Alright, so after touring around Teyvat and dragging—I mean inviting—every person possible, me and Greg's mission has finally come to an end. Minor chaos only. Emphasis on minor. Which is a new record for me, by the way.
I stretch my arms dramatically, grin at my scaly partner, and go, "Alright, Greg, you ready to help them? Or cause problems. Whichever comes first." He flicks his tail at me like, why not both, and honestly, he has a point.
I take a deep breath, hands on my hips. "You know, lizard, this is history. People are going to look back and say: Wow, Shigeru actually accomplished something without burning down a city. Incredible." Greg rolls his eyes and taps his tail against my cheek like, don't jinx it, idiot.
I glance around at the teapot venue, and man... it looks like Celestia's Pinterest board exploded in here. Lanterns hanging over the water, tables set up like a five-star feast, and flowers everywhere. For a second, I almost wonder if I died and got reincarnated in a festival brochure. Greg nudges my cheek like he's saying focus, idiot.
I lean down and whisper, "Seriously though, who decorated this place? Nahida? Or Zhongli? Because no way normal humans can make symmetry this intimidating." Greg crosses his arms and squints toward the lanterns like he's inspecting them for secret formations.
Then I squint toward the stage and spot two very specific people working together: Alhaitham and Dehya. My grin stretches so wide I'm surprised my face doesn't snap.
I lean to Greg. "I'm definitely shipping them." My brain is already arranging wedding seating charts, picking flower arrangements, and planning honeymoon destinations when—
"Where?" a voice says.
I almost jump into the sea, no exaggeration. My soul already packed its bags and swam for safety before I realized Cyno is standing right beside me, all calm and serious.
"Bro! Don't do that!" I clutch my chest like he just stole five years of my life. "My soul is already dog-paddling away."
Greg puts a tiny claw over his heart dramatically, like he's mourning my lost soul.
Cyno just tilts his head like you're weird and goes, "So, where are you shipping the both of them? I can help you."
I deadpan so hard my face could flatten a mountain. "Idiot. That's not what I meant. But look at them—don't they look good together?" I point to the stage where Dehya and Alhaitham are moving crates and setting up lights in sync, like some kind of stage crew power couple.
Cyno follows my gaze, nods slowly, and then—of course—he drops a pun. He goes, "They really have stage presence... guess you could say they're starting to light a spark."
My brain short-circuits on the spot. Greg slowly covers his own eyes like I can't watch this pun unfold.
I groan. "Bro, your joke's making me want to punch you in the face. But please don't punch back, okay?"
Before I can recover from pun trauma, Tighnari walks by, ears twitching like he's heard enough stupidity for ten lifetimes. He sighs so deeply it could power a windmill. "You two. Don't just stand there. Help with the preparations."
I open my mouth to defend my honor, ready to argue that I'm absolutely a responsible, hardworking man—when the mansion doors burst open. Nilou bounces out like sunshine wrapped in silk. "All the food is almost done—oh! Shigeru! You're here!" She darts straight at me and clings to my arm.
I puff my chest like a proud idiot. "Heya, Goddess! Having fun?"
Nilou nods so enthusiastically I swear flowers bloom at her feet. "The food is almost done! We can start preparing the buffet table!"
"Nice! Let's—" I grab a tray, already rehearsing my best waiter walk, but Lumine swoops in like a hawk.
"Don't even think about touching the food before the guests arrive." Her glare could freeze Celestia solid. "Go to the reception table with Paimon. Nilou, Dunyarzad, and I will handle this."
My pride collapses faster than Mondstadt's wine stock during a Venti visit. "Hey, Blondie, that's rude!" I protest.
"But true," Lumine adds without even blinking. Greg smacks me on the head with his tail like, listen to the blonde girl and move.
So me and Greg shuffle toward the reception table, muttering curses under our breaths. On the way, Greg mimics carrying an invisible tray with his little claws, mocking me. I glare. "You traitor."
And what do we see there? Paimon, already running the place like she's the CEO of Catering. She's pointing at Zhongli, negotiating with the adepti, and basically acting like this is her domain.
"Floaty!" I throw my arms up. "You're here early, huh? Already hustling, I see."
Paimon smirks, flipping imaginary hair. "Of course. Someone has to keep this event from collapsing, and clearly that someone isn't you."
Greg gives her a thumbs-up with his tail. Traitor number two.
I mutter, "Even my own lizard abandoned me... guess betrayal's part of the package deal."
Paimon pats my shoulder like she's consoling a child. "Don't worry, Shigeru. You'll always be useful... for comic relief."
I deadpan. "One day, I'll be respected. One day, I'll be taken seriously." Paimon and Greg both shake their heads in perfect sync. My dignity weeps.
