After I got up from the fight, every muscle in my body screamed in protest.
MC: "Ugh... pain. My old nemesis. We meet again."
I limped toward home like an old man who'd just lost a fight with gravity. My clothes were torn, blood crusted on my shirt, and my face probably looked like it had done five rounds with a frying pan. But hey, I won. Somehow.
MC: "At least I beat that freakin' angel... demon... whatever that guy was."
The moment I got home, I didn't even make it to the bed. I dropped face-first into my pillow and passed out like a coma patient.
BEEP BEEP BEEP-SMASH!
MC: "SHUT UP!"
My fist slammed into the alarm clock like it owed me money. I rolled over, face stuck to the pillow, and looked at the shattered remains of my alarm.
Me: "...It's only the afternoon?"
A moment passed.
MC: "...WAIT. IT'S THE AFTERNOON?!"
I shot up like a rocket, stumbled around like a drunk octopus, and grabbed my uniform.
MC: "I'M LATE! SHITSHITSHIT!"
I dressed while hopping on one foot, brushing my teeth with one hand and putting on my pants with the other. It was chaos. Eventually, I made it to the school gates, still buttoning my shirt.
And that's when I saw them.
Standing at the entrance were two people-intimidating, elegant, judgmental as hell.
The Vice President... and the President.
Sona and Tsubaki.
MC: "...Oh come on, why the mini-bosses right at the start of the day?"
I slowed down, trying to sneak past. Maybe they hadn't noticed-
Sona: "You're late."
I froze mid-step like a raccoon caught stealing chips.
MC: (slowly turning) "Heeeeeey there..."
Sona: "You're late."
MC: "...You said that already."
She crossed her arms, her glasses gleaming with that anime authority glare.
Sona: "Care to explain yourself?"
I scratched the back of my head, my mind scrambling for an excuse.
MC: "Uhhh... well, you see, I kind of overslept."
I nervously clasped my hands together like I was praying for mercy.
MC: "Won't happen again, promise. Can I get a free pass? Pretty please?"
She eyed me up and down. Her stare was like an x-ray machine hooked up to a lie detector.
Sona: "What happened to you?"
MC: "Oh... that..."
Bruises, cuts, blood-yeah, not the best look.
MC: "Well, I fought some guy who was harassing a girl. Couldn't just let it slide, you know? The fight was intense!"
Tsubaki: "...Hmph."
She said nothing, but I swear she was giving me the 'don't bullshit me' look. Then Sona sighed.
Sona: "Go. Don't be late again."
MC: "YES MA'AM! THANK YOU MA'AM!"
I bowed and dashed into the school like it was the last lap of a race.
As I ran, I heard Sona behind me.
Sona: "Tsubaki."
Tsubaki: "Yes?"
Sona: "Look into him."
Tsubaki: "Understood."
MC (thinking): "Why do I feel like a science experiment now?"
I snuck into class through the back door, ninja-style. As I tiptoed to my seat-
Teacher: "Why are you late, Mr. John?"
MC: (thinking) "How the hell did she see me?! Her back is literally facing me!"
Anime logic strikes again.
I gave some lame excuse. Didn't matter-got detention anyway. Joy.
End of the day.
Everyone was heading out, but nope. Not me. I was stuck in detention, my forehead flat against the desk.
MC: "What a fun day."
I glanced out the window. I saw Issei-good ol' soon-to-be-dead Issei-walking with his girlfriend. Yeah, that one. The killer in disguise.
MC: "Well... here's where the anime starts. Not my problem."
I looked up at the chalkboard, gears turning in my brain.
MC: "Alright, priorities. Learn Gear 3. And most importantly-see if I can use Haki."
Because if I could? That meant half of Luffy's insane moves were on the table. Armament, Observation, and-dare I dream-Conqueror's Haki?
And don't get me started on Gear 5.
MC: "Gear 5... the god-like cartoon freedom mode. Toon Force at max. Reality-bending rubbery madness. That's peak power and peak comedy. I NEED it."
Two hours later, detention ended.
Freedom.
I ran straight to my secret training spot in the forest. The place looked like a war zone-trees snapped in half, rocks cracked, and some poor squirrel probably suffering PTSD.
MC: "Alright. Let's do this."
I dropped my bag and stretched out my limbs like a human slingshot.
Training began.
Punch. Stretch. Kick. Extend. Fall. Get up. Repeat.
I kept trying Gear 3. Failed.
MC: "Dude, why does biting your thumb hurt so much?!"
Nothing inflated.
MC: "I swear if I don't get Gear 3 soon I'm gonna scream-AHHHHH!"
I trained for four hours straight. Exhaustion hit me like a truck.
MC: "Okay. One more punch, and I'm out-"
Then I felt something.
A chill.
Like something creepy crawled up my spine and whispered, "Turn left."
So I did.
A slimy, inky figure slithered past me.
MC: "...Oh shit."
Three grotesque things came into view.
One had a human torso, but its lower half was like a cockroach had a baby with a nightmare.
The others? Don't ask. One looked like expired sushi with teeth.
MC: "WHY does everything want to kill me today?!"
They charged.
I fought back the old-fashioned way-punches and kicks. My stamina was too drained for Gomu Gomu moves. But I held my own-until one tail-whipped me in the ribs.
Poison.
MC; "Ah, wonderful. Now I'm in pain and dying."
I stumbled, vision blurring.
MC: "I'm losing blood. I feel dizzy. I-"
I collapsed.
Darkness took over.
I woke up in a bed.
A very fancy one. Silk sheets, golden lamp, velvet curtains-the works.
MC: "Okay... either I died and went to heaven, or someone rich kidnapped me."
Then I heard a voice.
??? (Female): "So you're awake."
I turned my head.
She stood at the door like some royal demon with a mysterious aura that screamed "plot relevance."
MC (thinking): "...Fuck."