Chapter 2: Aren't You Kuroneko From Oreimo!?
When he opened his eyes in bed, Hikigaya thought, Man, the modern world really is the best.
Damn it, at least there's air conditioning.
After all, even if you're a godslayer, that doesn't mean you'd just keep your magical energy flaring for no reason, right?
Dragging himself out of bed and finishing up his morning routine, Hikigaya headed out.
Ever since he returned from the other world, everyone seemed to have gone back to their original selves. But there was still a time discrepancy—when he returned to the modern era, his high school days were already over.
So now, Hikigaya was in a completely "unemployed" state.
Of course, he didn't feel particularly regretful.
After living the decadent life of a corrupt noble in ancient Egypt, his standards for daily life had changed a little.
Too boring was no good—it was way too dull.
Like hell he was going to be stuck worrying about getting a job or running out of money.
What, does he look like someone destined to work under others until the end of time?
Maybe I should mess around with the yakuza?
The thought suddenly popped into his head.
But no, thinking seriously about it—wasn't he already dark and twisted enough?
Damn it, that bunch of lunatics from before were basically the world's biggest yakuza gang! Forget yakuza—they were basically terrorists!
Plan: REJECTED. Zero fun factor.
That's like one of those dumb-ass comedy stories where you punch kindergartners and stomp old folks' homes.
So, thinking along these lines, Hikigaya kept walking, until he realized he'd ended up at the park.
I've got it!
I can catch ghosts!
Japan's got tons of ghosts, right? Pervert ghosts, bathroom ghosts, train molester ghosts, cuckold ghosts—way too many of them!
As for clients, well, according to light novel logic, male clients are either rich idiots or not idiots but have beautiful daughters, wives, or mistresses.
Female clients… well, just reverse the earlier line.
Of course, there's always the chance of undiscovered gems.
And if he could go international with ghost hunting? Queens, princesses—they'd come by the dozens!
Oh, right, not that he actually cared about any of that. What he meant was—
This idea is f**ing brilliant.*
A godslayer catching ghosts—conscience: check. Plot: check. Opportunities to show off: too many to count.
Amused by his own genius, Hikigaya laughed up at the sky.
He had decided: he was going to become a teacher!
Normally there'd be a bunch of procedures, but he believed none of that would be an issue.
"Daddy, mommy, that big brother is laughing all weird."
"Shh! Don't look at him! Let's go!"
Hikigaya turned around indignantly and saw a hot mom in a short skirt dragging along a cute little girl—clearly trying to escape.
But that wasn't the point.
The real highlight was her husband—this guy's face looked... abstract. Like a Picasso painting came to life.
That kid's gotta be someone else's.
Hikigaya judged with laser focus.
Feeling a sudden wave of sympathy for the man's pitiful life, Hikigaya softened his glare to one of gentle understanding.
This poor bastard already had it bad enough—Hikigaya didn't need to pile on. He gave himself a thumbs-up for his pure-hearted soul.
Then he pulled out his newly bought smartphone and dialed a number.
"I want to be a teacher!"
That's what he said. Then he added:
"P.E. teacher! Yep! And I'll teach history on the side—forget literature."
"No, my King, P.E. teachers can only teach P.E.," replied a slightly troubled voice from the phone.
"No, no, no. It's common for P.E. teachers to teach math!" Hikigaya insisted. "In fact, P.E. is just a side hustle."
The person on the other end was probably so stunned that they stayed silent for a good ten seconds before answering, "Understood, my King. I'll get it arranged. Uh… just to confirm, are you teaching math or history?"
"Chemistry," Hikigaya said, satisfied. "Because explosions are art. That's final."
Hanging up the call, he felt the world was just full of possibilities. Let's stroll around a bit more.
Screw math, history, chemistry. Only suckers believe that. Free-roaming P.E. teacher is the real deal…
He was, after all, a Yomi warrior. No way he'd be dumb enough to take that literally… right?
Thinking as such, Hikigaya kept wandering the streets until well into the night, finally heading home to sleep in high spirits.
.
.
.
The next morning, when he got up, he heard the doorbell ring.
Huh? That fast?
Excited, Hikigaya opened the door—still wearing nothing but boxers.
He was immediately met with a chorus of screams.
Outside stood his actual little sister Komachi, looking at him like she'd just seen a demon—along with a bunch of her friends. Some familiar, some not.
One unfamiliar girl in particular gave him the feeling that she should have been familiar.
Not that any of that mattered. He bolted back upstairs to get dressed.
When he came back down, Komachi and her friends were laughing and chatting in the living room. But the moment they saw him again, everyone's expressions became… um, strained?
"Sorry, sorry," Hikigaya laughed it off. "I overslept since I didn't have school. Thought it was someone I knew."
"Even if it's someone you know, you can't open the door like that, you idiot!" Komachi immediately snapped back.
Thinking about it, she'd been bawling her eyes out when he first came back home—probably thought he'd disappeared again without saying anything.
To be fair, they had vanished into ancient Egypt without a trace for several months. No wonder they were considered missing persons.
Still, the fact that no government officials showed up knocking on his door kind of disappointed him. He'd been hoping to clean up the gene pool a bit.
But the little sister who had been crying her heart out just days ago was now back to her usual tsundere self. It was kind of annoying.
She clearly needed some loving discipline.
Hikigaya smiled wickedly.
"Yeah, yeah, your big bro's a dummy." He cheerfully ruffled Komachi's hair into a bird's nest. "You're the competent one. Hey, aren't you gonna introduce your friends?"
Because I honestly don't remember who the hell is who.
He added silently.
"Stop that! You'll mess up my hair!" Komachi protested, finally wriggling free of his clutches. As she quickly fixed her hair, she said, "I mean, Kirino and the others came over last time too, didn't they? You've got a terrible memory."
"Yep, it's trash-tier." Hikigaya looked at her mischievously. "By the way, I recently learned a move called Dragon Claw Strike—one of Shaolin's 72 arts. It's crazy strong. Want me to test it on you? Waste not, want not, right?"
"No thanks!" Komachi darted behind a black-haired girl who had been quietly giggling the whole time.
Ah yes, he remembered now. That girl was Ayase Aragaki—the one who claimed she had a "sharp flavor" and liked licking kitchen knives.
Right, and the other two were also from Oreimo.
Which meant the last girl...
Hikigaya's eyes narrowed as he examined the girl he'd never seen before.
She wore a full gothic outfit—just looking at her made you feel hot.
Her eyes were a dark crimson, probably thanks to colored contacts.
She had long, beautiful black hair and a lovely face—a real beauty in the making—but her expression was cold, giving off an unapproachable vibe.
Holy crap! Aren't you f**ing Kuroneko!?*
Even you became friends with Komachi!?
Could my little sister secretly be one of those idiot siscons who traveled between worlds? But wait, doesn't Kirino already have a brother?
Hikigaya looked closer.
But the longer he stared, the redder the girl's face became.
Ugh! Does she have the flu!?