Before I can complain about my honor being stomped, I notice Xiao off to the side. Poor guy looks like he'd rather face ten thousand hilichurls than this social event. Meanwhile, Venti is... halfway sober. Shocking. I whisper to Greg, "If Venti's halfway sober, does that mean the world's halfway ending?" Greg shrugs.
I throw my arms up. "Guys!!! You're here!!!" I sound like an overly excited hilichurl discovering a new kind of mushroom.
Zhongli turns to me with that calm smile. "Ah, Shigeru. It seems you have managed to invite everyone, yes?"
I grin, smug. "Damn right! Table's already set—just head to your assigned seats!"
Venti, still smelling like he bathed in alcohol, waves sloppily. "Heya, Shigs! Congrats on your engagement!"
I pinch my nose. "Yeah, thanks, bard. You reek of alcohol."
He just grins wider and staggers off with Zhongli and the adepti.
I spot Mountain Shaper in human form, nodding at me with solemn dignity.
"Master!!!" I bow exaggeratedly. "Thanks for coming!" He nods, voice deep and steady.
"One congratulates your accomplishment, disciple. Fulfill your promises to those young ladies." "Of course, Master!" I beam like a kid who just got extra candy.
Then, like a royal parade, the Qixing and others start rolling in. Shenhe, Ganyu, Ningguang, and finally—Keqing. She steps forward, expression softening just a little.
"So when you mentioned you already had someone in mind before... you were talking about her, right? That one named Nilou?"
I grin, scratching the back of my head. "Yeah! That's her alright. And Lumine, too."
Keqing smiles faintly. "Congratulations, Shigeru."
I tilt my head. "Hey, you good, Yuheng?"
She chuckles lightly. "Of course I am. We'll head over now." She gives a polite nod before moving along.
Greg pats my shoulder with his tiny claw like, smooth save, idiot.
And then—bam. The flaming wine daddy himself and his Missus show up. My jaw drops. "Floaty! Look! The power couple has arrived! And their plus-one or four actually... and Kaeya the sidekick!"
Kaeya arches an eyebrow. "Sidekick, hm? That's bold. Calling a cavalry captain such as myself a sidekick?"
I deadpan. "For a cavalry captain, you're the only one without a horse."
Diluc actually snickers. "He's not wrong for once." Greg points at him like see, even your bro agrees.
Kaeya clicks his tongue but shakes my hand anyway. "Fine, fine. Congratulations."
I grin. "You better find a girl too, you know?"
Kaeya smirks. "I have many."
Somehow, we end up shaking hands again, out of pure bro-respect this time. Diluc mutters, "Unbelievable," but I swear there's a tiny smile.
The Mondstadt crew follow—Eula, Albedo, Amber. Then Klee comes bouncing up. "Big Brother Shigeru! Congratulations!"
I scoop her up and spin her around. "Heya! If it isn't Jean and Diluc's adopted daughter!"
Jean immediately facepalms. "She's not—ugh... why do I even try."
Diluc pats her shoulder, sighing. "Better give up."
Lisa strolls up, voice smooth as ever. "Ara~ congrats, Shigeru."
My knees wobble. But I fight it. I fight with every fiber of my soul. "Ms. Librarian, your ASMR voice won't break me anymore!"
She chuckles, amused. "How cute~ congrats to you."
I grin forcefully, pretending my soul didn't just leave my body. The Mondstadt gang head toward the main venue, and Paimon floats by, smirking.
"Wow. You actually managed not to simp. Paimon is impressed. Congrats."
I squint at her. "Better keep it a secret, Floaty."
She smirks wider. "Offer Paimon snacks."
I sigh, defeated. "Deal."
The Mondstadt gang settles in, and I'm just about ready to flop into a chair when Cyno sneaks up on me again. Bro's got assassin-level footsteps, I swear. He doesn't even breathe loudly. He's like a desert ninja librarian. I nearly trip over Greg when Cyno suddenly says, "Shigeru, it seems like the preparations are almost complete. We can start the program."
I clutch my chest like an old man in a cheap drama. "Cyno, for the love of Barbatos, wear a bell or something! You're going to give me an early funeral before my wedding even starts! Imagine the headlines: Groom Dies of Surprise Before Ceremony. Pathetic!"
Greg flops on his back, tongue out, tail twitching, doing the dead lizard routine. Paimon snorts into her grapes so hard she nearly inhales one.
I waggle a finger at Cyno. "You know, if you're gonna sneak up on people, at least say something cool like, 'Justice descends,' instead of 'Preparations are almost complete.' That's way too normal for you."
Cyno just stares at me. "Justice descends. Preparations are almost complete."
