Three minutes later, Caelus and the others reached the passenger cabin where the two culprits had come aboard.
The first thing to hit their eyes was a handsome knight who looked like he'd stepped straight out of a classical oil painting.
Flame-red hair. Ornate armor gleaming with the sheen of mithril.
Between the sculpted perfection of his face and an outfit so lavish it verged on stage costume, he radiated the peak bishounen aesthetic of a 1990s shoujo manga or otome game.
The sort of look a certain Grand Guardian's secretary was especially good at pulling off.
The man beside him made for a brutal contrast: a textbook corporate drone radiating the aura of someone whose soul had left his body somewhere around his fortieth hour of overtime.
The only thing testifying to his standing was the regulation IPC uniform he wore — and judging by the cut, he didn't rank high.
Dan Heng went to check on Mr. Corporate Drone, who looked badly shaken.
The rest of them walked toward the red-haired knight in silver armor.
Facing the arrivals from the Express, the knight put on a display of flawless grace.
Right hand to his chest, he swept into a textbook-perfect, ornate bow, his voice a rich broadcaster's baritone with a hint of stage-aria lilt:
"The rose — that most beautiful thing in all the world. Its very existence is enough to steal away every gaze that falls upon it."
"And so it is with all of you, who fill my eyes at this very moment. Dazzling."
"Argenti of the Knights of Beauty. With the weight of a single rose, I offer you my greetings."
He capped it off with a wink at full voltage.
As though by sleight of hand, a bouquet of dew-bright red roses appeared in his palm out of thin air.
"Huh? The — the Knights of Beauty?"
March 7th scratched her head, eyes drifting out of focus as she dug for a scrap of some idle conversation with Himeko.
"I think Himeko mentioned them once?"
She nodded with tremendous solemnity and turned to the honor guard flanking her.
"He talks pretty nice, you know. Doesn't seem like a bad guy to me. What do you two think?"
"I think Bronie needs to be on her guard."
Stelle looked Argenti over from head to toe, brows knitting, and delivered her verdict in the gravest of tones.
"Why?"
March 7th tilted her head, thoroughly lost.
Was this knight some old enemy of Bronie's? But the girl had crossed over from a completely different universe.
"Because Argenti and Silver Wolf make a perfect pair," Caelus said mildly, with a sidelong glance at Stelle.
"Silver Wolf?"
March 7th blinked her big eyes, more baffled than ever. "But he doesn't look like a wanted criminal? He's with the Knights of Beauty, not the Stellaron Hunters. What could he have to do with Silver Wolf?"
Then, remembering that Caelus and Silver Wolf were gaming buddies, she lit up. "Oh! Do they know each other from a game?"
"Close enough. Yin-zhi plus Yin-lang gets you Zhi-lang — Sekiro. Game of the Year, once upon a time," Stelle said with a sweet, guileless nod.
"???"
A row of question marks popped up over March 7th's forehead. Then a belated chill went crawling up her spine and made her shudder.
"Heyyy—!"
She grabbed Stelle by the collar. "Was that a lame joke?! And a super-lame homophone pun on top of it?! Don't go taking lessons from Shush!"
"Oh."
Stelle nodded obediently — but the keywords "Zhi-Yin" and "beauty" had already tripped something buried deep in her DNA, and she segued into a new suggestion without missing a beat. "Then ask him if he can do the Zhi-Yin dance."
"..."
March 7th abandoned all hope of cross-dimensional communication with this absurdist little raccoon and decided to get her answers straight from the Knight of Beauty instead. Except—
The knight — who came with his own soft-focus shoujo-manga-lead filter — had already glided off with an elegant stage-walk to the potted plant standing off to one side.
Snap!
A shaft of light like a theater spotlight fell without warning across the plant's emerald leaves.
"The shining cosmos; the anomaly upon its other face, blossoming open like paint in a riot of color."
The knight extended a hand toward the plant, slow and brimming with feeling. "You... are truly beautiful."
You're an absurdist too?
March 7th lost the fight to keep a straight face; her mouth stretched into a stiff grin.
"What exactly are you doing?" Caelus asked, stepping forward.
"Ah. Another beautiful living being."
