I sat down on my bed as Vincent and Jasper continued to completely invade my room and have ALL of their shit EVERYWHERE.
Oh my god, it is actually crazy how much shit two people can have.
I looked at my phone as the two of them bickered one second and then flirted the next. I really REALLY do not understand these two, oh my god.
My dad popped his head in for the final time, saying that he was going to bed, or basically telling us to shut the fuck up.
Bro, we live in a big ass house, so I know damn well that he can't even hear us if he wanted to.
One weird thing about my dad, though, is no matter how many times I tell him that Jasper and Vincent are dating, he always, without fail, brushes it off, insisting that they are 'really good friends.'
Yeah, WE are all really good friends, but THEY are dating.
He's so weird I can't.
"Nathaniel." Why is everyone calling me by my government name today?
"What?"
I looked up at Jasper, who was trying on clothes that Vincent had bought him, at least I think; I don't know, they are so weird.
"Does this look good?" Jasper asked.
I watched Vincent shoot me daggers.
I looked back at Jasper. "Uh, it's a little short, like I can see your stomach."
"That's the point," Vincent interjected.
I squinted my eyes at him. "Y'all are hella weird. I mean it looks fine, just the sleeves look weird because you are built," I said, and Jasper nodded.
"I think you look to die for, honey," Vincent said as he pulled Jasper's BIG ASS into his lap, kissing his neck.
I looked back at my phone.
Annoying asses and so shamelessly in front of me too.
Jasper pulled away from Vincent and continued to show us some goofy ass clothes that Vincent said looked really good.
"You look good in jorts," I said.
Jasper whipped around at me. "Do you know who also looks good in jorts?"
"Who?"
"Cassidy."
I felt my heart pull as I swallowed hard.
I shrugged. "Okay?"
Jasper took my phone out of my hand. "He has like a fashion Instagram; it's pretty cool," he said and handed me my phone back.
"I truly don't care."
"Fine, whatever," Jasper said as he went over to get his next outfit.
And against my better judgment, my hands started to scroll on his Instagram page.
@cassfitz_looks
34.7k followers.
I clicked follow.
Heat check.
He had on black Nike shorts.
They.
I gulped, my mouth falling slightly open
I felt myself staring at his legs.
I closed my mouth.
He had a loose gray hoodie with the hood up, and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
He was holding track spikes in one hand and a small smile on his face.
Does he even do track?
I smiled.
God, he is really cute.
I continued to scroll.
Theo said to put 'don't get lost in the sauce.'
I smiled.
He had an oversized white graphic tee tucked into…these black jeans.
"Close your mouth; flies are going to get in," Vincent said, popping me in the mouth.
I felt myself instinctively shut off my phone.
"I already saw it," Vincent said with a smile and turned to Jasper. "Baby."
Jasper walked over.
Bruh.
"He was looking at Cassidy's Instagram."
"You're a dog," Jasper said, slapping me HARD on the back.
"Open it back up, let's see what you were looking at."
"Fuck no, go back to being all lovely dovey."
My phone opens against my better judgment with Face ID.
"You are so gay."
"NOW I KNOW YOU ARE NOT TALKING. Y'all kiss and fuck, that's gay! Not me fucking looking at Cassidy's outfits!"
"With your mouth open and licking your damn teeth, righttttt."
I kicked Vincent and turned my attention back to my phone.
Ignoring those jeans, he had black-and-white Jordans, and his hair was braided down.
I felt myself zooming into his jeans, and I heard Jasper snicker.
Fuck, I forgot he was standing there.
"He's got a nice body; it's not gay to enjoy it."
"Enjoying it is what makes it gay," I said, and Jasper laughed and hit my shoulder lightly.
I scrolled down more.
"Zoo we momma." I snapped my head to Jasper.
I rubbed the back of my neck as I turned my attention back to my phone.
I am not even gay, but fuck he's good-looking.
Work now, shine later.
He had on a gray compression shirt that clung to every inch of his upper half; he was drenched in sweat, his hair was curly but shorter than it is now.
He had on some shorts that for real looked like the ones that we wear for basketball but WAYYY shorter.
He had big legs, like soccer player legs or something like that…They were nice.
And he's so, so like, I don't know, skinny on his upper half, and he.
You know what, never mind. I need to stop.
I mean, I should have stopped earlier today, but…but.
I feel myself double-tap on the post.
Fuck.
Fuck.
I quickly go back to unlike.
"He definitely got that notification." Man, shut up and go bother your boyfriend.
I scrolled down ONE POST, and I felt myself staring again.
Stay cool.
And there were also sunglasses and a strawberry emoji.
He had a cut-off tank top that showed just enough.