Paimon spits out her grape in laughter. Greg claps—well, tail-slaps—the floor in applause. Traitor.
I crack my knuckles, grinning anyway. "Man, I can't wait to host this thing. The stage is practically calling my name! The spotlight, the cheers, the confetti—I was born for this moment! Future historians will write: Shigeru, idiot extraordinaire, nailed his wedding hosting gig."
"Sorry," Cyno interrupts, dead serious. "It seems Collei has taken the job with Tighnari."
I freeze mid-flex, eyes widening like a fish out of water. "Come on! That's my job! Suits me best!"
Paimon pipes up between bites, "What suits you best is shutting up."
Greg slaps me across the cheek with his tail, agreeing with Floaty. Et tu, reptile? I rub my face dramatically. "Betrayed in my own hour of glory!"
Cyno tilts his head, ignoring my pain. "Will there be more guests arriving?"
I rub my chin theatrically. "Yeah… the Inazuma gang should be showing up any—" And then, boom. Like the Archons themselves scripted it, I see them. Ayato, Thoma, Ayaka, and Yoimiya leading the charge, with Itto and Shinobu right behind. And following them? Raiden Ei herself, with Yae Miko and Kujou Sara in tow. My brain short-circuits so hard, I think I smell smoke.
"Ayato!!!" I sprint like a madman. But do I stop at Ayato? Nope. My instincts override everything. I dart past him straight toward Ayaka with one mission: head-patting. Only… she's wearing a hat. A freaking hat.
I skid to a halt, clutching my heart. "Tch. You came prepared, Ayaya."
Ayaka smirks at me, smug as a cat. "No petting for you this time."
Ayato chuckles, hand on his chin. "I see you will never change, aren't you? Shigeru."
Thoma grins, already pulling tissues from his pocket. "I knew I'd need these. Should I hand them out now or later?"
Yoimiya waves both arms like fireworks. "Congrats, Shigeru! Big day, huh? You better not mess this up or I'll set fireworks off indoors!"
Cyno observes with unsettling calm. "Oh. He's the one in the giant frame in Shigeru's room." He's talking about Ayato. Out loud. In public.
I glare. "Damn right. And don't you dare—"
"I'm going to tell him a joke," Cyno says.
"No!" I slap his arm. "He'll slice you in half."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Don't even think about it."
Cyno nods solemnly. "Yes. Better not." Greg gives a thumbs-up with his tail like finally, good decision.
Crisis avoided. For now.
But then ITTO barrels into me like a runaway boar, smacking our arms together in a bro greeting so loud I swear the ground shakes. "Compadre! You actually managed to get her to say yes to you! Congrats! And you even got another one!"
I puff my chest. "Damn right! I am an idiot with irresistible charms!"
We both laugh like maniacs.
Shinobu sighs, pinching her nose. "Seriously. This happens every time they meet."
"No surprise," Paimon mutters, chomping another grape. "They're both dummies. Paimon is used to it by now." Greg shrugs in perfect agreement, even doing a mock Itto laugh that's spot-on.
Yoimiya adds with a grin, "Careful, Shinobu, their dumbness might be contagious."
Shinobu deadpans, "Too late. I already work with one of them."
Then a silky fox voice slides into my ears. "Shigeru. It seems you've made yet another accomplishment."
I groan. "Ugh… foxy, you're here. Thanks for coming."
Ei smiles warmly, radiant as the sun. "I can smell the desserts from way over here."
I grin, striking a pose. "We prepared a lot for you, Ei. Especially dango milk. Ten cups. Maybe twelve. Don't tell Zhongli."
Her eyes sparkle like stars. Without hesitation, she grabs Yae and Sara by the wrists and bolts toward the venue without another word.
Yae laughs, tails swishing. "Always so dramatic."
Sara, dragged along, sighs. "Why is this my life?"
Greg cups his clawed hands around his mouth like a megaphone and fake-yells, Run, dessert is limited! Paimon giggles uncontrollably.
Mission success.
Ayato chuckles. "We'll be heading in as well. Congratulations again."
Thoma pats my shoulder. "Good job, Shigeru. Don't faint out there."
Ayaka bows politely. "We'll see you inside."
Yoimiya bounces. "Don't set anything on fire before I do!"
Itto drags Shinobu in, hollering, "First dibs on food!"
Shinobu mutters, "You mean my plate, you oaf."
I'm left grinning like an idiot, hands on my hips like I just conquered Inazuma myself.
But then—cue drumroll—the Divine Fish Priestess herself arrives, resistance army in tow. Teppei waves like he's flagging a ship. "Vice Commander! We have arrived!"
