Zeke was hungry.
Not just "missed lunch" hungry.
Not just "I could eat a horse" hungry.
This was existentially hungry.
The kind of hungry that made you rethink your entire life, all your regrets, and whether you really needed dignity if a dumpster sandwich presented itself again.
Zeke: "Bitty, I need pizza. Immediately. Like, space-pizza. Interdimensional deep-dish."
Bitty: "Initiating Universal Food Ordering Protocol."
Zeke: "I didn't even know that was a thing!"
Bitty: "Neither did the universe."
...
Bitty sent a signal across The Between, tapping into thousands of timelines at once.
One tiny problem:
The "Universal Food Ordering Protocol" was very outdated.
In ancient times, it wasn't just for food delivery... it was used to summon deities.
Oops.
...
Five minutes later.
A swirling vortex of golden light opened up above Zeke's dumpster-fort.
Out stepped a being roughly 40% pizza toppings, 30% existential terror, and 30% glorious beard.
"WHO DARES CALL PIZZATHOTH, THE HUNGER-FATHER?"
Zeke: "…I just wanted pepperoni?"
Pizzathoth floated closer, eyes burning with the wisdom of ten thousand failed diets.
"THOU HAST INVOKED THE HUNGER RITE. THOU ART NOW... MY CHOSEN!"
Zeke: "Wait, wait, no—I'm lactose intolerant!"
...
Before Zeke could protest, a beam of cheese-coated energy shot into his chest.
A mark burned onto his hoodie: a greasy, ancient sigil that vaguely looked like a pizza slice with wings.
Bitty: "Congratulations. You are now the Herald of the Eternal Appetite."
Zeke: "I didn't even tip yet!"
...
Meanwhile, across the galaxies, cults began to stir.
"The Great Pepperoni speaks again!"
"The Chosen One walks among us!"
"Find him! Bring him cheese! Or die trying!"
...
Zeke floated helplessly as adoration, prayers, and pizza coupons flooded into The Between.
Tess called.
Tess: "What did you do now?"
Zeke: "Ordered food."
Tess: "…And?"
Zeke: "Might have become the god of hunger."
Tess: "...I'm not even surprised anymore."
...
Zeke: "Bitty, serious question."
Bitty: "Yes?"
Zeke: "Can I at least still get my pizza?"
Bitty: "A colossal deep-dish is approaching at speeds exceeding known physics."
Zeke: "Finally. A win."