Chapter 59
This is a fictional story by realTensai
[NOTIFICATION]
[ONE LIFE REMAINING!]
Alvis stood still, his brain only focusing on one thing. He read the notification over and over again, yet he still hadn't processed it. He couldn't hear anything other than his loud heartbeat, which drowned his head. His eyes were fixed on these simple words, each letter bearing a weight Alvis couldn't carry. However, reality was cruel and Alvis realized that.
If I fail one more time, I'm dead.
Vomit pushed all its way up to Alvis' mouth and he just ran out of the hotel, holding it in. Once he was outside, he puked. The food he remembered eating one week ago reappeared in the form of digested sludge. Food particles stuck on his teeth, as he couldn't stop the onrush of vomit, coloring his tongue green.
He tried to calm down his breathing, to calm down his shivering body, yet he couldn't. Memories of his friends' corpses, Lia's corpse, haunted him the pain he had felt just now clear for him to feel. All of those past realities would become the inevitable future soon. But this time, Alvis wouldn't have another chance. If he failed this time, they all would be dead for good.
Another surge of vomit forced its way out of Alvis.
He shook his head, a vain effort to deny the undeniable. His trembling eyes stared at the notification, but it wouldn't disappear. Alvis couldn't run away. Regret gripped his heart, squishing it so hard it could break any moment, and his brain mocked him, already knowing why it came so far.
I was too arrogant.
All this time, Alvis had thought he was invincible. A greater being who couldn't die or possibly lose. He had underestimated the Devil. As long as he could respawn, he thought he would eventually win. As long as he kept pushing forward, disregarding his feelings and sanity, he thought he would eventually win.
How foolish. He could practically hear the Devil laughing at him right now.
Alvis' reality shattered right before his eyes. His ability to respawn was his only worth. It was the thing that made him who he was. It gave him the strength to go on, the strength to believe in himself. But now it was gone.
His body started shaking uncontrollably, just like a lone leaf exposed to a fierce windstorm.
Insanity, insanity, insanity!
Voyzez's voice echoed in his ears like a melody as his failed runs played before him like a fool's drama.
He saw how everyone died at the festival, darkness devouring every life. How he found Sekki's and Dane's bloody corpses just after having spent the day together with them. And he saw how Voyzez's shadows ripped his body apart, just like an aggressive baby would with its old toy.
He saw how the army of soldiers was controlled by insanity. How Lia's body got torn into pieces and dropped before him. How Dane's head rolled on the ground. And how a shadow slash cut off his own head.
He saw how he fought Voyzez with Dane, Lia, Priest Zaini, and Ms. Myth and they even killed him. But then he saw how Voyzez took over Dane's body and killed everyone. And in the end, he died at the hands of his best friends.
He saw how he sought help from the assassins, just to get burned to the core with not even the ash left of him.
He saw how he fought Voyzez on his own just for Lia to appear to aid him, yet to be killed once again before his eyes.
All these pasts played before him and he knew this time wouldn't end any differently. They would all die a cruel death, and there was no way out. This would be the conclusion of the fool's drama.
Once again, Alvis puked.
His sweaty body shivered, every cell of his overtaken by fear. He kept shaking his head as if he would just need to try hard enough for reality to change. He didn't know what else to do. His brain didn't function, fear having seized control. With every second that passed, the brutal end came nearer, and Alvis just wanted to run away.
He wanted to give up. He didn't want to suffer anymore. He had just seen it play before him; no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, death was inevitable.
It was with realizing that, he made a decision.
"Lia, we have to go."
Alvis raised his head, looking for the sole person who could understand him. She stood right next to him, her eyes wet and her mouth was moving. Was she saying something the whole time? Alvis didn't know, and it didn't matter to him right now. Their time was limited, and they had to go.
"We have to run away. We have to leave Awaniko and go back home immediately."
"W-Why," she said, her emerald eyes gazing at Alvis. "What happened?"
"We just have to go! W-We also need to let Dane and Sekki know. It will be hard to convince Ms. Myth, but if we say we are all ill, she will let us go home. Faking an illness is hard, but maybe there is a spell out there that could make us sick. Oh, but maybe she would send us to a healer. Then we would just have to take the hyper-train on our own. We would be breaking rules, but we can't change it. Also—"
"Alvis," Lia said, interrupting his mumbling, "What is wrong? Why do you want to run away?"
