Memorize - Episode 30
30 Why Are You Doing This?
"After we found the hut, you went out for a while to look around, remember? At that time, we talked about you among ourselves."
"What did you talk about?"
"We talked about the other survivors we met today. Remember when that man threw a dagger at Yoo-jung unni? And then you hit that man's hand with an arrow?"
I nodded silently at Kim Han-byeol's words. At that time, I was assuming the worst-case scenario. If Woo Jeongmin and Seon Yu-un had attacked us with killing intent, we would have surely lost one or two people unless I revealed my true abilities. That's why I was thinking of taking down one of them first if necessary.
"And Ahn Hyun oppa blocked the dagger with his shield."
"That's right."
"Everyone is praising Ahn Hyun oppa, saying he's amazing, thanking him. But do you know what they're saying about your actions today?"
"..."
For a moment, I had a vague idea of what was coming next, but I didn't want to hear it. However, before I could open my mouth, Kim Han-byeol spoke first.
"They're all clearly shocked, even if they're not saying it out loud. Ahn Sol was even whimpering, saying it was scary. Ahn Hyun oppa and Yoo-jung unni also look somewhat shocked. And that's not all. They're not happy about how bluntly you spoke to that woman today."
"Hmm. I see."
As I calmly nodded, Kim Han-byeol's face became incredulous for a moment.
"It's not just 'I see.' Don't you feel wronged? Don't you feel like saying, 'I did it to protect unni,' or 'You all dumped it on me because you didn't want to say it, so you have no right to say such things'?"
Was that so? I must have been too deep in thought to notice the subtly changed atmosphere. I felt a little hurt, but I didn't want to think about it too seriously. After all, once we enter the Hollow Plane, they might have to kill people sooner or later too.
Kim Han-byeol, seemingly frustrated by my nonchalant face, continued in a coaxing tone.
"You always worry alone, think alone. You try to take on most of the burdensome tasks by yourself. Of course, I know you don't have bad intentions."
"I think there's some misunderstanding. Just a moment..."
"I'm not trying to make an issue of misunderstandings. As I said before, your judgments have always been reliable. I think so too."
At Kim Han-byeol's words, I felt a stone sink in my heart. Since leaving the city, I had often seen her staring at me intently. Especially when Ahn Hyun and I were discussing what to do next. At the time, I thought it was nothing and just let it pass, but it seemed Han-byeol had really taken issue with it today.
"That's not the case. We..."
"Oppa. Speak comfortably."
Kim Han-byeol cut off my words, and I stumbled over my words for a moment. Looking at her with rounded eyes, I saw her glaring at me with a displeased face.
"Huh, what?"
"I said speak informally. You speak comfortably with the other unnis and oppas, so why don't you do that with me?"
"...Alright."
For a moment, I felt my presence overwhelmed. Me, a 10-year user of the Hollow Plane...
Let's stop. Whenever I see Kim Han-byeol, I'm reminded of Han So-young, and my heart naturally wavers. It can't be simply attributed to the unique ability of charisma. There were certainly many times when my gaze towards her carried subtle emotions. That's how similar her atmosphere was to someone when I first saw her.
I clear my throat and continue the words I couldn't finish earlier.
"It's not always me who makes the decisions, you know. You, me, Hyun, Sol. We all put our heads together and figured things out."
"Don't lie. At least you have some conscience, as you didn't include Yoo-jung unni."
"Hasn't Hyun been working harder than me? He was amazing in today's battle with those monkeys too."
"There you go again. That might work on Ahn Hyun oppa or Yoo-jung unni, but not on me. Don't try to subtly change the subject. Ahn Hyun oppa and I barely managed to take down two together. You dealt with two by yourself. Not only that, but you also helped Yoo-jung unni in her fight."
Han-byeol's words hit a sore spot. She really is similar. I couldn't help but feel that I shouldn't underestimate her. The occasional glances she gave me were apparently observational gazes. It seemed she had come prepared.
I inwardly sighed. I decided to listen a bit more and throw a fastball if things didn't work out.
"It's always been like that. In the forest, in the city, and when we met those strangers today. Usually, you take a step back, but whenever it's really dangerous, you always step forward. If we consider ourselves as a team, you're the one leading our team, the pillar. Not Ahn Hyun oppa. That's why I was frustrated. Why should you have to hear such words?"
'Is she thinking about me?'
"Well, I think differently. Ahn Hyun is definitely excellent. He's action-oriented, has drive, and makes bold decisions. And I don't think those words need to be taken so seriously. If you think about it, we're all leaders, and cooperation is important in the Trial of Passage."
"Stop it. Why are you doing this, oppa?"
"I don't understand what you're trying to say."
Even as I said I didn't understand, I felt a sting inside. I couldn't bear to look at Kim Han-byeol's calm yet cold eyes anymore. A chill flowed around her, making me feel like a cold north wind was blowing. It really felt that intense.