Then he had on light jeans with weird bottoms, white sneakers, and a smile at the camera.
Everything about him is so captivating, my god.
I blinked a couple of times and kept scrolling down.
Okay, okay, last one, I swear.
Light work.
He had on a cream colored turtleneck, tucked into black slacks with a belt.
On his fingers, silver rings, and on his arm a thin bracelet.
He had on brown leather boots, and what I think was his stepdad was also in the photo with him.
Okay, wait, I am so done.
I turned off my phone.
"You finally done looking?"
"Shut your ugly ass up," I yelled at Vincent as the two of them started laughing.
I blinked; now I can't get him out of my head. "Fuck," I mumbled.
"What now?" Vincent asked, standing up.
I took off my pajama shirt. "Nothing, I'm just–he's making me all hot."
Vincent cracked a smile, and I watched as it dropped.
"What?"
"Baby, come here," Vincent said, and Jasper got up as well, and the two of them stared at my back.
"Bitch, what?"
"Have you been feeling weird lately?"
"No, why?"
"Parts of your back are turning black."
"Are you joking?"
"I am being so deadass."
I put my shirt back on.
Fuck, there is actually no way.
God, now that I think about it, my horns do feel really heavy and achy.
"Fuckkkkk. What even caused it?"
One thing that teachers never taught about big horn heat was this weird "form" bullshit. It's so rare but also genetic, so if one of your parents has it, you have it, and if both of your parents have it, you are double FUCKED.
They never wanted to talk about it in schools because it was something that hadn't existed for years. They locked people away who had the mutation, so they wouldn't pass it to their children.
And to put it simply, the form is a demon.
It is a crazy thing that society thought they wiped out.
It's slightly different than heat, but it's the same symptoms just 10 times worse.
Like I have normal heat, AND I also have this, so basically double heats; just one is so much fucking worse and happens a lot less.
"I think I know," Vincent mumbled.
The form is caused by, well, I don't know.
It has only happened once before, and it was awful.
And the one problem is once it starts, like it's happening now, you can't stop it. You just have this feeling of impending doom until it finally takes its course.
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!
I should rewatch that movie; Madagascar is lowkey a banger.
Anyway, as I get closer and closer to becoming a full demon, I am going to be in overdrive. Basically all of my senses are crazy heightened, and because I don't have a "soulmate," I'm gonna hunt, hunt until I find the "one," and that is truly what I am the most worried about right now.
It is so overwhelming, and the physical transformation is awful. Not only does it hurt so bad, but you lose control of everything as your "primal instincts" take over.
They take over and hunt to find…the one.
My horns will elongate and curl sharper, cracking into these black things with red veins pulsing through them.
Black, leathery wings tear out of my back, and they are usually the first thing that shows up.
It makes it so I'm able to fly, but because of my weight and height, I can only fly for so long.
My eyes become this horrid color, almost like they are bleeding.
My fingers become these claws that are completely black.
My entire body turns pitch black; every part of me becomes amplified and all weird. I become like a machine.
Society hated this side of demons because it shows the "animal side," or the part they tried to evolve away from.
"Yeah right you know."
When the form takes its shape, I hunt…hunt for a heartbeat, the single heartbeat that drives my whole form, that drives my whole existence.
I think I was 14 when it last happened.
I remember the sound of a heartbeat; it was faint, distinct, but it was pounding in my skull.
I can't exactly remember what it sounds like now, but I could feel it in my soul. I even feel it now.
I chased that shit through the woods, closer and closer to this giant building.
That I think was a school.
But instead of finding whoever's heartbeat that was, I found Vincent in the exact same form, and instead of killing each other, we bonded.
Not like…that, but like as friends, swear.
And we somehow calmed each other down, and that's how we met.
I licked my lips.
The same heart from that day has been playing in the back of my mind all week; I should have known.
"Have you been using a lot of magic?"
I nodded sheepishly.
"And how much have you been feeling the pull?"
"Too much."
"Whose someone new you have met?"
"Uh, Cassidy."
Vincent gave me his creepy smile.
No.
No.
It's not…It's not from him.
It's not.
That doesn't make any sense.
He's.
He's a man.
And I'm a man.
It's not from him.
It's not.
It will pass.
I will try and slow it down, so it happens on a weekend and not during school.
"Hey, it's not that bad," Jasper says with a warm smile.
Broddie, you don't even have the gene and want to talk about it's not that bad.
Vincent started to agree with him.
"I hate you guys," I said, and I felt myself start to get genuinely angry.
Despite Vincent being taller than me, I'm significantly heavier than him, making the transformation significantly more painful, and on top of that, he has his "soulmate," or at least has someone. I do not mean I have to hunt.