The spotlight from nowhere swung over onto Caelus. He didn't bother looking up for the source — the shared senses of his multiple bodies already told him this was a special effect Argenti was producing with the power of his Path.
"Forgive my rudeness. I was in the midst of expounding the meaning of beauty to this plant."
Argenti bowed gracefully.
"The meaning of beauty? Isn't that just Zhi-Yin? You ought to be dancing the Zhi-Yin dance for it," Caelus said with a soft laugh.
"My thanks for your praise, though I still have a long road to walk upon the way of Beauty... Zhi-Yin?"
The modest reply came out of pure habit; only halfway through did it register that this beautiful being had said his name backwards.
"Mm — baby~ Oh~ baby~ Oh~ Oh~"
Before Argenti could correct him, Caelus had already launched into his performance under the spotlight.
Shoulders bobbing, torso rocking back and then punching forward, arms tugging at a pair of overall straps that did not exist — the whole thing flowed like water.
"Zhi-Yin, you're too beau-ti-ful~ Zhi-Yin, you're too beau-ti-ful~"
Stelle, playing devoted wife to his lead, wriggled along beside him.
"Ohhh~!"
Argenti clasped both hands over his heart, his voice swelling into an aria of genuine admiration. "What consummate technique! What exquisite form~"
"Every gesture, every step — what a pure and unrestrained rhythm of aesthetics they contain!"
"Ha?"
March 7th's big mascara-commercial eyes went wide all over again. She stared at Argenti, uncomprehending, while ten thousand tiny raccoons stampeded through her skull.
You call that exquisite?
If you're not using those eyes, donate them to someone who needs them.
Somebody help!
I shouldn't be in the Express — I should be under the Express!
The physical kind of under!
Little March gave up. Better to let absurdist talk to absurdist.
Stelle and Caelus wrapped up their rendition of "Zhi-Yin, You're Too Beautiful," and Argenti applauded with a smile that held not one ounce of pretense. "Magnificent! Might I ask the honored names of you beautiful existences?"
"Galaxy Batwoman."
Stelle threw out her chest, her voice ringing.
"Blazing Teens," Caelus said with a nod.
Seeing the conversation finally veer back toward something normal, March 7th let out a breath. "March 7th."
The words were barely out before it hit her, and her small face puffed up like a steamed bun. "Wait! Nuh-uh! How come I'm the only one who gave a real name again?!"
She glared at Stelle and Caelus, indignant to the bone. "Doesn't that just make me look like an idiot?!"
"It's fine, Ah Qi." Stelle switched to gentle mode on the spot, meeting her eyes with total sincerity. "Silly is cutest~"
The extra fuel upgraded the pink-haired girl on the spot into full pink-pufferfish form, swollen with fury, one second away from stamping her feet and bristling all over.
Sensing she'd overplayed her hand, Stelle discreetly elbowed the fire extinguisher standing beside her — otherwise known as her little brother, Caelus.
Caelus shot her a long-suffering look, then bent down and planted a precise little peck on March 7th's cherry lips, still pursed with outrage.
One breath ago she'd been all arched brows and bared little fangs, ready to hiss and spit; now the pink kitten froze as if someone had hit pause.
Her eyes flew wide. Both hands clapped over her mouth, and an intoxicating flush spread across her pretty face fast enough to watch, leaving her completely at a loss.
"Forgive my abruptness — habit compels me to ask. As fellow lives within this cosmos: are you aware of Idrila, the goddess of Beauty?" Argenti asked with a smile.
"Idrila?"
Stelle scratched her head, puzzled, and muttered, "That's not right, is it? Isn't the goddess of Beauty Elysia?"
She paused, her gaze snagging on the rose petals that had begun drifting around Argenti at some point, entirely of their own accord.
"Do you have a lot of rose petals? If you've got extras, could you give me some? From now on I want to dump two whole baskets in every time I take a bath."
"I think that's doable," Caelus said with a nod. Rose petals had a certain charm to them; he and Stelle hadn't tried that one yet.
"...Ely... sia?"
Argenti, who had been fully prepared to keep evangelizing on behalf of Beauty and Idrila, went still, and — rare for him — frowned.
"Beautiful lady, I must ask: where did you come by that name for Beauty?"
