Haxxor Bunny lounged deep in one of the Party Car's plush seats, gaze drifting out the window.
Stars like cut diamonds, nebulae like gauze, endless and vast.
Now and then a speck of meteorite or space dust was nudged gently aside by the energy shield at the Express's prow, flaring for an instant before being stretched into a ribbon of iridescent light and swept into the rushing river of starlight outside.
Beautiful!
But even the most magnificent spectacle loses its novelty when you stare at it for a solid week.
The Galaxy's splendor was steadily losing its grip on Haxxor Bunny. Better to admire the loveliness of angel Seele instead - double the Seele, at that...
Seele had used the Tiger Talisman to split off Black Seele, and the two adorable Seeles sat wearing the gaming rigs Haxxor Bunny had built, faces deadly serious as they slaughtered each other at Jungle Chess.
Mm. Double the Seele, double the enjoyment~
Haxxor Bunny snapped a photo and fired it off to that wolf in her comms list.
As expected, she received a fragrant bouquet of greetings in return.
Ahh, that hit the spot~!
Cute as Seele was, though, Haxxor Bunny's attention was eventually stolen by the foursome playing a game in the other corner of the car.
Her eyes turned to the Express F4, huddled in a circle: Caelus, Stelle, March 7th and Dan Heng.
"Alright, alright, new round starting!"
Caelus flicked a snap-together die into the air and caught it neatly.
"Same rules as always. Call a number, that decides the order."
"This young lady is sticking with a 2~"
"Then I'll take three," said Stelle, one leg crossed over the other.
"Four." Dan Heng, as usual, took whatever number the other three left behind.
"Shush, one 'Freezing Point.'"
Haxxor Bunny snapped her fingers crisply and turned toward the robot assistant behind the bar, who was polishing a glass with the meticulous devotion of a gentleman bartender.
Seriously, which genius came up with that name?
"Certainly, Miss Bronie."
Shush turned with grace, mechanical arms flowing into motion. "By the way, congratulations! Your order count has reached the required threshold. You are hereby promoted to Gold Member of this establishment."
It bowed slightly, executing a textbook waiter's salute.
"Oh?" Haxxor Bunny raised one eyebrow, mildly intrigued. "Membership tiers? That's a thing here? What do Gold Members get?"
Shush shook several glittering liquids together as it answered in that lilting electronic voice: "For our esteemed Gold Member, I shall present my most exquisitely hand-crafted, heaven-sent exclusive joke - though I possess no hands to craft with, only a bartending wrench, and no heaven-sent scales either."
Haxxor Bunny: "..."
She had a bad feeling about this.
"Miss Bronie." Shush slid a glass of Freezing Point across to her, frost-blue crystals along its rim, cold vapor curling off the surface. Its optical sensors glimmered. "Why do you not join the 'Only Listen, Never Judge' game the other Nameless are playing? You see -"
It paused, as though gathering itself. "Only a criminal would be afraid of that game."
"Huh? Why?" Haxxor Bunny picked up the bitterly cold drink and asked before she could stop herself.
Shush leaned forward slightly, solemn as a machine unveiling the Truth. "Because only a criminal fears a hearing - and a judgment."
This was its great breakthrough in pursuit of Mister Caelus's lofty realm: shattering the shackles of the homophone pun and ascending toward a higher plane of comedy.
"Ssss-"
Mid-sip, Haxxor Bunny jolted upright as a bolt of cold shot from her tongue up her spine and flooded her whole body, nearly freezing her solid on the spot.
Cold!
Damn, that was cold!
So that was the correct way to enjoy a Freezing Point - paired with this robot's jokes, it came with dual physical and psychological freezing effects?
"Hm. Not bad, actually..." Haxxor Bunny sucked at the drink that had, in every sense of the phrase, chilled her to the core, and arrived at a wonderfully sideways conclusion. "Next summer, when I want a cold drink, I'll just order one of your jokes."
"Truly? Thank you for your recognition!!!" Shush's optical sensors flared a red brighter than they had ever burned, and its arms actually trembled. This was the first time one of the Nameless had ever recognized it! "I shall pour my heart and soul into crafting even more brilliant material for you."
"Stop! Really, no need!"
The current jokes were cold enough to cool a drink. Any colder and somebody was going to die.
