"The occasional breeze offsets the warmer temperature."
"It's a little humid but I like it that way. Better than it being too cold or too hot."
"It's balanced right in the middle, until that cool breeze stops and you're left with straight humidity."
"What do you think, Simon?"
"Hmm… I love it when it's cold."
"The summer sucks, wake up sweaty, it's hot 24/7."
Alex chuckled. "Good thing winter's right around the corner."
"We just have to get through fall first." He uncrossed his legs, "Now that I think about it fall is pretty underrated."
"It's alright." I chimed in, "But fall doesn't have snow."
"Snow!?" He laughed.
"The snow is so overrated, it tracks into the cabin and makes everything wet."
"I shouldn't have to mention how cold it is."
His eyebrows raised. "Snow does have one good thing about it though… it's utterly beautiful."
"The snowflakes… it's like they were hand carved by God and thrown down for us to admire."
He looked at me with a pout. "Too bad they melt away so quickly."
We laughed as the sun began to set on another day.
Week 3 without Ms. Valeria.
Alex pointed into the air as orange rays from the sun bled into the light blue sky.
"If snow fell from a sky this beautiful, I'd love winter too."
**
My whole body ached with each ragged breath I managed to push out. The harsh downpour felt like thumbtacks constantly pricking my skin.
So dark… so cold. Every sluggish step I took felt like my last.
"Am I going to… die here? All alone?"
"Maybe this is how things were always going to end, me… alone as always."
"I wish you were here, Ms. Valeria."
A hand grasped my shoulder as rain paired with the night sky blurried my vision.
I swung a weak, loose arm but it was caught before making contact.
A soft, familiar voice spoke to me as my eyelids became too heavy to hold open.
"I won't let you be alone… not again."
**
"Stupid me."
"It's not you that's stupid, it's your choices." Alex groaned.
I lowered my head. "I'm sorry about the map."
He hunched over the sink beside the oven, slowly turning the faucet's handle as its creaking filled the room.
No water fell from the faucet.
Staring into the sink it felt as if his mind went somewhere else. He stayed there for a while before standing straight again.
"We're gonna leave tonight." He said.
He looked to me, his face as serious as I've ever seen it. His voice was firm, not a shed of doubt lined his words. "Im sorry Simon, you're either with us or not."
Walking to the front door he paused before turning back. "You're either leaving tonight… or staying here. Please, don't make a decision you'll regret."
I refused to look back at him as the door opened and closed.
Sighing I slowly stood up, swinging the back door open as I walked onto the porch.
Everything feels so different from back then… is this nostalgia? Heh, even the sky looked different when she was around.
Sticking my hands forward I stretched my fingers out as they caught onto the wind.
"Even the breeze feels different."
It's calmer than before, slower, but maybe a little heavier.
My eyes widened as I stared out at the sky. I slowly walked forward, past the old burnt pyre that still stands in the backyard.
As I reached the wooden fence I tugged at a piece of broken wood, tearing it from the fence as I jerked back from the force.
Stepping forward I threw my left leg over the fence, taking a deep breath before tossing myself over.
A crunching sound rattled through the air as I froze.
"Dang it."
Quickly stepping to the side I looked down at my old paintings, bending over to get a closer look.
"They're really all here!"
Memories flooded my mind as I scattered through destroyed canvases and broken sticks.
A specific canvas caught my eye, one that was overgrown with moss.
Ripping off the overgrowth my stomach turned. I lifted the painting as I looked right through the middle.
It was the sketch of Ms. Valeria.
Staring at it for a while I laid the canvas back on the ground.
I don't know what to think… maybe I should've burned these when I had the chance.
I just want something… something that reminded me of those times, but even these canvases only brew negative emotions.
I feel hurt, but why? I feel betrayed, and why? Just because they didn't listen to me?
Why… am I like this?
A thump coming from the fence stole my attention.
Jerking my head back, the piece of wood I broke off was now covered by someone's back.
I could tell by their head who it was.
Lowering my gaze I sighed. "I'm sorry about the map, Luther."