The two of them have been together for I don't know how long, but he has JASPER.
GUESS WHO FUCKING DOESN'T?
Me.
My god.
"Come on, you remember my last one. Jasper literally had to chain me down…"
"I'm gonna cut you off right there because I really REALLY don't wanna know." The two of them started laughing like it was a fond memory.
He can laugh everything off now, even though it almost destroyed him and Jasper because they are a "happy couple."
But the thought of still hunting the person I love even when they are right there in front of me is actually horrifying; I fucking hate it.
I think the form makes me a beast and makes me unworthy of my life, unworthy of my family's reputation.
I, just like my dad, am unworthy.
"Besides." The two of them looked at me. "I don't want to end up like that. You too are always fucking fighting, always bitching, always complaining; I don't wanna end up like y'all."
"We do not," Vincent says.
I squinted my eyes at him, irritated. "He was literally CRYING earlier today, and I still don't fucking know why, but I know it was your fault because it's always YOUR fault."
"It is not always my fault."
"Your very calm and chill boyfriend is always WITHOUT FAIL worked up when he is with you. He's scared of your pathetic ass," I said. "And truly, I do not want to end up like that. I do not."
I watched as Vincent's eyes changed colors.
"Baby," Jasper said, rubbing his thigh.
This bitch.
"I'm not going to end up like that, truly; you're fucking pathetic." And then as the words left my mouth, I watched as Vincent lunged at me: truly fight the allegations.
I froze him in place. "You are pathetic. Do you understand that? Maybe instead of fighting me because I'm calling you out for your bullshit, treat Jasper better. Or wait, you can't because what was your excuse? Oh, tough love, because two big horns can't have non-toxic love." I unfroze him and flung him backward, trying not to hit Jasper.
"Or is it because you are jealous? Jealous of your own friend, of everyone, because they treat Jasper better than you ever can. You are scared he's going to leave, right? That was another excuse, wasn't it?"
"Or was it because Jasper brings out the soft side of you and you can't accept that? Or maybe it's because you love control and are convinced the whole world needs it, including Jasper?" I held him above the ground.
"Unlike your pathetic ass, I can actually do magic correctly and not use my crazy memory to instill fear in people, including the one I'm supposed to love…" My voice faded out as I felt a pain in my neck, and I dropped Vincent.
Fuck.
I rubbed the side of my neck.
Fuck, now my back is hurting too.
I watched as Vincent quickly ran over to me. "Your neck, stop, stop," he said.
"Shut up."
"Your neck is pitch black; I'm telling you to stop," He said, and I let out a sigh.
"Whatever," I said, shaking my head and taking off my shirt.
"You need to chill," Jasper said, getting in the bed with me as his little boy toy followed.
Jasper took off his shirt and flung his pants somewhere in my room.
And Vincent did the same.
"You are making your heat come faster," Jasper said, as he circled what I'm assuming was the pitch-black part of my back.
"Tell your boyfriend to stop being a bitch, and I will calm down," I said, and Jasper pushed me lightly.
"I can handle it; you worry about yourself and…" he smiled. "And keep Cassidy safe too," he said with a wink.
I pushed him. "Good night, Vincent. Go turn that damn light off."
Vincent got up, and just like that, the light was off, but the streetlight close to my window was illuminating most of my room.
I turned around, and Jasper was facing me as I watched Vincent's hands go everywhere on him. "Y'all gay."
"Bitch go to bed and mind your business," Vincent snapped.
There's something so gross about your two best friends cuddling IN YOUR BED right in front of you, shirtless.
I can't end up like them.
I can't.
I move so I am lying on my back, staring at the ceiling
My heart is racing.
I can't think about anything but hurting Cassidy.
But why do I give a fuck about him? Why?
I had him up against the wall earlier.
I don't know why.
I should have stepped back.
I should have stopped fucking vaping and gone back to class.
I should have left him alone.
I couldn't.
I just.
Oh god, he's making my heart race even more.
Every single part of me is reacting to him.
Every move.
Every thing he says.
Every single part of his body.
His heartbeat is getting louder in my brain.
Why do I care?
WHY?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
OH MY GOD.
OH MY.
"Nate."
I opened my eyes.
"Why are you breathing so heavily?" Vincent mumbled.
"Nothing."
"You are okay; you aren't going to hurt anyone, just…you are fine," Vincent mumbled.
"Okay," I said.
I am okay.
I…I can't hurt anyone. I can't.
Especially not him.
I.
I can't.
The pull, it's going to make me hunt.
I can't.
No.
He can't.
Can't be.
Mine.
He can't.
I can't hunt him.
I can't.