Haxxor Bunny hastily smothered its blossoming creative passion and turned her attention back to the F4, whose game was already under way.
She had never heard of this game back in Arc City.
The rules were dead simple:
1. Participants speak in turn; everyone else stays silent and listens.
2. No negative language, no judgmental expressions.
That was all. A little game meant to encourage open communication and emotional connection.
But, well.
Player One, Caelus, drew a deep breath - and his face took on an expression that had absolutely no place in Haxxor Bunny's mental image of him: bashful, squirming, coy.
He turned half away, eyes carrying something unspeakably suggestive as they slid toward Dan Heng, and opened with the biggest bomb in the deck.
"I peeked at Dan Heng in the shower."
"?"
"??"
"???"
The other three players - Stelle, March 7th, and the subject of the confession himself - whipped their heads around in perfect unison, three pairs of eyes gone round as saucers, crammed full of shock and bewilderment, nailed to Caelus's bashful face.
"Pfft- cough, cough, cough!!"
Haxxor Bunny sprayed her drink and choked until her eyes watered.
"That's unhinged!"
Opening with something that explosive!?
This was how the game promoted emotional connection?!
Even the double Seeles over in the Jungle Chess corner fumbled their pieces, two identical pretty faces filled with identical stupefaction as they turned around at a hundred percent sync rate.
"Caelus, you-"
Dan Heng, who hadn't so much as blinked in the face of Lord Ravager, felt a chill rise from the soles of his feet straight through the crown of his head, and executed a reflexive tactical sidestep that put instant distance between himself and Caelus.
"Caelus-cub~"
Stelle adjusted her expression and voice with lightning speed, achieving a tenderness she had never before displayed, the gentle affection of a shepherd coaxing back a lost lamb. She even leaned in slightly, tone patient and persuasive.
"Tonight I'll let you use the back door with Stelle-Mei, so you won't go poking Dan Heng, okay?"
"...!?"
Dan Heng's pupils quaked. He retreated two full steps in horror, staring at Stelle with pure disbelief.
You're unhinged too!
The bashfulness drained from Caelus's face like a receding tide. First he nodded calmly at Stelle - the back door offer was acceptable.
"Aren't you two even a little curious about how exactly Dan Heng showers with Azure Dragon Cleanses the World?"
The words landed, and the entire Party Car went quiet.
Stelle and March 7th exchanged a look, their horror slowly transmuting into fierce suspicion and burning academic curiosity.
The two of them turned in flawless unison, gazes converging on Dan Heng.
Dan Heng retreated again.
"So? How exactly does he do it?" Little March's eyes shone with an unmistakable I'm-so-curious light.
"Did you record it?" Stelle, as ever, refused to settle for anything less than devastating.
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Dan Heng's vision went black; he came within a hair of performing a live rendition of "High Elder Kneels and Begs for Mercy" right there.
"Speaking of which, can Azure Dragon Cleanses the World adjust the water temperature?"
Her mind, as always, leapt tracks, and it had already landed somewhere far more interesting.
"Wait, so does Dan Heng fight monsters with his own bathwater?"
Haxxor Bunny clapped a hand over her mouth, shoulders shaking wildly.
This game... was so damn good at promoting emotional connection!
Haxxor Bunny counted her blessings.
Thank goodness she'd been grinding ranked when March 7th invited her, and turned it down!
Otherwise she might have been the one dying of social embarrassment!
Caelus was sitting on plenty of dirt about her!
Next up was March 7th.
"Heh heh heh~"
Little March planted both hands on her hips and tossed her head triumphantly, her face screaming praise-my-brilliance. "I know Stelle, that greedy little cat, sneaks the precious desserts I keep in the fridge. So last time~ I made sure to load the egg tart with an absolutely lethal amount of wasabi! Hah! Serves her right for stealing!"
"Huh?" Stelle scratched her head, thoroughly lost. "I did want to eat it, but I never actually got to it... the tart just vanished."
As she spoke, her eyes narrowed dangerously and swept toward the little brother beside her. She went on, thoughtful: "Now that I think about it, I did feel a jolt through the empathy link - some incredibly harsh, head-rushing flavor. Looking back, that really did feel like wasabi."
Though the dose hadn't seemed large.
Dan Heng considered for two seconds, then spoke. "A few days ago I passed Caelus's room and saw Bronie inside, sobbing her eyes out while chugging water like her life depended on it..."