He let out a dry chuckle. "I didn't really care about the map, chances we read it accurately were pretty low anyway."
I also sat down, scooting towards the fence as my back aligned with his. "That doesn't make what I did right."
Luther sighed, plucking blades of grass from the ground. "I'm as guilty as anyone."
"You've had your moments." I replied, "But that doesn't make you a bad person or anything, everyone is guilty of something."
"No…" Luther mumbled, "I am a bad person."
"I constantly back talked to Ms. Valeria even though she wanted the best for me."
"You don't need to beat yourself up about that." I interrupted.
"It's not only that." He said.
"Your paintings… I destroyed those too. sometimes it feels like all I can do is bad."
I lowered my head. So it was him.
Pushing myself up I patted my pants before peering over the fence.
I looked down at his low cut head, only making out a portion of his face.
He looked… genuinely sad. I couldn't help but grin as I rested my face in my hands.
"Well, for what it's worth Luther, I forgive you."
He looked up at me, his face red. "Why?"
I smiled, his face becoming confused as he saw mine. "I can forgive you because that's what Ms. Valeria would want me to do."
"It's also what I want to do."
Luther looked down once more, sighing as he continued to pick at the grass.
"Your forgiveness means a lot, but unfortunately I need to hear that from a lotta more people."
"Some that aren't here anymore."
I glanced at my paintings before looking back down at Luther. "Beating yourself up over the past won't change the future."
"They may never be able to forgive you, but you need to get to a point where you can forgive yourself."
I dangled my hand over the fence, placing my palm on Luther's head. "That starts now."
He sat still for a moment, seemingly lost in thought before swatting my hand away.
Standing up he slid his hands into his pockets as he began to walk off, only taking a couple of steps forward before he paused.
"Oh yeah the reason I came out here, before we got all mushy."
He looked back to me as I still stared from beyond the fence.
"I'm sure Alex told you but we're leaving at midnight, the others are probably packing as we speak."
"I know what you said but… deep down? You don't want to stay here man."
"He's banking on you staying here, rotting away."
"By he you mean…"
Luther nodded his head.
"You should leave at dusk, before we do. Despite how you feel Marcel doesn't want you with us anyway."
"I don't think anyone can change your mind, but staying here? It isn't an option."
He turned to leave. "You don't have to, it's just something you should consider, okay?"
His footsteps slowly faded. I stood there for a moment, just… thinking.
Looking to the sky I took a long, deep breath.
I have about 4 hours until sunset, that's more than enough time.
**
Upon getting back to the cabin it felt as if I walked into a warzone.
Dahlia rummaged through cabinets gathering anything valuable she could.
I could hear drawers slamming shut in the bedroom from the living room.
Making my way down the hall I noticed the picture frame that hung above the nightstand was gone.
The one of the Nun… who would want that?
Paying it no mind I reached for Ms. Valeria's door, cracking it open as I peered inside.
My paintbrush sat on the desk.
Stepping into the room I closed the door behind me, grabbing my paintbrush before sitting on the edge of the bed.
"We've come a long way, haven't we?"
…
"Thank you… for everything."
Standing up I gently laid my paintbrush onto the bed, making my way to the bookshelves that lined her walls.
I stared at the red spined book before slightly pulling it out. "The fool who thinks twice huh."
Those notes… those ridiculous notes. They helped me get through the roughest part of my life.
I chuckled to myself, pushing the book back into place before turning to leave.
Stopping at the door I looked back to my paintbrush once more, a bittersweet smile growing on my face.
If I can't stay here… then I'll leave a part of me.
Stepping into the hallway I took a deep breath. "I'll need food."
Walking down the hall Dahlia neatly stacked whatever food we had left onto the island.
I dragged my feet into the kitchen, leaning onto the counter.
"Dahlia—"
"I know." She interrupted, "Take whatever you need."
My eyes widened. "You know?!"
She chuckled as she opened and closed cabinets. "Luther told me. Marcel wants me on food duty so he gave me a heads up."
I ran to hug her, her body immediately stiffening up.
"Uh, Simon?"
"You're the best." I mumbled.