I wave both hands. "Teppei, my guy! How's Vice Commander life treating you?"
He pats the sword on his hip—the very same Prototype Rancour I gave him. "Adjusting pretty well, Vice Commander. Haven't poked my eye out yet."
I give him a thumbs-up. "Good for you, then!"
Greg salutes back, tail flicking like a flag. Paimon even mock-salutes with her grape skewer.
Kokomi approaches with Gorou, Beidou, and Kazuha. She smiles faintly. "Congratulations on your engagement, Shigeru. May the Gods be on your side."
"Thanks, Kokofish—uh, Lady Kokomi. Glad you made it."
Gorou chimes in proudly. "She opened up her schedule just for this event."
Kazuha tilts his head. "The winds today carry blessings. May they guide your union."
Beidou claps me on the back so hard I nearly eat dirt. "Hah! You've got guts, kid. I'll drink to that!"
I wheeze but still grin wider. "Yeah, thanks a lot, you guys. Means a lot to me. Please, come in! Everyone's almost here!"
Greg pretends to stumble under Beidou's smack as well, rolling dramatically like a shipwreck victim. Paimon pats his belly. "Stay strong, soldier."
Once they pass, Cyno speaks again. "You really are a friendly one, aren't you?"
"Because I'm charming," I say smugly.
Paimon makes a gagging noise. "More like annoying."
Greg scratches his chin with his claw, like he's reluctantly agreeing. Again, traitor.
Then it hits me. Wait. Two people still missing. And just as I realize it, BAM. Who else strolls up but La Signora and Childe.
"Comrade! Fatui Baddie! You actually came!" I shout, almost tripping over Greg in excitement.
Childe grins, sparkling dangerously. "Of course. We received your letter. It would be rude not to go."
La Signora rolls her eyes but smiles faintly. "Hmmp. This better be worth my time. I cancelled a meeting."
"It will definitely be!" I declare. "Free food, free drama, and me as the main host—what more could you want?"
Greg poses beside me like a hype man, claws in the air. Paimon puts her hands on her hips like a stage director. "Don't mess this up, Shigeru."
As they stride into the venue, Cyno narrows his eyes. "Aren't those two—"
"That's right!" I cut him off. "They're Fatui Harbingers. But don't worry. They're not hostile. They're actually friends!"
He still looks skeptical. "If you say so."
Paimon shrugs. "He's friendly. More friendly than Paimon. He can even befriend a rock."
"You're damn right, Floaty!" I puff my chest, victorious. Greg strikes a victory pose with me. "Anyways, let's get this party started!"
__________
End of Chapter 157
Quests Completed:
*Invite every possible guest from Mondstadt, Liyue, Inazuma, Sumeru, and even the Fatui.
*Point out Dehya and Alhaitham working together. Get instantly punished by Cyno's pun.
*Try to work food service . Immediately demoted by Lumine. Assigned to the Paimon Table of Doom.
*Insult Kaeya as a horse-less cavalry captain. Accidentally earn Diluc's approval.
*Survive the librarian's voice without simping. Barely.
*Bait the Electro Archon into a full sprint by mentioning dango milk.
*Congratulate Teppei for not stabbing his own eye yet.
* Fail to lead the reception because Paimon stole the position of authority.
Rewards:
*Primogems: +157 (symbolic, don't ask where they came from).
*Friendship EXP +100 with Mondstadt crew, +100 with Inazuma gang, +100 with Liyue Qixing.
*Item: Certificate of Minor Chaos (Proof that Shigeru didn't cause any catastrophic events this time).
*Buff: Charisma Aura – Guests are more likely to congratulate instead of glare. Duration: Until the actual wedding.
*Greg EXP +10 (new skill unlocked: "Mocking Mime" – can imitate others for comedic effect).
*x1 Groom's Badge of Honor – Proof that you didn't faint before the ceremony. (Bound to Shigeru. Untradable.)
*x5 Bouquet Petals – Collectible petals from Nilou's dance rehearsal. Can be used for emergency simping.
*x1 Half-Sober Venti's Blessing – Smells faintly of wine. Grants +5 Luck but -10 Sanity when carried.
*x3 Dango Milk Coupons – Usable only by Ei. Shigeru gets none.
*x1 Signed Fan by Yoimiya – If shaken, small sparkles fly out. Harmless (probably).
*+1 Greg Respect (Rare) – He still mocks you, but with more affection this time.
*+1 Paimon Tolerance (Very Rare) – She only roasts you every 10 seconds instead of every 5.
*+50 Bro Points with Itto – Unlocks secret handshake variation (involves yelling).
*+15 Keqing Approval – Proof you didn't screw up your Nilou + Lumine reveal. (Something is off though.)