It started, as most of their problems did, with Lucien touching something he definitely wasn't supposed to.
"Guys…" Lucien whispered, holding a sword that was glowing purple and literally cackling. "This sword is giggling. Like… emotionally unwell giggling."
Cain turned slowly. "Lucien. Please tell me you didn't pull that out of the cursed weapons cabinet labeled Do Not Touch Unless You Have a Death Wish or Are Emotionally Ready to Become a Sword Bride."
"It was calling me!"
Ayden screamed from across the room. "PUT IT BACK! That's the Laughing Blade of Draziel, it binds to your soul and whispers terrible jokes until you go insane!"
Lucien blinked. "I mean… sounds like me already."
"Exactly!" Cain shouted, diving toward him.
Too late.
The blade pulsed.
The room shook.
And then—
Lucien's eyes turned neon violet and he let out a dramatic, unhinged laugh.
"Oh no," Selene muttered from the shadows. "He's bonded."
Ayden dramatically collapsed. "Our brother is now married to a blade. A literal blade."
Lucien found himself in a velvet room, sitting at a fancy tea table across from… the sword?
"Hello, darling," said the weapon with a British accent and a face made of swirling shadows. "I've waited centuries for a host with cheekbones like yours."
Lucien blinked. "This is either a fever dream or the start of a weird dating sim."
"Both," said the blade.
Lucien returned from his trance with glowing tattoos along his arms, eyes burning like a Jojo villain.
"Guys," he said, his voice slightly echoing. "I have… power."
Ayden clutched Cain's shoulder. "He sounds like every anime protagonist before they blow up the moon."
Cain drew his daggers. "We're going to need to knock the sword spirit out of him before he starts monologuing."
But Lucien was already floating.
Floating and quoting poetry.
"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves—"
"OH MY GOD, HE'S BECOME SHAKESPEARE."
Cain launched himself with a burst of dark flame, spinning mid-air. Ayden flanked left, firing off lightning bolts that missed Lucien by inches.
Lucien deflected everything with a flick of his wrist, the sword laughing the whole time.
"You cannot defeat sarcasm incarnate!" the blade shouted.
Ayden yelled, "I'VE BEEN TRAINING FOR THIS MY WHOLE LIFE!"
"By watching memes?" Cain yelled.
"Yes!"
Selene appeared, tossing a vial into the air. "Distract him! I'm gonna hit him with a soul-reset potion!"
Lucien somersaulted midair. "You wouldn't DARE ruin my eyeliner glow-up!"
Selene did not hesitate.
She threw the vial.
It exploded in a puff of glitter and lavender mist.
Lucien fell.
Face-first.
Aftermath
Lucien groaned, wiping glitter off his face. "Did I… quote Shakespeare while fighting you guys?"
Ayden: "Yes. And you rhymed. You RHYMED."
Cain held up the blade, which now looked like a normal sword again. "We're locking this in a box and never talking about it."
Lucien nodded. "Agreed. I am officially divorcing the sword."
Ayden grinned. "First soul marriage… and the fastest divorce in history."
They were exhausted. Again. But alive.
Ayden was eating cereal out of a cup with chopsticks.
Lucien was putting cucumber slices on his eyes. "Self-care is important, even if you briefly become possessed."
Cain was silently journaling. Yes, journaling. With sparkly stickers.
Selene entered, arms crossed. "We're supposed to be saving the world."
Lucien mumbled, "We're recharging our crackhead energy."
Ayden added, "And bonding through shared trauma. Duh."
Cain just said, "Tomorrow. We'll save the world tomorrow."
Selene sighed… but smiled.
They were chaos.
But they were her chaos.
Far across the map, a cloaked figure watched their battle through a cracked crystal.
"They're growing stronger…" the figure muttered.
Then sneezed.
"Ugh. Stupid cursed pollen."