Before I could leave she grabbed the back of my shirt. "I know things between you and Marcel will never work… it's like mixing water and oil."
"But… I don't want you to go, nobody does. Maybe somehow you two can figure something out?"
"We can't." I replied.
She lowered her head. "What about Runi… Cleo, Jackson, me!?"
"Are we just supposed to let you go?"
I turned back to her, breaking her hold on my shirt. "It's not your decision."
"Marcel is a handful… we may be complete opposites, we may fight 24/7—he may hate my guts."
"But that's still my brother. Through thick and thin no matter if I like it or not, that is my brother."
"You'll all be fine with Marcel, and I'll be fine on my own."
"How do you know that?" Dahlia blurted out.
I shot her a soft smile. "You'll just have to believe in me."
Dahlia could only watch as I went to grab a sack from the bedroom, filling it up with cans of soups and vegetables.
As the day goes by that time comes closer and closer, even faster than I thought it would.
My stomach is tied into a knot, this nervous feeling in my chest I just can't shake.
I'm really leaving. Leaving this life behind. Leaving my family behind.
This is selfish of me, I know. Just running away and avoiding my problems.
I tell myself it's for the best but, is it?
No…
I have to do this.
For me.
**
The sun is finally setting.
I've made a decision.
My… decision.
If I learned anything from living here, growing up surrounded by loved ones… It's that I don't want to have any regrets.
I won't allow myself to regret.
I paused in Ms. Valeria's rocking chair, standing up as I made my way to the back fence.
The sack of cans rested against the fence before I hefted it over with me soon following.
Walking around the side of the cabin I stared back at the front door.
Indistinctive chatter leaked through the windows.
So… lively, like they don't even care I'm gone.
I took a step forward before gritting my teeth. "No."
Turning around I forced my legs to move, it felt as if each step made the other one harder.
The forest is just ahead now. One step after another. Closer and closer to the unknown.
"And where the hell are you going?"
I stopped dead in my tracks. That voice… shit—do I run for it?
He would surely catch up to me with all these cans.
Dropping the sack I turned around. "You won't stop me, Marcel."
"I'll only have to stop you if you make me." He said, his voice cold and stern.
"You're putting us all at danger by pulling this stunt."
"I don't give a damn what you do, but the food? It stays."
I bit my lip. "So Luther told you."
He placed his hand on his head, running his fingers through his hair. "Luther didn't have to tell me."
There it was, that ring again, firmly on his finger.
"So how'd you know!" I called out.
Marcel began to walk forward. "I counted every piece of food we had left in this house down the very can."
"How do you think I reacted when I recounted and 12 cans were missing?"
Damn it. Why… Why is he always one step ahead!
"You look lost for words Simon, so I'll gather them for you."
"Leave."
I took a step forward. "No."
I could see the cabin's front door open in the distance as a figure ran towards us, a smaller figure.
"Is that?"
Marcel turned around as Jackson bent over to catch his breath.
"What are you doing out here?!" He questioned.
"Simon why? You weren't gonna tell us?" Jackson said between breaths.
Marcel glanced at me before looking back to Jackson.
"I thought I said stay in the house."
"This… this isn't right Marcel!" Jackson replied, standing straight.
Marcel grit his teeth. "This has absolutely nothing to do with you!"
"You were sending him away, weren't you?"
Jackson pulled at Marcel's shirt. "Why do we have to split up!"
Marcel grabbed Jackson's wrist. "You don't know a damn thing!"
Trying to tug away Jackson glared at Marcel, finally breaking from his grasp.
"Ms. Valeria would be disgusted if she saw you now."
Marcel paused. His nostrils flared as his face went dark. With the swift motion of his hand he slapped Jackson across the face.
Jackson tumbled from the force, scrambling away as he held his cheek.
Before Marcel could fully turn my fist dug into his jaw.
He almost lost his footing before taking a few steps back.
"This is what you want Simon? FINE!"
Slipping off his ring he tossed it to the side.
I planted my feet, firmly raising my guard. "What I won't let you do… is hurt my family!"