my lips and the tears that fought to escape, blurring my vision. "After you left... I saw you only once, fleetingly, for a few blurry seconds, at the airport, just before you boarded the plane to France," I said, my voice breaking with the memory of that silent and involuntary farewell. "I tried to call you... but you were already far away."
A deep, visceral sadness washed over me, a crushing weight that settled in my chest, making each breath difficult. "I don't know why you came back, Josep," I said, my voice now tinged with an icy bitterness, the pain of absence still sharp. "But don't expect me to forgive you easily. You broke my heart... you made me feel invisible, insignificant."
"Listen to me, okay?" Josep said, his voice now charged with desperate urgency, his eyes fixed on mine with an intensity that made me waver. "There's an explanation for everything, Josephine. I swear to you by everything that connects us that I didn't want to hurt you. It hurt me to leave you too, it hurt me more than you can ever imagine. I missed you... every day was torture without your presence. And that day at the airport... I tried to approach you, desperately, but the crowd was dense, time slipped through my fingers like sand... and when I finally managed to see you, you were already crossing the boarding gate. It was too late. You were my childhood friend, Josephine... my confidante, my support. Many things happened with my parents, decisions that didn't depend on me, complex circumstances that I can't fully explain to you now. But let me tell you, please. Give me a chance... just one chance to explain everything that really happened."
His voice trembled slightly, revealing the sincerity of his anguish, and his eyes reflected a raw vulnerability that for an instant disarmed my defenses. For a fleeting moment, I hesitated. The anger and pain, which had been my constant companions for so long, fought against a pang of curiosity and a faint, almost extinguished, spark of hope. I wanted to believe him, I yearned to understand the void his departure had left in my life. But the memory of his absence, the feeling of abandonment, still hurt with a paralyzing intensity, and the sharp fear of being hurt again froze me, like a statue of ice.
"I don't know, Josep," I finally said, my voice barely audible, a whisper laden with the fragility of my trust. "You hurt me a lot... more than you know. I don't know if I can trust you again... I don't know if I want to."
"I understand," Josep said, with a deep sigh that seemed to wrench the air from his lungs. "I don't expect you to forgive me immediately, Josephine. I know I was wrong, that I failed you. But I promise you... I swear I will do everything possible, every day, to regain your trust. Just give me a chance... a small chance to show you that my friendship was always real. Please."
I stared at him, trying to scrutinize the elusive sincerity that danced in the depths of his dark eyes, searching for any sign that contradicted the caution that Kenji's dream had instilled in me: observe actions, not just words. With a slow and almost imperceptible movement of my head, I indicated that he should sit down in one of the empty chairs nearby. Just then, the shrill bell rang throughout the institute, announcing the start of the next class, and the history teacher entered the room, interrupting the tense atmosphere that enveloped us. The following hours dragged on with exasperating slowness, each minute a silent battle against the whirlwind of my own confused and contradictory thoughts.
Finally, lunch break arrived, an ephemeral oasis in the desert of the school day. Brianna, with her usual contagious energy, guided Josep and me through the bustling dining hall, navigating tables and groups of students until we reached the fresh air of the courtyard. The three of us walked together, a tacit truce suspended between us, Brianna and I striving to maintain a lively and light conversation, as if our words could weave a veil over the palpable tension that still enveloped Josep and me.
Suddenly, a familiar warmth surrounded my shoulders, and the soft pressure of a kiss landed on the crown of my head. A shiver ran down my spine like an electric shock, and a tight knot formed in my throat, stifling any attempt to speak. I turned slowly, my heart beating with a mixture of surprise and a pang of lingering affection, meeting Josep's eyes, filled with a silent plea and a hope that still flickered despite the uncertainty.
Just in front of us, Louie's figure was silhouetted against the midday light, observing us with an indecipherable expression, a mask of contained emotions that failed to hide the dark glint in his pupils. And just behind him, like a menacing shadow, Anna followed with an icy gaze, her narrow eyes distilling a cutting coldness. The atmosphere tensed immediately, the boisterous joy of the courtyard seemed to vanish, replaced by a static electricity, as if an impending storm was about to break over us. Brianna looked at me with evident concern in her hazel eyes.
Louie stared at me, his eyes reflecting a murky mixture of contained rage and a deep disappointment that pierced me like an icy knife. Beside me, I felt Josep's tense presence, his gaze fixed on Louie with a defiant intensity, his muscles taut under his shirt. Anna, on the other hand, displayed a small, triumphant smile, as if enjoying this uncomfortable spectacle, savoring the tension like a bitter sweet. Brianna, to my left, looked at me with a frown, her eyes filled with silent questions and palpable worry.
