ELI
I've always wondered what happiness really feels like.
Not the kind you fake with a forced laugh when your heart's heavy… not the polite smile you wear when someone says something kind you don't believe… but that deep, honest happiness, the kind that settles into your bones like sunlight after days of cold. That's what I feel now. Right here. Lying in Damir's bed, with the engagement ring still wrapped snugly around my finger like a promise carved into time.
I can't sleep.
Not because I'm uncomfortable, or because something is wrong. No… it's the opposite. My chest feels so full. Full of everything I never thought I'd ever be allowed to feel. Peace. Love. Safety. Gratitude. My eyes are wide open, fixed on the ceiling above me, but my mind's far away, rewinding today like my own personal fairytale.
He proposed.
Damir…my Damir…got down on one knee in front of everyone, my friends, my father, the world… and he proposed. And I said yes.
Of course I did.
I mean, how could I not? How could I ever say no to the one person who saw through everything and still chose to love me anyway?
When I think about everything we've been through, it almost feels like someone else's story. A broken boy trying to rebuild himself after being shattered by the ones who were meant to protect him. A complicated love that was never supposed to happen. The judgment. The tears. The nights I cried so quietly into my pillow so no one would hear. The shame that hung on me like a second skin.
And now… now, I'm someone's fiancé.
I turn my head slightly and look at him. Damir, peacefully asleep beside me. His arm rests over his forehead, his chest rising and falling with a steady calm. He has no idea how many times has saved me. Not just once. Not twice. Over and over again. Every time I stumbled, he caught me. Every time I lost myself, he held out a hand. He never let me drown even when I thought I deserved to.
When he slipped the ring onto my finger, I saw it in his eyes, that fear that maybe I'd still say no. That I'd flinch. That I'd run.
But I didn't.
Why would I?.
Because this ring… this moment… this love… it's everything I never thought I'd get.
It was supposed to be just my birthday. Damir had planned a quiet gathering at home with just our closest people. I didn't expect the candles, the soft music, the way the lights beamed. I didn't expect the speech. And I definitely didn't expect him to suddenly drop to one knee with a velvet box in his hand. I had gasped so loud I had to push my jaw close.
I remember how his voice shook.
"You walked into my life at a time I didn't even know I needed someone," he had said. "You opened parts of me I never knew existed I'm not asking because we're perfect. So, Eli… will you marry me?".
And just like that… the world stopped.
Everything else faded into a hum, Lian's teasing giggle, my dad's wide eyes, the camera flashes from whatever device they were recording with it all melted away. It was just me and him. My breath caught in my throat, my heart hammering against my ribs.
I remember trembling. I remember my lips parting but no words coming out at first. And then I managed to whisper the simplest word in the universe again again and again. "Yes."
Just yes.
But in that one word, I packed everything. All my fears, my hopes, my gratitude. Everything.
Damir stood and pulled me into his arms, and I remember crying. Not the ugly, broken sobs I used to cry in the dark. These were soft, warm tears the kind you cry when your heart is too full and your soul finally exhales.
And even now, hours later, I'm still crying silently. Quiet, happy tears that soak into my pillow as I stare at my ring. I keep touching it like I'm scared it'll vanish. That I'll wake up and find out it was a dream.
But it's not.
It's real.
He chose me.
And what shocks me the most is… I finally feel like I deserved it.
I didn't always feel that way.
There was a time I thought I was just a dirty secret. That I'd never be worthy of real love. That people would only ever want my body, never my soul. And maybe some of that still lingers in the back of my mind like a scar… but not as loud anymore. Not since Damir made me believe in love.
And not just romantic love.
My father… Juseon… he surprised me too. The way he showed up. The way he slowly started seeing me, really seeing me. Not as a disappointment, not as a mistake but as a son. We're not perfect. We may never be. But the fact that he stayed was all that matters.
And Lian… that drama queen. God, I don't even know where to start with him. He drove me crazy, got on my nerves, made me laugh till I cried… and even when we fought, even when he messed up, he was still there. Cheering the loudest when Damir proposed, clapping with his ridiculous grin like he hadn't once made me want to throw a pillow at him. He's still annoying. But he's my annoying little rodent And I love him for that.
I glance over at Damir again. His mouth is parted slightly now. He's so peaceful when he sleeps. If I could pause the world right now and live in this moment forever, I would.
I shift carefully, placing a soft kiss on his shoulder.
"Thank you," I whisper, even though I know he can't hear me.
Thank you for loving me. For choosing me. For seeing past everything I hid and still holding out your hand.
I close my eyes finally, letting my head rest on his chest, the steady thump of his heart calming me. I don't know what the future holds. We might fight. We might struggle. Life might not always be this perfect. But tonight… tonight, I'm whole.
For the first time, I'm not running from my past or fearing my future. I'm standing still… and I'm happy.
I'm Eli volkov.
And I'm loved.
That's all I ever wanted.
And now, I have it.
(THE END).