Konoha Academy — Morning Madness
"…I trained until 4 a.m. and still managed to make it before roll call. If nothing else, this confirms I'm built different."
Orochimaru stood in the hallway like a kid-sized cryptid, dark circles under his eyes and a cup of green tea in hand like a salaryman on his third burnout. His chakra system was thumping from overuse, but his mind? Crystal clear.
Jiraiya stumbled in behind him, trying to put both legs into the same pant leg of his academy uniform.
"You look like you fought a bear," Jiraiya said, tripping into a wall.
"I was the bear," Orochimaru replied without looking up.
Tsunade arrived moments later, ponytails bouncing, a rice ball in one hand and a book on medical theory in the other.
"Why do you look like death?"
"I was meditating."
"You look like you were trying to astral project through the floor."
Orochimaru sipped his tea. "I almost succeeded."
🏫 Inside the Classroom
The trio took their usual back-row seats. Jiraiya immediately started drawing a "Harem Jutsu Prototype" in the corner of his notebook, featuring stick figures and glitter stickers.
The instructor walked in.
"Good morning, class. Today we'll begin with chakra control exercises and—"
WHAM.
He stepped on a piece of chalk Jiraiya dropped, tripped over a stool, and flung himself across the room like a budget action hero.
Tsunade burst out laughing so hard, she choked on her rice ball.
Jiraiya stood up and shouted, "SENSEI USED BODY FLICKER TECHNIQUE!"
Orochimaru, completely deadpan: "I call that technique the 'Chalk Style: Slippery Demise.'"
Half the class laughed so hard someone had to be carried out to the nurse's office.
Chakra Leaf Control Test
The instructor slammed a pile of fresh green leaves on each student's desk.
"Your task is to balance a leaf on your forehead using chakra. You have ten minutes."
Jiraiya immediately placed the leaf sideways in his mouth like a senbon. "Look, I'm a cool rogue ninja now."
Tsunade facepalmed. "You look like a salad."
Orochimaru already had two leaves floating mid-air, forming the kanji for 'focus' above his head while he drew diagrams with his foot.
The teacher just stared.
"Why is the reincarnation of a poetic demon taking this class again?"
"I'm here for the human experience," Orochimaru replied.
Tree Climbing Practice — Round Two
Out in the training yard, the students were once again challenged to ascend trees using chakra.
Jiraiya went first.
He ran full-speed at the tree and, halfway up, faceplanted like a majestic idiot.
"Graceful as ever," Orochimaru commented.
Tsunade's attempt was solid. She went up about ten feet before chakra control slipped and she bounced off, landing in a bush.
"I blame the tree," she muttered.
"My condolences to the foliage," Orochimaru said.
Then it was his turn.
He walked up the tree with the serenity of a monk ascending a shrine. Midway, he flipped upside down and stood on one foot—while writing "Practice Daily" on the bark with chakra strings.
The entire class just gawked.
"Who is this guy?" one student whispered.
"A mini Hokage?" another guessed.
"An alien."
"No, worse—he studies for fun."
Lunch Break — The Usual Disaster
Under the tree, the trio gathered for lunch.
Jiraiya bit into a rice ball and screamed.
"GAH! WHO FILLED MINE WITH WASABI?!"
Tsunade snorted. "That was mine. You took the wrong box."
Orochimaru reached over and swapped them back without a word.
"You're welcome for the lesson in karmic retribution," he said.
"You're a six-year-old with the soul of a tax auditor," Jiraiya growled.
Tsunade smirked. "He's still smarter than you."
"I'm creative!"
"You're unstable."
They all started laughing—except Orochimaru, who simply smiled and refilled his tea cup with a tiny swirl of water release from his fingers.
Jiraiya watched and muttered, "You scare me. But in a cool way."
______
Back in the classroom, lunch had ended, but the will to live had not returned.
Half the students were drooping like sunflowers without sunlight. One was napping with his face mashed into a textbook, drooling alphabetically.
Orochimaru sat perfectly upright, sketching anatomical diagrams in his notebook like a future med-nin… or future supervillain.
Tsunade leaned over. "Are you... drawing a human chakra system inside a frog?"
"Yes," Orochimaru replied calmly. "I want to see if I can replicate amphibian chakra adaptability in a human body."
"You're terrifying."
"And curious."
"You're still terrifying."
Meanwhile, Jiraiya was behind them whispering to another student, "Wanna hear a jutsu idea that'll either change the world or get me expelled?"
Before anyone could respond, he activated a jutsu he'd written in marker on his arm.
"Sexy Henge no Jutsu!"
Poof!
The classroom filled with smoke, followed by gasps, snorts, and one nosebleed.
Orochimaru didn't even turn around. "That chest is anatomically incorrect. Fix the spine curve or it'll collapse under its own mass."
Tsunade, horrified but also impressed, promptly slapped Jiraiya so hard he hit the wall and stayed there.
When the final bell rang, most students ran off for snacks and playtime.
Orochimaru didn't intend to join them… but Tsunade and Jiraiya had other plans.
"C'mon!" Tsunade yelled, dragging him by the collar. "Let's hit the village!"
"I had training planned," Orochimaru protested, heels dragging.
"You can train later. You need vitamin D."
"I'm pale by design."
Jiraiya clung to his other side. "You can test your experiments on street food!"
"...That's not how digestion works."
At a small dango stand near the center of the village, the trio sat in a booth with plates stacking rapidly. Tsunade was already five sticks in and counting.
"You're gonna explode," Jiraiya said.
"I burn more chakra than you burn brain cells," Tsunade replied with her mouth full.
Orochimaru, meanwhile, stared at a half-eaten dango with a thoughtful expression.
"I think I could reverse-engineer the syrup formula to increase post-mission recovery rates."
"That's it," Tsunade said. "You're banned from thinking during snacks."
"Also banned from saying words like 'molecular' in a food setting," Jiraiya added.
"You're both enemies of scientific progress."
"And you're an enemy of peace and nap time," Tsunade snapped, flinging a dango stick at his forehead.
He caught it with two fingers and calmly placed it back on the plate. "Assaulting geniuses is a war crime."
After eating from different stalls for a while they entered the public training field nearby, the three found a kunai-throwing game for kids.
"Loser buys more dango!" Jiraiya declared.
Tsunade went first. Every single kunai nailed the target center.
"Beat that."
Jiraiya hit one bullseye, two near misses, and one innocent pigeon.
Orochimaru stepped up, eyes half-lidded, and threw a single kunai—so precisely it ricocheted off all three targets before stabbing into the bullseye behind them.
The stand owner stared. "...We're closing early."
As the sky turned golden-orange and villagers began lighting lanterns, the trio sat on a high wall overlooking the market square.
Jiraiya was dangling his feet, chewing on pocky. "You know, we're kinda awesome."
Tsunade was reclining on the wall, arms behind her head. "Kinda? We're going to be legends."
Orochimaru sat cross-legged, his voice soft. "If we survive."
That earned a brief pause.
Jiraiya grinned. "We'll survive. You're too smart, Tsunade's too scary, and I'm too stubborn."
Tsunade chuckled. "He's not wrong."
Orochimaru let the silence sit a moment, then nodded.
"Maybe... this life won't be so lonely after all."
_____
Back home, as the stars began to rise, Orochimaru scribbled into his notebook under candlelight.
"Today I laughed more than I trained. And yet... I don't feel like I wasted time."
"Tsunade and Jiraiya. Chaos incarnate. And yet, they keep me grounded."
"But I can't stop. The path ahead of me—chakra, nature energy, immortality—is too steep. I'll climb it. Even if no one else can follow."
He paused, quill hovering.
"...Though I hope they will."