I, however, remained immobile, my face a mask of studied indifference that struggled to conceal the whirlwind of contradictory emotions that shook me inside. I didn't know how to react, what word to utter. I felt trapped in a dangerous game, where every movement, every breath, could have unpredictable and devastating consequences.
I saw Anna lean in and say something to Louie in a low voice, her lips moving with a venomous quickness, but he seemed to resist her words, not taking his penetrating gaze off mine. We stared at each other, as in the old days, when the connection between us was undeniable, an invisible current that bound us. But now, palpable tension and icy distrust had replaced the warmth and closeness we once shared.
Suddenly, Josep looked at me, his eyes searching mine with a renewed intensity, and then his gaze shifted to Louie, hardening. A half-smile, charged with a strange mixture of defiance and something I couldn't decipher, briefly flickered across his lips before his arms completely encircled me, pulling me towards his chest in an unexpected embrace. The gesture took me by surprise, leaving me paralyzed for an instant. My face was hidden in the soft fabric of his shirt, preventing me from seeing the reaction on Louie's and Anna's faces. I felt the warmth of his body against mine, his closeness awakening latent memories, familiar sensations that I thought I had buried under layers of pain and disappointment.
*Why does everything happen to me?* I thought with a pang of frustration and a growing sense of confusion that pressed on my chest. My life seemed to have become a hopeless labyrinth, full of painful complications and impossible decisions.
Suddenly, a dull thud echoed in the courtyard, a dry thud followed almost immediately by Brianna's sharp cry. A cry of pure surprise and a piercing fear that froze the blood in my veins. I glanced sideways, pulling away slightly from Josep's embrace, and saw Brianna jump back, her hazel eyes wide open, fixed on something I couldn't see. Then, I felt a sharp blow to my shoulder, as if someone had brushed past us with contained violence.
I tried to free myself from Josep's grip, but his arms held me with unexpected strength, as if seeking to protect me from something invisible. Then, I heard Anna's sharp and triumphant voice: "Louie, darling, wait for me! I told you so!"
Her words, laden with a dark satisfaction, momentarily paralyzed me, unable to comprehend the sequence of events I had just witnessed. Finally, Josep loosened his embrace and released me, allowing me to see Brianna's expression, a confused mixture of surprise and growing concern on her face.
"What happened?" I asked, my voice trembling, still confused by the sudden outburst of tension and the dull thud.
Brianna stared at me, her words coming out in a rapid burst, as if trying to narrate an action scene in fast-forward. "Josep hugged you, Louie was coming straight towards us, his face... was furious. Anna grabbed his arm, said something in his ear, and he broke free with incredible abruptness and punched the brick wall. Then, he passed by us, brushing against your shoulder on purpose, with blind rage. Then, Anna ran after him, shouting at him."
I understood perfectly every word, even though Brianna had spoken them at lightning speed. I looked at Josep, my eyes flashing with a cold and contained fury.
"We are going to have a very serious talk about this," I said, my voice low and dangerous, each syllable charged with an implicit threat.
Josep shrugged with forced nonchalance, as if my anger didn't affect him in the slightest. "I was going to your house with my parents tomorrow anyway," he replied, with a carefree smile that only managed to exacerbate my irritation.
I let out an exasperated sigh, feeling frustration and anger accumulate inside me like a tight knot. I allowed Brianna to lead me away from the tense scene, although my mind was far away, trapped in the whirlwind of emotions that shook me. Lunch ended without me taking a bite, and the rest of my school day continued in a kind of somber fog, my classes and interactions with my classmates seeming irrelevant in the face of the storm that loomed over me.
Once home, I attended my private lessons, went down to dinner with my parents, mentally preparing myself for what I already knew they were going to inform me.
As I sat down at the table, my father looked at me with his usual serious and imperturbable expression. "Josep's parents will be coming for dinner tomorrow, with him," he announced, his voice firm and leaving no room for objection or debate.
An icy shiver ran down my spine, despite the warmth of the room. "Tomorrow..." I repeated, my voice barely audible, the growing anxiety gripping my chest. The news hit me like a bucket of cold water, bringing with it a bitter mixture of contained rage and deep unease, confirming what Josep had already told me in the afternoon.
"Yes, tomorrow," my mother confirmed, in a tone that brooked no argument. "It's an important dinner, Josephine. You must behave appropriately and show courtesy."
"Alright, Mother," I let out a tired sigh, resigning myself to the inevitable. Tomorrow I would have to listen to Josep, and the idea filled me with a deep emotional fatigue.