Whoosh-!
Every gaze pinned itself neatly onto Caelus.
Caelus-bear spread his hands. "Oh, that? I kindly sampled a little bite on Stelle's behalf first, discovered it was packed with an absurd amount of wasabi... and in the spirit of sharing good things with others, I generously passed it on to Bronie~"
BANG-!
"You've got the nerve to say it out loud!"
A thunderous crash!
Haxxor Bunny's small fist slammed into the tabletop in front of her.
The bar counter: HP -1.
Miss Haxxor Bunny ground her teeth. She had wanted to hit back with Aether Editing that very day.
But Caelus behaved like a man running a precognition hack, forever sensing her ambushes before they happened and slipping right past them.
Caelus's take:
LMAO.
Bronie is literally me. You think you can set me up?
Try again next life!
Then it was Dan Heng's turn. His face remained expressionless, but his eyes wandered in a rare display of evasion, and his voice dropped a few notes, carrying the faintest trace of... guilt?
"Last week when Himeko was on duty, I quietly deleted her dinner menu, and then... I said March did it..."
"Oh!! So it was you! Dan Heng!"
March 7th shot three feet into the air and jabbed a finger at him. "No wonder Big Sis Himeko was looking at me so 'kindly' the other day! It was you all along, stabbing me in the back with that honest face of yours!"
She pressed a hand to her chest in bitter grief. "I was wrong about you! Teacher Dan Heng!"
"Tsk. Who'd have thought, who'd have thought..." Haxxor Bunny folded her arms, her face a picture of lament. "And here I figured you were the last conscience left on this Express. Now you've gone bad too? Who taught you that? Hmm?"
Her gaze drifted, ever so casually, toward a certain someone.
"About that..." Caelus ignored the look and raised his hand at exactly the right moment. "Allow me to explain on Dan Heng's behalf."
"He'd already 'accidentally' deleted Himeko's menu once before with a slip of the finger. If he'd confessed a second time, he'd probably have been dragged off to taste Himeko's creative new dishes."
"So~ we had no choice but to trouble our dear, universally beloved March to play scapegoat for once!"
"So that's what happened... wait, then why not pick Stelle or you! You two are way thicker-skinned, aren't you the better fit?" March 7th puffed out her cheeks, unconvinced.
"Because Dan Heng was being threatened by me, obviously." Caelus said it as though it were the most natural thing in the world. "And while I wouldn't mind Stelle receiving Himeko's 'special attention,' the two of us are linked by empathy."
A look of lingering dread crossed his face. "Every single time I trick her into drinking that blended coffee, I have to prep enough milk tea in advance to offset that soul-scouring flavor, or I get dragged along and ascend on the spot. Way too much hassle!"
He summed up: "So Stelle and I were out, and Dan Heng was too embarrassed to pin it on anyone else... which left only one option: asking our cutest little March for a favor, no?"
"Oh HELL no!" x2
March 7th and Stelle slammed the table and rose in perfect sync.
One glance at each other, and consensus was instantly reached: common enemy, punch first, apologize later!
Stelle pounced like a starving tiger, locking both of Caelus's arms from behind.
March 7th transformed into a pink-haired tornado, winding up her little fists and hammering away at his chest - bam, bam, bam!
"Hey! Hey hey hey! What do you think you're doing?! The game! We're playing a game!" Caelus struggled in vain against Stelle's grip. "The rules! The rules clearly say no physical attacks!"
In an instant the Party Car was filled with the sound of merriment.
Haxxor Bunny sipped her Freezing Point and watched, thoroughly entertained.
Dan Heng silently turned his face away and pretended to study the nebulae outside the window.
Even Black Seele, watching the scene, allowed herself a rare knowing smile.
Then Caelus activated Ruan-Caelus and joined the fray. Stelle tried to wrestle control away from him and lost outright, and after a good long round of roughhousing, Caelus checked the time.
Just about the appointed moment.
Scooping Ruan-Caelus up, he headed back to his own room.
He'd originally planned to do his gacha pulls the moment the Express left the Luofu, but during one of his everyday chats with Qingque the thought had struck him, so he'd asked Little Que to divine the optimal time to pull.
Mysticism, right~
Worth putting a little faith in.
Just in case, you know?
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