"Stop lying! It's really you, Su-hyun oppa, who makes the decisions and takes action! Why do you quietly handle the difficult tasks alone while leaving the easy and obvious ones to Ahn Hyun oppa? Why do others only thank and praise Ahn Hyun oppa? Why should they fear you, Su-hyun oppa, who actually does all the dirty work alone? And why are you trying so hard to hide this?"
"You..."
"If things continue like this, you'll act the same way in the same situation again. And there's a possibility that the current situation will repeat itself. The important thing is that we're all unconsciously relying on you a lot right now. No one would oppose. So please become the leader of our team. From now on, whether you think alone or discuss together, let's act together when it comes to difficult problems. If you're the leader, everyone will follow you without complaint."
Kim Han-byeol was now pleading with me in an almost begging tone. Honestly, I still felt a bit dazed. If the person in front of me had been Lee Yoo-jung, I would have laughed it off, thinking that's just her personality, but with Kim Han-byeol, I couldn't quite grasp it. Even in the midst of this, I was calculating why she had brought this up to me.
The confrontation between us continued, and the chill of dawn was seeping into every part of our bodies. However, Kim Han-byeol didn't seem to have any intention of leaving. No, it seemed she had no intention of letting me go before getting an answer.
I bit my lip slightly and then slowly opened my mouth.
"I..."
The morning of the 6th day dawned. Ahn Hyun, who had taken the last watch, woke everyone up and started busily preparing for departure. He was twisting his body's joints with a tired face, seemingly quite stiff. I too had spent the night with my eyes open, barely sleeping, but my body wasn't one to feel fatigue from just one day without sleep.
"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"
I deliberately greet with a bright morning greeting. Ahn Sol was startled by my words, then bowed her head with an anxious face and quickly ran away. In the past, I might have laughed it off, thinking she was just shy, but seeing such behavior face-to-face now brought a bitter smile to my face.
Ahn Hyun must have noticed Ahn Sol's behavior, as he was scolding her for being rude and just nodding her head to her godlike older brother. She bowed her head deeply again and whimpered. Soon after, Lee Yoo-jung approached and embraced her. Watching the two bicker, Ahn Sol started to look flustered.
And I was standing one step back, quietly watching this scene. It was warm. It was truly a warm scene. They could almost pass for three siblings. Their appearance was warm and harmonious enough to make one forget that this was the hellish Trial of Passage.
But I had no place among them. And I knew this fact better than anyone. They and I were people of completely different natures. When I cut down one hundred users in the past, I had this thought. Perhaps I was no longer human. Maybe I had forgotten myself, momentarily intoxicated by their embrace.
'If someone who knew me in the past saw me now, they'd faint.'
I chuckled at the self-deprecating thought. Recalling the dark past seemed to make even the atmosphere gloomy. Whether knowing my feelings or not, Ahn Hyun walked slowly towards me with a broad smile. Lee Yoo-jung was grumbling behind him, suggesting that Ahn Hyun was probably the winner of this morning's verbal sparring.
"Hyung. We should be able to reach that warp gate or whatever today, right?"
"...Yeah."
"Then let's get there quickly. This might be our last breakfast here, so how about we eat a hearty breakfast today? You should eat a lot too, hyung."
I smiled faintly at Ahn Hyun's cheerful words. I answered his proposal to eat breakfast by shaking my head gently.
"No, I'm fine. You guys eat breakfast without me today."
"What? But..."
"I have a habit of not eating before important days. It helps keep my nerves sharp."
At my words, Ahn Hyun nodded with a disgruntled face and then turned his head towards Kim Han-byeol. She was still staring into space with a cold face. Suddenly, the conversations I had with Kim Han-byeol this dawn came to mind.
"Han-byeol, for breakfast..."
"I'm not eating."
"Huh? Don't be like that..."
"I said I'm not eating."
Kim Han-byeol was cutting off Ahn Hyun's words with short responses before he could finish speaking. Even Ahn Sol seemed surprised by this unexpected scene, fidgeting her fingers restlessly. Ahn Hyun looked awkwardly between my face and Han-byeol's, then let out an embarrassed laugh while scratching his head. Lee Yoo-jung, watching from behind, didn't dare to go against the current atmosphere and spoke in a much more subdued voice than usual.
"Ahaha... Then I guess we'll eat by ourselves."
"W-well, can't be helped. Our portions will increase. Hoho... Ho. Oppa, Han-byeol. Are we really eating all of this...?"
Of course, there was no answer from me or Kim Han-byeol. Even the usually unflappable Lee Yoo-jung seemed shocked by our reactions, pouting and sticking out her chin like a chicken's beak. For a moment, I felt Kim Han-byeol looking at me. However, I had no intention of turning my head and ignored her gaze. The atmosphere became even chillier.
The lively morning of the 6th day.
That morning began with 3 people watching the mood of 2 people from breakfast.