"Toast! Cheers!"
I raise it, and take a drink.
Put it back down and grab the bottle.
The glass in front of me clinks quietly as the the bottle of whisky touches it while pouring.
I put it aside.
Take the glass in my hand.
The drink seemed amber in the light of the dim lights.
I swirl it slightly.
Take a sip.
Long.
Hard.
Fire in my throat.
Almost half of the glass.
I can't stand not drinking right now.
Next to me stands another glass.
It's empty.
The soft sound of liquid being poured next to me.
I turn my head.
He sits next to me.
He is just like me.
Once filled, he hold his glass towards me.
We clink them together.
Take another sip.
It's a toast.
A toast to those who are still here.
And then another toast.
Towards the air.
Towards the ghosts.
A toast to all those we lost on the way.
Oh, the way.
So long.
So hard.
How can the world look so different now then it did back then?
When did I lose forever?
When did I lose believe in fairytales?
Angels?
God?
Hope?
And still we are here right now.
After everything.
After everyone.
Still alive.
We still survived.
Now we sit here.
Drink this alcohol.
It burns in my throat.
Slightly only but enough.
The amber liquid is filled again and downed once more.
Every drink brings the memories back a bit more.
The laughs.
The comfort.
The warmth.
The pain.
The fear.
The loss.
The cracks.
In everything.
In my beliefs.
In my dreams.
In me.
I'm not the same kid I was back then.
I wonder, sitting here.
Alone.
When did he leave? When did everyone leave?
I'm alone. I never felt so alone before. So lonely.
Sitting here and drinking.
Remembering the past that is gone.
The things lost forever.
The people lost forever.
Once again I raise my glass to empty air.
Another toast.
A cheer to all those that are still here.
All that are still alive.
All the fighters.
All the survivors.
And a toast to the graves.
The ghosts.
Those that are lost.
Those that still struggle.
Those that gave up and broke.
And I think of you.
Because I remember.
The drink brings back the memories.
The alcohol clouds my mind with foggy dreams.
Dreams of you.
Your laugh.
Your smile.
Your warm hands.
Your face.
Your tears.
Your pain.
Your blood.
They turn and twist.
Before I know your laugh slips.
Dangerous memories replace it.
Illusions of the worst kind.
The what-ifs of happiness and hell akin.
The pictures of times I never saw.
Stories I forgot to listen to.
Words that are etched in my mind even though I want to forget them.
Everything is a jumbled mess.
My sight is blurry.
Another glass filled.
Another sip taken.
I know I should take my time.
Enjoy the good alcohol.
Share a drink with friends.
But I can't.
I feel like I'm drowning.
Even though it's all over now.
But the memories stay.
They always stay.
The illusions.
The ghosts.
A tear slips from my eye.
Another follows.
Salty streams slipping over my cheeks, leaving streaks in their way.
I fill my glass again.
Look at the amber liquid.
Swirl it in the dim lights.
Molten gold in a glass.
I raise it.
My words spoke aloud this time slur, cracking from chocked sobs.
Despite that I speak them again.
"Cheers to the ones that are still here. A toast to the ones that are lost on the way."