He hesitated. However, he just clicked his tongue and answered.
"The Devil Cult will attack Awaniko. I may seem crazy right now, but you have to believe me. They will kill everyone, and there is no way to survive. We have to run away."
Lia went silent and Alvis was unable to read her. Maybe it was due to his mental state or her just hiding her emotion well, but the silence in which Alvis had to wait for her answer only made more sweat run down his face.
"I believe you," she said, and Alvis breathed again. "But if we run away, doesn't that mean that all the others will die?"
Alvis opened his mouth, but no words would escape his throat. Her sincere eyes made him question his resolve, yet it also affirmed him. This question had tormented him all the time, but now he had found his answer. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists before speaking up.
"We have no choice. I know it's egoistic, but there is nothing we can do. I've already tried everything. I've exhausted every possibility, every chance I could find, yet I couldn't save anyone. No matter how hard I tried, nothing changed. Everything just leads to the same outcome. I can't take it anymore. We have no choice but to run away."
"We can run away. We can leave now, survive, and live a comfy life. But in the end, we will regret it. We can't live our lives fully whilst knowing that we have abandoned others and let them die. I can't do that. But you can do it even less. It's because you are a good-hearted person even more than I am."
Her words hit him more than any insanity shadow could ever do. It targeted his heart and tried to free it from the shackles of fear. Yet whilst doing so, it only damaged it further.
"Of course, I don't want to leave anyone behind! Of course, I want to save everyone and defeat the Devil Cult! But I can't. No matter what I do, no matter how long I plan, no matter how often I try, I can't defeat him. Every time it only gets worse! I'm sick of it! I have to give up! If I run away, I can at least save the people dearest to me."
Alvis shouted. He had never raised his voice before her like that, yet he couldn't control himself. However, Lia didn't shrink back and confronted him head-on.
"No, all this is just cowardly. The Alvis I know never gives up."
"This wasn't my true self!" he yelled. "This was just an act I put forth to convince myself that I had a worth. I just wanted to feel better. It was just my ability to redo everything that made me that way. With this ability, everyone would be courageous. If one can just keep on and on without being able to lose, it's easy to be heroic. But without that, I am a nobody. Just an arrogant boy who thinks he is smart but actually can do nothing. A coward who is afraid to die!"
Alvis snapped. His breathing became heavy after he had exhausted himself, exposing his darkest secrets. Yet even after witnessing all of this, Lia remained unchanged.
"This isn't true," she said, her emerald eyes shining. "The Alvis that I know, the Alvis that I love, isn't a coward."
"But this isn't my true self! This was all just because of my ability. Without it,.. without it, I'm still the same coward from back then who is afraid of dying!"
Alvis still remembered all the years he had spent locked in his room. His core hadn't changed. He was still the same.
"This isn't true. Alvis, you aren't such a human. You saved me from the organization and gave me a place I could call home. Now, it's my time to save you. If you feel helpless, I will be on your side. If you feel exhausted, I will give you strength. If you feel like you can't keep going anymore, I will stand next to you and lend you a helping hand. I will do everything to see you smile again. I love you, Alvis."
Her words rendered him speechless.
"Everyone will die sometime. This is the same for every race. It doesn't matter if you are an elf, a dwarf, a human, or a demon. Everyone will die. But that doesn't mean that we have to live a life of fear just because death awaits us. No, I don't want that. I don't want the man I love to die as a coward who regrets the way he lived!"
It was after hearing that, that Alvis remembered something. After spending years locked in his room, afraid of getting bullied again, his illness had gotten worse. He knew he hadn't much time left. Confronted with his death, Alvis had two options.
Either keep on living a pathetic life and die alone in his room, or go out and face his fears and try to live with no regrets.
Alvis had chosen the latter.
And today he would do the same.
It was the first time within this respawn that Alvis took a deep breath in and out.
"Thank you, Lia. You have reminded me of something very important."
I'm still a human. And every human will die sometime.
Alvis had forgotten something so simple.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
A loud clap could be heard as Alvis slapped himself. As Lia saw the resolve in her man's eyes, she couldn't help but tear up.
"I will live a life of no regrets!"
This was Alvis' life quote. He wouldn't shrink back in fear. Alvis would face his problems head-on, even with death breathing down his neck.