I remained frozen in place. That voice returned—calm, cold, familiar. I had no choice but to obey.
The trees stood silent behind me. I was on a four-meter-high slope, staring down into the dense bushes below.
I stared intently into the bushes until I was shocked. I felt a strong grip grab my heart and squeeze it tightly. I had expected every scenario and scene except this...
A half-naked blonde girl was struggling and crying while another man tried to force himself on her..
What was this I was seeing?!
Suddenly, the voice inside my head spoke, and this time it was quite, clear and sharp "Have you forgotten, kirian? our promise? our covenant? our agreement to take revenge on them all? our goal to blow up Capri and wipe everyone out? They didn't love us when we were young. They won't love us now. No more pain. No more silence."
I was surprised, my thoughts collapsed, and before I could even respond, it added, "Isn't what you see now painful? Isn't this what we're supposed to stop? This moment... this horror... this is the seed that created us. 18 years ago, something just like this happened. And here you are, watching it unfold again"
How did it know about that?
Why does it involve itself in my life and speak as if it lived with me and drank from the same cup I did?
The voice added, "That blonde girl is truly beautiful, but judging by that man's actions, he seems to be a damned repressed man who has never met a woman in his life. His lust has crossed all boundaries. This is similar to that desperate incident, isn't it? How do you feel when you witness the moment you appear in this world again after all these years?"
I felt a strong surge of blood surging from my heart, chilling my chest as it surged forcefully through my veins.
My face drained of color, my hands was trembling.
The voice added, "She looks like our mother, doesn't she? And him... the same uniform, the same eyes, the same stench. This is how you were born, Kirian. Pain. Disgust. Rape. A broken woman screaming a name that wasn't his. A man dead on the floor. And then... you exist."
No..
Please.. no...
The voice continued without mercy "This is your origin, kirian. Look at it. Feel it. You never got her love. You never got her hugs. You never got her kisses. You never got her warmth. You only got this. You were born in horror. Raised in hate. And now, you watch it happen again as a spectator."
I feel something gathering in my throat..
I feel suffocated..
I couldn't move..
I felt my heart pounding like war drums in my chest..
"So tell me, Kirian," the voice whispered,
"Will you allow this to happen again? Will you let another Kirian cursed into existence? Will you allow an another cycle of pain? Or will you stop it now?"
My body began to grow heavier, and my vision began to become blurry and hazy, but I still barely standing, maintaining my balance. However, I don't think my mental balance was the same.
The voice continued, "The problem between us, Kirian, is that I am you, and I feel what you feel, and I love doing what you do. But I disagree with one thing that the world would be beautiful with forgiveness. No, every bastard should pay the price of his mistakes. Everyone has to pay, Kirian, and you're the only one who can avenge yourself. No one will."
I'm helpless..
I want to, but I'm helpless..
I don't know what to do..
I feel lost, weak, helpless, and afraid..
What should I do?..
How can I do it?..
What will happen if I do it?..
What will happen if I don't?..
I looked again at the man and the girl as I stood safely on the edge of the cliff.
This girl looked like my mother, the one I'd only seen in pictures..
I blinked and suddenly found myself in an old, dilapidated, dark wooden house.
Screams of fear, swords slashs and fire breeze were coming from outside, as if there were a war.
I stepped back, tripped over something, and fell to my butt on the wooden floor.
I looked down and saw the body of a thin, dark-skinned man, covered in blood. His eyes were empty, and traces of blood on his face looked like tears.
There were stab wounds on his body. He looked like he'd been defending his home but killed.
I felt nauseous and panicked, and I quickly looked away. My eyes fell on the crying, desperate blond girl on the floor.
Her face quickly changed to that beautiful woman, the one calling me to give her a warm, motherly hug in my dreams, that hug everyone in my elementary school received at the end of class except me.
I looked closer and discovered a man on his knees behind the girl, laughing as she looked at me and cried.
The man seemed happy with what he was doing and laughing, but he didn't know that this act would leave behind a sick and deranged remnant like me.
No..
How could I believe this?..
No..
But how couldn't I believe this?
it's real..
So real..
So true..
Yes it is!
Is this permissible?
Is this good?
Or is it bad?
Why does my mother have to endure this suffering?
Is she happy with me and with this?
Why is she crying and trying to push my father away from her?
Why is she calling a strange man's name and looking at that dead body I stumbled over?
Did she give birth to me because she loves me?
Did she leave me because she hates me?
Did I disappoint her with my existence?
If I removed the danger from her, would she be happy?
Would she be proud of me?
Would she love me?
Would she hug me tightly?
Would she kiss me?
Would she cook for me?
Would she smile at me?
Would she care for me?
Would I even exist?
But doesn't my nonexistence mean that none of what's happening now happened?
Doesn't that mean that everything I've been through is connected to me?
Doesn't that mean that everything they feel toward me, I have to feel toward them?
Doesn't their hatred of me necessitate my hatred of them?
Their torture of me necessitates my torture of them?
Their killing of me necessitates my killing of them?