The Knights of Beauty ranged freely from world to world, spreading Beauty's glorious name across the cosmos so that all living things might know of Her existence.
For someone to be substituting another name for the Aeon of Beauty — that was a serious problem!
"Nobody told me."
Stelle blinked her gorgeous golden eyes, her expression the very picture of matter-of-fact innocence. "The moment I learned Beauty existed, the name Elysia just — whoosh — popped into my head!"
Obviously, this was the result of her subconscious link with Caelus.
"Oh? Is that so."
Argenti looked thoughtful.
Had someone merely usurped the goddess Idrila's name, he would have gone as a knight to correct them, guiding them back to a pure faith in Idrila.
But a situation like this one was complicated.
The Knights of Beauty had originally been a gathering of Idrila's most devout followers. But with the goddess's inexplicable disappearance, the order had scattered like stars flung across the sky.
The broken remnants reacted in a hundred different ways — bewilderment, incomprehension, wild laughter, strange conduct. Some abandoned the precepts entirely and drowned themselves in the hollow aesthetics of power...
And then there was the other Beauty faction, the Mirror-Gazers, who held that the Aeon of Beauty was dead and were gathering Her relics from across the cosmos in order to resurrect Beauty.
Amid these ruins of faith, Argenti was one of the few knights who still firmly believed Idrila had not fallen — that she had merely hidden herself somewhere mortals could not reach.
"Honored Lady Galaxy Batwoman."
Argenti's tone turned suddenly grave, and he asked with great ceremony, "Since Beauty is known to your heart — do you accept that ideal? Do you hold faith in... this Elysia of whom you speak?"
"Of course!" ×2
Two voices, iron-firm and perfectly in sync, cracked out at once as Stelle and Caelus stepped forward as one.
"Whenever, wherever, Elysia will always answer your hopes~!" Stelle piped in a pitched-up voice.
"The three most concise and powerful words in human history are 'I love you,' and the most beautiful name in human history is — Elysia!" Caelus flung his arms wide, as if embracing Truth itself.
But that was only the overture!
"Elysia is so pretty she's so beautiful she IS the goddess of beauty Elysia how am I supposed to live without you Elysia please take me away with you take me away with you!"
Watching Stelle on the floor (screaming) (writhing) (crawling darkly) (crawling) (convulsing) (howling) (turning into a monkey) (flying off into the primeval forest) (swinging on vines) (drop-kicking a passing monkey mid-banana).
And Caelus performing Tornado Destroys Parking Lot, the Antelope Kick, the Goat Leap, the Crow Rides an Airplane, and the Mouse Runs the Maze.
Argenti's expression traveled from initial curiosity to solemnity, and from there into the hushed reverence of a man witnessing some sacred rite.
"From the Elysian Realm~ the holiest of graces~ the blessing of all-embracing love~ may the love of the goddess dwell forever in you and in me."
And at last — with March 7th's face cycling through 'They're having another episode?' and 'This one's way worse than usual!' and 'Is there still time to call the Alchemy Commission emergency line?' —
Stelle and Caelus, like Buddhas struck by sudden enlightenment, crossed themselves over their chests with the sync rate of a pair of Pacific Rim jaeger pilots, faces glowing with the earnest, devout light of martyrs, and made their solemn declaration in perfect unison:
"Amen!"
"What lofty, profound understanding!"
Argenti fell back a step, his right hand pressed hard over his heart, that handsome face filled with the utmost shock and emotion.
"What... utterly sincere hearts!"
"This sight is worthy of song and of tears! It shakes the very stars!"
"Your souls are so pure, so noble. I see the light of Beauty shining in your eyes, and it is no dimmer than that of any Knight of Beauty who keeps every precept to the letter!"
Argenti sang their praises with feeling, and the look he turned on Stelle and Caelus had gone from scrutiny to pure, unreserved admiration and acceptance.
These were no random passersby.
These were long-lost brothers in Beauty, kindred spirits parted for years!
"..."
Huh?
March 7th's jaw had hit the floor, her mouth hanging wide open.
Bro, come on...
You've lost it too?!
No wonder the Knights of Beauty fell apart — so their core members were all absurdist mega-artistes on Stelle and Caelus's level?!
An organization made up of freaks like this — it'd be a miracle if it lasted a day!!
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