Doesn't their attempt to erase me necessitate my erasure of them?
The voice added quietly, "You know what? If I were you, I would gently take out that knife and kill that damned rapist. I would cut him up piece by piece, burn him, fill his body with holes, gouge out his eyes and chop off his fingers and make a beautiful necklace out of them. Isn't that what you want too, Kirian? Think about it, this is our revenge, bro. You don't have to stay peaceful forever. You don't deserve all the pain they caused you, and they don't deserve to be alive after all the pain they caused you."
His words are convincing, I'm like a gazelle defending wolves against their enemies..
Poor human beings..
Then he added in a serious tone "Remember, they stole the most important thing in life from us, with no chance of getting it back. They took our mother from us so we have to take their hearts. Fill their body with holes! Make him drown in a red lake! Make him an example for others! Evil people won't stop until we use their evil on them! Play with them like they did! Didn't you always love cutting off the limbs of small insects as a child and watching them struggle to death? Now you're grown up, you also have to take care of the big insects and watch them struggle to survive!"
I felt a surge of euphoria and extreme happiness.
My cheeks hardened, and the corners of my lips lifted into a wide smile.
My eyes were wide open, and my fingers unzipped my waist bag, unconsciously pulling out the sharp, shiny knife.
Life is fun..
That voice was right..
Preventing anything from happening again is the solution..
Yes!..
Yes, that's right!..
I must hurry..
I must take revenge..
I must kill..
I must cut..
I must tear..
yes, I must do it!..
I will not wait any longer to taste his blood..
Does it taste different from mine?..
I jumped off that cliff without thinking about the consequences, the risks, or the injuries.
Julie was screaming, but I didn't care what she was saying.
I landed on the ground, then put all my focus and force on my right foot and rushed toward that bush, fully intent on seeing that bastard's entrails.
But as soon as he noticed and realized my presence, he turned his face towards me, his eyes wide open in surprise.
But it didn't take long for him to realize that my knife had pierced his big, fat belly.
The man screamed, let go of the girl, then grabbed my wrist, desperately trying to pull the knife out of his stomach.
HAHAHAHAHA!..
It was too late!!!..
Blood began to seep from his stomach onto his shirt and my hand, dripping onto the ground..
It was very different from insects..
When I cut off their limbs, their blood resembled pus.
They also didn't react, make sounds of pain, or make pleasurable pained facial expressions like humans do..
This was very enjoyable..
The more he tried to resist, the more I wanted to hurt him more..
I was overcome with ecstasy, leaving no room for the man to react.
I quickly tightened my grip on the knife's wooden handle and sent it into a deep, rapid sweep through the man's stomach, from side to side, until the entire contents of his stomach began to ooze out and fall to the ground through the mouth I had made in his stomach.
The contents of his stomach were a mixture of red, green, and brown.
It seemed the last thing he had eaten had been grass.
Was this bastard planning to go on a diet? That didn't matter now; I had gotten rid of his fat belly for him!..
I love doing good, HAHAHAHA!..
Be grateful that I return your goodness to you!..
The man staggered backward, like a drunk, his screams starts fading.
He fell to the ground, screaming weakly and gasping, clutching his stomach in despair as it vomiting his blood profusely.
The girl was hiding behind a tree, watching in fear.
I was so happy about that, but it was the most moment I wanted to cry in my life..
I wish I had been able to save her like I had saved this girl..
I always wanted you, mom..
The man looked at me with a mixture of anger and fear. "A child... eh-nn... this is im-"
I threw myself at him and plunged my knife into his heart right before he could finish his sentence.
His body shook, his eyes rolled back, and he let out a sharp, loud gasp, a sound like a snort. He's desperately trying to live like a drowning clutching a straw.
I pulled my knife out of his chest, sat on his waist, and began making numerous holes in his chest and neck, which quickly turned pale, bluish, but were stained red with his own red juice.
I did it over and over again, faster and harder, until his screams vanished. His blood everywhere.
All over me.
All over the world.
I sighed, stood up, and looked up at the cloudy dead sky.
Then I lowered my gaze to the girl standing behind a nearby tree.
She was staring at me in horror, clutching her clothes to her chest.
I'm glad she was safe, but what was that hideous, terrified look on her face?
Why?..
I saved her, didn't I?..
Then why that look?
Why fear?
Why disgust?
Why hate?
Should I kill her too?
My smile faded..
I looked down at my red hands and realized what I'd done.
I looked back at the man's body to see the look of horror still lingering on his frozen, lifeless face.
His eyes were empty of any sign of life. No pulse, no warmth, no rise and fall in his chest. He's dead..
I realized I'd killed someone..
I couldn't believe what I'd done, so I dropped the knife and held my half-bloodied face with my red hands, trying to comprehend what I'd done.
I began hyperventilating and hallucinating, my chest tightened, everything around me blurring.
I lost my balance and fell unconscious to the ground.
The last thing I saw before I fell asleep was a tall, thin, white figure standing hidden behind a distant tree, staring at me.
To be continued..